Authors Notes: And another chapter! Uhu-hu-hu-hu…
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The Random Adventures of Vash!
Chapter 4: Gunman 009
Narrator: When we last left our heroes, they were given-- aw screw it… This isn't a damn TV show… If you weren't here for the last chapter, go back and read it, lazy-asses… Damn…
Kouji: Ahem… Sorry for that, folks… The narrator has now been fired… And now, on with the story…
~~~
A few hours later, Vash and the others were in the living room, licking their wounds…
"Ow… Damn that green ranger…" Wolfwood said, getting his arm bandaged up by Milly.
"I just don't get it…" Kaite began, wiping his lip as a trickle of blood rolled down. "How did he get a Food Processor and how did he get so strong?…" He looked to Vash. "And why the hell are you licking an ice cream cone?"
Vash stopped eating and looked at Kaite smugly and pointed at the bandaged up wound on his forehead. "Meryl gave me an ice cream for my boo-boo…"
Kaite sighed. "Idiot…" Vash then stuck his tongue out. Kaite proceeded to grab it. "Shhhh! You hear that?…"
"Eh?…" Sayuri blinked, then listened.
Soon, everyone was listening to mysterious whistling. Knives suddenly walked into the room. He smiled at everyone. "Hi, guys!" He then walked away, still whistling. Everyone stared.
Wolfwood coughed. "Is it just me, or did he seem kinda… chipper?…"
"Um…" Kaite began. "I guess that's one way to put it…"
"I think it's adorable…" Milly began.
Wolfwood raised an eyebrow. "Now that you think about it, Milly got out of this thing mostly uninjured, besides a few scratches…"
Milly smiled. "Maybe the mysterious ranger was a gentleman and didn't want to harm a lady…"
Sayuri glared, then pointed to her broken arm. "Then how do explain me?!"
Milly, still smiling, shrugged.
Wolfwood rubbed his chin. "Hmmm… Then again, Knives has been acting odd around Milly lately…"
"Nah, couldn't be Knives…" Sayuri began. "He wouldn't be caught dead in one of these costumes--"
"That's where you would be wrong, my friends…" Mary stepped into the room. She was wearing a black cloak.
Vash blinked. "Eeeh?… What do you mean, Mary?…"
"… You see… Knives has a Food Processor… But I didn't know that he would go and beat you all up… You see, the reason he is so strong is because his Food Processor is powered by Plutonium… And because the Processor is unfinished, it is unstable and set to blow within a few hours…"
Wolfwood's eyes widened. "Holy shit, that thing's radioactive?!" He went silent. "I took the lord's name in vain again, didn't I?… Goddamn it… " He blinked. "God, I did it again…" He went silent again, then spoke up. "I should just stop talking now…"
Mary stared at him. "Anyway, follow me… We have to stop Knives…"
"… But how?" Vash began. "Our powers are completely useless!"
"I have another experiment that I dropped when began the Task Force Project…" Mary simply said.
"… Mary, you have way too much free time…"
Mary shrugged. "What do you expect, we're on vacation…"
"But… We have a problem…" Sayuri began. "My arm is broken…"
Mary smiled. "No problem" she replied. She brought out a strange gadget that looked like a pair of huge, bulky tongs. She clamped it on Sayuri's arm, and a blue light glowed. When the light subsided, Sayuri's arm completely healed.. Mary then kissed Sayuri's arm, then realized her mistake. "Um, sorry about that…"
Sayuri looked at Mary strange, then shook her head and smiled. "No, it's okay… And thank you!"
Mary smiled back. "God, I love her smile…" she thought to herself.
~~~
And so, in the lab…
Mary stood in front of the group and smiled. She ripped off her cloak to reveal a blue 'Cyborg 009' style uniform with an extra long black scarf. The group stared at her. "What?… I think it's pretty stylish, myself…"
Wolfwood sighed. "Okay, what kind of messed up, weird ordeal are you putting us through this time?… It better not involve stuffed animals or something…"
"No, no… This is KNIVES we are talking about… Now put on your uniforms… You and your new teammates will be using real weapons…"
Kaite raised an eyebrow as he finished putting on his uniform. "New teammates?…"
Mary nodded. She clapped her hands and the lights went out. A spotlight suddenly came on. "May I introduce…" The spotlight shined on Vish, dressed in the uniform. "Vish Stryfe! Codeman: 001!" The spotlight then shined on Gary. "Gary Stu Bluesummers Stryfe! Codeman: 002!"
Gary waved. "… Hotdog…"
"Meryl Stryfe! Codeman: 003!"
Meryl sighed. "Mary, how long do I have to wear this?…"
"Mackenzie Uno! Codeman 004!"
Mackenzie's eyes widened. "OH MY GOD, IT'S GREAT TEACHER ERICKS!!! AAAAHHHHHH!!!!"
"Sayuri Waterflower! Codemane 005!"
Sayuri blinked. "Um…"
"Milly Thompson! Codeman 006!"
