"Good night, then; sleep to gather strength for the morning, for the
morning will come. Brightly will it shine on the brave and true, the
kindly, on all who suffer for the cause, and gloriously upon the tombs of
heroes. Thus will shine the dawn."
- Winston Churchill
***~~~~****
Gilraen stood on the bridge in Rivendell, staring at her reflection. She could barely recognized the warn and tired looking woman staring back at her. She was still young, especially considering her bloodline, but she seemed so old...
Glorfindel returned several days ago and told her Estel was fine and well and healing from a small and inconsequential illness. She knew he was lying through his teeth to spare her feelings. Estel must have been seriously ill, which was why they were staying in Lorien and not returning. Elrond promised her no harm would come to her son, and she believed him, but they were forces beyond even his control. Something deep down told her that her Estel will never be truly safe in his life, being the Heir of Isildur and all. It was no secret that Sauron searched for any surviving heirs, and she shuddered to think of what would happen if he found him...
"Mommy!"
The voice brought her out of her reverie and her head snapped up, tears forming in her eyes. She swallowed a sob and gazed lovingly at her only child, memorizing every part and expression of his. Right now he was running towards her, stopped several feet from her and shuffling his feet adorably, and lowering his head. She was confused momentarily, her heart still racing and not believing he was really here, really home, with her. She realized he thought he had upset her or warranted her anger and she quickly pulled him to her chest in a tight embrace.
"Oh, my child." Gilraen cried freely, her fingers curling around his hair, clutching on for dear life. He seemed in one piece and cleaner than normal- Elrond's doing no doubt. "Let me have a good look at you," she smiled, as she held him at arm's length. She inspected him carefully, searching for any sign of injury or malice, but found none.
"I washed behind my ears," Estel said half proudly-half moaning, his eyes venturing to where Elrond stood at a safe distance. This little statement was enough to send her into another fit of tears, holding him close to her and vowing to never let him leave her sight again.
"Mommy, what's wrong?" Estel asked petrified and stiff as a rock, as his mother kept sobbing and nearly choking him. He glanced worriedly at his father, seeking answers. Elrond could not speak, all he could do is watch this strong and proud woman whom he had come to admire and respect, breaking down in front of his eyes. And yet, somehow, he wished he could be that courageous.
"Nothing, nothing is wrong." She reassured him, laughing with relief. "I just missed you so very much."
Estel nodded gravely, understanding. "I missed you too." He wrapped his arms around her neck and gave her a peck on the cheek. "I love you."
"I love you more than life itself," Gilraen said with a smile on her face, but her eyes betrayed her. Elrond was the only one who seemed to notice that look of desperation and melancholy and utter loneliness. He wondered how long Lady Gilraen was harboring these emotions, but it was not his place to ask. He turned to leave and make sure the twins did not get into too much trouble, when Gilraen's shaky voice stopped him.
"Lord Elrond?"
Elrond turned to the distraught mother. He did not want to be here, to interfere and get in the way of Estel and his true parent. He felt like he was intruding in a private moment and it made him feel uncomfortable. Her eyes were beseeching and nervous, and she swallowed several times before straightening up, holding one of Estel's hands and said:
"Walk with us?"
Elrond's heart contracted at that simple request, that seemed to fill him with endless joy. It was silly, but to have Gilraen accept him as an equal in the parenting of Estel, stilled his doubts. He nodded his head and smiled down at his son, taking his other hand. "It would give me great joy."
Estel looked up at his mother, then at his father and grinned widely. He was home, he was with his family and he seemed to get away without punishment!
"We will discuss your proper punishment after dinner is served." Elrond added dryly, bursting any hopes Estel might have had. "It seems grounding you is not enough anymore, we might have to get... Creative with our punishments." Elrond glanced down at him with an ironic smile. Estel gulped, and looked to his mother for salvation, but found only a mirrored expression of a sardonic smile.
He was doomed.
*
MAY 1
Estel wiped the sweat from his forehead and continued scrubbing the floor of the hall. Yesterday the twins purposely managed to drop their glasses of wine and meals on the floor, so that Estel would be forced to clean it up. Even though it was only retribution for the itching powder he smeared on their shirts, he was still angry with them. He was forced to help cook, clean and anything else needed around the great house- now he REALLY wished he had pet servants...
He saw several elves running around and singing and his curiosity got the better of him. He abandoned his task and hurried outside to see what the fuss was all about. What he saw made him forget about his revenge on the twins and any ill feelings he may have had in general.
There, amongst the singing elves, were Bilbo and Gandalf.
"Gandalf! Rabbit Feet!" Estel cried, running to them. He jumped up and hugged Gandalf, latching onto his neck and not caring about the fact that he was covered in filth from cleaning. Gandalf didn't seem to mind as well, for he hugged him back tightly and sighed.
"Dear, dear child- it weighed heavily on my heart to leave you like that, but I had-"
"Your arm!" Estel exclaimed, noticing for the first time the sling around Gandalf's arm. "You're hurt!"
