Chapter Nine
*
Cid and I were there when they washed up from the Lifestream amidst the ruins of Mideel.
We had immediately alerted the team, and once the tremors had died down we all ran back to look for them, only to see them surface on their own. We pulled them out, and found to our shock that they had hardly been affected by the Mako at all, but both were drifting in and out of consciousness for a while. The doctor made a makeshift clinic upon a raised area that had not been completely decimated, and took a look at both of them before he let us take them back to the Highwind.
So... now we had Cloud back. And Tifa, too, though she hadn't left for long.
It was rather strange, seeing Cloud himself again, talking and acting normally after not seeing him like this since the Gaea Cliffs.
I think we were all very glad that there was at least some return to normality. Of course, everyone was still sorely missing Aeris, who seemed to be the spark of light at the centre of the group for many. Although I must confess, for me that spark of life was Cid.
After the uplifting meeting in the boardroom, we all left with lighter hearts. We knew our mission now and we were a team again. Tifa was in much higher spirits and I sensed that during her sojourn in the Lifestream with Cloud the two had shared something intricately special.
Cloud kindly gave Cid and I some time off from the main team after us being at the front for so long, and so Cid and I finally had some time together.
We couldn't leave the Highwind, obviously, but we sat out on the deck for a while, enjoying the breeze.
For a long time, we spoke about trivial things. Small talk.
Isn't it always the way, when you need to talk about something important and somewhat emotional to someone, it always takes a long time to build up to. Sometimes it never gets out at all.
"Y'know, Vin." Cid smiled, scratching his head. "We keep saying that we gotta talk, but now we are talkin' I kinda don't know what to say... where to start. Y'know?"
I smiled. "Yes. It's ....difficult."
"I mean..." He continued, looking everywhere but my eyes. "I like you a lot, Vin. A lot. And we kiss, but... what does it mean? Where are we?"
I knew Cid was having trouble with saying what he felt, as he felt it too dangerous at this stage to use words that had too much meaning, if you can understand. Not before we'd figured it out.
But how would we figure it out? We kept saying we needed to talk, to untangle everything that had started to knot up and coalesce since that night in Icicle Inn. No, since that day in Gongaga... it had all started then, really.
In fact, I think to be honest I started to single Cid out from the group since the time in Gold Saucer where I had hurt myself... and he bandaged my hand without caring why I had done it. Anyone else would have judged me. From that moment on, I would unthinkingly look for him first in a crowded room. He just stood out somehow, from then onwards.
The time in Gongaga really progressed our rapport; our bond. And the night in Icicle Inn, when we talked about deep and meaningful things, and we kissed in the dark. I think that was one of the most meaningful nights in my life, even though we were perhaps under the influence of a little too much alcohol. We still meant it. We just had the courage to speak and act on our feelings...
Which we hadn't seemed to have been able to in quite the same way since.
But as I mentioned before, here we were at last, ready to talk about it all and sort it out finally, but we realised then that how could we sort it out, until our final mission was over? How could we concentrate on this when Meteor was looming in the sky and Sephiroth was festering like a sickness in the North Crater?
And besides, what was the point in establishing feelings and notions that would change our interaction with each other, one way or the other, when we were still pressured by this secrecy?
Even though we'd said that we'd feel all right about everyone knowing if only we were clear about our feelings for each other, would we really? What if we decided in the end that all of it was a bad idea, and wanted to forget it ever happened? We'd still be stuck on the Highwind, perhaps avoiding each other, and it would be very uncomfortable.
No. In the end, even though it was excruciating to have these unresolved issues hanging over us, it was best to wait until everything was over so that we could talk for as long as we needed and if things went badly we could just go our separate ways.
Although I had no idea where or how I would end up if I wasn't with Cid. I didn't want to think about it.
We had been out on the deck for perhaps two hours, when an exhausted Yuffie ran out to us, panting.
"What the @#$% do you want?!" Cid yelled, incensed that she seemed keep walking in on us when we wanted to be alone.
"Don't shout at me!! I have something to tell you!" She said desperately. "Shinra are going to nuke the Meteor with Huge Materia, and-"
"Kid, don't piss me off. I'm busy now. Cloud and co can take care of i-"
"They're going to use YOUR rocket!!"
"THE @#$%?! OUTTA MY WAY!!"
****
Cid had grabbed Vincent and dragged him to the bridge, where he had yelled and thrown abuse at anyone who objected landing the Highwind outside Rocket Town.