Milly squealed. "Ooh, these are cute, too!"
"Nicholas Wolfwood! Codeman: 007!"
Wolfwood put a hand over his face. "I'm gonna regret this… I just know it…"
"Kaite… his last name isn't important! Codeman: 008!"
Kaite frowned. "Hey!"
"And last, but not least… The leader! Vash the Stampede Stryfe!! Codeman: 009!"
Everyone stared at Mary. She went back into her monotone mood. "…What?…"
"Why is Vish involved in this?!" Vash screamed. "And why is Mackenzie here?!"
Mackenzie squealed. "Oh, Great Teacher Ericks!! You make me so w--"
"That's enough right there!!"
Mary sighed. "Well, little Vish has Psychic abilities that are beyond your comprehension, and the only other person left was Bobby…"
~~~
Meanwhile…
"Now dat's just f*bleep!*ed up, yo! F*bleep!*in' racists!!! I oughta--"
~~~
"Well anyway, Kaite, you can transform by pressing your… um…"
Kaite frowned. "Well?… Spit it out!"
Mary blushed. "Your, um… 'thing'…"
Kaite raised an eyebrow suspiciously. "…What 'thing'?…" Mary pointed down. Kaite glared. "Now that's just sick…"
Mary shrugged. "Sorry… In the programming, I tried to make it your belly button, but it went a little low…" She turned to Meryl. "Mom, you can see really far… And Dad, Vish will tell you what you can do later… Gary, you have jets in your shoes…"
Gary smiled evilly. "Excellent…"
"… and the rest of you, your powers aren't important… Like all anime, only the main characters get to actually do anything… The rest you are like cheerleaders with muscles, or something… Anyway, get the hell out of my lab and go kick Knives ass… There's a jet in the back…"
~~~
And so, on the jet…
Mary talked to the others on a monitor in the plane. "Remember, you have to defeat Knives within an hour… Otherwise, his unstable, unfinished Food Processor will explode, and completely annihilate the city…"
Vash sighed. "Darnit, how could this get any worse?…"
Meryl frowned. "I really don't want to do this… Especially since Vish has to be involved…"
Kaite, who was piloting, looked back to the others. "Alright, everyone… We're near where Knives was last seen…"
Suddenly, they were blasted by something. The jet began falling, and it crashed on the ground. Surprisingly, no one was hurt. Wolfwood smirked. "Well, looks like these clothes are enhanced somehow…" The group then turned to Knives, now in his FoodRanger outfit. He still had his gun out. He spun it on his finger and put it in it's holster. He jumped about 50 feet in the air and disappeared.
A voice called to Vash. "Quick! Crush one of your teeth!"
Vash screamed out loud. "Why?! Oh never mind…" Crick. "Ow!" Suddenly, everyone else seemed to slow down. He saw Knives rushing towards the ground in the air. He quickly jumped over to him and knocked him down. They both went out of accelerated mode. They began fighting in a fast pace, punching and kicking at each other violently. They smashed each other in the face, then they both grabbed a hold of each other. They went flying towards the ground and hit it, hard. When they slowly got up, we see that they have made the shaped of Tony Robbins. Vash shook his head. "Who was that, anyway…"
"That would be me! Vish! Hi, daddy!"
"Gyah!" Vash screamed out.
Meryl suddenly spasms. She yells out. "Look out! There is a missile coming in!" And she was right. A giant missile shaped like a banana was flying towards the group.
Vash gasped, and yelled towards Kaite. "Kaite! Turn into a titanium wall and protect the others!" He sweat dropped as he watched Kaite fiddle with his uniform.
"Um!--" Kaite yelled, trying to reach for his… ahem… "Just a minute!! Darn these tight pants…" Finally… "Got it!" SHINK! Kaite turned into a wall. Vash and Knives went into accelerated mode and escaped the missile. It hit Kaite-wall and exploded, but did no damage.
The group, now regrouped and normal, looked towards where the missile came from to see who their attacker was…
"The Trix Rabbit?!" Knives screamed.
"That's right, shit-head! The Rabbit from Hell is back!" the insane rabbit screamed.
"But how?! I killed you!"
"Mascots never die!" the bunny yelled. He was currently wearing metal armor all over.
"Tell that to the Campbell's Soup kids…" Vash muttered.
The Trix Rabbit pointed his missile launcher at him. "Shut up!"
Kaite pointed his gun at the rabbit. "No, you shut up… Despite their size, we have the superior weapons…"
The rabbit snorted. "Who cares if you have superior weapons! I have a metal armor that cannot be penetrated by anything except a nuclear explosion!! I'll kill you all and destroy the planet with my weapons!"
Suddenly, Knives Food Processor went off. "Plutonium will have melt down in 5 minutes…" the computer voice said.
"Knives!!" Vash screamed. "Destroy that thing, now!"
