"I could stay awake just to hear you breathing

Watch you smile while you are sleeping

While you're far away and dreaming I could spend my life in this sweet surrender I could stay lost in this moment forever Well, every moment spent with you Is a moment I treasure I don't wanna close my eyes I don't wanna fall asleep 'Cause I'd miss you, baby And I don't wanna miss a thing 'Cause even when I dream of you The sweetest dream would never do I'd still miss you, baby And I don't wanna miss a thing."

-Aerosmith - I Don't Want To Miss A Thing

*

CHAPTER 8

The only thing to eat that morning was cold mutton and rabbit, but Estel did not complain. He was determined to at the very least appear cheerful, though questions kept bubbling inside his head, not allowing rest. The only thing that seemed to sustain those thoughts from bursting from his head was the knowledge that soon Gandalf would answer some of them, when they were apart from the group. For the first time since the beginning of the adventure Estel actually looked forward to parting with the Dwarves. Estel noticed the Hobbit was waking up and smiled amiably at him. Bilbo seemed disoriented and agitated as he sat down to eat his breakfast. Estel silently wondered if the fact that Bilbo is eating rabbit means that he eats his own kind? Perhaps that is why he seems so agitated?

Estel did not have time to ponder the matter further, for the Dwarves were boarding the eagles and Gandalf was waiting impatiently for him. Estel sat in front of Gandalf on the back of the lord of the eagles and clutched several feathers to stay balanced. The moment they took off he forgot about his questions, his worries and everything else. All that passed through his mind was the freeing feeling of flying in the skies. He felt as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders and that he himself was weightless. He felt Gandalf's strong arms around him, but it was at the back of his mind, along with anything other than the wind in his face. A slow smile spread across his face as he let go of the eagle's feathers and spread his arms as if they were wings. He thought he felt Gandalf tighten his grip around him and perhaps even admonish him, but he did not care. He found the most relaxing and fun experience ever and he wished he had born with wings. Perhaps in his next lifetime.

Too soon for Estel the ride was over and the eagles were dropping them one by one on the top of a great rock. Estel gingerly stood, almost forgetting what it felt like to have legs. He grinned up at Gandalf's stern face and was rewarded by a tug on the wizard's lips. Estel knew he was trying hard not to smile and to keep the stern look. He looked longingly at the lord of the eagles, wondering if his father would allow him to keep a pet eagle. His father... The words suddenly crashing through his dreamy state. How easily did he forget that the Elf was not his father. Suddenly all the questions began to resurface in his mind and a frown crossed his young features. He needed answers.

"Farewell!" The eagles cried, "Wherever you fare, till your eyries receive you at the journey's end!" Estel looked around to see if the others were as confused with the parting words as he was.

"May the wind under your wings bear you where the sun sails and the moon walks," Gandalf answered and Estel decided that it must be a bird thing. But how did Gandalf know all of these sayings and languages? His face suddenly lit up. ' I'll bet Uncle Gandalf goes on many adventures,' he thought. 'Maybe the next time he comes to visit I shall beg for him to let me join one, I have proven my worth, haven't I?' The thought of what started this adventure caused the boy to cringe, thinking of the pain his mother must be going through. He doubted very much that Elrond was in any pain- he barely showed any emotions save discontent and besides, Elrond had two more sons to worry about. He was the only family his mother had.

There was a flat space on the top of the hill of stone and a well worn path with many steps leading down it to the river, across which a ford of huge flat stones led to the grass-land beyond the stream. There was a little cave at the foot of the steps and near the end of the stony ford. Here the party gathered and discussed what was to be done.

"I always meant to see you all safe (if possible) over the mountains," said the wizard, "and now by good management and good luck I have done it. Indeed we are now a good deal further east than I ever meant to come with you, for after all this is not my adventure. I may look in on it again before it is all over, but in the meanwhile I have some other pressing business to attend to." He glanced at Estel as he said the last part. The dwarves groaned and looked most distressed, and Bilbo wept.

Estel glanced up at Gandalf curiously. The Wizard's presence obviously comforted the party on their journey, perhaps they even thought he would travel with them all the way and always help them out of difficulties. He silently wondered what it was about Gandalf that caused them to trust him with their well-being. Was it his magic? Estel frowned as another thought came to mind. Was it his height? His height made everyone look up to him physically...