Once they had landed, Cid dragged poor Vincent off the Highwind and all the way to the base of the rocket, where he caught up with Cloud, Tifa and Barret.
"Hey! Wait for me!" He yelled.
Cloud and the others were not surprised to see Cid, but were quite surprised to see him dragging Vincent along behind him like a rag doll. "Cid... do you want to come for this one?" He asked, as the irate pilot climbed the first ladder up to them. Vincent followed close behind.
"The @#$%?? Of course I'm comin! You ain't stoppin' me!"
"But I just asked if you wanted to-"
"If you're gonna kick those @#$%in' Shinra out of my rocket, then take me with you! Shut up and send these clowns back to the Highwind. Me and Vin are doin' this one. It's MY rocket!"
Barret scowled and went to open his mouth about being called a "clown", but Tifa laid her hand on his arm.
"Okay, good luck guys, and we'll see you later." Tifa said tactfully and had to pull Barret away.
"Goddamn son of a bitch, callin' me a damn CLOWN!" The big man shouted as he was dragged away.
Cid, cig in mouth as usual, gave him the fist and carried on scaling the ladder, now very much the man in charge, with Cloud climbing up last after Vincent. He started to feel like he was just a tag-along.
As they reached the utmost plinth, they were greeted by Rude of the Turks and a plethora of Shinra guards.
"Don't let them get any further! ATTACK---!!"
Rude and the guards rushed forward, but Cid was ready for them. He readied his spear and Vincent could see that he'd almost reached his limit and was going to break at any moment.
Cloud ran forward to dispatch the guards very easily, and Vincent aimed a shot at the Turk, who just managed to dodge it. He rolled and came flying with a punch at Vincent that sent him staggering back a step, before recovering quickly and cocking his gun again.
Vincent had been a Turk too, so this was quite a match between the two. Vincent made like he was going to shoot but bluffed and caught Rude in the shoulder with a well-aimed bullet just as he'd stopped moving to dodge the feint shot.
Rude grunted in pain and clutched the bleeding wound, deciding it was best not to pick on the Ex-Turk. His attention turned to Cid, who even in the heat of battle was puffing away on his cig, standing there ready with his spear. Rude lunged forward and caught Cid with a hard-hitting uppercut right on the chin, knocking the cig flying from his mouth.
Cid slowly lowered his head again from the blow and glared at Rude. Hard.
Big mistake, Rude...
Cid's body seemed to flash red with a burst of rage, and he charged forward with his spear, shouting various obscenities before diving on top of Rude and pounding him for all he was worth. Cloud and Vincent merely watched, stunned, as Cid executed his Big Brawl limit break. He just wouldn't stop hitting him...
He punched and punched and smashed with his spear and pounded and flattened and yelled numerous bad words until Rude was utterly defeated. Even when Cid shakily stood up again, trembling with the adrenaline, Rude did not even open his eyes. He was out cold.
Cid turned to face Cloud and Vincent, who were staring in awe, and perhaps shock at the violence.
"He was gonna take my @#$%ING rocket!!" Cid yelled, excusing himself.
"Come on," Vincent said quietly, running inside the rocket. Cid chased after him hastily.
Cloud followed somewhat more slowly, taking a long look at the poor battered form of Rude lying on the plinth.
"That's gonna hurt in the morning..." Cloud muttered as he stepped inside the rocket.
Cid had already disposed of the guards remaining in the rocket, and the three made their way into the cockpit. Cid ran over to the controls and started banging in orders on the keypads, but it was all locked.
After a while of useless attempts to disable the locked autopilot function, Palmer came on the intercom and quite happily informed Cid that the rocket was about to launch!
"What, no countdown? It just doesn't seem the same without it!" Cid said.
*
I always remember hearing about the time when the rocket was launched the first time, and had to be aborted because Shera was still inside the rocket, checking Oxygen tank number eight.
Well, she was right to.
It blew up just as we were passing.
The blast knocked us all over. It was not a huge explosion, but it was a huge shock. When the air cleared and we all came back to our senses, we found that the front of the tank had blown off and was pinning Cid's leg.
"Cid!!" Cloud and I rushed over, trying to heave the chunk of metal off him.
I felt panic rise in my throat as we discovered we were unable to move it.
"I can't lift it..." I yanked and pulled and heaved as much as I could, but it just wouldn't move.
I remember thinking that if I lost Cid now, I would have nothing. I heard Cid saying under Cloud's heaves as he tried to lift the metal. "No, go on without me, get outta here! Don't worry about me."