"Yes, but not dead," Gandalf said smiling. "You were right, you know- about the Warg. I was lucky I had my own little protector warning me of the danger." His eyes twinkled at him and Estel blushed at the compliment.
"You missed my birthday," Estel said matter of factly. He was saddened when Gandalf didn't show up that day, with his fireworks and magic in tow. Elrond couldn't tell him when Gandalf would return and so he simply gave up on the wish. Now, after two months or so, Gandalf showed up out of the blue, it was indeed a pleasant surprise and a marvelous belated birthday gift!
"Indeed, I have." Gandalf said gravely. "I think I will break out my finest fireworks tonight, in honor of that happy occasion and ask sincerely for your forgiveness."
Estel thought about it for a moment. "Only if you tell me everything that happened to you!"
"It's a deal." Gandalf put the boy down. Estel turned to Bilbo and smiled amiably at him.
"You look fatter." Estel proclaimed innocently, pretending to scrutinize the Hobbit carefully.
"And you look denser in the head." Bilbo said seriously, before breaking out in a smile. "Oh come here already!" Estel grinned and hugged the hobbit. "You-you annoying child!"
"I remember the bath song you taught me, sort of." Estel said, puffing his chest. "And Father taught me this song about the fall of Gil-galad, would you like to hear it?"
"Nothing would give me more pleasure," Bilbo smiled down at him and placed his hand on his shoulder. "Yet, now I'm weary and would prefer to rest and wash before supper time."
"I'll take you!" Estel said quickly. "I know all the good rooms here, when I was little I'd explore them all, and hide from my brothers." He turned suddenly to Gandalf and said excitedly. "I have grandparents now!"
"You do?" Gandalf asked slightly surprised.
"Yes! Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn adopted me as their grandchild!" Estel said smiling brightly. "And I'm welcomed to Lorien any time, only I have to be careful about Haldir, because he doesn't like me very much..."
"I wonder what could cause that." Gandalf said cynically, eyeing Estel intently.
"We may have played a few pranks on him and his brothers." Estel admitted. "But they are so serious all the time! They asked for it, honestly, they did!" He added defensively, as the three walked through the halls. "And most of it was the twins' doing anyway and they played a prank on us as retaliation, but it didn't work and instead father couldn't get the lice out of his hair for a whole WEEK...!"
* "Estel?" "Estel!" "ESTEL?!"
Estel didn't move, he just kept sitting up in the tree, hoping they couldn't find him. Maybe if he sat still and quiet enough they would simply leave him alone. That's all he wanted right now- his mind was a jumble and his heart ached and he didn't know what to think or feel.
But he did know he wanted to be left alone.
He heard a rustling sound directly underneath him and knew they must have spotted him. Even if his brothers didn't know where to search for him, they had keen senses and were bound to see him or hear his silent sobs.
"Go away," he whispered loud enough for them to hear. Elladan and Elrohir exchanged nervous glances, before they continued to climb to where he was. Elladan crawled on the thin branch and sat beside Estel. Elrohir crept up behind, a bit more hesitant and sat on Estel's other side. Estel lowered his head and tried to turn away.
"Estel," Elladan said, and seemed at a loss for words. "Do you... Are you alright?"
Estel laughed a hollow laugh and stared at his brother with cold red- rimmed eyes. He felt tears stinging his eyes, and he quickly brushed them away. "I'll be fine."
"But you are not fine now," Elrohir observed. "Brother, speak with us."
Estel swallowed audibly. He felt his heart stuck in his throat and wondered how long it could last so far from where it should be. "It hurts." Elladan and Elrohir both wrapped their arms around their younger brother, holding him tightly.
They sat there silently, holding his tear-racked body, not quite knowing what to say. They were Elves, and they almost never dealt with death- the last time someone they cared about died was when Arathorn was killed, but they have dealt with loss...
"I know it hurts," Elladan said. "I remember when our mother went away. I felt so much pain and confusion..." His heart contracted at the memory, but he knew he had to relive it, for Estel's sake.
"I remember being mad." Elrohir admitted quietly. Both set of eyes were upon him and he ducked his head. "I was angry at her for leaving me- for leaving us. I would watch the effect it had on our family- especially our father- and there were times when I felt I hated her."
"But she's your mother!" Estel said shocked.
"I know," Elrohir said in self reproach. "But I suppose I needed someone to blame, someone to take my anger and pain out on- and she was conveniently not there."
"But Thorin was not a relative of mine," Estel argued. "I didn't know him- not REALLY... I shouldn't be... Should I?" He looked up at them, the questions etched on his forehead.
"You cared for him, you should not be ashamed of that," Elladan argued, squeezing his shoulder. "You should rejoice in those moments you shared together."
"They weren't joyous moments," Estel muttered darkly. "I made him miserable, he was always mad at me for something."
"Gandalf told us Thorin was the happiest he has ever seen him- when he was with you." Elrohir stated with a smile. "Something about a big water fight." Estel couldn't help but smile to his brothers' delight.
