"Okay. So to recap the last two hours of my life — which I'll never get back — you got stuck in hell, led an army of humans and demons to try to find your way back, met some guy, fell in love, had a kid, lost the guy in an attack, won a war, then came back home. Right?"
"Cordelia!"
Ignoring Willow's shocked outburst, Buffy blinked at the succinct recap of the last twenty-one years of her life and said, "Yeah. Pretty much."
With a bored look on her face, Cordelia continued, "Fine. So we're caught up, yes?"
Buffy found herself struggling to keep a smile off her face. For one thing, it would ruin the snarkfest Cordelia was setting up. For another, she was very much afraid she would come across as patronizing — something she didn't want to do to the young woman. Buffy realized that most of the others were cringing at Cordelia's bluntness, but as far as she was concerned, it was a breath of fresh air. Giles was too reluctant to ask questions he thought might be painful, and Willow and Xander were too cowed by her appearance and her story to ask any real questions. Oz — well, Oz was the way he usually was — quiet, alert and willing to let the others take the lead.
After a moment, Buffy replied, "Yep. We're —"
"Fine. So maybe now you'll get around to explaining all the scars," Cordelia said, focusing her attention on Buffy. The way Willow and Xander pussy-footed around those horrible designs was almost enough to make her scream, especially since she could tell they were too afraid to ask, even though they were dying to know.
"It's very simple. Someone used a sharp object on my skin," she answered, her lips twitching slightly at the look of annoyance Cordelia directed at her. Both ignored the gasps of shock from Willow and Xander. Buffy thought the choking coming from Giles' direction was probably a thwarted chuckle, but she couldn't confirm her suspicions without breaking eye contact with Cordelia — something she had no intention of doing.
"Well, duh! I figured that one out. What I can't figure out is why you'd let them. I mean, I know you were pretty casual about your looks before you ran away, but is that any reason to let them get this bad?" Cordelia was less than thrilled with her response; it lacked a certain zing and originality. She just wasn't used to a confident Buffy, one who was able to let insults roll off her back and not get the slightest bit flustered. Worse still, she was beginning to think Buffy was laughing at her.
"What can I say, Cordy? Without you around to guide me through the pitfalls of fashion do's and don'ts, I fell in with the wrong crowd," Buffy said, biting her cheek to keep from laughing. It had been too long since the last time she'd had to keep a straight face, and she hadn't expected to have to do so at this point. On the rare occasions she'd thought of this particular reunion, she'd imagined a grim meeting, one that culminated in her telling everyone but Giles to stay well away from her and hers. She hadn't thought she would be sitting comfortably, playing with Annie's braids while trading quips with Queen C. The distance between expectation and reality was enough to make her slightly dizzy and giddy.
Cordelia finally accepted that yes, Buffy was indeed playing with her. It was a difficult pill to swallow, but at the same time, she kind of liked it. There weren't that many people in Sunnydale who could take a dose of pure, unadulterated Chase snark, and she was faintly astonished at how happy she was to see that Buffy had been added to the list. All she had to do now was figure out how to convince her that surgery to eliminate the scars was her best option. Once that was done — as well as a long overdue haircut and manicure — Cordelia might even be willing to be seen in public with her.
She was about to continue when Xander interrupted with, "I can't believe how shallow you are! Buffy's been to Hell and back, and all you're worried about is her looks?"
Before she could answer, Buffy said, "I can't believe how surprised you are, Xander. I mean, it's not like she's any different than she was before I ran away."
"That's —" Cordelia's outrage shown clear and bright as the meaning of Buffy's defense of her sank in. "Wait a minute! I'm not that shallow!"
At that, Buffy raised a single eyebrow. And she waited.
"Okay, you win. Maybe I really am that shallow. But you still haven't answered my question. What's the deal with the scars? And when are you getting rid of them?" Cordelia acknowledged Buffy's victory in that particular battle with only a modicum of grace.
Annie spoke up at that point, saying, "She can't get rid of them. They announce her clan affiliations."
Giles, who'd been waiting somewhat eagerly for an explanation of the scarring, asked, "Clan affiliations? I don't understand."