"I am not going to disappear this very instant," Gandalf said, waking Estel out of his reverie. "I can give you a day or two more." Estel's mind disregarded the rest of Gandalf's long speech as he learned to do a while back. They were often more confusing than helpful and pointless as far as he was concerned. A day or two more... In a day or two Estel and Gandalf will be alone and they would have their talk. "When we are well slept and alone together on the road will be a better time to confront that, though I would have preferred if it were Lord Elrond here with you and not I". Gandalf preferred Estel had this talk with his father, he said so early in the morning. Did Estel prefer to have this talk with his father or with Gandalf?

If he asked a difficult question, Gandalf could very well say that it is a question best answered by Lord Elrond. On the other hand, his father could simply state that Estel is not old enough to understand the answer and so he cannot answer him yet. If Gandalf does answer his question he had no doubt the answer would be so confusing and riddled that he would not understand it. However, when his father chooses to answer his questions he does so succinctly and clearly so Estel could understand. Estel shook his head and decided to grab whatever answer came his way- he had so many questions!

He sighed inwardly as he thought of what awaited him when he returned home. If staying out past curfew meant being grounded, he wondered if running away from home meant his father would finally result to physical violence. Estel squared his shoulders and made up his mind that whatever punishment his father deemed appropriate he would take it like a man or elf, he didn't really know, but he assumed they took it with dignity. If all else fails, he would be reverted to a little sobbing child and count on his mother's compassion. She always forgot she was angry with him when she saw those big grey eyes filled with tears. She was so easy to play to his advantage.

"In fact it would be very dangerous." Gandalf continued, causing Estel to wonder what was very dangerous. "We must go and find him; and if all goes well at our meeting, I think I shall be off and wish you like the eagles 'farewell wherever you fare!' " Estel cursed himself for not listening, he had no idea who they were going to meet! He vowed to himself to remain attentive throughout conversations just as he spaced out of another one, albeit not an important one.

*

Gilraen woke up early in the morning. She scanned her environment and realized she fell asleep in her son's room once again. She got up to stretch her aching limbs and immediately slumped back on the bed. She did not eat more than a toast of bread with a touch of jam for almost three days. Enjoying everyday activities such as eating seemed wrong when she did not know how her son was faring. She recalled the last time she spoke with Lord Elrond in his study. How long has it been since then? She shook her head, the days mixed with the nights until she could not keep count anymore. She got up grudgingly from the bed that smelt like him and went to wash her face in order to appear somewhat presentable. She was a guest at Rivendell and she did not mean to disgrace it by appearing anything less than a Lady.

She looked at the reflection in the mirror. Her eyes were red with crying, her face ghostly pale and her skin was clinging too tightly to her body. She tried not to smirk as it occurred to her that after eight seasons she still thought of herself as a houseguest, not a house member. Est- no! She reminded herself sternly. Aragorn was a member of the house, being the foster son of Lord Elrond. She cursed herself for the slip of tongue. It was hard to remember that before Lord Elrond bestowed upon him the name 'Estel', he lived for his first two years as 'Aragorn'. She stared at her reflections accusingly. Did she already forget her husband and her life before Rivendell?

It could have been her lack of nourishments or her mind playing tricks on her, because the face that stared back accusingly from the mirror was no longer her own, but that of Arathorn. She quickly walked away and returned to her son's small bed. Does Arathorn accuse me of forgetting? She felt remorse at once for every time she called him 'Estel' instead of his real name. Was she allowing herself to forget the love of her life? Was she allowing her son? True, he probably did not remember his father, seeing as how he was merely two when he was killed. She remembered trying to comfort Lord Elrond that Aragorn will always be his son, and regretted it. It felt like she was betraying her husband. Every day she stood by and watched Aragorn grow to be more and more like Elrond. The boy admired him and her foresight told her the greatest betrayal her son would feel would come from Elrond. She did try and counter raise him on stories of men, but the boy did not want to listen to them. He was determined to be the best elf he could, to make Elrond proud of him.