"I bet that's what did it," Elrohir continued playfully. Estel glanced at him curiously. "Your smile- when you were younger it could quiet our father's wrath- not an easy feat at all. "Your smile warms our hearts- I would hate to see it disappear forever."
Estel did not say anything for a while, content to simply sit there with them. "You would have liked them."
"Who?" Elladan asked puzzled.
"Fili and Kili- they were brothers," Estel smiled as he remembered. "They were quite the talk of the town, always getting into trouble-"
"The very opposite of us," Elladan said in mock indignation.
Estel grinned, but soon sobered. "I should have spent more time with them. At first no one would spend any time with me, but they did. They knew what it was like to be the youngest and to be ignored. Then Gloin started teaching me about how to make a fire and Gandalf taught me about tracking- I don't think we've really spoken to each other since those first few nights..." Estel shook his head, as he felt a new rush of emotions engulfing him. "I should have spent more time with them!"
Elladan pulled the child to his chest and rocked him gently, whispering nonsense in his ear, trying to sooth him. Elrohir watched his brothers, when a sudden dread gnawed at his heart:
What will they do when Estel dies?
He knew Estel still had years in front of him, but in the eyes of an elf it is nothing. They would stay young as their younger brother aged and withered and eventually died- if battle doesn't kill him first. How would they go on without him? Surely they would die of a broken heart? Would they sail to the Valar first, so that they would not have to witness his death? Could he really leave Estel all by himself here, without protection and family?
Elrohir's mind was racing with questions, but at the moment he had to be strong, for Estel's sake. He put on a brave smile and laid a gentle hand on his shoulder, running his other hand through his hair as they tried to calm him down. He knew it would be a while before Estel was back to his old self again, death does take its toll on the living.
The three brothers stayed up on the branch until the sun set. They did not speak for long hours at a time, for what could one say? When the sun set and Estel calmed down a bit, his breath hitching in sudden hiccups, they climbed down the tree to attend supper. It would do Estel good to be surrounded by family and friends, if only to make him smile once again.
*
"Lord Elrond, a word if you may?" Gandalf asked Elrond quietly, when he and Bilbo made to leave a week later. Elrond nodded his head and lead Gandalf down the hall, to his study. Gandalf hesitated and said: "Let us talk outside in the garden, it is a beautiful day."
Elrond was slightly taken aback by this, but he hid it well, and seeing no reason why they shouldn't, followed Gandalf outside. Once they were outside in the garden Gandalf sat down heavily on a bench and admired his surroundings. Sometimes he would forget how beautiful the Last Homely House truly was. It were as if nature itself was at peace here: The water, the trees, the flowers, the animals, all were- for lack of a better word- perfect.
"You wished to speak with me?" Elrond asked, slightly impatient. He was not having the best of days- the kitchen managed to burn the lunch, Estel was still reclusive and during their lesson he seemed to be somewhere else. Also it seemed Gilraen, Elladan, Elrohir and Bilbo all expected something from him- giving him meaningful looks, but he did not know what they meant.
"Yes," Gandalf said decisively, as he gathered his thoughts. "How is Estel?"
Elrond frowned, before answering. "He is spending most of his time alone, but that is understandable- you said he knew the three dwarves that died."
"Indeed," Gandalf said thoughtfully. "I take it you haven't spoken to him about that, YET."
"He does not seem to want to talk," Elrond said dryly. Though he hasn't question Estel, he knew that he wanted to be left alone, even if lately it did not seem to be the case... "And if he does wish to speak with someone, it is not with me. He has his mother and his brothers- and I have seen Bilbo speaking with him a few times, and teaching him songs."
Gandalf tried not to sigh and ended up snorting. There were times when he had to stop himself from banging Elrond on the head with his staff. "How would you know that, if you don't talk to him?"
Elrond did not answer, instead he asked: "Is that what we came out here to discuss? My lack of communication with my child?"
"No," Gandalf said, shaking his head sadly. "We came out here to DISCUSS your child. And," he added with a mischievous smile. "To smoke some weed." He took out his pipe and a bag of weed and poured it into the pipe. He then lit it up and blew a perfect circle.
Elrond stood in silence for a few moments, waiting patiently for Gandalf to continue. Just when he was about to say something, Gandalf announced:
"He knows."
Elrond did not know at first WHAT he knows, but then he looked into Gandalf's eyes and simply knew. "You told him?" He asked, his anger boiling. There was a soft noise in the bushes nearby, presumably from the breeze, but neither paid it much heed.
"He knew by himself," Gandalf said, his eyes fixed on some spot in the distance. "I merely answered a few questions of his." Elrond began to pace furiously.
"You should have consulted with me." Elrond said, his voice tight and controlled, but his eyes dark and angry. "I am his father, I should have a say in-"
"Are you?" Gandalf questioned. surprise.
"Of course I am," Elrond said, his anger now mixed with bemusement. "I adopted him, he is my son."