Looking up at her mother, Annie waited for permission to continue before saying, "It was the only way she could get the demons to agree to her being the leader. At first, she had to fight the best warrior from a clan before she'd get the chieftain to swear an oath of fealty. But after a while, she convinced them that killing off the best fighters before they went into battle was kind of silly. She talked them into doing duels that stopped just before a killing blow could be delivered."
Stammering slightly, he said, "I'm afraid I don't understand what that has to do with the scarification."
Buffy looked up at him and explained, "Once I defeated a group's best warrior, the leader of that group adopted me into the clan so that I could absorb those demons into my army. I started doing the scars, because it was an easy way to advertise that certain tribes had already accepted me as their overlord."
"Lady."
Everyone looked at Oz, who hadn't said much of anything since they came in from the courtyard, and he said, "Lady. Buffy would have been an overlady, not an overlord."
"Not really. A lot of the demons couldn't deal with mom being female," Annie said. "They knew she was the Slayer, but most couldn't deal without pretending she was male."
Giles was a bit taken aback by Annie's confident assessment and said, "Buffy, is this true?"
She shrugged and said, "Pretty much. It was kind of touch and go when I was pregnant. A few of my generals threatened to remove themselves and their clans from my army because of it. In the end, we compromised. I stayed out of sight during the last half of my pregnancy and George communicated with my officers."
"But that's just wrong!" Buffy was touched by Willow's affront, despite the fact that it was too late to do any good.
"Maybe," she said. "I was more interested in winning the war, and if the troops were upset over me being pregnant, then it was easier just to hide for a few months. It was kind of nice, really. I managed to get a lot of planning done and avoided all the bickering between the different tribes."
"Yeah, I remember," Annie said absently, not realizing that her mother had tensed up with those three words. It wasn't until she saw the reactions of the others in the room that she remembered her mother hadn't mentioned her brother and sister once since they arrived. She wanted to run and hide, but her mother kept a firm hand on her and made sure she stayed put.
Xander was about to ask a question, but Willow and, remarkably, Cordelia, both slapped a hand over his mouth to keep him quiet. The two looked at each other and agreed with an exchange of looks that he couldn't be allowed to speak until it was clear that he wouldn't make a mess of things. Xander, outraged, tried to shake them off, but Cordelia whispered, "One word, Harris. Say one wrong word, and I will personally see to it that you are miserable for the next three months."
Willow followed Cordelia's warning with, "And when she's done, it will be my turn."
His eyes wide open and jerking from side to side as he looked first at Cordelia and then at Willow, Xander swallowed and nodded his agreement. He already knew he was going to be in Willow's doghouse as soon as Buffy got around to telling her about his lie. He had no desire to make things worse at this point, so he relaxed into their joint grip, making it clear he would stay quiet.
Giles ignored the byplay on the couch and said gently, "Perhaps when you're ready to talk about it, you could tell me more about your family."
Buffy felt her throat tighten up. She wanted to cry in the worst way, but she wasn't sure she could at this point. The last time she'd been able to cry was when she buried George and her other two children. It had been a miserable day, with a cold wind blowing in from the south and a combination of rain, sleet and snow making burial detail impossible by normal means. She'd eventually caved into her shaman's pleas and allowed him to use magic to open a single grave for George, Carrie and David. It had felt like cheating at the time — like she was taking the easy way out in laying her family to rest — but realistically, they should have left every body unburied as soon as they realized the encampment was lost. Two of her guardsmen had muttered disparaging comments about human sentiment, and Buffy killed them both without hesitation. There hadn't been any other complaints after that day.
She took a drink of water, shaking herself out of her reverie. She stroked Annie's hair and said, "It's hard — talking about them. My army had scattered through the mountains to ride out winter and hide as best as they were able. I figured it was probably a good time to meet with the Halpern tribe to see about merging our groups. At first, all of us were going to go, but Carrie and David came down with some kind of bug. Rather than risk Annie getting sick, George sent the two of us off with my personal guard."
She paused long enough that no one wanted to prompt her, but Giles felt she needed to continue with the story — the whole story this time — and said, "This was when George died?"
Buffy looked up at him and said, "As far as we could tell, we arrived the day after the attack. If we'd gotten there in time, we might have been able to save them."
It was a hell of a time for her guilt to emerge, and if he'd had a choice, he would have continued this conversation in private. But Giles thought it was entirely possible that if he didn't work with her now, the chance might never come up again. It was the first time he'd seen her looking even remotely open since her return, and he needed to take advantage of the chance to strengthen whatever was left of their bond.
