Cast you mind, gentle reader, to a Night Isle Coven when had a most excellent adventure through therapy and Middle earth. Although their journey may be now over, the legacy remains, as does the cast of assorted vampires, pirates, elves, humans, etc. Following a somewhat riotous award ceremony for their services to fanfiction, the NIC and Friends settle into the rather more mundane world of high intrigue, blackmail, dingy deals, black magic and care of rabbits. Some of the documents charting the lives and loves of this extraordinarily normal group of the undead have recently come to light (through the services of an undercover reporter) and here we present a 'Behind The Scenes' look at one of the most active covens around today. A sort of 'The Faces Behind The Fangs', if you will. So join us now as we pour shamelessly over the intimate documents of these celebrity creatures of the night, their friends and business partners.

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Source: NIC Guesthouse, Room 3, Evening, December 9th

[Intercepted message left on mobile answer phone]

Jack, Spike here.

Got your note, mate, an' all's going fine. It's all pre'y much sorted this end- make sure the idiots don't drop the lot in the water and ruin the goods at your end.

Sorry you couldn't make the feast, but babysittin' the elf-boy is a noble cause- you have my sympathies. Jus'- keep him away from the alcohol. If he gets ear-droop, or just plain hung-over and starts taking random pot-shots at anyone who so much as blinks too loudly again, Lord Excuse-Me-While-I-Wear-A-Dress Elrond will get pissy, and frankly, I don't fancy being caught up in * that* again. I just can't take tha' bloody tiara seriously, an' then he gets all upset and does the bug-eyed thing. The Big Bad I might be, but weird eye movements are not my bag, y'know what I mean? It's bad enough when Dracula's eyeballs start doing the whole etch-a-sketch thing. Anyway, shame you weren't there- although, mind you, there was a regrettable lack of anything stronger than bubbly.

Funny, though: those photos that the Mogwai sent through got bagged by the adolescent vamp before I could get a good look, although I get th' feeling that that nancy Lestat will soon find out what they are. . .

Oh, and Varney won "Best Magical Appiration" award. Yours truly nearly got "Sexiest Vampire" but got beaten by that bloody Radu. I wouldn't mind, but he looks the spitting image of the elf-boy. It got a bit personal after that- shame you weren't there, you'd have loved the punch up.

Sorry to gaff on. I hate these machines, an' I'm getting flashbacks to the good ole' days of William the Bloody. Jus' thank god it's not pathetic poetry, though.

Anyway, Carmilla's got a distant relative over, and she's rather tasty, know wha' I mean? So I think I'll got have a little 'chat'- man's gotta do what he's gotta do and all that, when he sees someone so very, so, very. . . I need a quick cold shower, then I'm off.

Remember about the goods!

See ya, mate.

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Messers Courtney and Snipe

Solicitors.

Mr Varnery,

This is to remind you that your court hearing re: production of rabbits with undue care and attention to public health and pet maintenance ordinance part 5, subsection 12, paragraph f, is to be held on 13th December 2003 in public courthouse number 2. At your representative's request, the hearing will take place at 5.30pm, after dark, to facilitate ease of your severe skin allergic condition, vis a vis direct sunlight.

With best wishes,

Mr Simon Courtney,

Solicitor.