A/N: I'm talking to one of my friends on this oddly archaic thing called a phone. Neither of us are on a computer with the internet, and I can't hear a word that she's saying. And the phone that I'm using is old, very, very old, and it hurts my ear because I'm using both hands to type, obviously. Oww. Oww... Ear hurts... OWWW! OWW! OWWW!! Now there is a loud beeping noise in my ear! OOOOOWWWW! Oh, that was Crimson's fault... I'm gonna shut up about my phone call at the moment, because the sanity is rapidly declining. More than usual.
Shahanna: Oops. Did I do that? *laughs* I'm from Sask, and the place I spent the first tenish years of my life, they always said 'Coke' in the jinx thing… But I don't like Coke. Or pretty much any kind of pop… *laughs* I guess I sorta passed that bit of my personality on to my character ^^;;
Disclaimer: I don't own Severus, Minerva, Harry, Ron, Hermione and whatever random student I throw in. No, the term has not started yet. Maybe next chapter...
*~*~*~*~*
"Grouchy!" Cassi remarked.
"Come on. We've got two more stops!" René walked up to her room, with Cassi close behind.
"Linkin Park rocks," René said to her dragon.
"Linkin Park rocks?" Cassi repeated.
"I'll show you," René grabbed her Lap Top and all of her CD's. She shoved it all into her enchanted bag, "I wish my Discman still works."
"Hmmm... Muggle stuff doesn't work inside Hogwarts grounds," Cassi said.
"I know that. I figured out that all the magic in Hogwarts and many other places leach the electricity from batteries, so I reversed it so the batteries leach energy from the magic. Well, one of my friends charmed the batteries, but still, it was my idea. Besides, all my other stuff work," René sighed.
"When did you use your Discman last?" Cassi asked, "Maybe the batteries are faulty.
"I've tried all my other batteries. The last time my Discman worked was w hen I was having a stair-climbing competition with Severus," René said.
"I bet he charmed it so it doesn't work," Cassi said.
"You're very suspicious. But, yes, I think you are right," René closed the door behind them, "its very Slytherin-ish. I'll get my revenge by taking his wand."
"How will you do that? He carries it with him all the time!" Cassi asked.
"You really are scatter-brained. Albus has our wands, remember?" René asked.
"Oh yeah. Why are we leaving your room? Shouldn't we be going to Diagon Alley now?" Cassi asked.
"Er, we're going to Diagon Alley?" René asked.
"Oh yeah, didn't I mention it? We're going to Diagon Alley to do your lesson plan and get some ice cream! Why did we leave your room?" Cassi asked again.
"We're going to Albus' office to get our wands back," René said, then added, "And Severus'."
"Oh yeah," Cassi said sheepishly. Her and René continued their walk through the castle to the gargoyle statue.
"Um, what the password again?" Cassi asked.
"Lemon Ice-Cubes. How could you forget it?" René asked as the gargoyle jumped aside.
"I'm really bad at passwords. I only change mine about once a year," Cassi shrugged as they climbed up the stairs.
"And it's always a star or constellation, right? Wait a minute! The stairs are moving!" René stared behind her, completely amazed.
"The stairs usually do. Sometimes they don't, though... I really hate it when they decide to be funny and go down when you are trying to go up," Cassi grumbled. Soon enough, they arrived at Albus' door and knocked.
"Come in!" Albus' voice called. René and Cassi walked in.
"Hey! Can we have our wands back? And Severus'?" René asked.
"Sure," Albus handed René two wands and Cassi one. They pocketed them.
"Weren't you just at Severus' office?" Minerva, who was also in the room, asked.
"Nah, we ditched him and got the other crap I need first," René waved a hand dismissively, "We're meeting him at Diagon Alley."
"Oh," Minerva said, not entirely convinced, well, if they don't give the wand back, it will be worth a few laughs.
"Do you have any Floo powder we could use?" René asked Albus.
"Yes, it's in that jar on the fireplace," Albus pointed to a pink and purple jar.
"Nice colour choice," René said as she grabbed some of the Floo powder.
"Why thank you," Albus said as René disappeared. Cassi helped herself to some of the Floo powder.
"DIAGON ALLEY!"
"Well, where is that ice cream parlour?" Cassi mused.
"Um, you know this place better than me," René replied.
"Here we are!" Cassi took off in a direction with René stumbling to catch up. Cassi sat down at one of the tables and René collapsed into the chair beside her. A waiter quickly came over and took their orders. The two witches then settled down to work on the lesson plans and lick their ice cream. Five minutes later, René screamed and banged on the table.
"AH! FUCK IT! HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT TO TEACH IF I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS ALREADY KNOWN? AND THIS BLOODY CURRICULUM IS CRAP!" René yelled loudly. Various people turned and stared at her and Cassi.
"Ask Hermione Granger. She'll know," Cassi suggested.
"Go find her," René said.
"Why me?" Cassi asked.