With great care and deliberation, he said, "It's equally possible that you and Annie would have been killed as well. And if that had happened, we never would have known of your fate."
If it was clear to Giles and the others in the room that Buffy had been carrying a burden of guilt about her family since their death, it was equally clear she wasn't ready to lay it down yet. Her face hardened slightly, and she said, "Maybe. But I'll never know if I could have saved them, will I?"
Giles felt wholly inadequate at that moment. He sighed, knowing he had lost that particular battle, then said, "I'm sorry for your loss, Buffy — and Annie. Nothing I can say will assuage the pain you still feel, but I hope that you'll talk to me about them. I would like very much to know them through your memories."
For a long moment, Annie held her breath, waiting to see how her mother reacted. The day they buried her siblings and father had been pretty bad, and it had only gotten worse when her mother killed Cr'lk and Ander. After that, no one really wanted to talk to them about their family. Even the shaman kept quiet and didn't try to talk to her about proper rituals for the dead.
"Thanks," said Buffy, her voice low and rough.
Though she didn't seem to notice the single tear drop sliding down her cheek, Giles did. There was little he could do other than clear his apartment as quickly as possible so that she could have a bit of privacy. He cleared his throat and said, "I think it's time everyone go home, now."
Cordelia stood, releasing her hold on Xander, and said, "Yeah. It's time to get going. I'd offer you a ride to your mom's place, but my car only holds four."
Buffy blinked at that, suddenly remembering what she'd been about to say when Cordelia sidetracked her. She stood up, shaking off her grief for a moment and said, "It's okay. Annie and I are staying with Giles. But about Mom, I want you all to avoid her."
Before anyone could stop him, Xander asked, "You're staying with Giles? Why? And why do we have to avoid your mom?"
Willow took the opportunity to kick him in the ankle before saying, "It's none of our business. Come on. We have to go." She tugged on his arm to get him moving toward the door, but Buffy told her to wait a moment.
"It's your business, because you need to understand why I'm about to threaten you and mean it." When she had their undivided attention, Buffy continued, "I saw Mom today, but all I had a chance to do was convince her that I'm me. She doesn't know about Annie yet, and if she finds out from anyone but me, I will personally show that person why my name is feared across a hundred dimensions."
If anyone had been deluded enough to think she was joking, they reconsidered when they saw Annie go pale at her mother's words.
After a few minutes of absolute silence, Oz said, "Not sure what you mean by that. Not sure I want to know. But you have my word. Joyce won't hear about Annie from me."
Willow, still trying to process the fact that Buffy — her best friend, of all people — that Buffy had just threatened her. Yeah, okay, she wasn't so great with keeping secrets, but was that any reason to —
"Willow?" Buffy watched the play of emotions on the younger woman's face, and she felt only a moment's sorrow that she had turned into the kind of person who could threaten friends without a qualm.
Stammering, she said, "I promise. I won't say anything to your mom."
"She'll be with me all day tomorrow," Oz said. With the exception of Annie, he thought he might be the only one in the room who understood at a bone deep level just how serious Buffy was about that threat. He didn't like it, but he wasn't about to confront her over it. The Buffy he'd known back in May was long gone, and he had no idea just how far this one would go to make a point.
Cordelia may not have understood how dangerous Buffy was, but she knew enough to know that she wasn't kidding about not telling Joyce anything. Pinching Xander's arm in an unspoken demand for obedience, she said, "Xander and I will be with Willow and Oz. We'll all stay away from your mom until you say it's okay."
With that final assurance, the tension level in the room dropped when Buffy nodded and gave them a tired smile. "Thanks. I'll go over in the morning. Once I've told her, I'll let you guys know."
He waved off the supercilious cheese vendor when he discovered he was in the library of the Watcher's Council — food, after all, was not permitted in these hallowed halls. He was researching — himself? Yes. Himself. There was his photo in the book before him, and the caption read, "Ripper, a.k.a. Rupert Giles, Watcher to Buffy, the Vampire Slayer. Sired by Drusilla on June 9, 1998." He read further about his exploits, tut-tutting all the while at just how evil he'd managed to become. Though truthfully, there was a very small part of him that was quite happy to see that as a vampire, he'd managed to do quite well for himself.
