Luineraugwen: This chapter is a hell of a lot better than the last. Danger, mayhem, and no electrical appliances left in the house as well as no more cars and motorbikes. Also strange things that go bump in the night….Just read it and you'll know what we mean.
Disclaimer: Neither Jippin or myself own any of Tolkien's works. But we do own this story.
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After bandaging Jippin's foot, the Fellowship and friends were exploring the big lounge room and the closet kitchen. Bet you can guess whose their. Jippin was still glaring at Elrond, and Elrond was glaring back. Time for a showdown!!
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT came a noise from the kitchen and the hobbits with Pippin's face covered in a suspicious substance that looked like chocolate. Legolas drew his bow ran to the kitchen with the others hot on his heels, except for Jippin and Elrond who continued with their glaring competition.
"Hasam" Gandalf yelled as he tried to get his beard out of the blender. The machine blew into a thousand pieces.
"Jippin you might want to get in here. They broke the blender. I knew I shouldn't have left it out" Elfy said.
"How that hell did they do that and Elrond this isn't over. I'll be back!" Jippin gave his a final glare before she went to give the bastard you broke the blender a small piece of her mind because that's all she could spare.
She walked into the room to see Gandalf with bits of melted blender and flames in what remained of his precious beard.
"That's it, everybody to bed!" Jippin ordered but she was downed out by the sounds of " Hi I'm Warren and I' m looking for a mate" as well as the two hobbits Merry and Pippin screaming their heads off and then WHACK.
The group ran back into the lounge room to see Merry and Pippin looking extremely guilty.
" Ah, you broke the television!!" Elfy yelled in anger.
" The what a vision?" asked Merry completely bewildered.
" That's it, up stairs all of you!" Jippin repeated and this time they obeyed.
The two girls lined the group up and sent them to their rooms. Placing Aragorn and Arwen on opposite sides of the hallway. Then turned they turned to Aragorn and Arwen and said, "We don't want to hear anything going bump in the night. This house is full enough. Got it?". They nodded and then everyone went to bed.
Elfy got up in the early morning to get a drink of water and distinctly heard BUMP.
'Maybe it was nothing' Elfy thought, she took three more steps and heard another BUMP, BUMP, BUMP.
"Didn't they listen to me at all. I said this house was full enough already" Elfy said to herself before running to wake up Jippin. The two girls crept outside of Arwen's room.
"Its nice to know that even males in Middle Earth make bedroom calls" Elfy whispered. All of a sudden from inside the room they heard..
"Maybe we should be a little bit quieter?".
"No need. No one will hear except for the darned elves. No offence to your race sweetie".
"None taken". Sound of big sloppy kisses. "Ew" came the voices of the nearby elves.
"Do you guys listen to everything?" Elfy asked.
"Yes" came several voices.
"Your all sick puppies!".
"Alright I'm going in there. I told them it's not mating season yet" Jippin yelled and burst through the door. Two girly screams come from the room. "Get your clothes on and meet us in the lounge room in five minutes. We're going to have a little talk about the facts of life as well as some ground rules and that includes everyone and hey Pippin. I can smell that!".
"Live long and prosper dude!". he replied.
"I'm not a dude, I'm a chick,". Weird looks from passing elves. "By the way where did you get that stuff, why do you have it and why are you smoking it?". Pippin repeated his former sentence.
"That's it. Lounge room ALL!".
Five minutes latter Elfy had finally got her drink, Jippin was dancing around and poking Aragorn and Arwen while singing "Spring is in the air".
"Can we make this quick I need by beauty sleep" Celeborn asked yawning.
"Damn right you do" Jippin replied.
"Shut up mortal" he replied.
"This mortal has a name and its JIPPIN!".
"Order, Order," Elfy said getting their attention. "Jippin stop doing that and sit down ". She sat next to Elrond and they continued their glaring competition. "And that too".
"He started it" she replied.
"I don't care who started it. I'll finish it" Elfy said and they stopped.
"Peace out dude" Pippin said making the peace sign.
"Okay first ground rule: No smoking. What are you smoking anyway Pippin?".
"I don't know dude, I found it in your basement".
"Oh hey, my brother left that there" Elfy said.
"Hey look, Sam is flying" Pippin said and he ran off trying to catch an invisible flying Sam while her laughed.
"Second ground rule: Stay out of the basement. Third rule: No mating. This house is full already. By the way. Do you know what happens when you mate?". Elfy and Jippin exchange glances. "Jippin, please explain".
Jippin standing up while Elfy prepares a visual. "Okay here's the deal ladies and gents and stoned objects, in this realm when you mate with the opposite sex". Sam's ears go pink. "The female must eat the male". Elfy shows picture of two spiders. The bigger one had Arwen's head and it was eating a smaller spider with Aragorn's head. All looked horrified but Pippin ran into a wall and knocked himself out.
"Well that takes care of the stoned object" Elrond said. Both couples. Aragorn and Arwen as well as Celeborn and Galadriel, edge slowly away from each other.
"Woa, woa woa, hold it just a second. Don't tell me that you two are still active!" Elfy says to Celeborn and Galadriel and they nod. "Man, you guys are like 15000 years old and still doing it. Do you feel young because you do this?".
"Yes" came the reply. "We also try to look young".
"Well it's not working".
"Ground rule four: Stay out of our rooms. Five, six and seven: No rough housing, No alcoholic drinks except for special occasions and no use of weapons in the house. Go it?". Everybody nods.
"I don't mean to alarm anybody, but had anyone seen Boromir or Faramir this morning?" Jippin asks.
"BBBBBBAAAAAADDDDDDDD HHHHHHHOOOORRRRRRRRSSSSSYYYYY" sounds of car engine in the distance followed by a loud crunching sound.
"Okay that way Boromir, so where is Faramir?".
"BBBBBBBBAAAAADDDDD PPPPPPOOOOOONNNNNNNNEEEEEEYYYYY" as a motorbike drove off as well then the same crunching sound.
"Speak of the devil" Elfy said slapping hand onto forehead.
Jippin trying to find her mobile phone and Aragorn stayed behind to help her even though he didn't know what it was or what it looked like. The rest of the group ventured outside to see the wreckage. They found the machines completely trashed but their drivers were strangely unharmed.
Denethor is yelling at them and saying how useless they are.
"Oh give it a rest Denethor. You've a lousy father already. No need to make it worse" Elfy snapped.
"Your so right" he replied then sat down on the grass, rocking back and forward repeating things about how he almost burned Faramir alive.
"That guy desperately needs a shrink" Elfy said shaking her head.
Meanwhile in the mansion, Jippin and Aragorn are looking for the mobile.
"What does this mobile thing look like?" he asked.
"It's about yay big and it has buttons on it" she replied.
"Is this it?" he said holding up an old and destroyed mobile phone.
"That's what a mobile looks like but its not the one I'm looking for. That one is Elfy's. It probably got destroyed in the blender incident" she said.
"Tell me again what this mobile phone looks like" Aragorn asked.
"Its rectangle and has lots of buttons" she replied.
There was a few beeps of a button and then a whirling sound, followed by a huge WHACK made by Aragorn destroying the microwave with his sword.
"Dude you broke the microwave" Jippin yelled.
"But it moved!".
"Its supposed to move, dip".
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Luineraugwen: End of chapter. Lets see who badmouths this chapter. Keep in mind, flames will be used to severely punish those who don't like.
