A/N: Here is chapter two!!! I am handing this in for Creative Writing.
My teacher is cool!! Handing in FanFiction for marks. And she knows it is
FanFiction. Hehehe. Life made easy. Also, if you read the first chapter
right after it came out, I had some errors.
1. René thinks 'Well, I will defiantly not fall for him' about Severus, not 'Well, I will defiantly fall for him.'
2. It is August 22nd now, not August 18th
I think that is all.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own. JKR owns all the Harry Potter crap and FanFiction.Net owns the rest. Pooey.
WHAT HAPPENED LAST CHAPPY: René met Severus and sent a letter with Molson to her mother. She threw up on Severus and he fed her a potion that knocked her out. They have just arrived at Hogwarts.
*~*~*~*~*
"Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig," René whispered, her brown eyes wide. Severus stalked forward, then turned around.
"Are you coming, or are you going to stare at the exterior of the castle all day? The interior is far more interesting," Severus said. René didn't appear to hear him. Severus sighed, grabbed her arm and dragged her towards the front entrance.
"Are you going to walk on your own?" Severus asked after walking through the castle for a while. He let go of her arm. She walked up to a particularly violent suit of armour and banged on its helmet.
"YAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!" René yelled as Severus tackled her, sending them sprawling across the floor. René yelled louder when the suit of armour started clanking towards them. She stopped screaming and tried to reach for her wand.
"Crap! Crap! Crap!" René moaned. Severus was lying on top of her and she couldn't reach her wand. René looked around and saw Severus' wand lying near her head. She grabbed it and shouted, "Stupefy!" The suit of armour froze in mid step.
"Well, that was fun," Severus said, his breath tickling her ear.
"Very. It was the most fun I've had in days," René said, both sarcastic and earnest.
"Severus Snape!" a voice said from the door. Severus looked up.
"Hello Minerva," Severus said.
"What's up? Asides from Professor Snape. Well, from my vantage point," René smiled.
"What are you doing?" Minerva McGonagall asked.
"Waiting for Professor Snape to get off of me," René said, then added, "hint, hint."
"Oops. Sorry," Severus rolled off of her and stood up. René lay on the floor with one hand up.
"What do you want?" Severus asked.
"Hullo! Help me up!" René said, annoyed. Severus grabbed her hand and pulled her onto her feet, "Thank you."
Minerva had watched the exchange without saying anything. Now she said, "Severus, and. your friend. Come with me!"
"My name's René Remfair. You know him?" René pointed to Severus.
"Yes. He, uh, comes here often," Minerva said, catching Severus' look. Obviously René doesn't know about Severus working here.
"Okay Days," René said, "Here's your wand," René handed Severus his wand.
"Thank you," Severus said to René.
"Both of you! Stop stalling!" Minerva commanded and marched out of the room. Severus and René followed her out. The marched through the castle without any problems. Well, asides from René talking to every portrait they come across, stepping in the fake step, running into walls.
"Ooooooh! Bookshelf!" René reached up to pull out a book. The bookshelf spun around leaving René in a dark passageway.
"Help! Help! I'm trapped! The world's coming to an end! Heeeeeeeeelp!" René yelled
Severus walked over to Minerva and said, "And she wants to become the new Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor."
Minerva, uncharacteristically, swore, "Hell! Fuck! Damn! Motherfucka! Shit! Bull-Crap!"
"My thoughts exactly," Severus said. Suddenly, the noise from behind the bookshelf stopped.
"Now what's wrong with her?" Minerva wondered. Then there was a moan.
"Damnit. Where the hell am I?" René moaned, "Lumos!"
René looked around. 'hmmmm. That's wood, so.'
"Éclatez !" René yelled, her wand pointing at the 'bookshelf.' The 'bookshelf' exploded. René walked out through the dust melodramatically.
"Where the hell am I?" René asked again.
"Hogwarts. Don't you remember?" Severus asked.
"The last thing I remember is drinking that potion you gave me," René said.
"Oh yeah! I remember the other side-effect now! Stupidity!" Severus smirked, thinking about everything René had done under the effects of the potion.
"What do you mean?" René asked.
"Ever since I woke you up, you were acting like an idiot. I'm not sure if you were acting, though. Maybe it is just how you are normally. You won't remember any of it. I wonder why you had the sense to stun that suit of armour, though," Severus pondered.
"I sorta remember something about not reaching my wand, a suit of armour and you on top of me," René said.