"You see, he is not so sure of that, he thinks you took him out of pity and will be rid of him the moment he finds out the truth. I assume he hasn't told you he knows?"
Elrond clenched his jaws tightly. "No, he has not."
"Such a silly thing to fear," Gandalf went on sarcastically. "I wonder what could have given him that idea?" His eyes were staring at Elrond now, as he blew more smoke rings.
"I never once said anything to that effect," Elrond countered. He could not believe Gandalf was accusing him of- of what exactly?
"You did not need to," Gandalf said seriously, his voice hard. "All you had to do was not give him your heart fully, and he understood. Children are very perceptive- did you know that he feared you do not love him? That you do not want him? Too long have I noticed your lack of commitment to the child, too long have I watch both of you suffer, and stood by quietly. It is about time I knocked some sense into your stubborn mind."
"It is not your place to lecture ME on how to raise MY child," Elrond nearly raised his voice, but he knew Gandalf spoke the truth. Galadriel said something to the same effect while they were in Lorien, why was he holding back?
"If you wish to suffer yourself, I cannot interfere," Gandalf rose and stood up impressively, giving off a dangerous air. "But I will not have you ruin that child's soul! He is such a sweet and giving child, such a wonder- how could the one person who's opinion matters most hurt him so much?"
Elrond's heart contracted painfully and he downcast his gaze. "I do not know. Believe me Mithrandir when I say I love that child. I love him so much it scares me."
"How could love scare?" Gandalf asked smiling gently. "It is such a beautiful emotion, not an ugly one."
"I know that," Elrond said, sinking slowly onto the bench, suddenly feeling very old and weary. "I do not know what I fear."
"You fear being happy." Gandalf mused, sitting next to his old friend. "You have vowed for so long to remain miserable while you and your wife are parted. And now this child threatens that vow and you fear to have your heart broken again."
Elrond nodded his head. "I have been a selfish fool."
"Yes, you have," Gandalf said smiling. "I dare say you need him just as much as he needs you." He rose and yawned tiredly. "You deserve love Elrond half elven, she would want that." He smiled over to the nearby bush and said a bit louder. "You can come out now, Estel."
Estel came out sheepishly from the bush he was hiding in and blushed fiercely. "I didn't mean to listen in, honest, but you told me to meet you in the gardens, and then-"
"I meant for you to listen." Gandalf interrupted him with a raised hand. "I wanted to make sure you knew." He glanced at Elrond and winked. "Just in case it is a subject hard to breech. I will leave you two alone now, Bilbo and I must be going as it is." He bent over to Estel and hugged him. "I will see you soon."
"Goodbye Gandalf," Estel said into his cloak, burying his face in his shoulder. Gandalf put him down, said goodbye to Elrond and left Rivendell. Estel tried not to look his father in the eye, not quite sure what to do or say in the awkward silence. It was Elrond who broke the silence first.
"I have not been fair to you," he surprised Estel. Elrond beckoned his to the bench and Estel jumped on it, leaning his head into Elrond's side. "You have given me your love without question or reason, and I haven't done the same."
"It's alright," Estel said, not really sure what he should say. Elrond raised the boy's head, so he was looking him straight in the eye.
"No, Estel." Elrond said seriously. "It is not alright, it was wrong of me. I ask you for your forgiveness, though I do not deserve it." Estel was shocked beyond words and so he simply continued to stare at his father. "But it will all change, I will love you with all my heart- because you deserve no less."
Estel wrapped his arms around his father and smiled happily. "I love you, Ada."
"Elrond sighed, feeling a burden lifting from his shoulders. Such devotion in this child, such love and forgiveness, he was truly not worthy of this precious gift. "I love you too, Ion nin, do not ever forget that."
Estel broke the embrace and looked into Elrond's eyes. "You miss her."
"Yes," Elrond said sincerely. "I miss her very much."
"What was she like?" He asked curiously, biting his bottom lip. Was it impolite of him to question about Celebrian?
"She was... " Elrond smiled in remembrance. "Radiant, in a way words cannot describe. I remember the day we first met..."
*END PART 14*
Author's note:
I hope you like the last part, the whole Elrond-Estel bit, I'm not sure if it came out quite the way I planned, but I hope it works. Next chapter will also be the last chapter and probably also very short- a small scene with Legolas and an epilogue. I would like to thank everyone who ever read this story or reviewed it, it was quite a long journey, for me as well as Estel. I think after I'm done I'll take a break from LOTR fan fiction and just concentrate on my other fan fiction that I'm working on in POTC. I did have an idea for a short humor fic, in the same AU world as this one, involving embarrassing Aragorn stories, but I'll have to play it by ear.
leggylover03- I hope you'll like this chapter as well, it's about time Elrond give his heart truly to Estel! LOL, I think Estel is done falling for a while, he might get seriously hurt if he continues to do that!
grumpy- Can you send me your snow by air mail? I liked the fact that Estel got grandparents and now he and Elrond are on the right path! Anything involving Estel and the twins driving Haldir crazy is always fun and entertainment!