He heard a noise and looked up, noting without curiosity that he was now in the Sunnydale High School library. It wasn't all that late, the sound of the janitor's waxing machine telling him it must be about half past eight. The windows were dark, and he was alone with shelves that had been stripped of every book he'd brought with him from England. He tried to puzzle that one out, but the same noise intruded once again, and he looked around to find Angelus holding — "Jenny!"
He smiled and looked down at the body he held. Jenny's eyes were open, and her neck was twisted. She was dressed as she had been the last day he saw her alive — the day Buffy had finally relented in her anger. Angelus said, "What's the matter, Rupert? Don't you like what I did to her?"
He jumped up — or tried to. He felt as if he were trying to move through molasses as he tried to reach the pair. It was made worse by the fact that he was suddenly trying to run up the stairs in his loft. When he finally reached the top step, he found Buffy — the elder one — standing on the opposite side of his bed, looking down at herself — Buffy, the younger, who wore the same dress as Jenny. She looked up, a grim smile on her face, and said, "What's the matter, Rupert? Don't you like what I did to her?"
Giles awoke just before he screamed. He was breathing hard and covered in sweat, trying desperately to erase the image of Buffy standing over her own body, taunting him with the knowledge that she had murdered herself. He swung his legs over the side of the mattress and sat hunched over as he forced himself to start breathing normally. 'It's only a dream,' he thought to himself. 'And it's not particularly original or interesting. Buffy is alive. She's downstairs, and she's alive.'
Even coaching himself along, it was still nearly ten minutes before his heart rate and breathing had calmed to the point where he felt he could face the day. He put on his bathrobe, grimacing at the thought of putting it on over his damp t-shirt. He grabbed a change of clothing and headed down to take a shower, hoping that would chase the last of the nightmare from his mind. The one thing he didn't want was to see Buffy before he'd gotten cleaned up for the day.
The soft sounds of Giles moving through the apartment to get to the bathroom woke Buffy from her own dreams. They hadn't been bad, but they'd been on the confusing side, and she was glad to find that morning had arrived. She looked down at Annie, who was, thankfully, still sound asleep. The two of them had talked quietly after the others left the night before, with Buffy trying to get her to calm down over mentioning Carrie and David.
Annie's overwrought reaction had been an eye-opener for her. She'd never really considered the fact that she didn't talk about her lost family with anyone but her daughter, but she didn't think Annie should have gotten so hysterical for mentioning them by accident. Buffy didn't know where she got the idea that she would be punished for talking about her brother and sister, yet it was clear she thought that. 'Way to go with the mother-daughter communication, Summers,' she thought.
She stood up, quietly cursing the day George died. He'd been a great father — he was the one who could get the children to behave and to be polite to visitors and to learn how to defend themselves. She'd tried to be a good mother — they all knew it — but most of the time, she'd been too caught up in military planning to pay much attention to her family beyond the basics. It had taken a good two years after George's death for Annie to get to the point where she could talk to her mother without stammering, and even now, she still did it when she was upset or nervous.
Buffy sighed quietly on her way to the kitchen, thinking yet again that as mothers went, she was pretty much at the bottom of the pit. She was a much better general than she was a parent, and she could only hope that when Annie eventually landed in therapy, she would forgive her for being so bad. She pulled out three eggs from the refrigerator and put them in a pan of water to boil before starting the tea. She and Annie had been through a few cycles of starvation, and no matter what Giles thought, she had a pretty good idea of what they could tolerate at this point in their return to regular eating.
As she waited for the water to boil, she thought about her own mother and what her reaction to Annie might be. Buffy hadn't wanted to introduce Annie until she was sure Joyce could behave, but she thought it might be better to get it over with quickly. Giles could drop the two of them off at the house this morning, then she wouldn't have to worry about stray comments from the Scooby Gang reaching Joyce before she did.
Lost in her thoughts, she didn't hear Giles come into the kitchen, and she jumped slightly when he said, "The day is far too beautiful for whatever gloomy thoughts are running through your head."
She looked at him, her head cocked slightly to the side as she considered the tone of his voice. It wasn't quite the same as it had been the last two days. As she thought about it, she realized what was missing — the sense that he was still almost thirty years older than she. She wondered what had made him finally see her as an adult, but she was too shy to ask. For all their closeness before she'd run away, it had been a bond of professionals, of soldiers in a war. The few times their personal life had intruded had been difficult for both to deal with.
