Disclaimer: Characters do not belong to me, they are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and Fox
Chapter 2. River's POV and moving a bit further along timewise.
Feedback is MOST welcome.
Credit and apologies to LA Guns for my mutating the title of their song "Ballad Of Jayne" for this story.
This takes place about a year after Ariel...a couple months after OiS.
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River sat at the table...she could feel the buzz of emotions around her. She knew why they were all so excited, they thought they were hiding it well, but she knew. They had a surprise for her...a surprise that she knew about...but she let them think they were fooling her, that she didn't notice them buzzing around like busy bees.
She glanced slowly around the table at them all, Simon trying to look serious as he helped Kaylee clear the table, Kaylee trying hard to not grin and making sure she brushed against Simon as he moved past her, Inara looking serene as always, though her eyes twinkled a bit brighter then usual, Captain Mal staring down at his plate as Kaylee grabbed it making sure not to make eye contact with her so that River could not see what was up in his eyes, Zoë and Wash sharing a private smile, Jayne scowling at her like she'd stolen his favorite hat again, Book folding his hands on the table and looking back at her steadily. She heard Kaylee giggle as she and Simon brought the cake out. She managed a surprised look as they placed it in front of her though inside she felt a little sad...today had been such fun watching them trying so hard to keep secrets and all the excitement in the air, but now it was nearly over....just the birthday singing and the presents...not so much fun when you already knew what they all were...well...not all...she looked at Jayne again, her brow creasing with puzzlement.
She stole glances at Jayne as she opened her presents....he was working on his second piece of cake so wasn't paying her much mind at the moment, but then, he had gotten pretty good at ignoring her lately.
Journal from Simon, dress from Kaylee, hair bow from Captain Mal, brush from Inara, dinosaur from Wash, box to put it in from Zoë (she had a feeling Zoë expected her to get a lot of those dinosaurs from Wash), nothing from Jayne, book from Book...that one made her giggle. But it wasn't right, she knew Jayne had wrapped one....she saw it sitting on his bunk even now. She just didn't know what was in it. It made her ache, she knew Jayne had started to care for her since that night in the cargo bay, even though he did not want to, and she had hoped tonight he'd make some effort toward accepting that. In truth, ever since Ariel he'd been slowly getting more protective of her...at first out of guilt as it became clearer to him what she had been through, what he'd almost sent her back too. Then getting protective of her like he was with Kaylee, a little girl that needed looking out for, only not quite like he was with Kaylee. Kaylee reminded him of one of his little sisters where as River reminded him of someone else...someone that had brought him pain...River wasn't sure who she was or how she hurt him, but she could see her sometimes in his eyes when he looked at her. Last time she had seen her though had been the night in the cargo bay...since then Jayne had only seen River when he looked at her. And that had made River feel very fuzzy inside even with his recent coldness toward her.
She let her mind wander back to the cargo bay...she knew the others were still so used to her not being all there with them that none would find it amiss now. In fact Jayne seemed to be the only one that even noticed it much anymore, well, and Simon....but with Simon it was a rather clinical notation being made in his head that his little Sister needed new medication soon. With Jayne it had gone from looking like she'd just sprouted horns and a tail to a kinda curious fascination. Like he really wondered what went on in her head when she went like that. She'd been gone like this that night too...dreaming that she was dancing on the clouds...it had been a good going awayness...she'd felt all floaty and free that night...everyone else dreaming peacefully and she was dancing...just her in her head for once and her head doing what she wanted....which was making clouds for her to dance on. She wasn't sure how long she'd been dancing when she'd heard Jayne's sharp intake of pain....she wasn't sure he'd even made that noise out loud...but she heard it anyway and it threw her off....normally she knew where everyone was...all the time. But she'd been so caught up in her dream she hadn't felt Jayne wake or come down the stairs. Her awareness slammed back into her body as she stopped spinning with a jolt.