***~~~~****
Gilraen stood on the bridge in Rivendell, staring at her reflection. She could barely recognized the warn and tired looking woman staring back at her. She was still young, especially considering her bloodline, but she seemed so old...
Glorfindel returned several days ago and told her Estel was fine and well and healing from a small and inconsequential illness. She knew he was lying through his teeth to spare her feelings. Estel must have been seriously ill, which was why they were staying in Lorien and not returning. Elrond promised her no harm would come to her son, and she believed him, but they were forces beyond even his control. Something deep down told her that her Estel will never be truly safe in his life, being the Heir of Isildur and all. It was no secret that Sauron searched for any surviving heirs, and she shuddered to think of what would happen if he found him...
"Mommy!"
The voice brought her out of her reverie and her head snapped up, tears forming in her eyes. She swallowed a sob and gazed lovingly at her only child, memorizing every part and expression of his. Right now he was running towards her, stopped several feet from her and shuffling his feet adorably, and lowering his head. She was confused momentarily, her heart still racing and not believing he was really here, really home, with her. She realized he thought he had upset her or warranted her anger and she quickly pulled him to her chest in a tight embrace.
"Oh, my child." Gilraen cried freely, her fingers curling around his hair, clutching on for dear life. He seemed in one piece and cleaner than normal- Elrond's doing no doubt. "Let me have a good look at you," she smiled, as she held him at arm's length. She inspected him carefully, searching for any sign of injury or malice, but found none.
"I washed behind my ears," Estel said half proudly-half moaning, his eyes venturing to where Elrond stood at a safe distance. This little statement was enough to send her into another fit of tears, holding him close to her and vowing to never let him leave her sight again.
"Mommy, what's wrong?" Estel asked petrified and stiff as a rock, as his mother kept sobbing and nearly choking him. He glanced worriedly at his father, seeking answers. Elrond could not speak, all he could do is watch this strong and proud woman whom he had come to admire and respect, breaking down in front of his eyes. And yet, somehow, he wished he could be that courageous.
"Nothing, nothing is wrong." She reassured him, laughing with relief. "I just missed you so very much."
Estel nodded gravely, understanding. "I missed you too." He wrapped his arms around her neck and gave her a peck on the cheek. "I love you."
"I love you more than life itself," Gilraen said with a smile on her face, but her eyes betrayed her. Elrond was the only one who seemed to notice that look of desperation and melancholy and utter loneliness. He wondered how long Lady Gilraen was harboring these emotions, but it was not his place to ask. He turned to leave and make sure the twins did not get into too much trouble, when Gilraen's shaky voice stopped him.
"Lord Elrond?"
Elrond turned to the distraught mother. He did not want to be here, to interfere and get in the way of Estel and his true parent. He felt like he was intruding in a private moment and it made him feel uncomfortable. Her eyes were beseeching and nervous, and she swallowed several times before straightening up, holding one of Estel's hands and said:
"Walk with us?"
Elrond's heart contracted at that simple request, that seemed to fill him with endless joy. It was silly, but to have Gilraen accept him as an equal in the parenting of Estel, stilled his doubts. He nodded his head and smiled down at his son, taking his other hand. "It would give me great joy."
Estel looked up at his mother, then at his father and grinned widely. He was home, he was with his family and he seemed to get away without punishment!
"We will discuss your proper punishment after dinner is served." Elrond added dryly, bursting any hopes Estel might have had. "It seems grounding you is not enough anymore, we might have to get... Creative with our punishments." Elrond glanced down at him with an ironic smile. Estel gulped, and looked to his mother for salvation, but found only a mirrored expression of a sardonic smile.
He was doomed.
*
MAY 1
Estel wiped the sweat from his forehead and continued scrubbing the floor of the hall. Yesterday the twins purposely managed to drop their glasses of wine and meals on the floor, so that Estel would be forced to clean it up. Even though it was only retribution for the itching powder he smeared on their shirts, he was still angry with them. He was forced to help cook, clean and anything else needed around the great house- now he REALLY wished he had pet servants...
He saw several elves running around and singing and his curiosity got the better of him. He abandoned his task and hurried outside to see what the fuss was all about. What he saw made him forget about his revenge on the twins and any ill feelings he may have had in general.
There, amongst the singing elves, were Bilbo and Gandalf.
"Gandalf! Rabbit Feet!" Estel cried, running to them. He jumped up and hugged Gandalf, latching onto his neck and not caring about the fact that he was covered in filth from cleaning. Gandalf didn't seem to mind as well, for he hugged him back tightly and sighed.
"Dear, dear child- it weighed heavily on my heart to leave you like that, but I had-"
"Your arm!" Estel exclaimed, noticing for the first time the sling around Gandalf's arm. "You're hurt!"
