*Knives walks up.*
Knives: Blah… The spider known as Kouji Tamino does not own Trigun… He also does not own Trix, thank god… Can I go now?…
From the author: AHHHH!!! Please don't hurt me! Guys, sorry it took so long to write again… I wanted to finish another story before I was grounded… But I wasn't grounded, so now I am dedicated to this story… To the people that stuck around and waited for me, thanks! You guys are awesome. Thanks for not giving up on me… For the people who gave up on me, thus won't be reading this… Nyah nyah, ya missed it! So, on with the fic!
~~~
The Random Adventures of Vash!
Chapter 2: Knives Adventure
~~~
And so, after months of inactivity, the Planet of Gunsmoke awoke. The residents then proceeded to scold the author. He hung his head low. He then cheered up and continued on with the story. (The lazy bastard… Hey, wait…)
Anyway, in the home of the Stryfe's/Stampede's and the Wolfwood's, the only people in the house were Meryl, and Knives. Everyone was out and about. Meryl nervously walked over to the sleeping form of Knives, who was knocked out on the couch with a half eaten bowl of Trix in his lap. She stepped over the empty boxes of the fruit flavored cereal, and slowly tapped Knives on the shoulder. He jumped up suddenly, covering them both in milk and cereal.
"Bwa!!! Don't shoot me, Rem!!! I'm sorry!!!" Knives, still groggy, stared at Meryl. Thinking that it was Rem with a hair cut, he drew his gun on her. The woman screamed. When he realized that it was actually Meryl and thought of what Vash would do to him if he shot her, he put his guns away. He glared at her. "What do you want, Spider Woman?! If you hadn't awaken me from such a horrible nightmare, there is no telling what I would have done!"
Meryl raised an eyebrow at him suspiciously. "What would you have done?…"
"Well, maybe I would have shot you in the face, then tie you up to the Jeep outside and drag you across the desert. Then, if you were still alive, I would tie you up and set you on the path of an incoming Sandsteamer… Ah, yes… Then, if there was anything left, I would take the carcass and roast it over an open fire, then feed it to a penguin named Clive…"
Meryl's eyes widened, and she inched away from Knives. "Don't you dare!… And what's a penguin?"
"… Never you mind, Spider Woman… Never you mind…" Knives muttered, crossing his arms and settling back down in his couch.
Meryl stared at the highly disturbed man/plant in great worry. Knives glared. "So? What the hell do you want?"
Meryl cleared her throat. "Ahem… Anyway, I was wondering if you could do a few… errands for me…"
Knives raised an eyebrow. "What kind of… errands?"
"… Um, well… First, the kids need to be picked up… Gary and Mary went to the mall with Sayuri and Kaite…"
"… Urgh…" Knives groaned, annoyed.
Meryl ignored him. "And then, I need you to pick up some groceries…"
"Why should I do these errands for you?"
"Because, everyone has been pulling their weight around here except you this Summer…"
"Not that Spider-Butterfly hybrid offspring of you and my brother…"
"He's a baby! Besides… We ran out of Trix, and if I go to shopping myself, I just might forget to buy them…"
"… Bitch…"
~~~
And so, driving off in a black Jeep, Knives drove off to the mall. He had just arrived in town, and cursed as he watched the humans. "Darn spider woman… I'll kill, er-- hurt her and the rest of the spiders someday… Just you wait…" He unknowingly sped up in his rage, and ended up crashing into the town's Plant. "DAMNIT!!! NOT AGAIN!!!"
~~~
Knives huffed through the mall. He glared at the kids smiling faces as he finally found them. "Alright, get your spider up!"
Kaite smirked. "What's wrong, Knives? Run out of Trix?"
Knives twitched. "That is none of you business, you little shit!" Knives drew his gun, and people began to scream. Knives screamed at them all. "Shut up, spiders!! Or I'll kill you all!!" Suddenly, security all showed up and pointed their guns at Knives. He glared at them all. "… I'll kill all you, too!!"
~~~
Knives growled from his prison cell. He took off his shoe and pulled out a tiny portable box of Trix. He reached in his pocket and pulled out a plastic spoon. Then, he took of his other shoe and pulled out a school sized carton of milk. He poured the milk in the box and watched the milk seep through the box. "Shit…"
Suddenly, the jail cell's door opened. A guard came in. "Well, looks like your bail has been paid…"
Knives raised an eyebrow. "By whom?"
Milly popped her head in. "By me!"
