Quartax, Dispenser of Powers (First Class, Unlimited) sighed as it (he?) looked over the massive pile of folders. As their particular interdimensional agency grew larger, the number of cases for worlds in desperate need of magical enforcers increased.

He glanced over to his carbon-based lifeform co-worker, a humanoid dark-furred/scaled wolf-dragon hybrid by the name of Anubis, who was blitzed on chocolate milkshakes the way some humans got blitzed with malt liquor.(1)

His co-workers in Anubis' section of the department were part of the reason they were so far behind. Quartax was one of six current members of the Dispenser of Powers section of the department while Anubis was part of the Enforcement of Regulations section of the department, which had a proud four members remaining.(2)

Anubis' job was, to put it simply, locate all of those who'd been granted powers by the Dispensers of Powers (such as Quartax) and make certain that the so-called appointed guardians were, in fact, fighting crime and stopping interdimensional hazards.

Back when the agency had first started, they'd been guarding only twelve or so dimensions and there were contractual obligations, rules and regulations for the appointed magical warriors to abide by.

However, as time progressed, things began falling apart. Some dimensions began needing guardianship so badly that the contracts were all but forgotten.

The position was largely considered to be a cursed job, so to keep the remaining four members from crying themselves to sleep in the office, they had limited the Enforcers to simply making sure the people who'd received powers had their status reviewed a year after their appointment, then again every five years.

Once Anubis sobered up, he'd get to the next case file. Quartax almost wished there were something in his bag of Senshi pens, wands, batons, etcetra, that could help Anubis out a little.

Especially considering that Anubis was fast approaching a rather displeased set of young women.

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Sailor Akane 2 - Sometimes, You Were Better Off Before

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It had NOT been a good year for one Akane Tendo. Ever since she'd taken the position of Sailor Battle Athletess (3), she'd been forced to start up a lesbian relationship in order to get most of her powers. Worse yet, she'd been partnered with Kodachi Kuno, whom the creature (Quartax) had decided was the best suited to her personality.

It was amazing how a little thing like a lesbian relationship with a crazy weirdo could make even the most perverted male seem like a god-send to Akane.

Even if Akane admitted to having the occassional lesbian fantasy prior to her current relationship (4), she'd always pictured someone else to be her lover. Namely Ranma Saotome, in female form. However, as time went on, she would have been happier with just about ANYONE but Kodachi. Shampoo, Ukyou, Sayuri, Yuka, Miss Hinako, Kaori Daikoku, Azusa Shiratori, Kiima... hell, even an incestual relationship with her sisters was beginning to look like a step up from Kodachi.(5)

At least with the others, there might have been some sort of privacy or fetish that wouldn't be explored. Kodachi seemed to look at a list of possible lesbian fetishes as a challenge list. Each had to be explored extensively for AT LEAST two weeks before she'd move on to another one.

Admittedly, there were some that weren't that terrible. The foot and hand fetishes were a bit bothersome, but not all together impossible to get used to. However, she was currently into spanking, which was infinitely better than ANYTHING that had happened during the last three months. Next week was bondage. (6)

Akane wouldn't have minded if she could have broken up with Kodachi and started anew with another girl. Sure, she might lose most of her powers, but at least she'd be able to sit down without wincing. However, Kodachi thought Akane was just getting a jump start on Roleplaying and refused to let her go.

However, fortune smiled upon her, even if a little bit. Kodachi still had presense of mind to let Akane live separately, at least until they'd graduated, then Kodachi planned to hire Akane as a maid so they could live in 'bliss eternal' without sullying the names of their families.(7)

As she entered her room, she noticed something was not right. She usually did not have a six foot seven inch tall humanoid wolf-man in her room. She shifted into a guard stance when she noticed he was holding a folder that read "Akane Tendo: Sailor Battle Athletess". Rather than automatically assume him to be one of the random monsters her mysterious arch-rival, The Evil Wizard Lord Gos-kun,(8) she decided to let him answer for himself.

"Who are you?" Akane demanded.

"Anubis, Enforcer of the Intergalatic Review Board that gave you your powers, Akane Tendo." the wolf-man responded in a bored tone.

Akane took a better look at the wolf-man. He was pretty tall, with black fur covering most of his body, save for some yellow scales on his chest and stomach, and a black-scaled lizard tail. However, from the dark grey fur in inch-thick circles around his bright green eyes, she guessed that he was rather overworked, deprived of sleep or both.

"What are you?" Akane inquired curiously.

"A Warmagonalion. In simple terms, a reverse albino cross between a standard anthropromorphic winter wolf and a Class B-27 dragon." Anubis began. He noticed Akane's blank stare. He sighed and simplified it, "Wolf-man humps a dragon."

Akane nodded in comprehension. She might have blanched a year ago, but considering what she'd done with Kodachi, it didn't seem that bizarre.

"So, what's up?" Akane inquired.

"I'm here to review your status as Sailor Battle Athletess." Anubis began, "It's a standard first year progress report. We just take a little look over what you've done, how you've improved, where you might need further improvement, that sort of thing."

"Uh.....huh......" Akane began, before realizing that this might be the golden oppurtunity she was looking for! Anubis might be able to get her a different sexual partner, or at least one that didn't stretch the term pervert to it's very limits.

