Chapter Ten

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Hojo had been defeated.

At last, the evil man had paid in full for his sins... with his life.

Everyone was quiet, reflective, as they slowly made their way back to the Highwind. Shinra was finally finished... Rufus, the Turks, Tseng, Scarlet, Heidegger and Hojo... all of them were either dead or disbanded. Now all that remained was the final confrontation with Sephiroth. The final push to save the planet from destruction.

It weighed heavily on everyone's minds, as the mounting tension gnawed away at their thoughts relentlessly. It was going to be their final, most dangerous mission, and some of them might not make it back... none of them would if they failed.

It was hard to comprehend, having the weight of the world quite literally on their shoulders.

Cloud noticed the looks in his team-mates' eyes as they all boarded for a brief respite before their final flight to the Northern cave where the monster resided.

He sat down heavily at the front of the cockpit, his back against the cool glass of the huge windscreen.

He had to make sure that everyone was fighting because they wanted to, or there would be no point fighting at all. If they weren't fighting at their very hardest, they would fail.

He stood up suddenly, and everyone looked at him.

"Everyone," He said, addressing them all. "This is it. The final battle. I want all of you to find out what it is you're fighting for. I want everyone to get off this ship and find the reason for you fighting against Sephiroth, then come back."

Cid put his hands on his hips. "Maybe none of us'll come back!"

Cloud lowered his head. "That's okay too. If you don't find a reason, there's no point in fighting, right? Just do whatever your heart tells you."

And so, everyone left the ship apart from Cloud and Tifa, who only had each other.

Everyone did in fact have someone to fight for; Barret had Marlene, Red had Cosmo Canyon, Reeve had the citizens of Midgar to take care of now that Shinra was gone, Yuffie had her father and Wutai, and even Cid had Rocket Town and his beloved plane.

But... what did Vincent have?

This was precisely the question in his mind as he stood at a beach near Rocket Town, looking out into the sea. He had got off the Highwind with Cid and had accompanied him to Rocket Town just because he had nowhere else to go. He had stayed outside of the town for a while to think while Cid went home to tell Shera what was happening.

He sighed, the warm winds playing with the long strands of his ebony hair.

Did this mean he had no place fighting beside all of them against Sephiroth? Cloud had said they didn't have to come back if any of them couldn't find a reason to fight.

"Why am I fighting now..?" Vincent whispered to himself.

Now Hojo was gone, justice had been restored. What grievances had he against Sephiroth, now he thought about it? Cloud, Tifa, Aeris, yes. They all had very good reasons to fight him.

But Vincent... he had a reason not to fight Sephiroth.

"To kill Lucrecia's son... would it be justice..? Or just one more sin with a sugar-laced excuse? Will I have redeemed myself only to sin again?"

He closed his eyes. He wished that even for just one moment everything was clear. His thoughts seemed to contradict themselves and congregate behind his closed eyes, rushing in for the attack whenever he was alone. There were so many things that he wished he didn't have to think about. He wished he wasn't so confused and tortured all the time...

"I'm tired... of thinking..." He whispered. "Tired of the guilt... why can't I let it all go...?"

He stared out at the sea for a long time. "Please, anybody... give me a reason to exist..."

**

Cid jogged up to the beach from Rocket Town, clutching the note from Shera he'd found.

He knew Vincent was at the beach, but at first he couldn't spot him. Eventually he found the pale man a little further up the coastline than he'd left him, staring out at the crashing breakers. He looked... lost. Forlorn. Lonely...

He ran up to him. "Hey, Vin! Shera isn't at the house. Read this."

Vincent silently took the note from Cid's gloved hand and read it without a word.

The note said:-

"Captain,

             I have gone to stay with my parents. I can't bear being alone with Meteor hanging up there above us, every day threatening to fall down and destroy us all. I know you probably won't ever read this because you're on your missions with AVALANCHE, but in case you do come back and read this and I'm gone, I'm very sorry, and the best of luck to all of you fighting for the planet.

Shera."

Vincent passed the note back. "I see."

Cid nodded. He sniffed and stood beside Vincent, the both of them staring out at the sea for a long time.