"Yes, but not dead," Gandalf said smiling. "You were right, you know- about the Warg. I was lucky I had my own little protector warning me of the danger." His eyes twinkled at him and Estel blushed at the compliment.
"You missed my birthday," Estel said matter of factly. He was saddened when Gandalf didn't show up that day, with his fireworks and magic in tow. Elrond couldn't tell him when Gandalf would return and so he simply gave up on the wish. Now, after two months or so, Gandalf showed up out of the blue, it was indeed a pleasant surprise and a marvelous belated birthday gift!
"Indeed, I have." Gandalf said gravely. "I think I will break out my finest fireworks tonight, in honor of that happy occasion and ask sincerely for your forgiveness."
Estel thought about it for a moment. "Only if you tell me everything that happened to you!"
"It's a deal." Gandalf put the boy down. Estel turned to Bilbo and smiled amiably at him.
"You look fatter." Estel proclaimed innocently, pretending to scrutinize the Hobbit carefully.
"And you look denser in the head." Bilbo said seriously, before breaking out in a smile. "Oh come here already!" Estel grinned and hugged the hobbit. "You-you annoying child!"
"I remember the bath song you taught me, sort of." Estel said, puffing his chest. "And Father taught me this song about the fall of Gil-galad, would you like to hear it?"
"Nothing would give me more pleasure," Bilbo smiled down at him and placed his hand on his shoulder. "Yet, now I'm weary and would prefer to rest and wash before supper time."
"I'll take you!" Estel said quickly. "I know all the good rooms here, when I was little I'd explore them all, and hide from my brothers." He turned suddenly to Gandalf and said excitedly. "I have grandparents now!"
"You do?" Gandalf asked slightly surprised.
"Yes! Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn adopted me as their grandchild!" Estel said smiling brightly. "And I'm welcomed to Lorien any time, only I have to be careful about Haldir, because he doesn't like me very much..."
"I wonder what could cause that." Gandalf said cynically, eyeing Estel intently.
"We may have played a few pranks on him and his brothers." Estel admitted. "But they are so serious all the time! They asked for it, honestly, they did!" He added defensively, as the three walked through the halls. "And most of it was the twins' doing anyway and they played a prank on us as retaliation, but it didn't work and instead father couldn't get the lice out of his hair for a whole WEEK...!"
* "Estel?" "Estel!" "ESTEL?!"
Estel didn't move, he just kept sitting up in the tree, hoping they couldn't find him. Maybe if he sat still and quiet enough they would simply leave him alone. That's all he wanted right now- his mind was a jumble and his heart ached and he didn't know what to think or feel.
But he did know he wanted to be left alone.
He heard a rustling sound directly underneath him and knew they must have spotted him. Even if his brothers didn't know where to search for him, they had keen senses and were bound to see him or hear his silent sobs.
"Go away," he whispered loud enough for them to hear. Elladan and Elrohir exchanged nervous glances, before they continued to climb to where he was. Elladan crawled on the thin branch and sat beside Estel. Elrohir crept up behind, a bit more hesitant and sat on Estel's other side. Estel lowered his head and tried to turn away.
"Estel," Elladan said, and seemed at a loss for words. "Do you... Are you alright?"
Estel laughed a hollow laugh and stared at his brother with cold red- rimmed eyes. He felt tears stinging his eyes, and he quickly brushed them away. "I'll be fine."
"But you are not fine now," Elrohir observed. "Brother, speak with us."
Estel swallowed audibly. He felt his heart stuck in his throat and wondered how long it could last so far from where it should be. "It hurts." Elladan and Elrohir both wrapped their arms around their younger brother, holding him tightly.
They sat there silently, holding his tear-racked body, not quite knowing what to say. They were Elves, and they almost never dealt with death- the last time someone they cared about died was when Arathorn was killed, but they have dealt with loss...
"I know it hurts," Elladan said. "I remember when our mother went away. I felt so much pain and confusion..." His heart contracted at the memory, but he knew he had to relive it, for Estel's sake.
"I remember being mad." Elrohir admitted quietly. Both set of eyes were upon him and he ducked his head. "I was angry at her for leaving me- for leaving us. I would watch the effect it had on our family- especially our father- and there were times when I felt I hated her."
"But she's your mother!" Estel said shocked.
"I know," Elrohir said in self reproach. "But I suppose I needed someone to blame, someone to take my anger and pain out on- and she was conveniently not there."
"But Thorin was not a relative of mine," Estel argued. "I didn't know him- not REALLY... I shouldn't be... Should I?" He looked up at them, the questions etched on his forehead.
"You cared for him, you should not be ashamed of that," Elladan argued, squeezing his shoulder. "You should rejoice in those moments you shared together."
"They weren't joyous moments," Estel muttered darkly. "I made him miserable, he was always mad at me for something."
"Gandalf told us Thorin was the happiest he has ever seen him- when he was with you." Elrohir stated with a smile. "Something about a big water fight." Estel couldn't help but smile to his brothers' delight.