"I see you had the standard starting blunders... a few mishaps with the Ultra-High Jump ability... good battle record for a rookie with no real support... let's look at your more unusual actions. Now, what exactly were you thinking during the incident where you managed to jam your entire left arm up a monster's buttocks?" Anubis asked.

Akane's face flushed, "Well, he was jumping around and I thought if I could catch him with one good uppercut when he was descending..."

Anubis held up a hand, "That's quite enough. I can take it off the list of questionable actions. It's typical of the Watcher's department to record these things out of context. Do you have any idea what all these accounts of 'Indulging in Sexual Intercourse During An Emergency' might be about?"

"It was all Kodachi's fault! I keep getting knocked into her by monsters and she thinks it's a come-on." Akane protested.

Anubis was confused until he saw Quartax's note on creating a starter relationship between Akane and some girl named Kodachi Kuno. He hummed. That sort of situation didn't often come up with most sexual/relationship based powers. Usually, the person didn't act any differently than they normally did, they simply had a strong emotional attachment to the intended. Meaning that the person would know not to fool around when there was danger.

Anubis wondered how he could report that, "Hmmm, I guess I can place them under 'Confused Relationship Problems - Non-Intentional'. How about 'Propensity for Sexual Deviance' and 'Misuse of Senshi Transformation'?"

"That was Kodachi's fault again! She keeps wanting to do any and every fetish she thinks we can do!" Akane responded.

"I think I can pass it by..." Anubis began, [But I'm not sure how to report it.]

"Most of what's gone wrong is all Kodachi's fault. I'll admit to a few blunders here and there, but I can't stand her! She's ruining my life!" Akane told Anubis, tears forming in her eyes as she began doing the one thing she didn't like to frequently do, beg, "Can't I change my partner? Choose someone I might actually LIKE? Please?"

Anubis considered it. In cases such as this, most of problems did stem from problems within the relationship. And if the senshi was too focused on their relationship problems, then they couldn't thwart evil like they were supposed to.

"I suppose I could change it if it's that big of a problem. The only thing is that I have to select proper partners for BOTH of you. And I have to warn you that if I go back to my office to make those changes, I'm not going to be back for five years." Anubis explained.

"Fine! Anyone who isn't as crazy as Kodachi will do!" Akane replied.

"All right, but you have to live with the changes for FIVE years." Anubis warned her.

"GREAT!" Akane told him.

*POOF*

And Anubis was gone. And Akane danced for joy. At last, no more Kodachi hanging all over her!

Two Days Later...

Akane wept for despair. Kodachi was now having sex with Kasumi. And they were ten times more creepy than Kodachi had been alone. It seemed that all the stress from maintaining the house and keeping up a cheerful demeanor had made Kasumi snap and become an uber-pervert like Kodachi.

Nabiki and Ranma had fled to the Ucchan, Genma had fled to parts unknown when the two started making plans having sex on a panda-skin rug and enjoying roast panda over an open fire, Soun had left to live with Miss Hinako. And Akane was forced to stay in the house all alone.

Worse, she'd been forced to hook up with some crazy woman named Eudial, who Akane had managed to pull out of the bay a few weeks ago, as no one else was willing to (9). Apparently, Kodachi had spread the word all over Tokyo that Akane was no longer her slut-puppy, and that had immediately repulsed any possible prospects.

And it managed sink further into the region of 'bad', since Eudial was into biting and clawing. Akane wept openly, not caring who saw her. She was damned to a miserable five years with a woman who thought Akane was her scratch post or a chewtoy.

Her new best friend patted her gently on the top of her head, "Tuxedo Pedro knows how you feel, Miss Battle Athletess... he too is not treated well by fate."(10)

Akane sniffled and looked up at him. The darkly-tanned immigrant worker from Brazil was actually handsome and dashing in his uniform. And that was just the outfit. He was kind, considerate, muscular, and he had steady work. Too bad he was taken. Not to mention the wrong gender.

"Come on, Pedro, we've got evil to thwart." Akane sighed.

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"Superheroes suck." - Teen Titans by Adam Warren

(1) - Quartax couldn't see the reason behind the concept of liquor and other such substances. Why willingly form an addiction to substances that was harmful to oneself if one only got temporary relief from what caused the addiction and a host of (albeit mostly temporary) medical problems?

(2) - They once numbered in the hundreds.

(3) - Just a clarifying statement: This pen and it's powers are based on Battle Athlete series and is NOT meant to be a jab at female athletes being lesbians. It's just how the series went, I swear.

(4) - Which was impossible.

(5) - If you know all of those characters, give yourself a pat on the back.

(6) - Surprisingly, Kodachi had held off on this fetish, but only because she'd wanted to have a few things installed.

(7) - Akane figured that would be more for her family's benefit since the Kunos were all considered to be a bunch of psychos anyway.

(8) - Hey, she didn't realize P-chan and Ryouga were one in the same for over a year. What makes you think she could catch onto something equally obvious? Besides, even if she did know, she'd probably just ask him to increase the number of attacks. (Anything to get her away from Kodachi!)

(9) - Take this sentence as you will: Cruel towards Akane or the view towards saving random people who find themselves in the bay.

(10) - If you recognized Pedro Domingo, the immigrant worker from Excel Saga the anime, good for you!