Buffy shook off her thoughts, not wanting to go any further down that road, and said in a low voice, "Just thinking about Mom. I want to take Annie over there first thing this morning, so I can get Xander and the others off the hook."
"Are you sure? I thought you wanted to make sure she accepted Annie's heritage before introducing them," he said, skirting around her to pull the tea out of the cupboard.
Buffy turned to watch him and said, "Yeah. I'm sure. The longer she goes without knowing about Annie or meeting her, the worse it will be. I have a feeling she'll be ready to take a stake to me when she realizes I didn't tell her yesterday, but I think she'll be okay with Annie."
Giles heard the note of uncertainty in her voice and paused. He didn't know if he should reassure her as to her mother's reaction to a new grandchild or if he should encourage her to leave Annie here with him until the fireworks died down. In the end, he said, "I have no idea what's best, Buffy. But I think you should follow your instincts in this."
Two hours later, Buffy and Annie were on the porch of the Summers home, both of them standing stock still, paralyzed with doubt. Giles had stayed in his car, waiting for them to go inside before he left, but when he saw that neither was making an effort to knock, he turned off the car and joined them.
"As far as I know, Joyce didn't develop any telepathic abilities over the summer," he said dryly. "It would behoove you to knock, if you wish to let her know you're out here."
Buffy gave him a dirty look, all but snarling as she pressed the doorbell without looking away from him. "Sarcasm is not welcome when it's directed at me," she said. She missed the sound of the door opening, but not the twin gasps that came from her mother and daughter. She turned back and saw Joyce looking at Annie in shock.
"Mom?" She didn't respond, so Buffy tried again, with a bit more force. "Mom!"
Startled, Joyce blinked as she turned to Buffy. "What?"
Taking a deep breath, Buffy said, "I wanted to tell you yesterday, but we kept getting distracted."
"Tell me what?" Joyce's eyes were slightly unfocused as she looked at the young girl standing next to Buffy.
"Tell you about Annie — my daughter," she said, reaching out to put her arm around Annie and draw her in close.
Giles wanted very much to fade away, but he felt that if he were to move now, he might draw undue attention to himself. He settled for looking down and examining his hiking boots, a quiet smile on his face as he remembered Buffy's unexpected reaction to this morning's news that he owned what she called "normal" clothes. The look of shock on her face when he'd appeared in jeans and a t-shirt had been mildly gratifying.
"How?" Joyce seemed incapable of complex speech as she stood staring at a girl who could be Buffy's twin.
"The usual way. Look, could we talk inside? No reason to give the neighbors even more to talk about, right?"
With that, Joyce recalled herself and said quickly, "Yes. Of course. Please."
When she stood back from the door to let Buffy and Annie in, Giles backed away slowly, hoping that neither Joyce nor Buffy would attempt to make him stay. He got his wish when none of the three even so much as looked back at him. Breathing a quiet sigh of relief, he made his way back to the car and went home. Buffy had told him they would walk back or get a ride from Joyce when it was time. He wanted it to be a fairly long time, if possible. He'd lived alone for too long to be fully comfortable with two new roommates, and the chance to have some quiet time was a welcome one.
It wasn't until she heard the backfire of a car that Joyce suddenly realized Giles hadn't come in with Buffy and her — and Annie. "Why didn't Mr. Giles come in?"
Both relieved at the chance not to have to jump into a discussion about Annie and frustrated by the fact that they were talking about someone other than her daughter, Buffy said, "He thought this should be family time."
"Right. Family," Joyce said, turning again to look at Annie. "I — your name is Annie?"
"Yeah," she answered in a small voice. "Daddy wanted to name me Buffy, but mom always said one of her was enough."
Clutching at evidence that Annie hadn't been forced on Buffy, Joyce said quickly, "Daddy? Where is —" Her voice trailed off as she considered why the father might not be with them.
"George was killed," Buffy said shortly.
"Oh, Buffy. I'm so sorry." Looking into her mother's eyes, Buffy felt her tension dissolve a little bit. She had understood, and she hadn't judged.
"It's been a few years," she answered, shifting in preparation for walking into the living room.