She grabbed her stomach, as she felt nauseous. She remembered the day Aragorn went hunting with Elladan and Elrohir. She felt such dread and panic when she knew where he was, what he was doing. She knew it was irrational, but the only thought that passed through her mind was: Not Again... She feared losing Aragorn- her life, just like she lost the love of her life. She knew she could not stop Aragorn from going hunting, or on adventures, just like she could not stop her husband. She only wished she could delay the inevitable. She knew there would come a time when Aragorn would know his true name and would be thrust down the path to his destiny. He would leave Rivendell, leave her and go traveling, learning and growing as a man. Where would she be? Would Elrond throw her out the moment his foster son left the nest? Or would she stay here, stagnating, living on his short and infrequent visits?

She heard a knock on the door, but refused to move. A timid elf- maiden entered with a tray of food and said something about Lord Elrond requesting that she eats. She nodded her head and waited until she left. She slowly sat up, feeling week and dizzy. It would do no good if she were sick; the last thing she wanted was Aragorn to return to find her in this state. She shakily nibbled on her food, forcing her senses to acknowledge it. She felt a rush of sugar from the food and tried to clear her head of her previous thoughts. It was not Lord Elrond's fault, nor his sons' that her husband was dead. It was hard for her not to blame Arathorn himself for abandoning her, so she opted to not dwell on that particular thought. Elrond has his reasons for not disclosing to Aragorn who he really is, who his real father is. It is for Aragorn's own protection from the evil that wishes to harm any heirs of Isildur left- she knew that much from listening in on Lord Elrond's conversations.

Gilraen finished her breakfast, feeling full and slightly better and lay back on his bed. She remembered a custom of hers that began the moment her husband died: Sneaking into her son's room, sitting on a chair besides his bed and listening to his even breaths, watching him sleeping. It was a comfort to her to know that he was truly there, that some force did not sweep him away while she was not alert. A few nights before he left, as if prophetically she sneaked into his room and watched him sleep peacefully. He was so young, so innocent- how could the world demand so much from such a small creature? Elrond would speak of the great things he would yet do, but all she saw was a child craving for love and adventure. She felt her eyes slowly grow heavier and knew sleep was soon to come. Every time she would feel restless she would go to his room and watch him, knowing she could rest assured he was all right. As she fell asleep she knew her dreams wouldn't be happy and serene, but plagued with dread and fear and imaged of terrible things happening to her little boy.

*

At some point the dwarves stopped pleading and took off their clothes in order to bathe in the river, which was shallow and clear and stony at the ford. After some hesitation Bilbo joined in, leaving Estel and Gandalf the only ones not in yet. Estel walked to the river's edge fully clothed still and leaned over to examine his reflection. He was surprised to see he looked exactly like he did before he left Rivendell. He expected to see a gruff looking man with greasy hair, slumped shoulders and old eyes. Instead, he saw a young and dirty face with greasy hair, slightly slumped shoulders and aging eyes.

"There is a tale I have heard about a man who fell in love with his reflection in the river so much, that he could not eat nor sleep," Gandalf said amused behind him. Estel's eyes watched Gandalf through his reflection in the river, but did not answer. "Somehow I doubt you are loving what you see."

"I feel so different," Estel finally answered, thought his eyes were still on the water. "I am trying to find that change in my reflection." He turned for a moment to peer meaningfully into the Wizard's eyes before returning to his water image. "I find it only in my eyes."

"The eyes are the windows to our souls," Gandalf mused, standing at his side now, peering into the water as well. "Some more than others." Estel was trying to answer that when he noticed a twinkle in the water Wizard's eyes. Before he could understand what was happening he felt the ground slipping from beneath his feel as he fell headfirst into the shallow river. He stood up, the water reaching his waist and stared in shock at the Wizard.

"You pushed me into the river!" He said dumbfounded.

"Yes, I did," Gandalf said, his long beard hiding the evil smile Estel knew was there.

"Why?" Estel asked confused, running a hand through his wet hair.

"For starters, you needed a bath," Gandalf said humorously. "But more importantly, you need to enjoy yourself, to feel young and juvenile." He leaned on his staff with all of his weight.

"Oh really?" Estel asked malevolently as he tugged as hard as he could on the staff, causing Gandalf to fall front-first into the river. Estel swam a bit where he stood, laughing heartedly at Gandalf. The Wizard stood up indignantly, his face, beard and his entire front completely wet. The Wizard stared daggers at the boy, who simply shrugged.

