A/N: And more than two
weeks later Mage Kitty updates. So
sorry... mmm... tired.
Romm: *cackles*
Yes they will be ^^
Shahana: Thank you! When is
Severus' hair gonna change back? Read on!
RivanKnight: Bwha!
I'm soooo smart! Though now Tea is down.
Crap FF.Net… And I have never gotten around to reading the last few
chapters she updated… grrr…
Now I have to go to one of the other places to read them… ALL PRAISE
BEANBAG CHAIRS! But I want one… I don't even got one… *sniff*
Derron Comes Ripping: *laughs*
I was gonna email everyone, but I only got around to
you. Unless I emailed other peoples and they didn't reply…
Disclaimer: I own René, Ellen and LFP. That's about it...
*~*~*~*~* Never Put One Temperamental
Ravenclaw, One Proud Gryffindor, One Tell-Tale Ravenclaw and One Sly Slytherin In A Room Together *~*~*~*~*
René walked happily though the castle with Severus trailing along behind her.
"Why can't you carry your own beanbag chair?" Severus asked.
"Cause I'll change your hair back to its normal old boring black colour," René grinned.
"Oh yeah," Severus said.
*~*~*~*~* 5 Minutes Later *~*~*~*~*
"Why can't you carry your own beanbag chair?" Severus asked again.
"We went through this five minutes ago," René replied.
"Oh yeah," Severus said.
*~*~*~*~* 5 Minutes Later *~*~*~*~*
"Why can't you-" Severus started.
"Carry your own beanbag chair? I know, I know... We went through with this five minutes ago," René replied, frustrated.
"Oh yeah," Severus said, while René mouthed the words.
*~*~*~*~* 5 Minutes Later *~*~*~*~*
Severus opened his mouth.
"Why can't you-" René started in a near perfect imitation of Severus' usual drawl.
"Actually, I was going to say that we are going in the wrong direction to get to your room.
"I know that. Can't you tell that I'm lost?" René said.
"Oh, just great," Severus moaned.
"Do you know how to get to my room?" René asked.
"No... I don't even know where we are," Severus sighed.
"Well, we're going up," René said.
"But we want to go down!" Severus said.
"We can't go back," René said.
"And why not?" Severus ground his teeth.
"Turn around and see," René said. Severus turned around. Behind them was a stone wall and no way through it.
"Crap," Severus said.
"See? We can only go up!" René said smugly.
"Whatever," Severus said and stalked bast her. René sped up to follow him. They walked in silence for awhile while Severus tried to remember which tower is the one with absolutely no stairs, which was the one that they were on.
"Oh no! I remember this tower now," Severus groaned.
"So, where are we?" René asked.
"The one place I try to stay away from, the Astronomy Tower," Severus sighed.
"Cool! I haven't met the Astronomy Professor yet!" René said, "And I like stars! And constellations! Ursa Major, Ursa Minor, Cancer, Draco, Big and Little Dippers, Pegasus, Cassiopeia..." René rambled on about constellations, mainly repeated ones that she had already said.
"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! YOU SOUND LIKE SINISTRA! AND THAT IS NOT A GOOD THING!" Severus yelled.
"Oookay then," René shrugged.
"Nice to see that you are as charming as ever, Professor Snape," A woman standing in front of them said. From the look on her face, she did not want Severus to be here. Her hair is long, nearly black straight hair and grey eyes. She wore dark blue robes and a black cloak. They were stitched with sparkly silver thread.
"Sinistra," Severus growled as a greeting.
"Would I be correct to assume that you are the Astronomy Professor?" René asked.
"Yes, Cassiopeia Sinistra. Cassi for short," the woman smiled cheerfully.
"René Remfair, the insane Canadian Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor," René held out her hand and Cassi shook it.
"Insane?" Cassi asked.
"For many reasons. A) Taking the Defence Against the Dark Arts job, B) Befriending Severus Snape, C) Obsesses with curses, especially the Unforgivables and D) I own two Canadian Geese," René smiled cheerfully.
"They would very easily classify you as insane. Especially the one about Snape," Cassi glared at Severus.
"No, I think E is the craziest," Severus glared back.
"E? My memory is bad, but I know that there was no E," Cassi said.
"E) Holding a conversation with the scatter-brained Astronomy Professor without insults," Severus' face was expressionless.