I couldn't believe I was hearing it! No! I have to get you out! That was all I could think, and still this rising fear, this dread, came up slowly from the pit of my stomach.
What if Cid was trapped for good? The rocket would plough into Meteor, and...
I squeezed my eyes shut. I couldn't think about that.
But it seemed so hopeless. I continued to pull desperately at the chunk of metal, cursing it with every fibre in my body, and Cid's eyes caught mine over the hunk of metal that was formerly tank number eight. His eyes... were sad. We stared at each other for a long time, before he spoke quietly so that Cloud didn't hear over the rumble of the machinery.
"Take care, Vin. ... I..."
He was interrupted by an unexpected appearance.
"Hello, Captain."
Shera. Shera had stowed away on the rocket for a second time. She came over, and once again Cloud and I took our positions at the metal chunk, this time Shera joined us, and together with an almighty, back-breaking effort, we managed to haul the tank fragment off Cid's leg, freeing him.
I found myself trembling, and I wanted to run over to Cid and gather him to me, to make sure he was safe. But I couldn't... Not with Cloud and Shera there...
But Cid made them go on ahead to the escape pod, and I understood his intent.
As soon as they were gone from the tank room, I rushed over and held him tight.
He clutched me tightly too, very glad to be safe.
"Don't ever do that to me again..." I whispered.
"It wasn't my fucking fault..." He started, but checked himself. "Actually, yes it was. If I'd waited for Shera to finish her checks on the tanks before tellin' Shinra we were ready for launch... I was too fuckin' impatient." He sighed. "I got some apologisin' to do to her, haven't I?"
I smiled and just held him tight still. "Yes. Is your leg okay?"
Cid chuckled. "It's fine. Hey, Vin... you almost sound like you care about me."
I pulled back from our embrace, to look him in the eye. "I do..." I said, most seriously.
He stared back at me for a moment with a soft expression of touched wonder.
"Captain, are you still there? We have to hurry!"
We heard Shera's voice call from near the escape pod.
"Come on, this rocket's gonna blow into Meteor! We gotta get the fuck outta here!" Cid grabbed my wrist and we ran to the pod, climbing in.
*
I stared out of the little porthole window as we drifted in the ocean, waiting for the others to pick us up. I looked behind me at the other three in the escape pod, Shera was quietly writing something, presumably of a technical nature in a little notepad. Perhaps something about the fault that caused oxygen tank number eight to malfunction.
Cloud was sitting, his hands clasped and his thumbs twirling about each other, looking somewhat troubled. I wondered briefly what he was thinking about. Probably Aeris, or Sephiroth.
Lastly, I looked at Cid, who was closest to me and also looking out of the window. He was staring hard, chewing on his lower lip and his cigarette burning away. He looked as if he was in intense deep thought, and it was best not to disturb him.
Finally, Cid had achieved his dream, and gone into outer space... I wondered if it had been a disappointment for him. I for one, was glad to be back on the earth, if even drifting helplessly in the sea.
While we were in the larger shuttle before we ejected I could better appreciate the notion that we were drifting in blackness, between worlds... As I had already said while we were on board, space is a long rest.
But now, this pod was stifling and a little claustrophobic. I longed to feel the cool air I knew was beyond the thick plated glass. I had to get out of this pod, it was staring to remind me of the coffin...
It was at this point that I realised that I would never be able to go back into that coffin again. Because of Cid... he was making me more and more human by the day.
I looked at him, as he stared out of the window, next to me. He seemed troubled, and still deep in thought. I cast a stray glance behind me at Cloud and Shera, who had started a conversation with each other. The weren't even looking at me and Cid.
I smiled softly, and laid my right hand on Cid's arm as he propped himself against the glass.
He seemed to break out of some sort of reverie, and looked at my hand on his arm before smiling at me with genuine warmth.
I returned his smile and withdrew my hand, looking out of the window with him.
"Vin... we gotta put our all into saving this planet. You know?" He sighed, giving me a brief sidelong glance. "We can't let the Shin Ra or that bastard Sephiroth destroy it."
I looked at Cid for a long moment before gazing back out of the window. "I know."
We were quiet for a while, but it was not an uncomfortable silence. We both felt the other's presence next to us as a reassuring, tangible comfort.
I guess we both started to think about what the planet meant for us. Well, apart from it being our home. I hadn't really thought much on the matter, truth be known - I was in AVALANCHE for my own personal reasons. For the people involved that I had once had connections to. Hojo and Sephiroth both...
