Disclaimer: Fairly standard. I'm borrowing Gravitation characters from Maki Murakami for fanfics and fun. Gravitation is shonen-ai and for that reason, (and a bit of swearing) it gets a PG-13 rating. I appreciate all criticism, so please read, enjoy, and review. To those that review: THANK YOU!

Bad Luck for Bad Luck?

Part 7: Awake

Mika was a wreck. She had accompanied the body to the hospital mortuary and signed official papers confirming the identity of the deceased. She had chosen for him to be dressed in a formal kimono. They all dressed in black; Mika in a conservative black dress, he and Tatsuha in full monk robes, and Shuichi in black pants, shirt, and jacket. Eiri thought the black clothes made everyone look pale, but maybe that was a side-effect of what had happened?

Tatsuha fielded well-wishers and temple visitors. Eiri was uncertain about how to carry off his own role. As eldest son, he carried certain responsibilities. First, he was in charge of the arrangements for the wake and the funeral. He had to name a day for the funeral service, decide on the casket, arrange food and drinks for the guests who came, presents for guests of the wake and the funeral, and make a hundred other small decisions. A Masakuri-san came from the mortuary to record the family's wishes regarding the deceased.

How many times had his duty as a monk brought him to counsel others through a funeral? It was very different from the inside-out. He thought Shuichi was doing enough crying for both of them. Eiri had to stay cool. He stayed busy enough that he didn't even have time to think about all the consequences of his father's death. He directed relatives and friend-of-the-family volunteers and made the decisions for . . . all of it. For some reason, his mind flashed on the tarot card reading from . . . was it only yesterday? The old woman had identified Eiri as 'the decision maker' when she had turned over 'the Emperor'. Thinking of that now, it struck him as oddly funny.

Later in the day, the body was brought in. He was laid out on at table of dry ice in front of the family altar. Plenty of people came and went, already; visiting, offering comfort to the family, some offered to help wherever they could. They all burned incense, rang the altar bell and prayed. The ringing of the bell started to give Eiri a headache toward mid afternoon, a sign that his lack of sleep was beginning to affect him.

He performed the wake ceremony; it was expected of him. Tatsuha could have done it, but something in Eiri told him that it had to be him. They compromised, agreeing Tatsuha would perform the funeral ceremony tomorrow. Lots of people filed in, sitting around the body before the altar. Eiri walked to the altar, ignoring the eyes on him; the sympathetic looks and the piteous ones. He bowed, lit more incense and sat. He began to read the appropriate sutra.

As he read, first Mika, then Tatsuha rose and went to the incense urn, bowed, offered incense, bowed again and went back to where they'd been sitting. Eiri would have gone up after Mika, if he had not been presiding over the ceremony. After family, Shuichi was the next to go up. It made his status uncertain to the other guests— was he family or was he simply quick to follow the family? As far as Eiri was concerned, Shu was family, as much as any spouse would be. He thought the pink-haired man looked extraordinarily solemn and adult as he moved through the ceremony.

Each visitor took a turn paying respects until everyone was done. Then Eiri concluded the sutra and everyone bowed to the altar in a rustle of cloth and quiet, revered movements.

Eiri knew he hadn't made any mistakes, but he felt empty. He thought his father would be proud of him. The old man liked the way he conducted funerary rites. Today, the people and the ritual did not, could not comfort him. Overall, the day passed in a blur of sympathetic, black-clad, well-wishers. People shared fond memories of the old man over the buffet in the other room. The Uesugi patriarch had been a well-respected monk and his many years of service had brought him into contact with many people.

Eiri had set the funeral for the following day. His thought had been to take care of everything as soon as possible. Mika was pissed off with him, claiming he was rushing too much and that it would difficult to contact everyone that should be notified in time for the funeral. She directed a cousin to making phone calls. Eiri wrote the obituary for the newspaper.

It didn't matter to him how many people came, or even if they came. The family patriarch was dead and traveling on toward his next life. With a chill, Eiri realized that he was the Uesugi patriarch now. The thought made his chest hurt and he felt cold. He was glad the ceremony was over, or he might have frozen in the middle of it.