"Sev-er-ussss!" René hissed.
"What? She's a scatter-brained, head-in-the-stars, no-good, dreaming little twit!" Severus hissed.
"And you are a dungeon crawling, over-grown greasy haired bat, snarling, potion's guzzling git!" Cassi's once pleasant face was changed into one of pure hate.
"Oh, heh heh... Um, Severus, go to my room and get rid of the beanbag chair," René said, trying to stop the fight.
"Why should I?" Severus looked like he would start breathing fire anytime now.
"Cause I'll change your hair back to its original colour," René said patiently, "Didn't we just go through with this a few minutes ago?"
"Fine," Severus turned and stalked away.
"I was wonder why his hair is hot pink," Cassi remarked.
"He pissed me off. I don't even remember what he did or said," René shrugged.
"How long have you known him for?" Cassi asked.
"About two weeks or so. I like arguing with him. He's about the only person here that can put up with me. Asides from my mother. But she's my mother," René said.
"But, there are no other Remfairs here. Unless you are married?" Cassi looked a little confused.
"No, I'm not married. Have you been up in your tower for the past little while? Trelawney's had a heart attack; she can't teach anymore. My mom's a Prophetess and, unfortunately, she's really good. I think she has a grand total of two wrong predictions," René sighed, "I only hope it will soon become three wrong predictions."
"No, I haven't been up in the tower. I just got here today. Term starts in a week; teachers only have to arrive now," Cassi said, "If you don't mind me asking, what is the prediction that you want to be wrong?"
"Not telling."
"Come on!"
"Nope, not telling!"
"Please?"
"I'm not telling anyone!"
"I'll give you information to blackmail Snape."
"Nope, not – what did you say about blackmail?"
Cassi snickered, "I knew that would work."
"I'll tell you, but not here," René glanced at the paintings, who were faking disinterest.
"Oh yes. Come. My rooms are this way," Cassi turned around and walked upwards. René followed her. They came to a door.
"Pegasus," Cassi said, then opened the door.
"Do you have something with constellations or something? Your password is a constellation and your name is a constellation... Hell, while we're at it, your last name is a star!" René said.
"I come from a long line of Muggle astronomers. What do you expect?" Cassi shrugged.
René smiled and shook her head, "On my mom's side, it's a bunch of cursed obsessed nerds. On my dad's side, it's a bunch of Aurors," René said, "But the funny thing is that my mom's a Prophetess and my dad's a politician. He's the Minister for the Military. And he's a quiet guy; not someone you would expect for his position. He does a pretty good job, though."
"So, what was that prediction?" Cassi asked.
"You must swear not to tell anyone... Well, Minerva and Albus already know. And my mom... And you can't laugh. And you can't scream something like 'what?!?' And-" René rambled on.
"Okay, okay! I get the picture! I won't do anything like that!" Cassi said.
"Alright... Well, the prediction was," René was turning red, "Well, it is that..."
"Oh, spit it out!" Cassi looked positively delighted.
"I'mgonnagooutwithSeverus," René blurted out.
"What? All I heard was Mgonouthverus... M gono oth verus?" Cassi asked, "Speak slower.
"I...am...go...ing...to...go...out...with...Sev...er...us," René pronounced each syllable slowly.
"You're going to go out with Severus? As in Severus Snape? As in the evil Potions Master! As in the greasy bat! As in-" Cassi's eyes were wide.
"You're doing exactly what I didn't want you to do. And yes, that Severus!" René was quite red.
"I feel sooo sorry for you," Cassi did look sorry.
"Actually, he's not that bad of a kisser," René said without thinking.
"You kissed him?" Cassi stared at her.
"Yeah..." René mumbled.
"Why?" Cassi asked.
"Well, you know how Trelawney's old room stank? Me and Mom are allergic to incense and crap. Bloody magic allergies... Anyways, the three of us, Severus, Mom and I, went up to the room. I went first and Mom was right behind me. I'm more resistant to the smelly crap, so we started sneezing and crap at the same time. Severus ran up and dragged us to Poppy. I asked Severus if he could de-smell the room and he said 'no'. I told him that I'd pay him and he said, 'only for a kiss'. He was joking, but, hey! All's fair in love and war!" René said.
"But that was neither love or war. Unless you are in love with him," Cassi shuddered.