"Oh, who cares? Let's just go to Dumbledore's office," Minerva stated.
"What for?" René asked, "Oh yeah, résumé."
"Actually, she believes that. something, other than the suit of armour, happened when I was laying on top of you," Severus told her, his sallow skin turning more of a normal shade. Which meant that he was most likely blushing a bit.
"Oh," René said, "I would, too. Except I would start to sing 'René and Severus, sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love! Then comes marriage! Then comes a baby in the baby carriage!'"
"Very mature," Severus raised his eyebrows, bristling slightly at the use of his first name.
"Thank-you!" René chirped.
"I don't think the potion wore off yet," Severus said.
"Bastard," René said, "oops, sorry."
"No problem. I get that a lot," Severus said.
"Then I guess we are two of a kind. I get called a bitch lots," René smiled.
"Right," Severus said.
"We're here," Minerva said, "Lemon Ice-Cubes."
"What the hell?!?" René said.
"The password. I think he ran out of candy," Severus said.
"Ooooookay then," René said, amused. The two witches and the wizard walked up the stairs.
"Professor Dumbledore?" Minerva called at the door.
"Come in, Minerva," a voice said. Minerva, René and Severus walked in.
"Ah, Severus. How are you?" Albus Dumbledore asked.
"Fine. Sort of," Severus said.
"No thanks to me, eh?" René grinned.
"Yes," Severus said.
"And you are?" Albus asked.
"René Remfair. I am applying for the Defence Against the Dark Arts job," René said, holding out her hand. Albus shook it, eyes twinkling.
"And where did you meet your companions?" Albus asked.
"Professor Snape took me to Hogwarts and lent me his paper, which led to me finding the ad for the job. The-person-who's-name-I-don't-know-and-I-am- assuming-it's-Minerva ran into us she Professor Snape was laying on top of me. I think she thinks that Professor Snape was screwing me, or something," René said, then noticing Minerva's pale face, Severus' glare and Albus' silent laughter she added, "What?"
"Nice choice of words," Severus growled.
"Why thank-you. I don't see anything wrong with them or anything," René said.
"I was screwing you. Yes, great language," Severus hissed.
"Mih. You've all, except Professor Dumbledore, have heard me swear already. screwing isn't a swear, anyways," René said.
"I take it you weren't screwing Miss Remfair, then," Albus said to Severus.
"Call me René," René said.
"Correct. She was banging on the helmet of the most violent suit of armour we have. I tackled her so she wouldn't get killed. She then stunned it. With the side-effects from 'No-Nausea' potion if effect," Severus said.
"Quite remarkable René," Albus said, "You've got the job."
René, Severus and Minerva stared at him.
"Um, thanks?" René said.
"You're crazy!" Minerva burst out.
"She's our only option. We never get more than one applicant for the Defence Against the Dark Arts job a year, if we're lucky," Albus said, 'besides Severus needs a friend. If he brought her here and saved her life, he's got to like her!'
"Would it be too much to ask for an advance payment? I'm broke. This is all I got," René held up one Knut.
"Of course René," Albus handed her a bag of money. Severus grabbed it.
"You owe me two Galleons," Severus explained and grabbed the money.
"Bastard," René growled.
"Bitch," Severus said blandly.
"Jackass."
"Slut."
"Asshole."
"Whore."
"Son of a Bitch."
"Prostitute."
"Motherfucka."
"SHUT UP!" Minerva yelled.
"Someone doesn't like swears and insults," René stage-whispered to Severus. Severus and Albus smiled.
"Try on the Sorting Hat. I want to see what house you would be in," Severus said, 'I bet she will be in Ravenclaw. Please don't be Gryffindor! Slytherin, Slytherin! Why do I care? Oh well, SLYTHERIN!'
"Good idea Severus," Dumbledore said, "Accio Sorting Hat! Try this on."
"Okay then," René said and put on the hat.
"Hmm. A risky person-"
"AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! VOICES!!!!" René yelled, "Oh, wait this reminds me of a song. 'I'm paranoid! Looking over my back! It's like a whirlwind inside of my head! It's like the face inside.' Oops. Doesn't relate. Okay, I feel like Joan of Arc then!!!!"
"Just let yourself be sorted!" Severus said.
"Whateva," René shrugged.