Her eyes went wide when they saw Jayne's face....she saw her there...knew Jayne was seeing both of them, then watched her drain away so he was only seeing River....watched as his eyes widened in horror as she started to topple over...she'd danced up onto the catwalk and when she lost her balance the rail gave way under her. She remembered thinking that River was becoming a waterfall, flowing down the cliff face onto the rocky shore below...then Jayne had snatched her up, crushing her to his chest. Amazing how fast he could move. Her arms had gone around him, clinging there as she realized she did not want to be a waterfall. Suddenly he was her rock and she was holding on for dear life so the currents wouldn't drag her back down. She could feel their hearts beating together...too fast...too fast...she felt his voice rumble out of his chest...."you ok, Darlin'?"...she blinked at him, noticing their faces were nearly level and her feet were dangling at least a foot off the ground, yet she'd not felt so grounded since she'd woken up. So safe as she did in his arms, so alive as she heard the blood pumping in his veins.
She leaned her head closer pressing her lips over his...her tongue slipping out to taste him...his lips soft, yet hard under hers...she felt the jolt of electricity go through him...his arms tighten even more...she could barely breath he was holding her so close. One of his arms shifted down as his mouth opened under hers...she poked her tongue in gently, wanting to taste even more of him, his rough chin scrapping against her smooth one. Her legs wrapped around his waist as his hand lifted her up a bit higher so her head was slightly above his, his arm now wrapped around the small of her back while he supported her. His tongue brushed gently against hers, coaxing her in more deeply. As she slid her tongue alongside his he growled deep in his chest...she felt his other hand move up, his strong fingers tangling into her hair...holding her captive. Then his tongue moved into her, he was like a starving man as he explored every inch of her mouth, roughly, passionately. River wondered if they pressed up closer if they would meld together, become one person.
It felt to her like they could....like they should....neither one of them was a whole person. Perhaps together they would be.
Then he was dragging his mouth away from hers...she heard her sound of protest as he started to push her away, setting her roughly down on the cold, hard catwalk. She looked up at him, catching a glimpse of the pain and self-loathing at what he had been doing before his walls closed him off from her. Closed him off tighter then anyone had been closed to her before...she sobbed slightly at the loss of him...saw the flicker of disgust at himself as he misinterpreted it as a sound of fear of him instead of what it was, fear of the loss of him. Then the last wall clanged into place and he whirled around, stalking off to his bunk, leaving her more alone then she had ever been in her life. She'd cried when she got back to her bed, Simon had found her curled up with dried tears on her cheeks the next morning. He'd given her a smoother and she had slept at last.
Jayne had stayed shut off to her after that...oh...she still got glimpses of what he was doing like before...it was just that his mind was closed off to her. But sometimes...sometimes something flickered there in his eyes...pain...longing...hunger. She knew why he'd shut her out, had felt it before he'd gotten his defenses up so she knew that despite what it felt like he wasn't as indifferent to her as he wanted her to think. She knew the others felt the tension, knew they wondered at it...Simon had asked if Jayne had done anything to her. She'd lied and said no because what Jayne had done was not anywhere near what her brother was thinking. Jayne had stopped himself from doing what Simon feared, that was the whole problem. Then they had adjusted to her wounded looks and Jayne's coldness. And slowly she had stopped hurting so much...she knew it drove Jayne crazy that she'd taken to sitting so close to him most of the time...started stealing his favorite hat every chance she got, the orange fuzzy one his Mom had made him that looked so adorable on him. She knew what she was doing, she was trying to get him used to her being near him, sharing his life, his space...he grumbled and growled at her, avoided her as much as he could and became even more unbearable to live with then he ever had been. Ironically it had made her easier for the others to live with, she was more lucid and showed more awareness then before. Plus they all loved seeing Jayne sputter every time he walked into the mess and she was wearing his hat. If one of them spotted her before Jayne did they made a real effort to alert the others she was at it again.
She loved wearing that hat nearly as much as she loved seeing Jayne in it, if he wasn't going to let her get close to him then it was the best she could do. And at least it smelled like him.
She became aware that the comfortableness had left the mess....the stories and laughter had stopped. She looked up as all her awareness seeped back into the here and now, noticing Jayne standing across the table from her....a silly wrapped package in his hand. Her heart gave an expectant thump as Jayne dropped the box in front of her. "Here, ya might as well have it, I ain't got no use for it." he grumbled. She picked it up tenderly...so light, she wondered what in the 'verse it could be. She shook it slightly, her face right up next to it, smelled it (there was a hint of Jayne there)....unaware how closely she mimicked Jayne's own reactions when he'd first received that box with his hat in it. Cautiously, her heart pounding in her chest, she pulled the paper off, taking a deep breath before opening the box.