"But… How?"
Wolfwood walked in, glaring. "The bail was surprisingly low… But poor Milly had to spend all of her pudding savings…"
"No pudding for Milly…"
"… You did that for me?…"
Milly nodded happily. Knives's expression softened. 'Milly… You've always been so kind to me… I wish I could kiss-- No wait, she is married… Besides, she's… human…'
Wolfwood interrupted Knives's train of thought. "I hope you're happy… Anyway, I dropped the kids off… Meryl's pissed as hell. She said that if you didn't get your ass to the grocery store, she would kick your ass so hard that you would be licking her shoe."
"Hey!"
Wolfwood chuckled. "Just quoting what she said…"
Knives huffed, then sat up and left. But not before nodded to Milly. "Thank you, Milly…"
Milly smiled again. "You're welcome!"
Knives then gathered up his stuff and exited the building.
~~~
Outside, Knives hopped in his black Jeep, then drove off to the grocery store. He growled. "Damn Kaite… Damn spider children… Burn them all…" He drove up to the grocery store, then parked. He walked into the store, then looked at the list that Meryl gave him. "Hey look! Catch You Catch You Catch Me Catch Me Wait up!
Look this way and say you like me.
Yeah! Nice to Meet You Good to See You Surely!
My thoughts will fly, fly, fly into your heart!
They - will - not - get - lost!" As Knives got strange looks from people passing by, he stared at the list. "… What the hell is this?!" He looked on the back. "Oh wait, here's the list… Milk, water, corn, chicken, beef, Trix -- yum -- donuts, donuts, 50 donuts 'AHHHHH, 500 bajillion donuts yes!' …" Knives stared at the list blankly. He then went back to reading the list. "…'Oh, and salmon sandwiches…'… Dumb ass Vash… Messing with the list…" Knives shook his head. "Okay, let's see… oh, and some hot dogs… Gee, I wonder who wrote that…" he muttered sarcastically. He continued on his way.
~~~
Knives went through the rest of the day without much mishap, until he got to the Trix… He looked around the entire cereal section, but the Trix were nowhere to be found. He controlled his rage, and as kindly as he could, asked a nearby worker where the Trix were… "Where the hell are the goddamn Trix?!"
The young man began stuttering. "Um… I'm sorry, sir… But a rabbit just grabbed all the boxes we had…"
"WHAT?! WHERE IS HE?!"
"It was just a few minutes ago… With all those Trix, he should still be at the cash register…"
Knives then ran off, shopping cart included, to get the rabbit that took his Trix…
~~~
The Trix Rabbit aka Silly Rabbit, pulled out a gun and pointed it at the person at the cash register. The rabbit, now insane, shakily held the gun at the woman and shouting out his demands. "Put the Trix in the bag, lady…"
"Okay! Okay! Please don't hurt me!!"
"That's it… Put those delicious raspberry reds, lemony lemons, and grapity grapes in the brown paper bags…"
"Hey!" shouted Knives, running over to the register. "You can't just take all the Trix!!"
The rabbit turned around to face Knives, eyes twitching. "Says who?…"
"Says I!" Knives yelled drawing his gun.
~~~
Meanwhile, at the house, Vash came home, carrying little baby Vish. Vish gurgled. "Goo…"
Milly, who had earlier gotten home with Wolfwood, squealed. "Eeeeee, he's so cute!! He's like a little mini Vash except… He's not!!"
Vash blinked. "Hey, where's Knives? Usually when I get home he'd be sitting on the couch, eating his Trix… Or ranting about killing all humans… Or sometimes both! He'd choke a lot, though…"
Meryl sighed. She was sitting on the other couch. "I sent him out on some errands… Which I now think was the worst mistake ever… He's already been arrested once, but Milly bailed him out…"
Vash's eyes widened as he dropped little Vish. Thankfully, a quick save by Wolfwood kept the baby alive for another day. "Where is he now?!"
Meryl gave him a death glare for almost dropping Vish, but she sighed. "He's either at the grocery store… Or back in jail…"
Vash saluted. "I shall storm the castle and capture the duke, sir!" Vash then ran out the door. Everyone sweat dropped. Suddenly, Vash walked back in. "Forgot my gun… Could get ugly…" He then ran back out.
Meryl sighed again. "That's Vash for you…" She then came to a sudden realization and frowned. She screamed after him. "What the hell do you mean 'sir'?!"