"As I was saying; A risky personality. A willingness to help. Courage. Clever, very clever. A very Slytherin-ish outlook on life. Unafraid to use the Dark Arts. Hmm. A mixture between Slytherin and Gryffindor. Quite like Rowena Ravenclaw. Nobody knew who she really liked, Salazar Slytherin or Godric Gryffindor. Always stood in the middle. A peace- keeper-"
"Yah! That works! I'm Canadian!" René interrupted.
"Yes, yes, we all know that you are Canadian, that your geese are Canadian Geese, that you named them after beer companies from Canada, and that your wand is made out of maple and that Canadian's are peace-keepers," Severus yelled.
"Sorry," René said sarcastically.
"I must say, although you have many Slytherin qualities," Severus smirked, "you belong in RAVENCLAW!!"
"YES!" Severus yelled.
"Um, Severus. Why are you happy that she is in Ravenclwa. Your house is Slytherin," Minerva said.
"I guessed that she would be in Ravenclaw," Severus shrugged, "good guess, huh?"
"What do you mean by Professor Snape being in Slytherin?" René asked.
"Severus is the Head of the House of Slytherin," Albus explained. At René's confused look he added, "He is the Potion's Master at Hogwarts. He works here."
"Why the hell didn't you tell me that?" René yelled at Severus.
"You never asked," Severus shrugged.
"No, I did ask. I asked how you know Professor Dumbledore. You said that you are his friend. Liar, liar, pants on fire." René stood there looking dumb for a few seconds, "I forgot the rest."
"It's a half-truth, not a lie," Severus smiled smugly.
"That would be a Slytherin quality," Minerva said.
"Stupid Slytherin," René grumbled. Severus grinned.
"Severus, why don't you take René to Diagon Alley and help her get her stuff," Albus said. There was only one answer.
"Yes, Albus," Severus sighed.
"As long as we don't take the Knight Bus!" René said.
"You'll take Floo Powder," Albus said. Both René and Severus looked relieved, "Only if you tell me why you don't want to take the Knight Bus."
"I get sick on it. We got here by the Knight Bus and I threw up on Professor Snape. Twice!" René grinned. Albus started to laugh.
"That's not funny!" Severus said, blushing slightly. Kokanee flew up and used Severus' head as a perch again.
"Good Kokanee. Nice Kokanee. Stay Kokanee," René grinned.
"René, get your duck off my head," Severus growled. Kokanee bent her long neck down and jabbed the middle of Severus' forehead.
"She's not a duck. She's a Canadian Goose," René said, her eyes narrow.
"Owwwwwwwww!!!! BLOODY BIRD!!" Severus yelled.
"An odd name for a goose," Minerva said.
"She's named after a Canadian beer company. I've got another one named Molson, also a Canadian beer company," René smiled.
"Okay, that's it! Let's go to Diagon Alley. NOW!" Severus yelled.
"Okay!" René took some Floo Powder from Dumbledore and threw it into the fire.
"DIAGON ALLEY!"
"I take it I have to bring the goose," Severus grumbled and also took some Floo Powder.
"DIAGON ALLEY!" Severus shouted with Kokanee still on his head.
*~*~*~*~*
"Are you done, yet?" Severus said, carrying all of her bags. The way they looked, people are probably thinking that René is the bossy, shopping crazy girlfriend and Sverus is the unable-to-ay-no-boyfriend.
"Almost," was René's absentminded reply.
"You said that one hour ago!" Severus yelled. René ignored him.
*~*~*~*~*
"Hey, isn't that Professor Snape?" Fred and George Weasley said simultaneously.
"Yah, I guess so, we both thought the same thing," Fred said.
"We've gotta get a picture of this!" George waves an arm in Severus' direction.
"All covered," Fred picked up a conveniently placed camera. The Weasley twins silently followed their ex-professor. They got some pictures and decided to sell them to Rita Skeeter.
*~*~*~*~*
Mage Kitty: For your info, Rita Skeeter escaped.
Wicca_Gurl: I swear, you really like excuses.
Mage Kitty: Sooorrryyy. I suck at names.
Wicca_Gurl: Oh, just play the irrelevant prologue.
Mage Kitty: Flashback.
Wicca_Gurl: Irrelevant prologue.
Fred and Mage Kitty: Flashback.
George and Wicca_Gurl: Irrelevant prologue.
Fred and Mage Kitty: Flashback.
George and Wicca_Gurl: Irrelevant prologue.
René and Severus: SHUT UP AND GET ON WITH IT!!!
George, Fred, Wicca_Gurl and Mage Kitty: FINE!!!
