[Written in scented (Myrrh flavour) pink notebook.]
Late evening, 13th December
Dear Diary-
Today has been a busy one for all the wrong reasons. I am still so behind on my Christmas shopping, and small pockets of chaos have been erupting all over. This is in fact kind of normal around here, but it's been happening even more. I had to rescue Spike from cousin Katrina, and since then he's looked a bit scary-eyed, and keeps on muttering under his breath about the 'Hellmouth' and the 'First.' I think he took his last job a little too much to heart, or possibly he bit off more than he could chew with Katrina. I had to calm him down when Radu's Porsche snow sled backfired- Spike is really on edge at the moment. I think he's missing his buddy, Jack. It's kind of sweet, really. I tried cheering him up by saying that his grandsire Angel said he might try to drop by soon. If anything, Spike got even paler and excused himself very quickly. What *is * it with the male vampires and their sires and grandsires? Issues all over. Female vampires have a considerable less complicated relationship with ours.
Oh, yes, Radu's new toy. It looked really shiny and posh- everyone was admiring it. Then it backfired and blew soot on the onlookers- lots of pitch-black figures with little white eyeholes. I could have died laughing, if I wasn't already undead. Dracula was less than impressed, and the car became something of a laughing stock- especially since after that, it refused to work. Radu is now most upset, poor dear.
Today I accompanied Varney to his court hearing. Apparently someone noticed the rabbits and reported him. I swear I'll get the snitch if it's the last thing I do; the only cruelty to a dumb animal I've seen is Varney trying to cope with the appearance. He did make an effort- bathed and wore a new suit. This being Varney, he was soon messy and the suit all torn within minutes. I swear he only has to sit still and it happens- it's an effect he has. Louis also came as support. We arrived at the courthouse, and managed to keep Varney calm as we waited to go in. Louis was muttering something about "damn human laws"- surprising considering he's always been a lover of humanity. Maybe it's beaurocracy- it's enough to drive anyone out of their coffin in despair. Anyway, we sat and waited, and Varney was very good- managed to restrain himself to just two rabbits. I quickly put them in my handbag and explained to Varney he must try not to make any, as it wouldn't look good to be surrounded by them when we entered. He screwed up his little face with the effort, but it must have been a real 'trial' (he, he) for him, as a minor flunky walking down the corridor suddenly found a large white rabbit in his arms, appearing as if from his right armpit. I let that one go, thinking it best the man thought he was going mad rather than draw attention to Varney. Then I saw a small refreshments stall, and bought Varney an 'I Spy at The Courtrooms' playbook. He was quite happy to work his way through that, and was even disappointed not to finish before we had to go in. Louis, meanwhile was very quiet. More than once he looked like he was trying to begin to talk to me, but then shook his head and gave up.
Well, we went in, and the room was very bright and the judge was very stern looking. Varney panicked and produced a rabbit. The judge looked a little surprised at this and ordered it brought forward. As the hearing went on, it became clear that the city's main concern was that large numbers of rabbits on the loose could begin an epidemic on an Australian scale. Varney's solicitor (a nice young man called Tom Bombadil with an ever so jolly laugh, but a worrying taste in yellow gaiters) pointed out that the NIC uses up all the rabbits, and only a half dozen have escaped in the last year. Varney looked a little put out by the term 'used', and Louis looked shifty. I know full well that Varney's rabbits are an excellent source of food for Louis, who is still occasionally squeamish over human blood and prone to depressions where he only wants 'rabbit food'- a bit like a vampire diet (ha, ha). Varney, however, had been told they all went to a 'good place.' I leaned forward and whispered this into Tom's ear, and he nodded and added smoothly ". . . of course, each rabbit finds happiness in the good place of final rest." Varney looked satisfied. I was impressed- Tom certainly had the patter down pat. The judge harrumphed, and produced a city health officer, who read a load of citations and rules. Tom then answered each and every one, but in such an entertaining way, the courtroom felt ages brighter and lighter, and everyone had a warm, fuzzy sense of well being by the ends of his tale. This Tom was certainly a master of the art of tale telling. We were almost there! But then the judge had to go and agree, on a condition- that Varney sign up to certain documentation agreeing to stringent rabbit-breeding conditions, and expect a visit from the inspector for animal welfare in the near future, date to be set by the court. Well, that did it, Varney became so agitated, and he produced four rabbits out of the judge's robes, three from his ears and one under his wig. Still more spilled from the witness' box, and from the briefcases of everyone present that had one. There was much shouting, screaming and agitation. All looked lost, Louis was trying to round them all up, Varney was sitting stock still, eyes glazed, lip trembling making "bla, bla" noises, as he does when faced with official protocols of any kind, and the court was in uproar. The judge, a hefty fellow, looked about ready to faint as the rabbits popped out of his ears, and all would surely have been lost for good if Tom Bombadil hadn't begun to sing very softly. I don't know what he sang, but suddenly everyone was very calm- even Louis, who smiled for the first time in ages. He does look so cute when he does smile.