"No, I ain't. Well, that's not the point. Well, he said, 'only for a kiss', and I said 'sure'. I then told him that I would pay him after he was done de-smelling. Then I walked away. I went to his room and laid down on the couch and wished that my disc-man is working. Then Severus walked in and I said, 'you'll get your kiss when I see the room de-smelled'. We went up to the Divination's room and I told him to lock the trapdoor. He did. I sorta had reach up and pull him down and he said 'shrimpy' or something like that. I had to resist the urge to stick out my tongue. So I just said 'shut up' and kissed him. He was quite surprised. I don't think he thought that I would go through with it. It was rather funny. Now, along comes Minerva, Mom and Albus," René said.
"Ohmigod! They didn't walk in on you, did they?" Cassi's eyes were quite wide. René enjoyed her audience.
"Of course not. Severus locked the door, remember? Anyways, I pulled away and he looked kinda dazed. He started to say something about... I don't remember. He didn't make much sense. I wish I could read minds. What he was thinking during the kiss would have been funny," René said.
"René! Ger back to the story!" Cassi said.
"Oops, sorry. Anyways, I told him to shut up. Actually I pressed my finger to his lips. Oh well, same difference. We heard Minerva say something to Albus. I don't remember or care. I told Severus to unlock the door and I sat down on a beanbag chair. Beanbag chairs amuse me. The make me hyper," René smiled cheerfully.
"Oh man! What would have Albus, Minerva and your mother said if they walked in on you?" Cassi wondered, setting her wand down on a chair.
"Easy one. Albus would have smiled secretly to himself and thing 'Ah yes, my little plan worked or something like that. Mom would have got all happy and if she had a camera she would take a picture and start gushing on about wedding plans and crap. Minerva would have said, or rather, yelled in that voice of hers, 'SEVERUS SNAPE! RENÉ REMFAIR! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?' like we're two fifth years making out in a bush," René said.
"I could see that…" Cassi said, "Hey! Where did my wand go?"
"On that chair," René said, 'hmmm, maybe Severus was right about the scatter-brained thing…'
"Oh, thanks," Cassi said, "It's almost supper. Let's go to the staff room to get something to eat."
"Yeah… I'm getting hungry," René said, "But not yet. I want my black-mail!"
"Okay then..."
*~*~*~*~* An hour later *~*~*~*~*
A giggling Cassi grabbed some purple dust and said, "Local Floo Powder. It'll take you anywhere in the castle. Costs less than normal Floo Powder, too," Cassi explained.
"Useful," René said. Cassi threw the LFP into a fire and said:
"STAFF ROOM!" René grabbed some LFP for herself and threw it into the flames.
"STAFF ROOM!"
*~*~*~*~*
"Hello Cassi. Have you met the new Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor yet?" Albus asked Cassi as she stepped out of the fire.
"Yes. She's coming down right now," Cassi said, and sure enough, René appeared in the fire.
"Hi!" René grinned.
"Hello René. How are the both of you?" Albus asked.
"Good," they both said at the same time. They looked at each other and began to giggle.
"What's so funny?" a sour looking Severus asked. His hair was still pink.
"Aww… Is Professor Snape afraid that Cassi is going to steal his only friend?" Cassi asked in third-person.
"At least I don't speak in third-person, you star-headed twit," Severus' lips curled back into a sneer.
"You didn't answer my question, prat," Cassi yawned.
"I don't-"
"As amusing as this argument is, shut up!" René sighed.
"Fine!" Cassi and Seveus yelled.
"Good Merlin! René actually managed to stop those two from bickering?" Minerva asked.
"It appears so," Albus said.
"She deserves a medal, at least," Minerva said.
"A medal? COOL!" René said.
"She doesn't deserve a medal. Unless it was one for stupidity," Severus snarked.
"Look who's talking? You were dumb enough to piss her off!" Minerva said, looking at his hair.
"My hair would be normal if someone upheld her end of the bargain!" Severus said sarcastically.
"Oops. Sorry," René said, then pointed her wand at his hot pink hair. It turned back to its normal black colour.
"Thank you," Severus said sarcastically.
"You're welcome," René chirped, ignoring the sarcasm.
"So you got your hair colour back. And to do that you had to carry a beanbag chair up to her room. And you were to dumb to use Wingardium Leviosa!" Minerva demonstrated on a chair.