"Because I don't know who this Hermione Granger is!" René rolled her eyes at Cassi's lack of common sense.
"Oh. Well, do you see that black haired boy with the tall redhead? They are Harry Potter and Ron Weasley, respectively. They're friends with Hermione; they'd know where she is," Cassi pointed to two teenagers.
"Hey! Harry famous kid! Get over here!" René yelled. Harry turned and walked over to the pissed looking witch warily. Ron followed even more warily.
"You need me for something?" Harry asked. Ron shifted his weight.
"Yeah. Where's Hermione weird surname?" René asked, "And weird forename," Cassi groaned.
"Hermione Granger? She's right behind you," Harry said,
"Oh, cool," René turned around to face Hermione.
"And you are?" Hermione asked coldly.
"René Remfair."
"And she says that 'Mione's last name is weird," Ron whispered to Harry. Unfortunately, René heard him.
"What? It's not my fault that I was born into my family. I never had a choice for my last name. Though if you follow the Wizarding last name crap, the Remfair's are supposed to be all good and crap. Though I have a feeling that my particular branch of the family is disowned..." René rolled her eyes.
"Neither did Hermione," Ron said stubbornly.
"Oh God," Cassi murmured to herself.
"Cass, can I dock house points?" René asked innocently.
"René, the term hasn't even started yet. And you aren't done your lesson plan," Cassi rolled her eyes.
"Mih, I just wanna dock house points!" René said cheerfully.
"Dock house points?" Hermione asked, "You're a teacher?"
"Defence Against the Dark Arts," René smiled insanely, "And yes, I am crazy."
"Oh, nice to meet you Professor Remfair," Hermione nodded. René made a face.
"Professor Remfair... I don't like it. Just call me René. Or if you must insist with the Professor thing, Professor René. Just don't call me Professor Remfair. It makes me sound old," René sighed.
"René, you are the youngest staff member," Cassi rolled her eyes.
"What? I'm younger than you? Damn, I didn't think that you were older than thirty!" René looked at her friend.
"Shut up."
"What?"
"Damn you."
"Hey! Only I can damn people into an eternal and fiery Hell!" René cried, indignant.
"Yes René. As soon as you stop saying bloody Hell," Cassi rolled her eyes.
"Bloody Hell!" René glared.
"Damn, you pick up swears faster than anything!" Cassi rolled her eyes again.
"They are the only useful things in a language," René shrugged.
"I'm more for the flowery romantic language stuff," Cassi shrugged.
"Blah! That makes me throw up!" René made a face.
"Um... Can we go now?" Harry asked.
"NO! I need your leet school knowledge!" René exclaimed. The other four stared at her, "Oh no, the leet thing again... Elite, for all you unleet people out there."
"Should I ask?" Cassi muttered to herself.
"No."
"It was a rhetorical question," Cassi whined.
"Er, can we go yet? All you are doing is bickering," Harry obviously didn't have a very high opinion of his professors.
"NO! How many times must I tell you!" René half yelled.
"No need to yell," Harry half glared at her.
"No need to glare."
"Uh, don't piss her off. Pissing René off isn't a good idea," Cassi warned.
"I would advise you to follow that advice," Minerva said from behind Ron. She pushed past and took a seat at the table and started eating René's ice cream.
"Back off! Get your own ice cream!" René glared. Minerva ignored her.
"Hello Minerva. What are you doing here?" Cassi asked.
"Coming to warn René. Severus is quite livid about the fact you stole his wand," Minerva smirked.
"Ooo! Wasn't that brilliant?" René clapped her hands excitedly, "Oh wait, did I just say 'brilliant'? Damn I've been around you Britts for too long."
"Severus has been around you for too long. He stormed into Albus' office and said, 'give me my fucking wand!'"
"He learnt from the best!" René smirked evilly, "Besides, I've only known him for about as long as I've known you. You ain't bursting out and swearing every few seconds, are yah?"
"I don't spend nearly every waking hour of the day with you," Minerva rolled her eyes.
"What's with everyone and rolling their eyes at me?" René asked, "and I'm not with Severus every waking hour of the day!"
"Sure René. Hey, I've been meaning to ask you this, how did you get him to clean out Trelawney's old classroom?" Minerva asked.
"It's my secret about how I can get Sevvie to do whatever I want. And Cassi can't tell unless she wants to be put under the Crucious," René smirked, not noticing that everyone was looking past her shoulder.
"Ah, René..." René stiffened and her eyes got wide. She was planning on running before Severus found her, "I have things to say about your previous comment. One, if you ever call me...Sevvie...again, I won't stop at the Crucious this time. I'll Avada you. Two, if you tell anyone about how you got me to clean that room, I'll Avada you again," Severus said in that dangerously soft voice of his.
"Person number two not to piss off. Severus Snape," Cassi muttered to herself.