"I bet that's what did it," Elrohir continued playfully. Estel glanced at him curiously. "Your smile- when you were younger it could quiet our father's wrath- not an easy feat at all. "Your smile warms our hearts- I would hate to see it disappear forever."
Estel did not say anything for a while, content to simply sit there with them. "You would have liked them."
"Who?" Elladan asked puzzled.
"Fili and Kili- they were brothers," Estel smiled as he remembered. "They were quite the talk of the town, always getting into trouble-"
"The very opposite of us," Elladan said in mock indignation.
Estel grinned, but soon sobered. "I should have spent more time with them. At first no one would spend any time with me, but they did. They knew what it was like to be the youngest and to be ignored. Then Gloin started teaching me about how to make a fire and Gandalf taught me about tracking- I don't think we've really spoken to each other since those first few nights..." Estel shook his head, as he felt a new rush of emotions engulfing him. "I should have spent more time with them!"
Elladan pulled the child to his chest and rocked him gently, whispering nonsense in his ear, trying to sooth him. Elrohir watched his brothers, when a sudden dread gnawed at his heart:
What will they do when Estel dies?
He knew Estel still had years in front of him, but in the eyes of an elf it is nothing. They would stay young as their younger brother aged and withered and eventually died- if battle doesn't kill him first. How would they go on without him? Surely they would die of a broken heart? Would they sail to the Valar first, so that they would not have to witness his death? Could he really leave Estel all by himself here, without protection and family?
Elrohir's mind was racing with questions, but at the moment he had to be strong, for Estel's sake. He put on a brave smile and laid a gentle hand on his shoulder, running his other hand through his hair as they tried to calm him down. He knew it would be a while before Estel was back to his old self again, death does take its toll on the living.
The three brothers stayed up on the branch until the sun set. They did not speak for long hours at a time, for what could one say? When the sun set and Estel calmed down a bit, his breath hitching in sudden hiccups, they climbed down the tree to attend supper. It would do Estel good to be surrounded by family and friends, if only to make him smile once again.
*
"Lord Elrond, a word if you may?" Gandalf asked Elrond quietly, when he and Bilbo made to leave a week later. Elrond nodded his head and lead Gandalf down the hall, to his study. Gandalf hesitated and said: "Let us talk outside in the garden, it is a beautiful day."
Elrond was slightly taken aback by this, but he hid it well, and seeing no reason why they shouldn't, followed Gandalf outside. Once they were outside in the garden Gandalf sat down heavily on a bench and admired his surroundings. Sometimes he would forget how beautiful the Last Homely House truly was. It were as if nature itself was at peace here: The water, the trees, the flowers, the animals, all were- for lack of a better word- perfect.
"You wished to speak with me?" Elrond asked, slightly impatient. He was not having the best of days- the kitchen managed to burn the lunch, Estel was still reclusive and during their lesson he seemed to be somewhere else. Also it seemed Gilraen, Elladan, Elrohir and Bilbo all expected something from him- giving him meaningful looks, but he did not know what they meant.
"Yes," Gandalf said decisively, as he gathered his thoughts. "How is Estel?"
Elrond frowned, before answering. "He is spending most of his time alone, but that is understandable- you said he knew the three dwarves that died."
"Indeed," Gandalf said thoughtfully. "I take it you haven't spoken to him about that, YET."
"He does not seem to want to talk," Elrond said dryly. Though he hasn't question Estel, he knew that he wanted to be left alone, even if lately it did not seem to be the case... "And if he does wish to speak with someone, it is not with me. He has his mother and his brothers- and I have seen Bilbo speaking with him a few times, and teaching him songs."
Gandalf tried not to sigh and ended up snorting. There were times when he had to stop himself from banging Elrond on the head with his staff. "How would you know that, if you don't talk to him?"
Elrond did not answer, instead he asked: "Is that what we came out here to discuss? My lack of communication with my child?"
"No," Gandalf said, shaking his head sadly. "We came out here to DISCUSS your child. And," he added with a mischievous smile. "To smoke some weed." He took out his pipe and a bag of weed and poured it into the pipe. He then lit it up and blew a perfect circle.
Elrond stood in silence for a few moments, waiting patiently for Gandalf to continue. Just when he was about to say something, Gandalf announced:
"He knows."
Elrond did not know at first WHAT he knows, but then he looked into Gandalf's eyes and simply knew. "You told him?" He asked, his anger boiling. There was a soft noise in the bushes nearby, presumably from the breeze, but neither paid it much heed.
"He knew by himself," Gandalf said, his eyes fixed on some spot in the distance. "I merely answered a few questions of his." Elrond began to pace furiously.
"You should have consulted with me." Elrond said, his voice tight and controlled, but his eyes dark and angry. "I am his father, I should have a say in-"
"Are you?" Gandalf questioned. surprise.
"Of course I am," Elrond said, his anger now mixed with bemusement. "I adopted him, he is my son."
"You see, he is not so sure of that, he thinks you took him out of pity and will be rid of him the moment he finds out the truth. I assume he hasn't told you he knows?"
