From the author: Yay! Another chapter! Mwahaha…

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The Random Adventures of Vash!

Chapter 3: Special Task Force FoodRanger!

And so, a few days passed, and Kaite settled into his new home. Curious, he wondered why Mary kept giving him strange looks and hissing at him… Anyway, that's not important! What is important is that the City of New Augusta was currently in the middle of a crime wave. Vash frowned as he read the newspaper. "This is distressing… The crime rate hasn't been this bad in 50 years…" He shook his head, then stood up. "I have to do something about this!"

Suddenly, Mary walked in. "Dad… I may have something useful…"

Vash raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"… Follow me…" Mary said walking down the hall.

Vash shrugged and followed her. They walked a little further down the hall and Mary flipped up a panel on the wall. Vash's eyes widened as she pressed a red button under the panel. The walls slowly slid apart to reveal a secret laboratory of some sort. It was filled with all sorts of technology the likes of which few people have ever seen. "…W--w--what is this?!"

Mary smiled slightly. "Did I forget to mention that I was also an inventor?"

Vash shook his head and looked around. He saw all sorts of gadgets and doohickies, but then he saw a table where Kaite, Sayuri, Wolfwood, and Milly were sitting. Milly smiled and waved. "Hi, Mr. Vash! Are you here for the surprise, too?"

"Um…" Vash began. "What is going on here?"

"I'm glad you asked. A few years ago I began an experiment. But after the 'Revenge Against Vash' plan went into full motion, I temporarily gave up on it. The recent crime wave, however, has given me enough motivation to continue it… So I now reveal to you--" Mary pulled back a curtain to reveal a table with 5 watch-like devices. "--the Food Processors!"

Wolfwood stared at the devices. "What in the nine hells are those?"

Mary glared at him, but answered his question. "They are devices that will transform you all into super heroes…"

Wolfwood stood up. "Ridiculous. What would we need those for? We're already good on our own…"

Mary frowned. "These will increase your speed, strength, and modify your weapons…"

The priest crossed his arms. "Well I'll have nothing of it… I think it's a stupid idea… Why can't Gary do it?"

"Because…" Mary looked down. "I don't trust him with it…"

Milly pouted with big, shimmering eyes. "Pwease, Nicky?…"

Wolfwood closed his eyes in defeat. "…Fine…"

Mary pulled the curtain back to it's previous position. "They aren't complete yet, but I'll summon you all when they are… By the way Nicholas, what is your favorite food?…"

"Why does that matter?"

"It will be important later…"

"Whatever…" he frowned. "Sorry, bad week…" he smiled. "Anyway, I don't really have a favorite, but lately I've been fond of this new treat called an Ice Cream Sandwich…"

"…I'll have to do some research, but I can pull it off…"

"Eh?"

"Nothing…"

~~~

A few days passed, and the group was once again summoned to the lab. Mary handed them each a 'Food Processor'. She gave Vash one with a red background in the face of the watch. "Dad, you're red, the leader…"

Vash smiled. "Awesome!"

She handed a pink one to Sayuri. "Sayuri, you're yellow."

Sayuri nodded. "Thank you…"

She tossed Wolfwood a black one. "Nicholas, you'll be black…"

"Alright…"

"Kaite, you are blue…"

"I see…"

"…And Milly, you'll be pink…"

"Yay!"

"So, now… You are all part of the Special Task Force, created to deal with the recent crime wave. Using a monitor, we will find out where major crimes are taking place and deal with them promptly… I will stay here and give out instructions when needed. Good luck… Right now the monitor isn't working, so you'll have to go check out the city."

Vash stepped forward after putting on his Food Processor. "I, leader of the Special Task Force, will proudly take on this responsibility that you have bestowed upon me…"

Mary sweat dropped. "That's nice, dad…"

Vash smiled cheesily. "Alright, Special Task Force! Let's go!"

~~~

In which the Task Force has random adventures.

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A female bank teller screamed as a man with jeans, a red shirt, a blue vest and black boots pulled out a gun. Several other people dressed similarly also pulled out guns. The man, presumably the leader, shouted out to the innocent people. "Listen up! If you're all quiet and pay attention to my commands, y'all just might live! Put all the money in this bank in this here bag!" He pulled out a very large brown bag and handed it to the bank teller, who shakily took it and filled it with the safe's money.

Suddenly, Vash and the others burst into the bank. "Oh boy!" Vash screamed a bank robbery!" Without looking back, he barked his command. "Special Task Force! Food Process!" The others looked at him strangely, including everyone else in the bank, but they shrugged and pressed the single button on the watch like devices and somehow knew what they were supposed to say.