He knew from experience that people would come all day and night. Only their father's closest friends would come to both the wake and funeral, though; most people came to only one. Tomorrow promised to be another long day. Mika cried a lot. On top of the old man's death, she was worried about whether Tohma would come. She didn't want to see him, but they all knew he would come to pay respects to the dead. It was only a matter of when. He would have known about the family death within minutes of Shuichi calling in to NG to say why he would not be coming in to work. Eiri wondered if Tohma would be upset that he didn't hear the news directly from his wife.

That evening, the three siblings prepared to sit with the body over night. Very little was said between them. Shuichi sat beside Eiri in support. Although Shu cried, he had a strength that Eiri needed now. He needed Shuichi's loving presence to keep him going.

At some point in the night, Eiri's lack of sleep caught up to him. When he woke up, he was aware of sunlight and the heavy scent of incense over death.

"You're finally awake," Shuichi said, sighing. His small hand brushed Eiri's hair back from his face and Shu smiled weakly, looking down at him. Eiri was pillowed on his lap. The kid looked tired. "My leg is asleep," Shu said. Eiri sat up and Shuichi stretched his leg out. They were the only ones in the room . . . along with the dead. Eiri must have passed out. He wondered how long had he gone without sleep before crashing? He still felt empty.

"Tatsuha and Mika left around dawn, to take a nap. I volunteered to stay here with you, since one of you has to stay— "

"Shu?" Silenced, Shuichi looked at Eiri, waiting. "I'm glad you're here, with me," the writer said quietly. He reached out and caressed his lover's baby-faced cheek.

The kid grinned, leaning into Eiri's touch. "I love you. I want to be here for you, you know?" Shuichi reminded Eiri of a baby doll, with his legs stretched straight out in a V-shape and his hands placed behind him on the floor to hold him up.

"I know," Eiri said warmly. Shuichi always gave him what he needed, even when he didn't know he needed something, or couldn't acknowledge the need in the first place. Eiri hugged his lover, and was hugged back. Eiri bent his head, taking in the cleaner scent of the singer's hair and his warm, living body. It chased away the other, less pleasant scents in the room and let the world be normal for a moment. Here, in the arms of his young, troublesome, energetic lover Eiri felt whole. He stayed there, holding Shuichi to him until Tatsuha came in.

"Shuichi— oh, you're awake, aniki. Good." Reluctantly, Eiri let go of Shu and stood up. "You have a little time to clean up before the funeral," Tatsuha said, focusing on his brother. "We're still agreed that I'll do the service, right?" Eiri nodded. As eldest son he had certain other participation responsibilities. "Masakuri-san, from the mortuary should be here very soon. I'll take care of things while you clean up." Eiri nodded. "Shuichi-kun?"

"Yes, Tatsuha?"

"Um, Ryu-chan came in late last night . . ." He put one hand on the back of his neck, rubbing it like a worry-stone. "He's pretty upset. He doesn't deal well with funerals, he's normally so happy, but . . ."

Shu smiled at him, comfortingly, "Ryu-kun just wanted to be here for you. I understand that." His eyes flashed to Eiri. He said to Tatsuha, "I'll go see him."

Tatsuha sighed and dropped his hand. "Thank you. I want to be with him, too, but I . . ."

Shu nodded. "I'll look out for him," the kid said. "You have other stuff you need to be doing." He waved to Tatsuha and grabbed onto Eiri's arm. Eiri appreciated the warmth and realized he felt cold without Shuichi wrapped around him. Numbly, he let Shu pull him around the house until they reached the bathroom door. There, Shuichi let go of him. "Take a shower, okay?"

"Since when do you tell me what to do?" Eiri asked, mildly.

Shu smiled and bounced up to kiss him. "Since you need it!" The kid turned and walked away. Eiri watched Shuichi 'til he turned from view. His lover was showing a hidden maturity and Eiri appreciated it. Eiri snorted thinking about how a few days from now, the kid would be bouncing around again and annoying him. He went into the bathroom.