She hadn't counted on Joyce's determination to comfort her, even if she was years late offering condolences. Joyce caught her in a hug and said, "I don't care how long it's been. My father never stopped grieving for your Grandma Rae."
Buffy heard a quiet sniffle from Annie, and she drew away long enough to bring her into the embrace. The three of them stood there for a long time, drawing comfort from one another. Eventually, it was Buffy who moved away, suddenly unable to deal with the closeness of family. For the moment, it was still a lie. Joyce didn't know about George, and until she did, Annie would be at risk from a stray comment about demons.
"Maybe we should sit down," she said, looking at her mother and daughter. Annie moved away from Joyce and walked into the living room. She stopped, not sure where her mom wanted to sit. Buffy solved the problem by coming up from behind and gently pushing her toward the couch.
Joyce stood, undecided, and said, "I think I should make coffee."
"No, Mom. Please. Sit. I need to talk to you about George," Buffy said, wanting very much for Joyce to settle down for a moment.
She didn't sit — couldn't, really — Buffy's tone of voice didn't bode well for her peace of mind. Her voice betrayed a minor tremble as she asked, "What about him?"
Before Buffy could answer, Annie blurted out, "He was half-demon."
"Smooth move, Annie," Buffy said, with more than a little annoyance.
"Sorry — it's just — I'm tired of this being a big deal to talk about," Annie said, displaying the first signs of temper Buffy had seen in several days. "Yeah, I get that in this world, demons are bad, but I grew up with them. And Grandma Joyce knows you were in Hell, so why would she be surprised that you fell in love with someone who wasn't completely human? Are you ashamed of him?"
More sharply than she would have liked, Buffy answered, "Of course not! But your grandmother only just found out about vampires and demons a few months ago. Don't you think it would have been a good idea to ease her into the knowledge?"
Annie didn't answer. Instead, her face settled into a stubborn frown that Joyce had seen on her daughter's face (and her own, if she were being honest) all too often. She let out a small chuckle, and when the two of them turned to glare at her, the small chuckle grew a little bit larger. She said, "The two of you are just too much alike."
Buffy gave her a pointed look and asked, "Just the two of us, Mom?"
"Fine. The three of us are alike," she said, at last sitting in the armchair. "Tell me about George — please?"
"You're good with him being half-demon?" Buffy sounded as skeptical as she looked, and Joyce flinched at the hard look in her eyes.
"I —" She wanted to lie in the worst possible way, but she couldn't. Not with the two of them looking at her. She settled for, "It's too soon to say. I think I will be — especially considering how much the two of you loved him. But — I need time, Buffy. I need time to adjust to all of this."
Instead of the expected yelling, though, what Joyce got was the first real smile she'd seen from Buffy since her return. And impossible though it seemed, she looked twenty years younger with that smile. "I can live with that — it's honest."
Hesitantly, she said, "Does that mean you'll tell me about him?"
"He was Irish. Not very tall, either — under six feet — but just the right size —"
"For kissing —"
"Annie!"
Joyce smiled as she listened to the two of them bicker gently about too much information.
"It's true, though," Annie said, her arms crossed in front of her and an "I-want" line between her eyes.
"Maybe, but I don't think Grandma Joyce wanted to hear about that," Buffy said, mildly embarrassed by Annie's sudden determination to tell everyone everything about their family. Perhaps she'd been a bit too generous last night when she gave her leave to talk to friends and family about anything.
"Actually," Joyce said, waiting until the other two were looking at her, "I'm glad to hear you found someone you loved that much. How did you meet him?"
"She was interrogating him. Thought he might know more than he was letting on," Annie said, a bit breathlessly.
"I'm not going to be allowed to tell this story, am I?"
"Not a chance. You always mess up the good part," she said with barely a pause. To Joyce, she said, "Daddy fell in love with her the minute she started questioning him. He said it was her eyes that did him in."
Those selfsame eyes were rolling upward as Buffy gave up all hope of telling the story herself. On the other hand, the two of them were getting off to a good start with one another. Joyce had always been a sucker for a good love story, and if Annie made her parents' story just a little too perfect — well, there was time enough later to straighten everyone out. For now, though, she was home again, and life didn't suck nearly as much as she thought it might. There really was hope for the future.
to be continued...