Anyway, Tom's song, it sort of rounded up all the Rabbits, and he produced a green sack from his coat pocket and they all jumped in and seemed to sort of- well, disappear. Then he folded up the sack and replaced it, patted Varney on the head, and finished his song. The court, as if in a dream, settled back into its places, and carried on with the ruling as if nothing had happened. Louis and I- apparently as vampires immune to whatever trick Tom had used- sat down quickly, and tried to look unsurprised as the rest. Varney got off with a small fine, and there was no mention of any inspections or documents to sign. In fact, the judge seemed convinced that Tom's 'evidence' had shown the NIC to be responsible rabbit breeders, well within the law.
We left as soon as we could, and Louis and I shook hands with Tom profusely, thanking him over and over. "Your happiness is reward enough, for what is Tom, but a friend to all, and all a friend to Tom?" Uh, Ok, Tom, whatever. Louis asked about payment, and Tom waved it off, leaning in to say only, suddenly serious, his eyes as old as the heavens and glowing with a fierce light "Just give them help as needs it, when they need it- and 'ware the Darkness within!" They he tipped us a wink, clicked his heels and was gone- literally. Even Dracula cannot disparate that fast.
Louis looked a bit shaken at this, but we bundled Varney into a taxi and took him home before Tom's song wore off and he panicked again. I don't know what tricks they teach lawyers these days- but they are extraordinarily effective, I must say.
Later:
Dear Diary-
I just cannot rest. I am concerned for the boys. Each time they see me they keep on sniggering and pointing surreptitiously. All except Louis, who flushes each time he sees me. What is going on? I must get the bottom of this, or else none of them will be invited to the opening of 'Bat Boutique- Designer Gear For the Fashion-Conscious Fanged One.' Amelia, my old, dear friend, will be opening her shop soon, and after I managed to get Louis to pose with me in some of the designs- well, really! Modelling is a perfectly respectable occupation- and at least I am trying to get a job, unlike some of this decadent lot!
Oh, and Selene will be visiting soon. Michael needs some time to 'run with the pack' and get his head together being manly in the mountains, so Selene is dropping by for a bit. It's bee good to have some female company- Katrina was packed off earlier today. I only hope the boys can contain themselves- they tend to go for the moody look, and that is one thing Selene has got going for her. . . moi? Bitchy? Of course not!
Late evening, 13th December
Dear Diary-
Today has been a busy one for all the wrong reasons. I am still so behind on my Christmas shopping, and small pockets of chaos have been erupting all over. This is in fact kind of normal around here, but it's been happening even more. I had to rescue Spike from cousin Katrina, and since then he's looked a bit scary-eyed, and keeps on muttering under his breath about the 'Hellmouth' and the 'First.' I think he took his last job a little too much to heart, or possibly he bit off more than he could chew with Katrina. I had to calm him down when Radu's Porsche snow sled backfired- Spike is really on edge at the moment. I think he's missing his buddy, Jack. It's kind of sweet, really. I tried cheering him up by saying that his grandsire Angel said he might try to drop by soon. If anything, Spike got even paler and excused himself very quickly. What *is * it with the male vampires and their sires and grandsires? Issues all over. Female vampires have a considerable less complicated relationship with ours.
Oh, yes, Radu's new toy. It looked really shiny and posh- everyone was admiring it. Then it backfired and blew soot on the onlookers- lots of pitch-black figures with little white eyeholes. I could have died laughing, if I wasn't already undead. Dracula was less than impressed, and the car became something of a laughing stock- especially since after that, it refused to work. Radu is now most upset, poor dear.
Today I accompanied Varney to his court hearing. Apparently someone noticed the rabbits and reported him. I swear I'll get the snitch if it's the last thing I do; the only cruelty to a dumb animal I've seen is Varney trying to cope with the appearance. He did make an effort- bathed and wore a new suit. This being Varney, he was soon messy and the suit all torn within minutes. I swear he only has to sit still and it happens- it's an effect he has. Louis also came as support. We arrived at the courthouse, and managed to keep Varney calm as we waited to go in. Louis was muttering something about "damn human laws"- surprising considering he's always been a lover of humanity. Maybe it's beaurocracy- it's enough to drive anyone out of their coffin in despair. Anyway, we sat and waited, and Varney was very good- managed to restrain himself to just two rabbits. I quickly put them in my handbag and explained to Varney he must try not to make any, as it wouldn't look good to be surrounded by them when we entered. He screwed up his little face with the effort, but it must have been a real 'trial' (he, he) for him, as a minor flunky walking down the corridor suddenly found a large white rabbit in his arms, appearing as if from his right armpit. I let that one go, thinking it best the man thought he was going mad rather than draw attention to Varney. Then I saw a small refreshments stall, and bought Varney an 'I Spy at The Courtrooms' playbook. He was quite happy to work his way through that, and was even disappointed not to finish before we had to go in. Louis, meanwhile was very quiet. More than once he looked like he was trying to begin to talk to me, but then shook his head and gave up.