By sound alone it was easy to find Shuichi and Ryuichi. They were singing. Shu's idea of cheering his friend seemed to involve a number of ridiculous children's ditties. Between them, they had quite a repetoire. Eiri peeked into Tatsuha's room to check on them. Ryuichi was hunched over his stuffed rabbit with his arms hugged tightly around his legs. It was a testament to his lung capacity that he could sit in a tight ball like that and still manage power and volume when he sang. The blend of their voices was truly . . . a beautiful sound, Eiri decided. Shu sat with his back to the door, facing Ryu. When their song ended, the sudden quiet seemed to carry a terrible weight.

Shu broke it after a moment, saying, "Ryu-kun, do you believe in luck— good and bad, I mean?"

In a childish voice, Ryuichi asked, "Why, Shuichi?" The older singer frowned. "Is it about the tarot thing?"

Eiri couldn't see Shu's expression, but the kid gave a shuddering sigh and hugged his own shoulders. "I'm afraid that I've done something bad." Shu set his palms on the tatami mat 1, leaning forward and whispering to Ryuichi. Eiri strained to hear. "What if the bad luck was meant for me? What if, by asking for a blessing, I caused bad luck to fall on Eiri and his family? My bad luck wasn't supposed to kill him!" Shu burst into tears again.

Eiri was stunned. Of all the idiotic, gullible things to worry about! He frowned, wondering if he should charge in, admit to eavesdropping, and knock those silly ideas out of Shu's head. He waited to hear what Ryuichi said.

"Shuichi?" Ryuichi relaxed his position, sitting cross-legged, consulting his rabbit. "Kumagorou says that can't happen."

"What do you think, Ryu-kun? Do you think Eiri will be mad at me?" Only for being a superstitious idiot, Eiri thought.

The child-like singer scratched his head, messing up already disarrayed hair. "Kumagorou always gives me good advice," he said finally. "Tatsuha-chan said it . . . just happened." Ryuichi curled in on himself again, closing up around his rabbit.

Shuichi stopped crying and blew his nose. He sat cross-legged and offered, "Want to sing another song?"

"I want to be with Tatsuha," Ryuichi pouted.

Shu nodded. "They're a lot alike," he said thoughtfully. "Eiri and Tatsuha aren't crying. They're letting everyone see how strong they are and taking their duty seriously. Inside, though, they're very sad, and they have all this stuff to do." Shu waved his arms for emphasis. "They've been so busy! I never realized how many people would come, or how many things need to be done. You'd think everyone would try to give them a break and let them . . . just think about it, or something. You know?"

Ryuichi nodded, agreeing. "Tatsuha cried. I know he needs me and Kuma."

Shuichi nodded back. When Ryuichi broke into a child's rhyme about a rabbit, Eiri carefully walked away. They hadn't given any sign of noticing him and Eiri had heard enough. I'll talk to Shu later, he thought. Hopefully, the kid wouldn't harbor misplaced guilt over a freaking card game! He shook his head.

Eiri came upon his father's room. The door was open and he could see that someone had taken care of the Makura-kazari. 4 There was a small table draped in a silver altar cloth next to the bedding. On top of the table lay an open flower, a burning stick of incense, a lit candle, a bowl of rice, a dumpling, and water. Eiri entered the room, wondering if a neighbor had done this, or if his sister had. He gently ran his fingers over the old chest of drawers, left of the door. Under the incense, the room smelled like the old man. Eiri stopped himself, turned, and left. Memories of his father stirred like dust, disturbed. Eiri walked away from them.

The family shrine had been covered with white paper to preserve its purity from the impurity of death. The room with the family altar had been cleared, so Eiri walked over to the temple. A funeral altar had been set up in front of the main temple altar. It was covered with fresh flowers and fruits. The casket rested there, too. Tatsuha had already inscribed the kaimyo, or death name 2 and placed the wooden ihai 3 on the altar. Eiri thought his brother had chosen a good name. "Good choice," he said. Tatsuha would know what he meant.