*~*~*~*~*
Mrs. Granger was looking at a green bug in a glass jar.
"What an ugly bug!" Mrs. Granger exclaimed, then undid the lid and threw the bug out the window. Hermione walks in.
"Mom, have you seen a green bug in a jar?" Hermione asked.
"Why? Is it important?" Mrs. Granger asked.
"Yes! VERY!!" Hermione yelled.
"Oh, sorry dear. I threw it out the window," Mrs. Granger didn't look sorry.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"
*~*~*~*~*
"HOGWARTS! SEVERUS SNAPE'S OFFICE!" Severus yelled, carrying all the bags. He disappeared.
"HOGWARTS! SEVERUS SNAPE'S OFFICE!" René yelled, following him. She appeared in an office decorated with the colours green and silver. Severus was laying on a couch with his eye's closed. He looked asleep.
"Hullo Professor Snappy, Snappy, Snappy! Snake, Snake, Snake! Snap, Snap, Snap, Snap! Moo, Moo, Moo," René chirped annoyingly. She had been doing this for the entire time at Diagon Alley.
"That's it! You can call me Severus. HAPPY???" Severus yelled. I guess he wasn't asleep.
"Okay Days!" René chirped then levitated all of her bags, "Where's my room?"
Severus moaned and got up. He walked out the door and led her through the castle.
"Here is your room," Severus sighed.
"What's the password?" René asked, looking at the portrait of a purple Dragon.
"Chocolate Milk," Severus said and the portrait slide aside.
"Can I change the password?" René asked.
"Yes. Just give the Dragon the old password and request to change it," Severus turned and walked away.
"Chocolate Milk. Can I change the password?" Rene asked the Dragon.
"What would you like the new password to be?" the Dragon asked.
"Linkin Park rocks," René said.
"Password changed," the Dragon said, then slide aside. René walking into the room. She dropped all of the bags and flopped down on the bed. She closed her eyes and fell asleep. Kokanee slept on her stomach again.
*~*~*~*~*
A/N: Well, that's it.
Crimson_Dragoness gets credit for the bookcase thing. The rest of it was made by me and my three muses.
I don't know when Chapter Three is coming up because I have a band trip coming up in about 3 days and a LOT of homework. Well, I'll be back!!
*Disappears in a swirl of blue fire."
Mage Kitty ^^
1. René thinks 'Well, I will defiantly not fall for him' about Severus, not 'Well, I will defiantly fall for him.'
2. It is August 22nd now, not August 18th
I think that is all.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own. JKR owns all the Harry Potter crap and FanFiction.Net owns the rest. Pooey.
WHAT HAPPENED LAST CHAPPY: René met Severus and sent a letter with Molson to her mother. She threw up on Severus and he fed her a potion that knocked her out. They have just arrived at Hogwarts.
*~*~*~*~*
"Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig," René whispered, her brown eyes wide. Severus stalked forward, then turned around.
"Are you coming, or are you going to stare at the exterior of the castle all day? The interior is far more interesting," Severus said. René didn't appear to hear him. Severus sighed, grabbed her arm and dragged her towards the front entrance.
"Are you going to walk on your own?" Severus asked after walking through the castle for a while. He let go of her arm. She walked up to a particularly violent suit of armour and banged on its helmet.
"YAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!" René yelled as Severus tackled her, sending them sprawling across the floor. René yelled louder when the suit of armour started clanking towards them. She stopped screaming and tried to reach for her wand.
"Crap! Crap! Crap!" René moaned. Severus was lying on top of her and she couldn't reach her wand. René looked around and saw Severus' wand lying near her head. She grabbed it and shouted, "Stupefy!" The suit of armour froze in mid step.
"Well, that was fun," Severus said, his breath tickling her ear.
"Very. It was the most fun I've had in days," René said, both sarcastic and earnest.
"Severus Snape!" a voice said from the door. Severus looked up.
"Hello Minerva," Severus said.
"What's up? Asides from Professor Snape. Well, from my vantage point," René smiled.
"What are you doing?" Minerva McGonagall asked.
"Waiting for Professor Snape to get off of me," René said, then added, "hint, hint."
"Oops. Sorry," Severus rolled off of her and stood up. René lay on the floor with one hand up.
"What do you want?" Severus asked.
"Hullo! Help me up!" René said, annoyed. Severus grabbed her hand and pulled her onto her feet, "Thank you."