Eventually, Cid jiggled his hands in his pockets restlessly.

"So, uh... what're we lookin' at?"

Vincent didn't look at him. "The sea."

Cid nodded slowly. "Righty. I thought there was somethin' out there, mebbe a floatin' castaway or somethin'. It'd beat just waiting around here for no reason."

Vincent tilted his head to the side slightly, breathing deep. "You've got a reason to be here."

"Like what?" Cid laughed.

"Well, there's..." Vincent thought. Without Shera there and the Tiny Bronco out of action, not to mention the Rocket gone, what point was there in Cid being in Rocket Town? "..........."

Cid grinned humourlessly. "See? Can't think of one, can ya?"

"Well then," Vincent sighed. "That makes two of us that have no reason to fight. Does this mean that we don't go back to the Highwind? Maybe you can tell me, Cid." He sounded almost bitter.

Cid shifted his weight onto his other foot, his hands still dug deep in his pockets. Vincent's manner was making him uneasy. "We've got each other, ain't we? I mean - we're best friends, right?"

Vincent smiled mirthlessly. "Yes. Friends." He looked back from the sea towards Rocket Town. "Seeing as the house is currently empty, do you mind if I go and rest for a while? There is a lot I'd like to think about."

"Yeah, no proble-" Cid hadn't finished speaking as Vincent strode off on his long legs towards nearby Rocket Town, leaving Cid alone on the beach.

Vincent was different. He had seemed different ever since the end of Hojo at the top of Midgar...

It was to be expected, since it was the first time he had laid eyes upon the man that destroyed his life for thirty years.

Cid knew that all those old feelings and pains were steadily creeping back, as if the encounter with Hojo had cut open all those stitches Cid had sewn up Vincent's wounds with, letting the fresh blood, and the pain, flow.

He knew things just didn't work like this, but Cid wished with all his heart that Vincent's pain would just vanish along with the evil scientist. But some wounds can never heal completely, and some scars last forever. He only hoped that by doing what he could to help he would be able to alleviate Vincent's pain as much as possible.

He watched Vincent walk away over the sand, and a vivid image of a recurring dream he'd had while he was imprisoned at Junon came rushing back to him.

The dream where Vincent had walked away from him on a beach...

It was surreal, and Cid couldn't speak for the moment with the strange feelings.

Then he remembered that he couldn't speak in the dream, either.

After a moment of watching Vincent disappear over the crest of a hill, he started to think.

'Now, we finally have the chance to sort out what we feel for each other, and he walks away. What is he afraid of?' Then Cid checked himself. 'No... What am I saying? It's because of seeing Hojo... things are finally put to rest, but they still haunt him. Maybe they always will... but if I'm there for him, he can be strong and maybe the pain will eventually fade away... I damn well hope so...'

Cid lowered his head and sighed, after a while his thoughts returning to their current situation regarding their relationship to each other.

'I'm always the first one to make a move in these situations, so maybe... he's waiting for me to say something concrete? I don't need to be talking to him to think about how I feel anyway; if anything my head gets more muddled up when he's around than when I'm alone. Why, oh why the @#$% did we waste all this time saying "Wait until it's all over" instead of trying to sort it out there and then? Were they just excuses? Were we both afraid of our feelings? I know I was afraid of mine... because I didn't know what they were. Or maybe I did, but I was afraid to admit it... It's always easier to run, ain't it? It's never easy to look yourself straight in the eye and see who you really are, and what you really feel inside. But after we beat Hojo, we all thought long and hard about ourselves... and I came to a decision. I ain't gonna run from it no more, and neither should Vin. I'm gonna help him all I can, and this thing between us is gonna be sorted by the time the sun sets tonight!

'Cloud told us all to get off the ship and find a reason to fight. But I ain't got one. Or at least I wouldn't have, if me and Vin hadn't got drunk in Icicle Inn before we met up with Cloud and the others...' 

"My reason to fight..." Cid murmured aloud. "The only reason I have..."

He smiled. "Is him."