Vash was wearing red spandex with a matching helmet with a donut shaped on the face. Kaite was wearing the same outfit, but blue and with a pretzel shape on his helmet. Sayuri was wearing yellow with a pickle on her helmet. Wolfwood was wearing black with an ice cream sandwich, and Milly was wearing pink with a cup of pudding.

The bank robbers laughed out loud. "What y'all dressed up for, huh?!"

The group looked in the mirror and gasped.

"Gyah!!" Kaite screamed. "We look like total idiots!!"

"Damnit, Mary!" Sayuri began. "You did this to embarrass us, didn't you?!"

~~~

Mary, who had gotten the voice system working, spoke to them. "Hey, it was part of a strange TV show Gary used to watch…"

~~~

The crooks continued laughing. Milly growled. "How… How dare you make fun of us!! I think the outfits are cute!" Milly brought out her modified stun gun and attempted to blast the leader. She ended up splatting him in the face with pudding. "Oops…"

"What the?!--" Wolfwood screamed. "Mary, are you trying to get us killed?! Food for weapons?!"

The gang leader wiped as much pudding off his face as he could. "… You bitch! You're dead!!" The leader aimed his gun right at her.

"Milly, look out!!" Sayuri screamed. She brought out her machine gun, a gift from Kaite, and shot a barrage of pickles at the leader. The pickle juice burned his eyes.

"GYAAAAH!!! IT BURNS WITH A FIERY RAGE!!! LET'S GET OUT OF HER BEFORE THEY SHOOT SOMETHING ELSE AT US!!!" The leader ran out, his gang following.

Wolfwood growled. "Oh no you don't, you bastard! You tried to shoot Milly!!" He brought out his Cross Punisher, and thwacked the bad guys in the back of the head with frozen Ice Cream Sandwiches. They all fell to the ground, and Vash finished them off by pulling the trigger on his gun. Dough flew out of the gun, and wrapped around the villains. The donut cooked it self, and the badguys were wrapped up in giant donuts.

Kaite blinked. "Well what do you know… These food weapons, if used right, really do work! What brought this on, Mary?"

~~~

At 'FoodRanger HQ', Mary gave them her answer. "I… I wanted to stop evil without killing… I wanted to stop the death and pain… So then I thought, why not food?… So I came up with this plan…"

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Wolfwood smiled, then laughed. "And the whole 'Special Task Force' thing?"

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Mary smiled. "It was based of off a very old show… Super Sentai… It's been around for more than 100 years, since people lived on Earth and it was somehow carried over to this planet. It was recently cancelled a few years ago…"

~~~

Sayuri blinked. "I don't know about you, but I wouldn't parade around in these things in front of thousands of people for any amount of money…"

~~~

And so, a week passed…

"OKAY, MAN!!! I'VE LIKE, GOT A FREAKING BOMB ATTACHED TO MY SKULL!!! IF YOU DON'T STOP USING PLANTS FOR ENERGY, I'M GONNA LIKE, BLOW THIS WHOLE BUILDING UP!!!" a shaggy looking hippy screamed. He was wearing shorts, a tie-dye shirt, and truth be told, he had a bomb attached to his head. People began to scream and run around and do cartwheels. Out of nowhere, trumpets blasted and conga drums were beat. The people began to jump up and down and dance. A funky sounding jazz guitar solo played, then it stopped and the trumpets returned along with a snare drum. The men tossed the women in the air and caught them. Finally, to top it all off, the ground opened up and Tom Jones slowly rose out of the ground on a platform. Abruptly, the music stopped. Tom Jones brought the microphone to his mouth and was about to sing…

"Stop this senseless blowing up of buildings and randomly bursting out in song, now!" a valiant voice yelled out. The camera did a pan to reveal the FoodRangers. FoodRanger Donut Red flashed a peace sign. "For the Special Task Force is here!"

"DON'T YOU SEE THAT I LIKE, HAVE A BOMB ATTACHED TO THE PLACE THAT PROTECTS MY THINKING DEVICE?! DON'T YOU SEE THAT I WILL BLOW UP THIS BUILDING?!"

Milly smiled. "Well don't you see that your bomb is jammed by pudding?"

"WHAT?!…" the bomber hippie touched his head, then brought it to his face and saw that it was covered in pudding. "WHAT?! LIKE, NOOOOOOO DUUUUDE!!!!"

Kaite walked over to the devastated hippie and slapped some 'Pretzel Cuffs' on him. "Sorry, 'dude'… Your ass is busted!"