"Oh, congratulations. You levitated a chair. Wingardium Leviosa!" Severus levitated a couch. Albus swallowed and slowly backed out of the room before his Professors dragged him into this mess.
"Oh, stop it! This is sooo stupid!" René sighed. Minerva and Severus ignored her, "FINE! IGNORE ME!" René sat down on an unoccupied couch.
"Wingardium Leviosa!" Minerva levitated the couch that René was on.
"AH! Warn me next time!" René grabbed an armrest. Minerva set the couch down. Cassi joined René on the couch.
"Wingardium Leviosa!" Severus levitated René and Cassi's couch.
"What did I just say?" René yelled. Minerva and Severus ignored her. They continued their levitation competition, "Oh, stop it! This is such a stupid argument!"
"They are not going to stop. Everyone has tried at least once. You may have got my and Snape to shut up, but you're never going to get them to," Cassi said.
"I think I know a way to stop them," René smirked, her eyes light up with an unholy light.
"What?" Cassi asked unbelievingly.
"Well, they are having a competition to prove who is the most magically inclined, right?" René asked. Cassi nodded, "Well then, watch this," René turned around and faced Minerva and Severus, "Stop it, both of you! You're behaving like a couple of stuck up, know-it-all first years!" Cassi snickered. Minerva and Severus stopped and what they were doing and started at René.
"What did you say?" Severus asked softly to René.
"You heard me! You are behaving like stuck up, know-it-all prat headed firsties!" René yelled. Everyone in the room stopped what they were doing and stared at René. Cassi snickered beside her.
"How dare you!" Minerva shrieked and pointed her wand at René.
"AH!" René ducked as a bolt of light flew past her head and struck the chair, turning it into a teacup.
"Crap René! Now you've done it!" Cassi yelled as various blasts of light fired at their couch.
"This means war!" René yelled, pointed her wand and shrieked a curse at Minerva. Cassi jumped up and performed a spell normally for demonstrating at meteor shower. The meteors were aimed at Severus. Minerva retaliated by turning their couch into a small rock while Severus swished his wand and the meteors altered their course to murdering Cassi and René. René deflect the meteors with a lazy swish of her wand while Cassi summoned another couch for a barrier. René spotted a broom, an ordinary one, lying innocently on the floor, not realising that it was about to be used as a weapon of mass destruction. She summoned it, making sure it ran horizontally into Severus and Minerva, knocking them to the ground.
"Batters up!" René snarled ferociously as she caught the broom. Severus began throwing a few of the huge quantities of coffee mugs that seem to live in the staff room at René and Cassi. René swung the broom like a baseball bat and smashed quite a few of the mugs. Minerva shifted to tabby form and tried to sneak around René and Cassi so she could launch an attack from behind. A terribly ugly pink coffee mug charmed for invincibility that René batted hit her hard enough to make her shift back to human form. Enraged, Minerva summoned a Mini-Tornado and sent it whirling over to René and Cassi. René flicked it aside and it began tearing up the staff room. The lights went dead so René dug out two sunglasses from her pockets and handed one to Cassi and put the other on her face. The magic in the sunglasses immediately affected their vision, enabling them to see the locations of Severus and Minerva as clear as day. They started pegging off Minerva and Severus with hexes from Cassi and curses from René. Severus watched where the spells where coming from, then yelled,
"Adflictatio!" It hit René. René grunted and fell to her knees.
"Is that all you've got, Sevvie boy?" She taunted, "Adflictatio!"
"Nice try, René! My turn now!" Severus smirked, "I think I shall use..."
"Crucio!" They both yelled at the same time. The red bolts missed each other by inches and simultaneously struck René and Severus. Simultaneously, they blacked out.
"STOP THIS NONSENSE!" Albus was back, this time with a magically amplified voice, which stopped all the movement in the room. The Mini-Tornado slowly died down and the lights came back on. The staff room, to put it lightly, looked as if a tornado hit it, the pun not intended.
"McGonagall, Snape, Remfair, Sinistra! I AM VERY ASHAMED OF YOU! A DEFENCE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS PROFESSOR, TWO HEADS OF A HOUSE AND, SINISTRA! HIDDING BEHIND THAT COUCH WONT HELP YOU!" Albus was just a little bit mad.
"Damn..." Cassi murmured.