"You told me to be young and juvenile," Estel smiled pleasantly and was rewarded with a blow to the head. "OWWWW!" He moaned. "Why are you allowed to throw me into the river, but I am not allowed to do the same?"

"Because I am an adult," Gandalf huffed and tried to get him again with his staff, but Estel was already swimming rapidly towards the dwarves, who were lazily swimming about. He noticed Thorin and an evil thought came to mind. He dived under the surface and crept up on the Dwarf. Once he was directly behind him, he jumped out of the water and drowned him. All the dwarves stared in shock as Estel moved away and Thorin jumped back up. Gandalf quickly treaded water to where they were and stood protectively behind Estel. Estel gulped, thinking that it was another one of those ideas that seem good at the time, but prove to be stupid. He was in trouble now.

Thorin thumped water out of his ear and stood face to face with Estel, hands on hips. Everyone held their breaths, even Bilbo who by now noticed the tension. Estel winced as he thought of what Thorin might do to him, but was completely caught off guard by what happened next.

Thorin laughed.

Everyone gaped at the respected and serious dwarf, as he rolled over in laughter. Estel stared at him worried; afraid he was ill or perhaps lost his wits. Thorin manage to hold himself together and smiled a small smile at Estel. Estel didn't know how to reply, but was suddenly splashed by Thorin. The dwarves decided to take their cue and soon all were caught up in a short splashing game. Estel was completely drenched by the time they all got out of the river, as was Gandalf who participated against his will. Estel and Gandalf both took off their clothes to allow them to dry in the sun. Thorin walked over to Estel after putting his clothes back on.

"Sometimes serious quests such as this one tend to be heavy spirited," Thorin explained while shaking his head dry. "It is good and refreshing to laugh every now and again." He gently squeezed the boy's shoulder in gratitude and went to dry off in the sun. Estel was still sore and a bit hungry, as were they all, but he felt suddenly refreshed and happy. After they all dried in the sun, they began to march through the long green grass and down the lines of the wide-armed oaks and the tall elms. Estel walked in the front next to Gandalf and Bilbo, beginning to feel the discomfort of walking around in the now dry and scratchy material.

"And why is it called the Carrock?" Bilbo asked Gandalf as if continuing a conversation rather than starting one. Estel did not want to ask what is a Carrock; afraid of admitting he did not listen to Gandalf's explanation. It sounded suspiciously like carrot, perhaps it was food?

"He called it the Carrock, because carrock is his word for it. He calls things like that carrocks, and this one is the Carrock because it is the only one near his home and he knows it well."

"Who calls it? Who knows it?" Bilbo asked the question before it could leave Estel's lips. Estel's ears perked up to hear the answer.

"The somebody I spoke of- a very great person. You must all be very polite when I introduce you. I shall introduce you slowly, two by two, I think; and you must be careful not to annoy him, or heaven knows what will happen. He can be appalling when he is angry, though he is kind enough if humoured. Still I warn you he gets angry easily." As they heard this the dwarves all gathered around and asked if he is the person that Gandalf is taking them to now, if he could not find someone more easy-tempered and shouldn't Gandalf explain it all a bit clearer?

"Yes it certainly is! No I could not! And I was explaining very carefully," Gandalf answered crossly. "If you must know more, his name is Beorn. He is very strong, and he is a skin-changer." As Gandalf went on explaining it further, Estel tried to imagine this Beorn person who can become a huge black bear. He thought if he were born a skin-changer he would want to turn into a huge eagle. That way he was also dangerous in combat and could run to the sky if necessary. And when he did not hunt for orcs, he could fly for pleasure. He wondered if skin-changer could choose what they want to change into.

They continued walking up slope and down dale, sometimes resting under the trees. The sun was lashing at Estel like a whip and he did not notice anything save for the dryness in his mouth, and Gandalf's walking figure in front of him. He was walking without thinking, like in his sleep- though how long he did not know. Eventually Gandalf stopped at a belt of tall and very ancient oaks, and beyond these to a high thorn-hedge through which you could neither see nor scramble. Estel noticed the position of the sun and realized it was already afternoon.