Cid suddenly laughed. "That's it! It's the answer to everything!" He declared to the waves as if they were students listening to the proclaims of "Eureka" from a barmy professor. "That's why we have to fight, and that's what I just didn't have the guts to realise up until now!"

Just for one final test, he conjured up Vincent's fair countenance framed by flowing dark hair in his mind, and whispered his name as if experimenting.

Because he was experimenting, and he was sure the moment those familiar tingles hit the hairs at the back of his neck and his stomach started to flutter.  

"I love him!!" Cid said, almost shouting. He laughed, and started to run back to Rocket Town.

"I LOVE HIM!"

***

Cid walked into the kitchen to see Vincent... crying...

"Vin?" Cid asked gently, brought down from his earlier euphoria quickly by the sobering sight before him. He slowly approached the pale man sitting at the end of the table.

Vincent slowly looked up at Cid with his crimson, tear stained eyes.

Cid sat down next to him and laid an arm around his shoulders. "You wanna talk about it?" He asked quietly. "You know I'm always here if you need me, right Vin?" He squeezed Vincent's shoulder.

Vincent hung his head. "Why, Cid...? Why did I ever let that evil man near Lucrecia..? Why was I so accommodating? I just didn't see the project for what it was. That was the plan all along, wasn't it? For Lucrecia to produce a child with the powers of the Cetra. Not just some research project. They were toying with human life. All of them... they were all so heartless... it sickens me to think I just went along with it. Unquestioning. I thought I had sinned, but Hojo and Lucrecia committed the greatest sin of all. I... I'm so ashamed... for letting them use me..." His shoulders shook as silent sobs took him... it seemed that the bravado Vincent had put up at the beach had at last shattered. He was again the helpless soul desperate for understanding that Cid had seen at Gongaga that rainy day.

Cid held him close. "Vin, don't be ashamed.. you did what you could! There was just no telling them, they were determined they were gonna create a monster, and they did."

"No..." Vincent said darkly, his teary eyes intense. "They didn't create monsters; they were monsters. Sephiroth is a tragic victim in this. I only hope that he will rest in peace at last when we end his miserable life."

Cid was a little shocked at Vincent's hard, merciless attitude towards the woman he had once loved. He'd called her a monster... now that he'd found Hojo and Lucrecia both willingly made Sephiroth and made him into what he'd become. Vincent had thought Lucrecia to be an innocent victim, but when he'd found out she and Hojo made the child together with the intent of recreating a Cetra, his heart had instantly hardened and he had discarded her memory along with any feelings of guilt left over.

"I gave her memory thirty years in that coffin. I spent thirty years trying to repent and atone for letting that happen to her, when all along she did it to herself, and just let me suffer the torment and agony alone..." He said darkly. "This treachery is beyond my comprehension."

Cid still held him, saying nothing but offering his arms as silent comfort if Vincent wanted it.

"Why, Cid..?" Vincent repeated his earlier desperate question, as if he wanted Cid to explain to him the reason for all his pain over the years, and why had it been for nothing; why had be been so betrayed?

"Why has it all ended up like this? Where has my life gone? I still don't have a reason to exist..." He said, laughing softly, sardonically. "Saving the world. Fine. What then? I'll fade away." He said, a far off light in his eyes that betrayed an inner sadness that somehow Cid couldn't comprehend. He didn't understand.

"You have got a purpose though, Vin." He said softly, smiling at him.

Vincent raised his head and looked into Cid's eyes. Inside, he could sense what was coming... But Vincent didn't know if he was ready...

Cid brushed his hand against Vincent's cheek. He smiled. He knew now... it was clear at last. Perhaps it always was, but he was too afraid to admit it. But now was the moment, the core of it all.

It was as if his very heart spoke the words instead of his mouth, he meant them so much.

"I love you."

Vincent stared at Cid, and became still like a statue.

Cid suddenly felt scared.

"Vin... say something..." He murmured.

"I... I'm sorry..." Vincent stood up hastily, freeing himself from Cid's grip and running from the room.

*

End of Chapter Ten

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(Sorry about the really short chapter. The next one's bigger, promise! ^-~)

(By the way, fans of Lucrecia don't despair, her name is cleared later in the story.)