Elrond clenched his jaws tightly. "No, he has not."
"Such a silly thing to fear," Gandalf went on sarcastically. "I wonder what could have given him that idea?" His eyes were staring at Elrond now, as he blew more smoke rings.
"I never once said anything to that effect," Elrond countered. He could not believe Gandalf was accusing him of- of what exactly?
"You did not need to," Gandalf said seriously, his voice hard. "All you had to do was not give him your heart fully, and he understood. Children are very perceptive- did you know that he feared you do not love him? That you do not want him? Too long have I noticed your lack of commitment to the child, too long have I watch both of you suffer, and stood by quietly. It is about time I knocked some sense into your stubborn mind."
"It is not your place to lecture ME on how to raise MY child," Elrond nearly raised his voice, but he knew Gandalf spoke the truth. Galadriel said something to the same effect while they were in Lorien, why was he holding back?
"If you wish to suffer yourself, I cannot interfere," Gandalf rose and stood up impressively, giving off a dangerous air. "But I will not have you ruin that child's soul! He is such a sweet and giving child, such a wonder- how could the one person who's opinion matters most hurt him so much?"
Elrond's heart contracted painfully and he downcast his gaze. "I do not know. Believe me Mithrandir when I say I love that child. I love him so much it scares me."
"How could love scare?" Gandalf asked smiling gently. "It is such a beautiful emotion, not an ugly one."
"I know that," Elrond said, sinking slowly onto the bench, suddenly feeling very old and weary. "I do not know what I fear."
"You fear being happy." Gandalf mused, sitting next to his old friend. "You have vowed for so long to remain miserable while you and your wife are parted. And now this child threatens that vow and you fear to have your heart broken again."
Elrond nodded his head. "I have been a selfish fool."
"Yes, you have," Gandalf said smiling. "I dare say you need him just as much as he needs you." He rose and yawned tiredly. "You deserve love Elrond half elven, she would want that." He smiled over to the nearby bush and said a bit louder. "You can come out now, Estel."
Estel came out sheepishly from the bush he was hiding in and blushed fiercely. "I didn't mean to listen in, honest, but you told me to meet you in the gardens, and then-"
"I meant for you to listen." Gandalf interrupted him with a raised hand. "I wanted to make sure you knew." He glanced at Elrond and winked. "Just in case it is a subject hard to breech. I will leave you two alone now, Bilbo and I must be going as it is." He bent over to Estel and hugged him. "I will see you soon."
"Goodbye Gandalf," Estel said into his cloak, burying his face in his shoulder. Gandalf put him down, said goodbye to Elrond and left Rivendell. Estel tried not to look his father in the eye, not quite sure what to do or say in the awkward silence. It was Elrond who broke the silence first.
"I have not been fair to you," he surprised Estel. Elrond beckoned his to the bench and Estel jumped on it, leaning his head into Elrond's side. "You have given me your love without question or reason, and I haven't done the same."
"It's alright," Estel said, not really sure what he should say. Elrond raised the boy's head, so he was looking him straight in the eye.
"No, Estel." Elrond said seriously. "It is not alright, it was wrong of me. I ask you for your forgiveness, though I do not deserve it." Estel was shocked beyond words and so he simply continued to stare at his father. "But it will all change, I will love you with all my heart- because you deserve no less."
Estel wrapped his arms around his father and smiled happily. "I love you, Ada."
"Elrond sighed, feeling a burden lifting from his shoulders. Such devotion in this child, such love and forgiveness, he was truly not worthy of this precious gift. "I love you too, Ion nin, do not ever forget that."
Estel broke the embrace and looked into Elrond's eyes. "You miss her."
"Yes," Elrond said sincerely. "I miss her very much."
"What was she like?" He asked curiously, biting his bottom lip. Was it impolite of him to question about Celebrian?
"She was... " Elrond smiled in remembrance. "Radiant, in a way words cannot describe. I remember the day we first met..."
*END PART 14*
Author's note:
I hope you like the last part, the whole Elrond-Estel bit, I'm not sure if it came out quite the way I planned, but I hope it works. Next chapter will also be the last chapter and probably also very short- a small scene with Legolas and an epilogue. I would like to thank everyone who ever read this story or reviewed it, it was quite a long journey, for me as well as Estel. I think after I'm done I'll take a break from LOTR fan fiction and just concentrate on my other fan fiction that I'm working on in POTC. I did have an idea for a short humor fic, in the same AU world as this one, involving embarrassing Aragorn stories, but I'll have to play it by ear.
leggylover03- I hope you'll like this chapter as well, it's about time Elrond give his heart truly to Estel! LOL, I think Estel is done falling for a while, he might get seriously hurt if he continues to do that!
grumpy- Can you send me your snow by air mail? I liked the fact that Estel got grandparents and now he and Elrond are on the right path! Anything involving Estel and the twins driving Haldir crazy is always fun and entertainment!