Chapter 2. River's POV and moving a bit further along timewise.
Feedback is MOST welcome.
Credit and apologies to LA Guns for my mutating the title of their song "Ballad Of Jayne" for this story.
This takes place about a year after Ariel...a couple months after OiS.
********************************
River sat at the table...she could feel the buzz of emotions around her. She knew why they were all so excited, they thought they were hiding it well, but she knew. They had a surprise for her...a surprise that she knew about...but she let them think they were fooling her, that she didn't notice them buzzing around like busy bees.
She glanced slowly around the table at them all, Simon trying to look serious as he helped Kaylee clear the table, Kaylee trying hard to not grin and making sure she brushed against Simon as he moved past her, Inara looking serene as always, though her eyes twinkled a bit brighter then usual, Captain Mal staring down at his plate as Kaylee grabbed it making sure not to make eye contact with her so that River could not see what was up in his eyes, Zoë and Wash sharing a private smile, Jayne scowling at her like she'd stolen his favorite hat again, Book folding his hands on the table and looking back at her steadily. She heard Kaylee giggle as she and Simon brought the cake out. She managed a surprised look as they placed it in front of her though inside she felt a little sad...today had been such fun watching them trying so hard to keep secrets and all the excitement in the air, but now it was nearly over....just the birthday singing and the presents...not so much fun when you already knew what they all were...well...not all...she looked at Jayne again, her brow creasing with puzzlement.
She stole glances at Jayne as she opened her presents....he was working on his second piece of cake so wasn't paying her much mind at the moment, but then, he had gotten pretty good at ignoring her lately.
Journal from Simon, dress from Kaylee, hair bow from Captain Mal, brush from Inara, dinosaur from Wash, box to put it in from Zoë (she had a feeling Zoë expected her to get a lot of those dinosaurs from Wash), nothing from Jayne, book from Book...that one made her giggle. But it wasn't right, she knew Jayne had wrapped one....she saw it sitting on his bunk even now. She just didn't know what was in it. It made her ache, she knew Jayne had started to care for her since that night in the cargo bay, even though he did not want to, and she had hoped tonight he'd make some effort toward accepting that. In truth, ever since Ariel he'd been slowly getting more protective of her...at first out of guilt as it became clearer to him what she had been through, what he'd almost sent her back too. Then getting protective of her like he was with Kaylee, a little girl that needed looking out for, only not quite like he was with Kaylee. Kaylee reminded him of one of his little sisters where as River reminded him of someone else...someone that had brought him pain...River wasn't sure who she was or how she hurt him, but she could see her sometimes in his eyes when he looked at her. Last time she had seen her though had been the night in the cargo bay...since then Jayne had only seen River when he looked at her. And that had made River feel very fuzzy inside even with his recent coldness toward her.
She let her mind wander back to the cargo bay...she knew the others were still so used to her not being all there with them that none would find it amiss now. In fact Jayne seemed to be the only one that even noticed it much anymore, well, and Simon....but with Simon it was a rather clinical notation being made in his head that his little Sister needed new medication soon. With Jayne it had gone from looking like she'd just sprouted horns and a tail to a kinda curious fascination. Like he really wondered what went on in her head when she went like that. She'd been gone like this that night too...dreaming that she was dancing on the clouds...it had been a good going awayness...she'd felt all floaty and free that night...everyone else dreaming peacefully and she was dancing...just her in her head for once and her head doing what she wanted....which was making clouds for her to dance on. She wasn't sure how long she'd been dancing when she'd heard Jayne's sharp intake of pain....she wasn't sure he'd even made that noise out loud...but she heard it anyway and it threw her off....normally she knew where everyone was...all the time. But she'd been so caught up in her dream she hadn't felt Jayne wake or come down the stairs. Her awareness slammed back into her body as she stopped spinning with a jolt.
