Disclaimer: Don't own LOTR or its characters.

Warning: Same as the last chapter. Mature audiences. Read at own risk.

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"Now we have to give you guys one hell of a lecture!" Elfy said waving a finger at the foreigners. "I'm sad to inform you Elrond but you are NOT a bird. Sam wait your turn next time. Boromir is you dare touch this car, I will kill you. Aragorn and Arwen stop fucking mating. Keep the spider picture in your head!" she yelled.

"Can I get some ice?" Frodo asked painfully.

"You waited this long to ask for ice?" Elfy answered.

"Why don't we just get a Shush Puppy and shove it up his arse?" Jippin said. She wasn't very happy because she had to sit next to Boromir, who was still trying to kill her but Legolas, who was on her other side, wouldn't let him. Praise the elves…well most of them anyway.

"Where are we going?" Pippin asked.

"The beach. We're going to have a big bonfire" Jippin replied.

Half an hour later everyone was swimming peacefully, except for Jippin and Elfy who were constantly trying to escape Legolas and Haldir. Unfortunately for Jippin, Legolas had decided to follow Haldir's example. Now they were both horny. Arwen somehow managed to loose her bikini top, causing her to stand up and say at the top of her voice.

"Oh no, I've lost my shirt" and for Aragorn's head to spin around so her could stare at her.

"Not in this lifetime"  Elrond said putting a hand over Aragorn's eyes.

"Any chance of the bottom being lost?" he yelled.

"Oh no, there goes the bottom too!" she yelled back. Aragorn's swimmers became pointy. Elrond, sensing this, said.

"Over my dead body!".

"Would you people stop stealing my lines?" Jippin yelled.

"Okay, all the guys can go skinny dipping while the girls wait their turn" Elfy said. The beach suddenly turned into one big bath full of naked guys. Celeborn ran down the sand towards the water, stripping off at the same time and yelling 'FREEDOM'. Unfortunately, Elfy and Jippin were not out of the water and saw everything. The lord of Lothlorien dived in they saw Haldir and Legolas in his wake and screamed. Elfy and Jippin high-tailed it right out of there and ran towards the sand dunes which they hoped would bring some shelter. Unfortunately  for them, Haldir and Legolas emerged from the water to follow them as bare as the day they were born.

"Why won't you ladies join us?" Legolas asked casually walking over the sand.

"Because your naked. Put some clothes on and we'll think about it" Jippin replied.

"Come on Lady Galadriel and Arwen are doing it"  Haldir said trying to convince them.

"Well whop-di-do for them" Elfy yelled back. "Besides, you come from a place where  skinny dipping is common and is enjoyed by many, us on the other hand, have never experienced it before, thus we are a little bit …shy". The two girls were blushing furiously.

"Don't worry, it's fine when you get used to it" Haldir said walking and standing behind Elfy, playing with the ties of her bikini top as he embraced her. Elfy swallowed, then realised what he was doing.

"Hey whoa there cowboy. There's an old tale of a cow jumping over the moon…well if you don't stop messing with the ties of my top, then I will kick you over the moon!"  Elfy said dangerously, putting distance between her and Haldir.

"Hey come on you guys, the hobbits have made a huge bonfire" Aragorn yelled from the beach. Legolas and Haldir grabbed a girl each and dragged them back to the group. The long downfall was none of them had decided to put their clothes on.

The elves were singing as everyone, except for Elfy and Jippin who wanted to remain sane-ish, jumped over the fire. Everyone made it, but as Pippin was jumping over the flames, his feets caught on fire and he ran as fast as lightning to the water to put his feet out.

"My feet!!! I've gone something stupider than usual" he screamed.

Because of the Pippin's burning his feet incident, and the faint sounds of sirens in the distance, the group was forced to leave the beach…fast. The sand caused many to trip over in the frenzy of dressing themselves…many fell arse over head into the sand. Because Arwen didn't have any clothes, Celeborn let her borrow his outer green robe. No matter how much Aragorn had seen of her before, he wasn't gonna see anymore. At least tonight.

Just as they pulled out of the parking lot, Elfy (who was driving) saw the blue and red lights in the rear view mirror.

"Hold onto your seats everyone, we got cops on our tails!!!!" Elfy screamed and punched the four wheel drive into the highest gear. Having watched many car chase shows and movies, Elfy had a clear idea of what she had to go…so she hoped. All she had to was STAY AWAY FROM THE COPS then LOSE EM' and PRAY HE DIDN'T CALL FOR HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!! It wasn't long before they lost the pursuit car. Actually it was more like a few thousand corners, dark roads and continuous moans of "I'm gonna be sick" from all the passengers.

Once they got home the elves immediately jumped out of the car and raced for the trees and threw up whatever they'd eaten in the last few thousand years…which by the way wasn't much.

"Come on people inside its getting late. Best get to bed" Jippin announced and no-one complained as they made their way to their rooms.

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Luineraugwen: Sorry this was so short and it wasn't as good as the last chapter and it took so long to get up but shit happens. Shit being school but it's nice school. Jippin and I were going to add Ice-skating but we decided to put it in later. Update soon…I hope.

Later J