".I won't be made useless I won't be idle with despair I will gather myself around my faith For light does the darkness most fear

My hands are small, I know

But they're not yours, they are my own

But they're not yours, they are my own And I am never broken."

"Hands" by Jewel

*****

Estel tossed and turned in his sleep, moaning quietly under his breath. Words kept rushing past his ears, delicately stroking him but simultaneously stinging. The Elf children in Rivendell pointing at him and calling him 'Ai edan', the Lord of the Eagles calling him 'man-child' and many more. He ignored them, though they always stung him and opened up room for doubt. He had to keep on reminding himself that they were simply jealous that his father was Lord Elrond and that they had no idea what they were talking about.

But deep down inside he knew.

He supposed he always knew he was different, from the time he first thought and talked, that he wasn't like the other children, try as he may to be them. They were swifter, had sharper ears and sight and always seemed happy and refreshed, which he seldom felt. But he would deny it, saying he resembled his mother more than his father and until now he succeeded even in convincing himself that he truly was an elf.

Until now.

Estel rolled on his stomach once more, sweat slowly trickling down his forehead. The voices became louder by the moment and soon the different names that were spoken entwined into one sentence:

Who is your father man-child?

Estel tried to answer back, to scream Elrond's name, but his voice disappeared. Tears started to fall down his cheeks as he tried to call to his father, to ask for his assurance. But no one else was there, simply him and the voices, refusing to leave him in peace until he answered them. Estel covered his ears, but he had no hands and was all ears. He finally opened his mouth and the answer was yanked from the bottom of his soul:

"I DON'T KNOW!!!"

Estel took a deep breath and shut his eyes. "I don't know," he said miserably and slumped to the cold ground. The voices seemed to embrace him in their pity before they swirled into an image. It was a weary man, though he looked young in years. He had the same grey eyes as Estel and the same dark mane blowing behind his head. He smiled gently at Estel before turning his back on him.

"Wait!" Estel cried, rising from the floor. He tried to grab the man's long coat, but instead he grasped air. The man's image shuddered slightly before it became clear again. He turned around again to Estel with a questioning look.

"Who are you?" Estel asked, though he already knew the answer. The man took a retreating step backwards. Estel felt his last bit of hope slipping away with the stranger.

"Who am I?" He cried desperately. "Please- tell me who I am!"

The man seemed to debate with himself whether he should break his silence, when at last he said:

"When you are ready, you will know who I am and who you are." The voice tickled his ears like a light wind and Estel tried to force every detail of the man into memory.

"Don't go!" Estel pleaded. "I need answers, please- I need you." He looked at the man searchingly, aching to have a few more moments with the stranger that should have been closer. He watched as the stranger turned his back on him and shrieked in pain as an Orc-arrow pierced his eye. Estel cried out in terror and anguish before darkness swirled around him and engulfed him.

*

"No!" Estel cried as he woke up shivering. His eyes quickly searched his surroundings, but the stranger was no where to be found. Already as he grew more and more awake and alert, the image from the dream began to fade. Estel looked around and saw that Gandalf was still sleeping, but was not by his side any more. It seemed that in his sleep Estel rolled further down to where Gloin and Oin slept. Gloin yawned and looked at Estel with tired eyes.

"What is all the yelling about, Master Elf?" He asked tiredly, rubbing his eyes. Estel swallowed angrily at the name 'Master Elf', but quickly replied: "Nothing."

"Well this nothing of yours managed to wake me up," Gloin complained tiredly. He sat up and scrutinized the youth carefully. "And it seems to have upset you quite a bit." Estel turned his face away from the questioning eyes. He let the wind whip his hair about his face. Hair that he did not get from Lord Elrond.

"What can you tell me of men?" He asked suddenly, eyes still averted. He watched movements in the dark and estimated that it was around midnight.

"Men?" Gloin asked, taken aback by the question. He scratched his beard. "Well, I myself keep to underground caves and try to avoid meeting them. They're towering, quick to anger and fierce. And they love greed; I'll tell you that. They have no respect for beauty and think only of themselves."

"But if you've never met any, how do you know?" Estel asked, slightly offended and finally fixed his frowning face upon the Dwarf.

"How do we know of anything we haven't experienced?" Gloin retorted. "From stories and legends. It is well known among my race that Big People cannot be trusted. They'd stab you in the back the first profiting chance they'd get."

"I'm sure not all men are like that," Estel said, growing indignant.

"The same can be said for a general comment about a species. Some might, for example, say that Dwarves are crude and cannot love anything but their mines. That is in itself not true at all, but it is enough for some to behave a certain way for us to judge their entire race by it."

"But then how will I know what men are like?" Estel asked desperately.

"By walking among them, how else?" Gloin stated. "My you have some weird questions tonight! Is something bothering you?"