Her eyes went wide when they saw Jayne's face....she saw her there...knew Jayne was seeing both of them, then watched her drain away so he was only seeing River....watched as his eyes widened in horror as she started to topple over...she'd danced up onto the catwalk and when she lost her balance the rail gave way under her. She remembered thinking that River was becoming a waterfall, flowing down the cliff face onto the rocky shore below...then Jayne had snatched her up, crushing her to his chest. Amazing how fast he could move. Her arms had gone around him, clinging there as she realized she did not want to be a waterfall. Suddenly he was her rock and she was holding on for dear life so the currents wouldn't drag her back down. She could feel their hearts beating together...too fast...too fast...she felt his voice rumble out of his chest...."you ok, Darlin'?"...she blinked at him, noticing their faces were nearly level and her feet were dangling at least a foot off the ground, yet she'd not felt so grounded since she'd woken up. So safe as she did in his arms, so alive as she heard the blood pumping in his veins.
She leaned her head closer pressing her lips over his...her tongue slipping out to taste him...his lips soft, yet hard under hers...she felt the jolt of electricity go through him...his arms tighten even more...she could barely breath he was holding her so close. One of his arms shifted down as his mouth opened under hers...she poked her tongue in gently, wanting to taste even more of him, his rough chin scrapping against her smooth one. Her legs wrapped around his waist as his hand lifted her up a bit higher so her head was slightly above his, his arm now wrapped around the small of her back while he supported her. His tongue brushed gently against hers, coaxing her in more deeply. As she slid her tongue alongside his he growled deep in his chest...she felt his other hand move up, his strong fingers tangling into her hair...holding her captive. Then his tongue moved into her, he was like a starving man as he explored every inch of her mouth, roughly, passionately. River wondered if they pressed up closer if they would meld together, become one person.
It felt to her like they could....like they should....neither one of them was a whole person. Perhaps together they would be.
Then he was dragging his mouth away from hers...she heard her sound of protest as he started to push her away, setting her roughly down on the cold, hard catwalk. She looked up at him, catching a glimpse of the pain and self-loathing at what he had been doing before his walls closed him off from her. Closed him off tighter then anyone had been closed to her before...she sobbed slightly at the loss of him...saw the flicker of disgust at himself as he misinterpreted it as a sound of fear of him instead of what it was, fear of the loss of him. Then the last wall clanged into place and he whirled around, stalking off to his bunk, leaving her more alone then she had ever been in her life. She'd cried when she got back to her bed, Simon had found her curled up with dried tears on her cheeks the next morning. He'd given her a smoother and she had slept at last.
Jayne had stayed shut off to her after that...oh...she still got glimpses of what he was doing like before...it was just that his mind was closed off to her. But sometimes...sometimes something flickered there in his eyes...pain...longing...hunger. She knew why he'd shut her out, had felt it before he'd gotten his defenses up so she knew that despite what it felt like he wasn't as indifferent to her as he wanted her to think. She knew the others felt the tension, knew they wondered at it...Simon had asked if Jayne had done anything to her. She'd lied and said no because what Jayne had done was not anywhere near what her brother was thinking. Jayne had stopped himself from doing what Simon feared, that was the whole problem. Then they had adjusted to her wounded looks and Jayne's coldness. And slowly she had stopped hurting so much...she knew it drove Jayne crazy that she'd taken to sitting so close to him most of the time...started stealing his favorite hat every chance she got, the orange fuzzy one his Mom had made him that looked so adorable on him. She knew what she was doing, she was trying to get him used to her being near him, sharing his life, his space...he grumbled and growled at her, avoided her as much as he could and became even more unbearable to live with then he ever had been. Ironically it had made her easier for the others to live with, she was more lucid and showed more awareness then before. Plus they all loved seeing Jayne sputter every time he walked into the mess and she was wearing his hat. If one of them spotted her before Jayne did they made a real effort to alert the others she was at it again.
She loved wearing that hat nearly as much as she loved seeing Jayne in it, if he wasn't going to let her get close to him then it was the best she could do. And at least it smelled like him.
She became aware that the comfortableness had left the mess....the stories and laughter had stopped. She looked up as all her awareness seeped back into the here and now, noticing Jayne standing across the table from her....a silly wrapped package in his hand. Her heart gave an expectant thump as Jayne dropped the box in front of her. "Here, ya might as well have it, I ain't got no use for it." he grumbled. She picked it up tenderly...so light, she wondered what in the 'verse it could be. She shook it slightly, her face right up next to it, smelled it (there was a hint of Jayne there)....unaware how closely she mimicked Jayne's own reactions when he'd first received that box with his hat in it. Cautiously, her heart pounding in her chest, she pulled the paper off, taking a deep breath before opening the box.