Minerva had watched the exchange without saying anything. Now she said, "Severus, and. your friend. Come with me!"
"My name's René Remfair. You know him?" René pointed to Severus.
"Yes. He, uh, comes here often," Minerva said, catching Severus' look. Obviously René doesn't know about Severus working here.
"Okay Days," René said, "Here's your wand," René handed Severus his wand.
"Thank you," Severus said to René.
"Both of you! Stop stalling!" Minerva commanded and marched out of the room. Severus and René followed her out. The marched through the castle without any problems. Well, asides from René talking to every portrait they come across, stepping in the fake step, running into walls.
"Ooooooh! Bookshelf!" René reached up to pull out a book. The bookshelf spun around leaving René in a dark passageway.
"Help! Help! I'm trapped! The world's coming to an end! Heeeeeeeeelp!" René yelled
Severus walked over to Minerva and said, "And she wants to become the new Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor."
Minerva, uncharacteristically, swore, "Hell! Fuck! Damn! Motherfucka! Shit! Bull-Crap!"
"My thoughts exactly," Severus said. Suddenly, the noise from behind the bookshelf stopped.
"Now what's wrong with her?" Minerva wondered. Then there was a moan.
"Damnit. Where the hell am I?" René moaned, "Lumos!"
René looked around. 'hmmmm. That's wood, so.'
"Éclatez !" René yelled, her wand pointing at the 'bookshelf.' The 'bookshelf' exploded. René walked out through the dust melodramatically.
"Where the hell am I?" René asked again.
"Hogwarts. Don't you remember?" Severus asked.
"The last thing I remember is drinking that potion you gave me," René said.
"Oh yeah! I remember the other side-effect now! Stupidity!" Severus smirked, thinking about everything René had done under the effects of the potion.
"What do you mean?" René asked.
"Ever since I woke you up, you were acting like an idiot. I'm not sure if you were acting, though. Maybe it is just how you are normally. You won't remember any of it. I wonder why you had the sense to stun that suit of armour, though," Severus pondered.
"I sorta remember something about not reaching my wand, a suit of armour and you on top of me," René said.
"Oh, who cares? Let's just go to Dumbledore's office," Minerva stated.
"What for?" René asked, "Oh yeah, résumé."
"Actually, she believes that. something, other than the suit of armour, happened when I was laying on top of you," Severus told her, his sallow skin turning more of a normal shade. Which meant that he was most likely blushing a bit.
"Oh," René said, "I would, too. Except I would start to sing 'René and Severus, sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love! Then comes marriage! Then comes a baby in the baby carriage!'"
"Very mature," Severus raised his eyebrows, bristling slightly at the use of his first name.
"Thank-you!" René chirped.
"I don't think the potion wore off yet," Severus said.
"Bastard," René said, "oops, sorry."
"No problem. I get that a lot," Severus said.
"Then I guess we are two of a kind. I get called a bitch lots," René smiled.
"Right," Severus said.
"We're here," Minerva said, "Lemon Ice-Cubes."
"What the hell?!?" René said.
"The password. I think he ran out of candy," Severus said.
"Ooooookay then," René said, amused. The two witches and the wizard walked up the stairs.
"Professor Dumbledore?" Minerva called at the door.
"Come in, Minerva," a voice said. Minerva, René and Severus walked in.
"Ah, Severus. How are you?" Albus Dumbledore asked.
"Fine. Sort of," Severus said.
"No thanks to me, eh?" René grinned.
"Yes," Severus said.
"And you are?" Albus asked.
"René Remfair. I am applying for the Defence Against the Dark Arts job," René said, holding out her hand. Albus shook it, eyes twinkling.
"And where did you meet your companions?" Albus asked.
"Professor Snape took me to Hogwarts and lent me his paper, which led to me finding the ad for the job. The-person-who's-name-I-don't-know-and-I-am- assuming-it's-Minerva ran into us she Professor Snape was laying on top of me. I think she thinks that Professor Snape was screwing me, or something," René said, then noticing Minerva's pale face, Severus' glare and Albus' silent laughter she added, "What?"
"Nice choice of words," Severus growled.
"Why thank-you. I don't see anything wrong with them or anything," René said.
"I was screwing you. Yes, great language," Severus hissed.
"Mih. You've all, except Professor Dumbledore, have heard me swear already. screwing isn't a swear, anyways," René said.
"I take it you weren't screwing Miss Remfair, then," Albus said to Severus.