I wondered quietly if I deserved to be in AVALANCHE, as I was not fighting for the good of the planet alone. But then - who among us all were fighting just for the planet? Even Barret had his own reasons that didn't involve the planet.
No, wait... one of us had been.
Aeris had.
She fought for the good of the planet alone; or at least no one knew of any other reasons she might have had. It must have been the most important thing to her, because she had given up her life protecting it.
I often felt guilty when I thought of Aeris. I kept telling myself that I wasn't feeling as much sadness as I should. In fact, I don't think I felt sad at all. Was that wrong of me? But I can't, as no one can, force myself to feel something that I don't.
I looked at Cid. Now... what did I feel about him? I checked myself guiltily again as I found my mind wandering from Aeris to my feelings for Cid. I felt like it was wrong of me to value her memory so little, and sometimes I found myself forcing my mind to think of her. But then it seemed fake and I felt bad again for not feeling real sadness. And so the cycle would go on.
But a lot of the time I just let my mind wander to Cid, whose very face when pictured in my head would make me smile. He was such a comforting presence and so solid; so real. I wanted so badly then to hold him, to be held by him, and just sink into his warmth. But this could not be at that time, as we were stuck in that little pod with two other people. I wished that we could just do and say what we liked, maybe then we would realise what we felt more clearly. But we agreed not to tell anybody until that had already happened, so I suppose it was a Catch-22.
Sometimes I felt like a fool for concocting this horridly complicated mess, for perhaps making a mountain out of a mole-hill, or maybe even that I was just too weak to take this whole predicament by the scruff of the neck and just sorting it all out.
It was at this point that I began to resent having a mind.
So I thought about nothing for a while; or at least tried not to think of anything important or pressing, I kept reminding myself that there was nothing to be done about anything yet at any rate, as we were currently floating in the middle of some ocean in an escape pod, waiting for the Highwind to come pick us up.
Which, funnily enough, did exactly that when I looked out of the window.
*
"Cloud!! Vincent, Cid!! Shera, are you all okay?" Tifa bustled around the four as they were pulled on board the ship, as it was hovering over the empty escape pod in the ocean.
"Tifa, we're fine, really..." Cloud smiled at the girl's worrying. "No one's hurt."
"Cid hurt his leg." Vincent noted, much to Cid's distaste.
"Did I fuck!" He exclaimed. "Christ, Vin! Don't make such a fucking meal out of it! I'm fine! It's just a bit bruised, that's all." He huffed. Vincent looked at him with an unreadable expression. Cid acted brash, but Vincent knew him well enough by now to know that Cid was secretly overjoyed that Vincent cared so much... and that his leg was in pain. His issues about being weak prevented him from showing the pain like anybody else.
Vincent smiled softly.
"What are you smiling at, Valentine?" Cid asked him as they walked off to the meeting room together, alone.
"You." Vincent said honestly. "The way you react."
"To what?" Cid asked, stopping to light a fresh cig.
"To people fussing over you. You get all flustered, and yet act like you don't care at the same time. The two contradict each other."
Cid huffed. "The fuck do I care. What are you, my psychologist now?"
"Why not? You're fun to watch." Vincent smiled, waiting as Cid started walking again.
"And since when did you learn what fun was?" Cid shot back, but was answered by silence.
"Sorry." He added.
Vincent smiled. "You don't need to apologise. I knew you didn't mean it."
Cid sighed, rolling his eyes. "Did you, now?" He flicked his ash on the floor.
They reached the meeting room, the only place that had foldable chairs in a closet off to one side. Vincent opened it and took out two chairs, closing the closet again before unfolding the chairs and seating himself in one.
Cid took the other and put his booted feet on top of the expensive looking long table. He sighed and took a long drag on his cig. "I'm telling ya Vin, I ain't goin on no more fucking missions for a long time. We only just got some time off from the last one when that rocket shit happened. Let's hope we get a bit of a break until the next crisis sends us running off, huh?"
Vincent nodded in agreement. "Yes, let's hope so."
There came again that comfortable quietness that they had gotten used to in each others company. It wasn't a silence, so much as quietness. Cid sat back as ever, smoking like a chimney. Vincent sat quiet as always, swimming in his sea of thoughts. Cid just hoped that he wouldn't drown in them.
*
End of Chapter Nine
*
(Don't worry if you read the next chapter and think there's one or two missing, it jumps ahead in the game a bit to after the mission to Midgar.)