Estel shrugged his shoulders and looked out at the dark sky, willing the sun to come out. He was trying to remember all he knew about men from his mother's stories. But those times were rare and when she did tell him something he didn't have the patience to listen. Now, sitting on this cold rock in the middle of the night he wished he had. He frowned as an illusive memory toyed with him for a while, not quite revealing itself. He strained his memory more and eventually he remembered his father- no his foster father- Elrond at a banquet. He was starting to recall a great adventure of his at the last alliance of Elves and Men- but stopped when he realized Estel was in the room. He looked at Elrond with beckoning eyes, hungry for his stories, but was rewarded with a hasty: "It is past your bedtime I believe, Estel."

Why did that memory resurface now, he did not know. But he wanted to know more about men and about who his father was, though something told him to be wary of the day he would discover his father's identity. Estel's young mind tried to form the image of him from his dream, but already he was nothing more than a shadow of an image. So instead, Estel decided to revert his efforts to learning as much as he could about HIS people, to prepare him for the inevitable time when he would have to become one and live as one.

"Why did you go on this quest?" Estel asked quietly, perhaps asking Gloin, but perhaps asking someone else entirely.

"I beg your pardon?" Gloin asked, wondering where these questions were coming from. In the morning he would have to tell Gandalf about the child's strange behavior.

Estel suddenly turned to face Gloin with a dark accusing look in his eyes. "You have a son, how could you go on an adventure, knowing you could very well make him an orphan?" Unshed tears threatened to break through, but he held them strongly back.

"There are things in life worth risking our lives for," Gloin said slowly.

"Is it worth hurting him? What if your son were younger, a baby- would you want him to grow up never knowing who his father is?" Estel's voice started to rise and Gloin had to shush him gently.

"Of course I wouldn't want that, I don't think anyone does," Gloin said confused. "And for the sake of my family I will make my best effort to return home to them, but these things are out of our hands. I believe this quest is worth the risk I'm taking. We aren't going to fight a dragon for the 'fun of it' as you have joined for. No, we are doing this to reclaim our heritage, our legacy. How may I return home to my son and look him in the eye and tell him that I did not try and take back what's mine- that I cowered in the face of danger? This gold is ours by right and greed isn't our motivator, it's preserving our past for the future."

"I still think that's rubbish," Estel said stubbornly. "A father should not be taken away from his son."

"Are we still talking about my family, Master Estel?" Gloin asked keenly, a wry smile touching his lips. Estel opened his mouth to say something, but couldn't find anything to say, so he quickly shut it.

"You should get some sleep, it has been an eventful day and I dare say it will be so tomorrow as well," Gloin stated, lying back down. "Do not worry yourself about heritage and duty, you will have plenty to worry about when you are older. Youth should not be wasted with such serious matters, it should be spent playing, enjoying life and chasing young girls," Gloin winked at him.

"Ewww," Estel said disgusted. "Why would anyone want to chase girls? The girls I know are so boring, very few of them ever go hunting in the woods and they talk and giggle all the time," he mimicked them by posing his hand in a feminine manner and chuckling shyly.

Gloin couldn't help but laugh out loud, though he tried not to wake the others up. "Oh, you just wait, young child. As you grow older you'll cherish those gestures and worship the ground they walk on. People have done the strangest stuff in the name of love."

"Well I wouldn't mind if I never fell in love," Estel crossed his arms. 'And besides,' he thought to himself. 'Why would any Elf like a dirty little human boy like me? What about men's girls? I don't even know what they're like! If they're anything like Elf girls I'll pass!'

"Goodnight!" He said quickly and retreated to his sleeping area, next to Gandalf. In his haste to get back he bumped into the wizard, accidentally waking him up.

"Humph! Estel, do be careful where you put your clumsy feet, It is not dawn and I would have preferred not to have been awoken before dawn."

"Sorry Uncle Gandalf," Estel said quietly, easing into his cover gently. Gandalf examined him with his keen eyes.

"What were you talking to Gloin about just now?" He asked, turning completely to face the youth.

"I thought you said I woke you up, how then did you hear our conversation?" Estel asked, smiling at his own smartness.

"Do not be cheeky with your elders, Estel," Gandalf said with good humor. "I still have my staff at ready, or have you forgotten what a blow to the head feels like?" Estel quickly ducked away from the wizard's outstretched arm and laughed, rubbing his head.

"Oh, I don't think I will ever forget what it feels like to upset a wizard."

"You will see upset if you continue to keep me up!" Gandalf said, turning over. "Good night, Estel. We have a long day ahead of us and the more sleep these tired bones get the better!"

Estel was quiet for a while, watching the changes in the sky when he whispered: "Gandalf?"

"Hmmm?" Was the slurred response.