~~~

Meanwhile, Knives slumped in his couch, annoyed. "Urgh… Those guys are annoying me with their stupid little 'Task Force'… What they need is a good kick in the ass… If only I could get those powers and teach them a lesson…" He thought for a moment. "Hey, wait… Maybe there is an extra 'Food Processor' laying around…" He stood up, and tiptoed over to where the lab was. He was about the flip the panel in the wall, when Mary snuck up behind him.

"Who told you about that panel?…" she asked.

"Vash, who else…" Knives replied.

Mary snorted in disgust. "Figures… So what did you want?"

"I want a Food Processor thingy!!"

"You're in luck… I was working on one for you… Come on…"

~~~

"So, this is it…" Mary picked it up and showed it too him. "I have to warn you, it's not--"

Knives quickly snatched it up. "Thanks, bye!" He then ran out of earshot.

"--finished…" she shrugged. "Oh well, his loss…" Mary then started tinkering with a few things.

~~~

In which the Task Force gets their asses handed to them by a bad-ass 'Anti-Ranger'

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Vash smiled as he and the others walked home through the desert. "Well, that's it! Thanks to us, the Crime Wave has drastically gone down! Now all that's left is the normal number of crooks…"

Wolfwood smirked. "Y'know, I have to admit, that was actually pretty fun…"

Milly smiled and hugged Wolfwood. "See, Nicky! I knew you would have fun!"

Wolfwood gave her a playful frown. "Now dear, what did I say about calling me that?…"

"I know, I know… Save it for the bedroom…"

Wolfwood violently coughed. "Um, not that one…"

"Oops! Sorry…"

Kaite frowned. "I think I've learned enough about other peoples sex lives, thank you…"

Everyone suddenly burst out laughing. The fun was abruptly interrupted, however, by an explosion that sent everyone flying. Vash coughed as green smoke filled the area. "Is everyone all right?!"

Suddenly, a form appeared at the top of a nearby mountain. He silently stared at them through his bowl shaped visor. He was wearing green spandex and the trademark Task Force helmet, but had an aura of… evil. He slid down the mountain, but at the last moment, tripped and land face first on the ground. The group sweat dropped. The mysterious figure quickly stood back up. He slowly pointed at the group. Then, he pointed down with his thumb.

The group smirked at him, then transformed.

Vash: "Donut Red! Go!"

Kaite: "Pretzel Blue! Go!"

Sayuri: "Pickle Yellow! Go!"

Wolfwood: "Ice Cream Sandwich Black! Go!"

Milly: "Pudding Pink! Go!"

And so, they became the…

"Special Task Force FoodRangers! Go!"

The green figure crossed his arms, then disappeared. The FoodRangers gasped dramatically. "Where'd he go?!…" Pretzel Blue inquired, looking around. Suddenly, they all were hit, sparks flying everywhere. They fell to the ground in slow motion and after an hour, hit the ground. They then raised their pelvises in the air dramatically as their fingers twitched. After getting up, they looked at the green Task Force Ranger, who was sitting in a chair, silently sipping wine. He waved at them.

"Task Force!!" Donut Red commanded. "Super Buffet Blast Cannon!!" They then combined their weapons into a giant cannon. "Buffet Blast, go!" The rainbow blast was sent at the green ranger at light speed. An explosion followed, and the team anxiously awaited to see the results. The smoke cleared, and the ranger was gone. Donut Red sighed. "He's gone… I wonder who he was, anyway?…"

Pickle Yellow looked up and her eyes widened. "He's still here!" The group could only look on in horror as the evil ranger flew towards them at top speed. When he made contact with his target, there was a huge explosion. When the dust cleared, the good guys uniforms were tattered. Parts of their helmets were smashed, and Donut Red's helmet was so badly damaged that the visor was shattered, revealing Vash's eyes underneath.

Green simply stood there, arms crossed. Ice Cream Sandwich Black panted heavily. "How can he… be so strong?…"

Donut Red looked to him. "I don't know… All I know is that I am not going to give up! Who's with me?!" The others were silent. "… You guys suck!"

Narrator: Are the FoodRangers doomed? Will they ever figure out the identity of Green? Will my butt ever stop itching? Find out on the next "Special Task FoodRanger"-- er, I mean… The next "The Random Adventures of Vash!" Now get out of my face!

To Be Continued…

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… Interesting… Even I don't know why I wrote this chapter… o_o