"You had better wait here," said the Wizard to them; " and when I call or whistle begin to come after me- you will see the way I go- but only in pairs, mind, about five minutes between each pair of you. Come on Mr. Baggins! There is a gate somewhere round this way." And with that he went off along the hedge taking the frightened hobbit with him. Estel felt slightly peeved that Gandalf preferred to take the Hobbit, rather than him and saw that everyone except for the fat Bombur had a pair. Great, Estel thought, as he stood last, next to a non-pleased fat dwarf. He got impatient so he went to the front of the line, where Dori and Thorin stood waiting.

"I wonder if he's bigger than a house," Estel asked, trying to make conversation. Thorin looked at him puzzled. "Beorn, I mean. I wonder if he- "

"I wonder if he eats little children who ask silly questions," Thorin said pointedly, glaring down at Estel. Estel quickly went back to the back of the line to hide his hurt. He truly thought that Thorin liked him after the river incident. If so, why was he harsh with him? By now Gandalf whistled, causing Thorin and Dori to hurry in through the creaking gate and Estel was left alone with his thoughts for a while. Time passed and in went Nori and Ori, Balin and Dwalin and Fili and Kili. Estel stomped his foot impatiently, wondering why Gandalf was pulling the matter more than needed. Gloin glanced at Estel sympathetically.

"He did not mean those words," Gloin said quietly. "Do not fret over Thorin- he is always impatient and quick to snap." A small grin graced the dwarf's face. "Though I have never in my life seen him laugh and for that I bow to you," he gave a short bow. Estel smiled but before he could thank the dwarf Gandalf's shrill whistle sounded again, and in went Oin and Gloin. Estel waited a bit more patiently and when the next whistle sounded Bifur and Bofur rushed in.

"Leave me for last, does he?" Bombur said angrily, as he rushed in after the two. Estel tried to stop him since it has definitely not been five minutes, but he was gone and Estel had no choice but to run after him down a wide track towards the house. He arrived just as Bombur said: "And me!" and glanced apologetically at Gandalf before smiling politely at Beorn and introducing himself.

"Well, now there are sixteen of you; and since goblins can count, I suppose that is all that there were up the trees. Now perhaps we can finish this story without any more interruptions." Estel smiled inwardly as he understood that the interruptions had really made Beorn more interested in the story, and the story had kept him from sending them off at once like suspicious beggars.

By the time the wizard had finished his tale and had told of the eagles' rescue and of how they had all been brought to the Carrock, the sun had fallen behind the peaks of the Misty Mountains and the shadows were long in Beorn's garden. Estel thought back to the adventures they had and shook his head in amusement, it was a good tale. Apparently, Beorn agreed with him.

"A very good tale!" Said he. "The best I have heard for a long while. If all beggars could tell such a good one, they might find me kinder. You may be making it all up, of course, but you deserve a supper for the story all the same. Let's have something to eat!"

"Yes, please!" They all said together. "Thank you very much!"

*

END CHAPTER 8

Wow, I didn't realize how long it's been since I wrote the last chapter, so many things happened! But now I'll make sure I'll stick by this, maybe try for a chapter a month at the very least. I had inspiration for this at 4 am, and Thorin's comeback line was different, but can you blame me for not remembering something from 4 am? I knew I had to bring Gilraen into the story a bit more (and there will be Elrond later on, so I gave her a solo) I mean what do we know of the mother of the greatest man ever? And how did she feel about losing her husband, moving into Rivendell, have a stranger raise her son as his own and as an elf nonetheless!

Anyways I know where this is heading; I have an idea for Estel and Legolas' first meeting- but suggestions are always welcomed. I figure they'll be about 4-5 more chapters, a total of 12 or 13. I hope people are still reading this and not giving up hope because it took me so long to update, it took me three days to write this chapter, my Word programs suck so there may be lines at the sides now.

Q: How many Hobbit/Lord of the Rings buffs out there know how Gandalf got to the White council, and how many days it took him to get there? Even like a general route would be appreciated!

By the way- what's up with fanfiction.net calling me Ivy3? Maybe I should make up a new name altogether because that's lame.

Reviews will make sure it won't take me 8 months to post another chapter.* hint hint* ;)

Ivy(3)