"Call me René," René said.
"Correct. She was banging on the helmet of the most violent suit of armour we have. I tackled her so she wouldn't get killed. She then stunned it. With the side-effects from 'No-Nausea' potion if effect," Severus said.
"Quite remarkable René," Albus said, "You've got the job."
René, Severus and Minerva stared at him.
"Um, thanks?" René said.
"You're crazy!" Minerva burst out.
"She's our only option. We never get more than one applicant for the Defence Against the Dark Arts job a year, if we're lucky," Albus said, 'besides Severus needs a friend. If he brought her here and saved her life, he's got to like her!'
"Would it be too much to ask for an advance payment? I'm broke. This is all I got," René held up one Knut.
"Of course René," Albus handed her a bag of money. Severus grabbed it.
"You owe me two Galleons," Severus explained and grabbed the money.
"Bastard," René growled.
"Bitch," Severus said blandly.
"Jackass."
"Slut."
"Asshole."
"Whore."
"Son of a Bitch."
"Prostitute."
"Motherfucka."
"SHUT UP!" Minerva yelled.
"Someone doesn't like swears and insults," René stage-whispered to Severus. Severus and Albus smiled.
"Try on the Sorting Hat. I want to see what house you would be in," Severus said, 'I bet she will be in Ravenclaw. Please don't be Gryffindor! Slytherin, Slytherin! Why do I care? Oh well, SLYTHERIN!'
"Good idea Severus," Dumbledore said, "Accio Sorting Hat! Try this on."
"Okay then," René said and put on the hat.
"Hmm. A risky person-"
"AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! VOICES!!!!" René yelled, "Oh, wait this reminds me of a song. 'I'm paranoid! Looking over my back! It's like a whirlwind inside of my head! It's like the face inside.' Oops. Doesn't relate. Okay, I feel like Joan of Arc then!!!!"
"Just let yourself be sorted!" Severus said.
"Whateva," René shrugged.
"As I was saying; A risky personality. A willingness to help. Courage. Clever, very clever. A very Slytherin-ish outlook on life. Unafraid to use the Dark Arts. Hmm. A mixture between Slytherin and Gryffindor. Quite like Rowena Ravenclaw. Nobody knew who she really liked, Salazar Slytherin or Godric Gryffindor. Always stood in the middle. A peace- keeper-"
"Yah! That works! I'm Canadian!" René interrupted.
"Yes, yes, we all know that you are Canadian, that your geese are Canadian Geese, that you named them after beer companies from Canada, and that your wand is made out of maple and that Canadian's are peace-keepers," Severus yelled.
"Sorry," René said sarcastically.
"I must say, although you have many Slytherin qualities," Severus smirked, "you belong in RAVENCLAW!!"
"YES!" Severus yelled.
"Um, Severus. Why are you happy that she is in Ravenclwa. Your house is Slytherin," Minerva said.
"I guessed that she would be in Ravenclaw," Severus shrugged, "good guess, huh?"
"What do you mean by Professor Snape being in Slytherin?" René asked.
"Severus is the Head of the House of Slytherin," Albus explained. At René's confused look he added, "He is the Potion's Master at Hogwarts. He works here."
"Why the hell didn't you tell me that?" René yelled at Severus.
"You never asked," Severus shrugged.
"No, I did ask. I asked how you know Professor Dumbledore. You said that you are his friend. Liar, liar, pants on fire." René stood there looking dumb for a few seconds, "I forgot the rest."
"It's a half-truth, not a lie," Severus smiled smugly.
"That would be a Slytherin quality," Minerva said.
"Stupid Slytherin," René grumbled. Severus grinned.
"Severus, why don't you take René to Diagon Alley and help her get her stuff," Albus said. There was only one answer.
"Yes, Albus," Severus sighed.
"As long as we don't take the Knight Bus!" René said.
"You'll take Floo Powder," Albus said. Both René and Severus looked relieved, "Only if you tell me why you don't want to take the Knight Bus."
"I get sick on it. We got here by the Knight Bus and I threw up on Professor Snape. Twice!" René grinned. Albus started to laugh.
"That's not funny!" Severus said, blushing slightly. Kokanee flew up and used Severus' head as a perch again.
"Good Kokanee. Nice Kokanee. Stay Kokanee," René grinned.
"René, get your duck off my head," Severus growled. Kokanee bent her long neck down and jabbed the middle of Severus' forehead.