"Thanks," Tatsuha replied. The mortuary people were finishing up, putting away tools and fussing with the flowers. The smell of the flowers and the incense were strong enough to gag on, Eiri thought.

Their father was dressed for his journey, now in white kimono, hood, leggings, and sandals. In the casket, was money for the toll across the River of Three Hells. Cigarettes had been tucked into the dry ice around him. The old man wouldn't want to make a journey without those, Eiri thought with a smirk.

He heard Mika's voice, loud, then breaking, followed closely by Tohma's quiet self-assured tones. He and Tatsuha both looked up. One of them had to stay with the body, so Eiri went to investigate.

"No, Tohma, I don't want you here." Mika was crying and Eiri could hear small shuffling sounds, as if she was shaking off her husband's attempts to hold her. "You— you're not mine anymore!" She hollered, ending in a wrenching sob.

"Mika-san—"He was soothing and pleading at the same time. She wasn't buying.

"NO!" When Eiri came into view, Mika had collapsed to her knees. Her hands covered her ears and her eyes were closed. Eiri went and kneeled in front of her, his back to Tohma. He touched her elbow and she lashed out, sideways. He had figured she would, but when her red, puffy eyes opened, she focused on her brother. Her nose looked sore from crying. "Eiri . . . please?" He understood that Mika wanted him to deal with this, too. One more burden to add to his new collection.

He twisted to face Tohma. Tohma was not smiling. There were times when the man didn't smile, but they were few and far between. The look on his face now was . . . stricken. Eiri stood, keeping himself between the two of them, waiting for Tohma. Eiri pulled out and lit a cigarette, saying with his posture he could wait a long time.

Tohma didn't disappoint. "Eiri-san, I would like to sit with the family." He bowed humbly. Did he have any idea of how much he had hurt Mika? Eiri felt himself scowl as he inhaled and exhaled smoke. Did all the years of their marriage count for this much?

Eiri shook his head, denying Tohma. He held his cigarette and said, "You are in the process of divorce. Tohma, she is Uesugi and you are no longer family." Eiri knew his words hurt Tohma and he meant them.

Unsatisfied, Tohma appealed to Mika, "Please? Mika-san—"

"No, Tohma," she said calmly. She stood, protected behind Eiri's backbone. Under other circumstances, she wouldn't have needed it, but today, Eiri's presence stiffened her resolve. "My brother is right. I have lost my father recently, but I lost you a long time ago, didn't I? Did Sakano-san come with you?" If Eiri had not been watching closely, he may not have seen Tohma's eye twitch. It was answer enough for Mika. She left, turning her back and walking away sedately.

Tohma ruffled his hair with one hand and looked at Eiri. They knew how to read each other from long association. It would be very difficult to say 'friendship' anymore. Briefly, Eiri wondered if the situation might backfire on Shu, at NG Studios. Eiri could tell Tohma was starting to understand how badly he had screwed up. Sitting apart from the Uesugi family would be a public slap in the face to him; a smudge on his honor. "The funeral will be held in the main temple in a short while," Eiri told Tohma blandly. He walked away, temporarily sheltering himself from another emotional confrontation.

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1 Tatami mats are the bamboo floor pieces in traditional homes and temples.

2 Kaimyo is a special name given to the dead, which elevates him from flesh and blood to spiritual status. Using the deceased's true name would call him back at the wrong time and prevent him from moving forward on his spiritual journey.

3 Ihai is the mortuary tablet, a wooden plaque — not to be confused with a tombstone! After the mourning period it is replaced with one of black lacquer and put in the family shrine, or the case of a monk, maybe the temple.

4 Tradition of decorating the deceased person's bedside.

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Deep appreciation goes to Billy Hammond, for his article; "Japanese Buddhist Funeral Customs" which had good, specific details about the funerary process.

Author Notes: Another very complex chapter. There are so many details and traditions to a Japanese Buddhist funeral! Depressing! Sorry! I hope it's still a good read.