"Sevvie, Sevvie, Sevvie, Sevvie, Sevvie, Sevvie, Sevvie, Sevvie!" René said, "What? I've already told Cassi how I got Sevvie how to clean that room. So I'm pretty much dead already. Besides, I have Sevvie's wand."
"Give me the fucking wand!" Severus hissed.
"Nnnn," René pretended to think about it, "O."
"Give me my wand René," Severus snarled.
"Nope," René stood up.
"Oh great, the two most stubborn people in the Wizarding world are having a war over a wand," Cassi muttered.
"Give me the wand," Severus growled.
"No, no, no, no!" René glared up at the taller man.
"You really should reconsider," Severus hissed. Suddenly, he just snapped. This witch was driving him mad. He grabbed René and threw her to the ground. He put one foot on her stomach and one near her throat, "Give me my wand!"
"NO!" René said, then let out a small squeak of pain when Severus ground his heel into her stomach.
"Give it to me!"
"Dream on."
"Snape! Stop it!" Cassi pulled on his arm. Severus simply flung his arm aside and shoved her away. Cassi fell into the ice cream.
"GIVE ME MY WAND!" Severus yelled.
"Like I will, Sevvie-boy!" René squirmed, trying to break free. Her hands tried to push Severus away from her, but Severus had put most of his weight onto the foot on René's stomach.
"Severus! This has gone too far!" Minerva snapped, "We don't need to be cleaning up Diagon Alley or loosing our jobs!"
"Stay out of this!" Severus snarled.
"Oh Merlin," Minerva quickly went through her options. Brute force was out of the question; there was no way her and Cassi could knock Severus over. She knew that Severus kept shields up so there was no way that she could stun him. There was really one option left, one that she didn't want to resort to.
"Minerva? What are we going to do? He's going to kill her!" Cassi stared wide-eyed at Severus.
"I hate to do this, but, Imperious!" Minerva whispered, her wand pointing at Severus, "Come on you bastard! Let off René!"
"This is really weird," Ron said to Harry.
"Come on Minerva!" Cassi called out.
"He's too bloody stubborn!" Minerva panted.
"Imperious!" Cassi added her own force of will to the curse.
"Damn he's stubborn!" Cassi growled.
"Damnit René! You're probably the only one who even has a chance of moving him!" Minerva snarled.
"Oh God! What should we do?" Hermoine asked.
"Let's help Imperious Snape!" Ron said, willing to do anything against his hated teacher.
"It's illegal!" Hermione gasped.
"Fuck legalities, help us!" Minerva panted, "I'm the Head of your House! Move it!" Hermoine, Ron and Harry ignored her and went back to there conference.
"He's hurting that René person! Two professors are already using the Imperious on him! Come on! We've got to help!" Harry said.
"Imperious!" Ron shouted almost gleefully.
"Imperious!" Harry joined in.
"Oh, we really shouldn't be doing this!" Hermione fidgeted, then gave in, "Imperious!"
Severus still hadn't budged off of René. The only thing that happened was that he was barely pressing down on her stomach, for all the good it did the unconscious witch.
"What is going on here?" a blue haired witch asked.
"Tonks! A little help here! Severus is killing René!" Minerva muttered weakly.
"I'll probably loose my job. But, hell! Let's curse him!" Tonks pointed her wand at Severus, "Imperious!" Finally, Severus walked off of René. Cassi ran over to her friend and checked to see if she was alive. She was and was waking up.
"Ungh... What the hell happened, Cass?" René asked.
"Severus almost killed you," Cassi said.
"That's it?" René asked.
"Yes. Now how about you give him his wand back," Cassi said.
"This is all over a wand?" Tonks asked, surprised.
"Things are very weird with those two," Minerva rolled her eyes, releasing Severus from the curse. The rest followed suit. Severus just stood there glaring.
"Uh, your wand Severus?" René asked tentatively. Severus just snatched it out of her hands and stalked away, "Do you think there is any chance of him not being mad at me in the future?" René asked sadly.
"Why would you want him to like you anyway?" Ron asked.
"Cause he's a friend," René said with one eyebrow raised, "And don't ask 'how can you stand him?' cause I just can. I dunno, we have similar outlooks on life and humans. Dunno."
"Dunno is the best explanation?" Cassi asked.
"It's the best
explanation for everything. Now, what
did you three do for Defence Against the Dark Arts in the last five years...?"
René asked. All three teenagers jumped
at the rapid change of subject, "Well?"
"In our first year we did..."
*~*~*~*~*
A/N: My hands hurt. I think I typed too much today... gah, this was a crap chapter... Not even really funny. Now all I have is a pissed Severus to deal with. Damnit. And that was the end of the pre-written crap... Now I have to think... Wait a minute... That was all supposed to be seven chapters long! Now it's what, eleven shorter chapters? Narg... Tired... Whoa. I finished this chapter three days after I finished the last chapter. Creepy...
~ Mage Kitty =^.^=