"She's not a duck. She's a Canadian Goose," René said, her eyes narrow.
"Owwwwwwwww!!!! BLOODY BIRD!!" Severus yelled.
"An odd name for a goose," Minerva said.
"She's named after a Canadian beer company. I've got another one named Molson, also a Canadian beer company," René smiled.
"Okay, that's it! Let's go to Diagon Alley. NOW!" Severus yelled.
"Okay!" René took some Floo Powder from Dumbledore and threw it into the fire.
"DIAGON ALLEY!"
"I take it I have to bring the goose," Severus grumbled and also took some Floo Powder.
"DIAGON ALLEY!" Severus shouted with Kokanee still on his head.
*~*~*~*~*
"Are you done, yet?" Severus said, carrying all of her bags. The way they looked, people are probably thinking that René is the bossy, shopping crazy girlfriend and Sverus is the unable-to-ay-no-boyfriend.
"Almost," was René's absentminded reply.
"You said that one hour ago!" Severus yelled. René ignored him.
*~*~*~*~*
"Hey, isn't that Professor Snape?" Fred and George Weasley said simultaneously.
"Yah, I guess so, we both thought the same thing," Fred said.
"We've gotta get a picture of this!" George waves an arm in Severus' direction.
"All covered," Fred picked up a conveniently placed camera. The Weasley twins silently followed their ex-professor. They got some pictures and decided to sell them to Rita Skeeter.
*~*~*~*~*
Mage Kitty: For your info, Rita Skeeter escaped.
Wicca_Gurl: I swear, you really like excuses.
Mage Kitty: Sooorrryyy. I suck at names.
Wicca_Gurl: Oh, just play the irrelevant prologue.
Mage Kitty: Flashback.
Wicca_Gurl: Irrelevant prologue.
Fred and Mage Kitty: Flashback.
George and Wicca_Gurl: Irrelevant prologue.
Fred and Mage Kitty: Flashback.
George and Wicca_Gurl: Irrelevant prologue.
René and Severus: SHUT UP AND GET ON WITH IT!!!
George, Fred, Wicca_Gurl and Mage Kitty: FINE!!!
*~*~*~*~*
Mrs. Granger was looking at a green bug in a glass jar.
"What an ugly bug!" Mrs. Granger exclaimed, then undid the lid and threw the bug out the window. Hermione walks in.
"Mom, have you seen a green bug in a jar?" Hermione asked.
"Why? Is it important?" Mrs. Granger asked.
"Yes! VERY!!" Hermione yelled.
"Oh, sorry dear. I threw it out the window," Mrs. Granger didn't look sorry.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"
*~*~*~*~*
"HOGWARTS! SEVERUS SNAPE'S OFFICE!" Severus yelled, carrying all the bags. He disappeared.
"HOGWARTS! SEVERUS SNAPE'S OFFICE!" René yelled, following him. She appeared in an office decorated with the colours green and silver. Severus was laying on a couch with his eye's closed. He looked asleep.
"Hullo Professor Snappy, Snappy, Snappy! Snake, Snake, Snake! Snap, Snap, Snap, Snap! Moo, Moo, Moo," René chirped annoyingly. She had been doing this for the entire time at Diagon Alley.
"That's it! You can call me Severus. HAPPY???" Severus yelled. I guess he wasn't asleep.
"Okay Days!" René chirped then levitated all of her bags, "Where's my room?"
Severus moaned and got up. He walked out the door and led her through the castle.
"Here is your room," Severus sighed.
"What's the password?" René asked, looking at the portrait of a purple Dragon.
"Chocolate Milk," Severus said and the portrait slide aside.
"Can I change the password?" René asked.
"Yes. Just give the Dragon the old password and request to change it," Severus turned and walked away.
"Chocolate Milk. Can I change the password?" Rene asked the Dragon.
"What would you like the new password to be?" the Dragon asked.
"Linkin Park rocks," René said.
"Password changed," the Dragon said, then slide aside. René walking into the room. She dropped all of the bags and flopped down on the bed. She closed her eyes and fell asleep. Kokanee slept on her stomach again.
*~*~*~*~*
A/N: Well, that's it.
Crimson_Dragoness gets credit for the bookcase thing. The rest of it was made by me and my three muses.
I don't know when Chapter Three is coming up because I have a band trip coming up in about 3 days and a LOT of homework. Well, I'll be back!!
*Disappears in a swirl of blue fire."
Mage Kitty ^^