"I'm not going to see the dragon, am I?" He asked sadly. Gandalf sighed.

"No, you will not."

"You're taking me to father soon, aren't you?"

"Yes, so get you some sleep before he accuses me of neglecting you!" Gandalf said. Estel turned to look at the wizard's back rising up and down with even breaths. For no apparent reason, though children rarely need one, Estel grabbed the wizard's shoulders in a tight embrace, and for the longest moment refused to let go- afraid he would disappear like his dream image.

"Estel?" Gandalf asked concerned, noticing the strong emotions coursing through the youth.

"Promise you won't leave," Estel said through tightly shut eyes. "Promise father will not leave, promise me my mother will not leave me." The distress evident in his voice. Gandalf pried him off and looked into his comprehending eyes.

"None alive can make such a promise, Estel- you know that," Gandalf said, searching his eyes for the reason for this behavior. "I should like to speak with you, when we turn down a separate path from this group." Estel nodded meekly. "A great deal has happened to you over the past few days and dare I say a great deal shall happen over the next few days." A look of sadness crept into his ancient eyes. "I would have preferred if you would have been spared these trials, but alas, it seems you have matured too quickly for my liking."

Estel didn't know how to respond, so instead he bowed his head in silent defeat. Gandalf raised his chin, forcing him to look into his eyes.

"Indeed," continued the wizard. "It is hard for me to see the young boy I knew, but he is still there. No matter what happens, or what you may learn, remember that boy, Estel, the boy that is here-" he touched the tip of Estel's nose, causing Estel to smile. "And here," he touched right between his eyebrows. "But most importantly, here." He placed his warm hand over the boy's heart.

"Thank you Gandalf," Estel smiled, somewhat relieved. He bit his bottom lip, as though about to ask something, but Gandalf raised a hand: "Stop! Do not ask me that question, not here and not now. When we are well slept and alone together on the road will be a better time to confront that, though I would have preferred if it were Lord Elrond here with you and not I."

Estel nodded his head and sprawled down to sleep. He heard the wizard's even breaths and the numerous Dwarves' snoring. He smiled to himself, remembering to comment about that to them tomorrow, especially to Thorin. He heard the Hobbit's twisting and turning at night, muttering something about teakettles and the soft swooshing of wings.

Several hours later the sky began to brighten in color. At first it was in lighter hues of blue, then it slowly changed to a dark purple, teasing the eye. Estel got up from his seat and gasped as he watched the sky changing again to a lighter purple and then the horizon basked in different shades of red and orange, as if the sky was bleeding from a wound. He saw several sunrises in Rivendell, but none were as magnificent as on this rock, high up into the sky where he could see miles on end. He crawled to the edge of the rock to get a clearer view and smiled as he saw how the edge of the sun was gently stroking all the helpless beings of the earth with her warm caress. He felt the air swirling in excitement and anticipation, waiting for the warm embrace of day. He watched as her majesty sun took her time coming up, toying playfully with him. The sky brightened, and the animals and beings began to live again. His camp slowly began to rise, but he felt like gloating that they slept through the most amazing experience ever. He felt the warm fingers of the sun reaching out to him and stroking his face fondly, like an old friend. He smiled back and her before being shaken by Gandalf, telling him dawn has come and they must go at once. Estel regretfully tore his gaze away from the sun and went to start another day with a cheerful heart.



-END PART 7-

Sorry it took me so long! I really love this story and all my other stories, but like always; writer's block plays a crucial part. Plus this is the hardest story, though this chapter was shorter and easier to write because it had no Hobbit in it, but generally these chapters take some time. Plus my Grandparents came and took over my brother's room with the computer and he moved in with me (not only does he snore, but I have no floor space now!) so it's been difficult to write, what with finding time between school work and such! Plus the jerk upgraded the computer, so I couldn't get online and now I don't have MSN, ICQ, Odigo and such! And I'm royally pissed!

I don't remember who said it, but someone stated that they couldn't wait until I write when they get to Mirkwood and meet Legolas. Well, there's a problem there since Gandalf doesn't GET to Mirkwood, but in one of my flashbacks I decided to add Legolas, so you have something to look forward to! Oh and I promise, I'm cutting back on dreams and flashbacks! LOL, sorry, I don't really write with my brain but with my fingers, so blame them! LOL.

Hopefully this chapter is just as good as all the rest, and in order to know that I need feedback, because I'm not sure about this chapter, please let me know what you think, it means a lot to me! Even constructive criticism is appreciated!

For those that are wondering about the song, after this chapter I felt like Estel needs a little picker-upper so I chose this song to cheer him up! Don't despair! Gather around your faith! Your hands might be small, but they're yours and you can do great things with them! Remember always that no matter how dark it is, the sun always comes up for a whole new day!

Ivy