Well, we went in, and the room was very bright and the judge was very stern looking. Varney panicked and produced a rabbit. The judge looked a little surprised at this and ordered it brought forward. As the hearing went on, it became clear that the city's main concern was that large numbers of rabbits on the loose could begin an epidemic on an Australian scale. Varney's solicitor (a nice young man called Tom Bombadil with an ever so jolly laugh, but a worrying taste in yellow gaiters) pointed out that the NIC uses up all the rabbits, and only a half dozen have escaped in the last year. Varney looked a little put out by the term 'used', and Louis looked shifty. I know full well that Varney's rabbits are an excellent source of food for Louis, who is still occasionally squeamish over human blood and prone to depressions where he only wants 'rabbit food'- a bit like a vampire diet (ha, ha). Varney, however, had been told they all went to a 'good place.' I leaned forward and whispered this into Tom's ear, and he nodded and added smoothly ". . . of course, each rabbit finds happiness in the good place of final rest." Varney looked satisfied. I was impressed- Tom certainly had the patter down pat. The judge harrumphed, and produced a city health officer, who read a load of citations and rules. Tom then answered each and every one, but in such an entertaining way, the courtroom felt ages brighter and lighter, and everyone had a warm, fuzzy sense of well being by the ends of his tale. This Tom was certainly a master of the art of tale telling. We were almost there! But then the judge had to go and agree, on a condition- that Varney sign up to certain documentation agreeing to stringent rabbit-breeding conditions, and expect a visit from the inspector for animal welfare in the near future, date to be set by the court. Well, that did it, Varney became so agitated, and he produced four rabbits out of the judge's robes, three from his ears and one under his wig. Still more spilled from the witness' box, and from the briefcases of everyone present that had one. There was much shouting, screaming and agitation. All looked lost, Louis was trying to round them all up, Varney was sitting stock still, eyes glazed, lip trembling making "bla, bla" noises, as he does when faced with official protocols of any kind, and the court was in uproar. The judge, a hefty fellow, looked about ready to faint as the rabbits popped out of his ears, and all would surely have been lost for good if Tom Bombadil hadn't begun to sing very softly. I don't know what he sang, but suddenly everyone was very calm- even Louis, who smiled for the first time in ages. He does look so cute when he does smile.
Anyway, Tom's song, it sort of rounded up all the Rabbits, and he produced a green sack from his coat pocket and they all jumped in and seemed to sort of- well, disappear. Then he folded up the sack and replaced it, patted Varney on the head, and finished his song. The court, as if in a dream, settled back into its places, and carried on with the ruling as if nothing had happened. Louis and I- apparently as vampires immune to whatever trick Tom had used- sat down quickly, and tried to look unsurprised as the rest. Varney got off with a small fine, and there was no mention of any inspections or documents to sign. In fact, the judge seemed convinced that Tom's 'evidence' had shown the NIC to be responsible rabbit breeders, well within the law.
We left as soon as we could, and Louis and I shook hands with Tom profusely, thanking him over and over. "Your happiness is reward enough, for what is Tom, but a friend to all, and all a friend to Tom?" Uh, Ok, Tom, whatever. Louis asked about payment, and Tom waved it off, leaning in to say only, suddenly serious, his eyes as old as the heavens and glowing with a fierce light "Just give them help as needs it, when they need it- and 'ware the Darkness within!" They he tipped us a wink, clicked his heels and was gone- literally. Even Dracula cannot disparate that fast.
Louis looked a bit shaken at this, but we bundled Varney into a taxi and took him home before Tom's song wore off and he panicked again. I don't know what tricks they teach lawyers these days- but they are extraordinarily effective, I must say.
Later:
Dear Diary-
I just cannot rest. I am concerned for the boys. Each time they see me they keep on sniggering and pointing surreptitiously. All except Louis, who flushes each time he sees me. What is going on? I must get the bottom of this, or else none of them will be invited to the opening of 'Bat Boutique- Designer Gear For the Fashion-Conscious Fanged One.' Amelia, my old, dear friend, will be opening her shop soon, and after I managed to get Louis to pose with me in some of the designs- well, really! Modelling is a perfectly respectable occupation- and at least I am trying to get a job, unlike some of this decadent lot!
Oh, and Selene will be visiting soon. Michael needs some time to 'run with the pack' and get his head together being manly in the mountains, so Selene is dropping by for a bit. It's bee good to have some female company- Katrina was packed off earlier today. I only hope the boys can contain themselves- they tend to go for the moody look, and that is one thing Selene has got going for her. . . moi? Bitchy? Of course not!