~~~
"So, you wanna fight for the Trix, huh?…"
"Yeah…" Knives looked around. Hey, where are those spider children from the commercials?… By now they would have stopped you…"
The rabbit growled. "I done shot them kids!! Little shits wouldn't let a poor rabbit enjoy his own damn cereal!!! I'm on the friggin' box, man… I'M ON THE FRIGGIN' BOX!!"
"… I feel your pain…"
The Trix Rabbit slowly lowered his gun. "…R--really?…"
Knives shot the rabbit right in the head. "No, not really… Mwahahahaha!!!"
~~~
Meanwhile, Vash was in the appliances section…
"Excuse me?…" Vash said, walking up to a worker.
"Yeeeeees?…" the man began.
"Um…" Vash said nervously. "Have you seen Knives?…"
"Of course! What type of knives are you looking for? We have a fine selection of--"
"No, my brother Knives!"
"Brother Knives? Quite a fine choice… They are our finest--"
"No, I mean his name is Knives!"
"Hisnamus Knives? I don't recommend those… Easy to wash but they break too easily--"
Vash calmly drew his gun and pointed it at the worker. "Look… I don't like to be violent, but I'm running out of time… Could you please help me find my brother?…"
"Sir! There is no need to be violent! If you were looking for your brother, why didn't you just say so?…"
"…" Vash stared blankly at the worker.
~~~
"Dayum!!" Bobby yelled, who had watched the whole thing. "He dun busted a cap in the Trix Rabbit!"
The manager of the store walked up to Knives. "Sir, while you may have killed a beloved mascot of hundreds of years, we want to thank you for saving the store. You may have everything you have shopped for so far for free! Including these boxes of Trix…"
"Spider, you will be one of the last to die when I wipe out all the spiders in a mad frenzy of Genocide…"
"… Just get the hell out…"
Suddenly, Vash burst into the store. He quickly drew his gun. "OHMYGODKNIVESDON'TKILLANYONEOR I'LLSHOOT YOUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
Knives stared at Vash. "… Vash… No… Just no…"
"Knives, you have no reason to hurt these innocent people!"
"Vash, look… You do this every time I go out…"
"Knives, let's just put his behind us and go home…"
"But I want to go home… So let's go…"
"Damnit Knives, calm down!!"
"… Nevermind… I'll just let you get this out of your system…"
"Knives, a life is a wonderful thing… You shouldn't just--"
~~~
And so, they finally arrived at home. Knives yawned, and hopped out of his black Jeep. Vash hopped out of the van. They both walked inside, carrying the groceries. Meryl rushed up to both of them. "So?! What happened?!" Knives plopped the money in her hand. "What's this?…"
"The shopping money…" Knives answered. "I got the groceries for free…"
"…You didn't kill anyone, did you?…"
"Sigh… No, I didn't kill anyone… No wait, that's a lie… I killed a crazy rabbit…"
"Um… Alright…" Meryl blinked rapidly.
Knives began to walk to his room, hands in his pockets, then stopped and looked back slightly. "Oh, and by the way…"
"Hmm?"
"If you could, give that money to Milly…" He smirked. "Tell her she can buy some pudding with it…" He then continued on to his room and closed the door.
Meryl stared at the door. Vash put a hand on her shoulder and chuckled. "He sure has changed, hasn't he?…"
Meryl smiled. "Yes… He has…"
Suddenly, Kaite knocked on the open door. "Um, knock knock… Hate to ruin a warm moment, but… I need a place to stay…"
Vash looked over to Kaite. "But… What about your parents?…"
Kaite stared hard at Vash, then burst out laughing. "My stepparents?! Hell no!! They are complete dead beats! I only see them every couple of months, and the rest of the year they are off doing god knows what… I'm only alive because Sayuri knows how to cook! In fact, that's how we met… 3 years ago, I ran away and was starving because my parents were gone and she brought me over to her place and cooked me up a decent meal…"
Vash scratched his head. "Gee, that sounds bad… What do you think Meryl?…" He gave her a bit of a pouty face.
"… Um… Alright… But we'll have to knock down yet another wall and build a new room… And Kaite, you have to help…"
The boy nodded. "That's alright with me…"
Vash giggled slightly, then yelled out. "Yahoo!! We have a new roommate! Ha ha ha!!"
Wolfwood screamed from his and Milly's room. "For god sakes! People are trying to freakin' sleep here! Shut up!"
The End… For now…
~~~
And I'm back! ^_^ Hello again!
