(From: 'Dr Spock's Care of The Vampire and Other Undead Unfortunates'.)

Vampire Flu

Description: a rare mutation of the common flu species, a sub-genus of the name: *toothybuggersflumiserybutletsfaceittheydeserveitunnaturalbastards*.A student of supernatural remedies and physiognomy should not be put off by the long name, once broken into its constituent root parts it become a logical step to deduce the ailment's temperament and main symptoms. Peculiarly in vampires, there being so very many sub-sets of the *vampus vampus* genus, this affliction transforms them in many more ways than the normal human corpus. Whereas there are 300 or so varieties of the common cold, ranging in effect from a snuffle to full-blown influenza, and producing a variety of reactions from the female pig-headed ignoring of the body's distress to the masculine belief that he is, in fact, dying because he feels so bad, there are at least over 1 million variations to be had or noticed among the vampire community.

Symptoms: the suffering creature of the night displays, first and foremost, symptoms similar to a human- nasal distress, phlegm over-production, a chesty cough, aching joints, tiredness, etc. This comes as something of a shock, many vampires having left mortal illness behind them when they turned. However, this insidious virus can also manifest in other ways, otherwise presenting the infected vampire as otherwise perfectly normal. It can instead increase supernatural abilities beyond their usual measure, it can increase libido in those vampires who still desire/ are able to produce sexual union, it can alter the vampire's emotions into mood swings and it can highlight the faults in a vampire's character. In other words, it leaves them psychologically vulnerable, more vulnerable than at any other time.

Traditionally, then, vampire flu season has been the time when most vampire hunters are out and about, plying their simple craft. However, most covens can take precautions to prevent this- but only if they admit to the disease in the first place. Many regard it with embarrassment- not only because the undead are simply not supposed to get sick, but also because as a communicable disease, it rather detracts from their gothic aloofness when whole swaths go down with it and they are forced to admit that they all in fact play bridge together on a Thursday night.

Cure: Unpleasant, but possible, it requires a full mind-body purge by an un- infected vampire and an abstention from blood and supernatural power use for a week, along with plenty of coffin-rest.

Contra-Indications: Cough syrup is not to be recommended, as it is addictive to weaker-willed vampires. But it is also becoming apparent that newer strains of vampires now emerging seem to have an in-built immunity to the disease, and can perform the purges successfully even if not very old or powerful. Most of these, however, are too busy laughing at the idea of the other splaying bridge to stop and help- and still more are taking advantage of the increased libidos on offer while they still can.

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(Neat, black-leather-bound notebook of Jean-Claude, Master Vampire)

Mon dieu! I will say this, life in and around the Night Isle Coven is strange and stranger, and that is saying something after what I have seen and done. First I arrive and Spike is getting all protective over his damn certificate of verification, Radu appears to be drinking unsafe amounts of medicine, Dracul and Ruthven are snappier than usual, and as for the rest- it's getting very hot in here, and I don't mean in terms of temperature. I can feed, using my 'ardour,' from pure lust- let's say I've been banqueting since I got here. I come to catch up with being a Frenchman abroad with Louis and Lestat, maybe play a few hands of cards, that sort of thing, and I get hit by this feverish wall of psycho-vampiric energy.

Varney seems mostly unaffected- but then, it would take a fair bit to affect him, although there are copious amounts of rabbits about. And sweet young Selene also seems alright, but the rest are all showing signs of eccentricity. Ok, so more than usual. But I am more worried about the effect of Armand on Lestat. The brat is back, and seems to have caught it monumentally fast- or perhaps that's just his raging preternatural hormones. I swear, that boy makes me look abstemious. And I swear Louis is about to accept a proposal, and not from Carmilla; his eyes can't stop etch- a-sketching and he's been staring at nothing for days now. As for Carmilla- she is even now making eyes at Ruthven, wearing *pink* and giggling incessantly. Ruthven looks about as healthy as a vampire with chronic bad temper can- although he's also started to pout and kick walls, and is being stalked by a flock of owls for some unknown reason. Dracul is going to burst something if eh doesn't calm down, and Radu, as well as gambling, syruping and generally mooching has been making big eyes at anything with a pulse. Spike is giggling and carrying around his framed certificate like a lost soul- it's getting unsafe to walk the corridors at night. You don't know if you'll be pouted at, giggled over or jumped from behind.

If I didn't know better, I'd swear that they've got Vampire Flu- but then that would mean bridge-playing on Thursdays, and Dracul doesn't strike me as a bridge sort of guy. More a Rummy player.

I hope they aren't thinking I'll do a purge- with my own 'ardour' powers in full feeding flow, gods knows what I'd do. Still... could be fun..