(Scrawled in French with a flamboyant hand in a black leather-bound journal)

Monday, December 22, 2003

Katrina left the other day. Am slightly pouty as never got to see Katrina in private. Only slightly pouty because full poutiness could cause wrinkles. Ok, let's face it, I'm downright miserable that I never got to get snuggly with Katrina. Must be losing my touch. . .have spent four hours, rather than the usual three, in the bathroom in front of the mirror trying to fix any small imperfections I might have. I feel so unloved. . .Louis off with Carmilla in dark corners the entire time. Armand supposedly knows something about it. . .will have to ask him. He'll probably want something in return, poncy pervert.

Am planning on going to comfort Radu. I haven't seen anything so hysterically funny yet so tremendously sad since those pictures of Dracula in the seventies. So glad I slept through that era. . .though I would pay big money to see the Count with the afro in person. Hogh hogh indeed! Anyway, comforting Radu should take perhaps. . .three hours. Maybe less. Depends on his mood. Will wear a mixture of French colognes to entice him quicker and hurry things along.

Varney won the rabbit case, so I hear. At least it'll keep Louis from his rats. . .but if I find one more white rabbit in my black clothing drawer, I will scream. Note to self: pick up that check from Ruthven tonight or else tell Varney who it was who called the rabbit control. Though I'm sure Armand will let it leak, little blackmailing cherub. I would call him short, but with the damn Count and lurking in the shadows I'm not exactly a giant. It must be hard to be Dracula and to find a coffin in which you can fit without having to curl up. Six foot seven is nothing to laugh about. He should play basketball. I'm told he and Radu (a whopping six foot seven as well) can go one on one for hours during the day. Will have to persuade them to play during the night sometime so I can verify if the legends are true. Maybe they can go two on one with the drunken pirate. Haven't seen the pirate recently. They're both suspicious. . .the pirate and Spike. I can smell the liquor coming from the bathroom in Spike's room. Ruthven claims that Spike has a suspicious brown ring in his tub that reeks of rum. Ho hum.

Apparently some "Selene" girl should be coming sometime soon. . .perhaps she will be easier than Katrina.

Will go to Radu now. Wish me luck.

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(Note found on desk in the room of Carmilla.)

Dearest Carmilla,

Could not catch you tonight (out with Louis? *wink wink*) and do not know when I myself will be back, so am leaving this note on your desk in hope that you find it. In regards to your friend Selene and her friend Michael, in which room will she be staying? And is her friend housebroken? The Count wanted to know.

Also, is your friend single? Or is she steady with this Michael fellow? If wolves turn her on. . .would she be free sometime during her visit to come and howl at the moon a bit?

Lovingly,

Ruthven