Knives looked to Vash. "No, Vash…"
"…What?…"
"I have to pay for my wrong doing… I'm going to destroy the Trix rabbit…"
"Knives… don't…"
Knives took off his mask and smiled. Not a twisted scary, psychotic smile… A real smile. He walked over to Vash and hugged him. "I know that it may not seem like it, Vash… But I love you, brother…"
Tears ran down Vash's face. "Knives… I love you too…"
Knives let go and walked over to the teens. "Kids… Stay good…" He turned to Wolfwood. "And Wolfwood?… Take care…"
Wolfwood shook his head, holding back tears. "Idiot… Of course I will…"
Then, Knives walked up to Meryl. "Spider woman… Take care of Vash…"
Meryl wiped a few tears. "Yes, of course… Goodbye, Knives…"
Knives, then walked over to Milly. She was crying the hardest. "Mr. Knives! Why do you have to go?!"
Knives's expression softened. "Milly… I don't know what my true feelings for you are, but…" he kissed her on the hand, ticking off Wolfwood slightly. "…thank you for treating me with such kindness… For a spider, you are quite beautiful…" Knives then walked up to the Trix Rabbit and went into acceleration mode. He grabbed the Trix Rabbit in his armor, surprising the bunny.
"NOOOOO!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!" the crazy hare screamed hysterically.
5...
Knives smirked at the rabbit and calmly answered. "I'm taking a trip to hell…"
4...
He suddenly screamed out. "… and I am taking you with me!!"
3...
"Goodbye, everyone…"
2...
Vash tried to run towards Knives, but everyone held him back.
"KNIIIIIIVES!!!"
1...
Suddenly, Knives disappeared, going to a safer place. Everyone looked on in horror as they saw an explosion from afar… Knives was gone…
"NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! KNIVES!!!"
~~~
And so, 3 days passed…
Vash sat in his chair for all 3 of those days. Mushrooms were growing on Vash and Vish began to pick them off of him and eat them. He giggled. "Knives, Knives, and nothing but Knives… I want to stab you with knives… I want to shove a knife down your throat… Knives in my arm…" That was all Vash would say if you tried to get him to talk.
"Vash is… beginning to scare me…" Kaite stared. He was now wearing a brown jacket, jeans, and gray boots.
"Well, he did lose his brother…" Meryl sighed.
"Yeah, I guess… But what about those Dragon Testicles, or whatever…"
Wolfwood shuddered from his spot on a chair. "Eeew… Not Dragon Testicles… Dragon Balls… They have absolutely nothing to do with that… And we could do that, I guess…"
Mary popped up and smiled slightly. "I could use my new Dragon Radar…" Mary, in mourning for Knives, wore a net shirt, a skirt, and long, boots, all black. She also wore black mascara.
Sayuri walked in. "Another one?… Mary, do you ever go outside?…" Sayuri was now wearing a red shirt, shorts, and red shoes.
Mary smirked. "Actually, I was joking… I already have all the Dragon Balls in my lab…"
Vash brightened up and stood up, mushrooms flying everywhere. "Really?! So we could bring Knives back right now?!"
"Yep… Now we just have to go down to my lab and--"
Suddenly, Milly walked up. "Guys, I can't find my pudding… Do you know where it is?"
Mary blinked. "Oh, it's by my inter-dimensional portal… But don't touch anything…"
Milly smiled. "Okay!" Milly quickly ran down to the lab.
Vash looked at himself. "Eww… I can't show up to Knive's revival looking like this… I'll go take a quick bath!" Vash then ran off. Vash then ran back in in nothing but a towel. Sayuri raised an eyebrow at all of Vash's scars. Vash smiled and chuckled nervously. "Heh heh… Forgot my rubber ducky…" He grabbed his duck of rubber and ran back out.
~~~
A little while later, Vash ran back in, refreshed and ready for the day. "OK! Let's go revive Knives!"
Suddenly, Milly ran in, crying. "Mary!! Mary, I'm so sorry!!"
Mary blinked. "What?… Please don't tell me…"
"I was in the lab…"
"No…"
"And I was being extra careful, but--"
"Please no…"
"I accidentally sent the Dragon Balls hurtling into the Inter-Dimensional portal!! WAAAH!!!"
"Shit… Just great…"
Vash sat down. "So… Knives is gone forever?… Milly, you--"
"I'm sorry!"
Vash stood up quickly and shouted at her. "Sorry isn't gonna bring Knives back, damn it!!!" Everyone stared at Vash. Milly began to cry again. Wolfwood glared at Vash. He closed his eyes and sat down. "I'm… I'm sorry, Milly…"
Mary looked at the group of people. "Look, fighting isn't going to help… We can get the Dragon Balls back, but we'll have to split up and go on random, silly, non-serious adventures to get them back…"
Everyone stared at Mary. Vash cleared his throat. "…Yeah, I'm down with that…"
To Be Continued…
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Gyah, this chapter got a teensy bit dramatic… Oh well, better luck next time! =P Seeya!