"I SHALL INFORM YOU OF YOUR PUNISHMENTS AFTER SNAPE AND REMFAIR REGAIN CONSCIOUSNESS!" Albus was just a bit madder.
"What? What did I... Oh my Lord! What the Hell happened here?" Ellen stared, shell-shocked, "Ohmigod, René!" Ellen ran over to her prone daughter.
"He did it!" Cassi pointed to an unconscious Severus, happy to get him into some trouble.
"Oh well, René got her revenge," Ellen looked at Severus and turned back to her beloved daughter.
"YOU THINK THAT REMFAIR GOT HER REVENGET? LOOK AT THIS PLACE! HALF OF MY STAFF ARE INANIMATE OBJECTS!" Albus continued to rant. He seemed to have forgotten that he still had that voice charm on.
"She did it!" Cassi pointed to Minerva. Minerva sulked and said.
"They got in the way. I was aiming at Remfair and Sinistra."
"You have very bad aim, and we ducked, so nah!" Cassi stuck out her tongue.
"Nah? How very mature," Minerva said.
"OH, JUST SHUT UP AND GET SNAPE AND REMFAIR TO POPPY!" Albus still hadn't ditched the voice charm.
"Mobilius Corpseis," Cassi lifted René up with the spell.
"Mobilius Corpseis," Minerva imitated, raising up Severus. Albus herded them to the Infirmary.
"Oh dear, what do we have here?" Poppy asked.
"They used the Crucious on each other," Albus explained, thankfully at a normal tone.
"Oh my!" Poppy said, "Put them down here," she pointed to two beds. She then forced two potions down René and Severus' throats.
"GAH! Was that completely necessary?" René yelled,
gagging on the taste. Cassi handed her a glass of water, "Thanks," René passed it
to Severus, "Pretty good Crucio, by the way. I haven't blacked out from one shot in a long
time."
"Same here," Severus set the glass down on a table.
"All four of you are going to fix the staff room up with no magic!" Albus looked at Minerva, Severus, Cassi and René.
"NO! That will take days!" René gasped.
"Exactly. And you will all be paid minimum wage for the entire first term," Albus said.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" All four of them melodramatically yelled.
"Yes!" Albus smiled evilly, too bad I can't get René and Severus alone...
"You can't do this! It was a, er, relatively harmless for a completely disorganised duel" René protested.
"Reletivly harmless? René, the staff room looks like Hiroshima after WWII!" Ellen said.
"Oh, shut up. It can't look that bad. And we are not all gonna have mutated kids from radiation," René grumbled.
"Your punishment starts now. Minerva, first you have to change everyone back to normal," Albus said.
"But it's supper time!" Cassi whined.
"Does it look like I care?" Albus asked.
"But..." Cassi trailed off.
"Now get to Hiroshima, whatever that is!" Albus said. Cassi, René and Ellen stared at him.
"How could you not know what Hiroshima is?" They all asked at the same time.
"Do you even know what WWII was?" René asked. Albus, Minerva and Severus shook their heads.
"World War Two?" René tried. Again they shook their heads.
"Pitiful Purebloods," Cassi muttered.
"Explain later. Right now you are to clean up your mess, kiddies," Albus glared.
"I resent that," René muttered while Cassi said,
"Oh, crap this is going to take awhile!"
When the six made it to the staff room, Minerva waved her wand and all the transfigured objects in the room turned back into their normal state. Cassi and René were almost trampled as all of the once-transfigured staff members but one ran from the room.
"Hey! That's what happened to my sock!" Harriet Hooch exclaimed, holding up a coffee-stained sock. The six looked at each other and Cassi murmured,
"I'm never drinking coffee again."
Harriet skittered out of the room.
"Wands please!" Albus held out his hand. René, Cassi, Severus and Minerva handed their wands over to the wand police. Albus walked out of the room closing the door behind him.
"I say that we each take a separate corner and work up into the middle," Severus said.
"Whatever," René shrugged and ran to the cleanest corner, "HA!" Cassi, Severus and Minerva ran to the other three corners. They all turned, glared at each other, and went to work.
*~*~*~*~*
A/N: I have only eleven more pages of pre-written crap left of this fic... Damn, I'm gonna have to start to think again... Holy Crap! This fic is nearly 70 pages long! That is the most I've ever written!
~ Mage Kitty =^.^=
