Chapter 10 – Long Ago In A Galaxy Far Away

The next day Sophie Young found herself looking in the mirror trying to decide if the sixth outfit was any better that the fifth.  It was definitely better than the third, but not quite as good as the fourth.  The first was too casual, the second too formal, the third too provocative.  The forth seemed to have enough of each of its predecessors to be passable as comfortable, yet in charge and looking good doing it.  She should have stopped there.  The fifth was too trendy.  Would he ever believe she wore leather boots around the house on a Sunday afternoon?  As she heard the knock on her door she decided it would have to do;  blue sweater that was snug to her frame without being tight and black slacks, probably a little tighter than they needed to be but she liked the effect.  Picking up the discarded attempts at subtlety, she threw them in her closet and closed the door completely ignoring the fact that she spent the last two hours getting ready for what amounted to nothing more than a session. 'Not a date,' she told herself. 'No, not a date.'

Severus Snape stood patiently on Sophie Young's doorstep trying to keep the scowl from his face as he was being forced to stand on a welcome mat covered with sunflowers.

She opened the door and smiled. "Come in."  He came in and removed his cloak revealing a white button down shirt, first two buttons undone and black pants. Sophie was floored and it showed.

"Is something wrong?" he asked

"No, it's just that you look very different in normal clothes, let alone something not black.  Very becoming."

Taken aback, a "Thank You," escaped his lips before he could stop it.

"I thought we could sit in the living room.  I have a fire going.  We can have some wine and talk."

"Fine."

They adjourned to the living room.  Sophie sat on the couch and Severus sat across from her in the armchair.  She poured wine into two glasses and offered one to Severus.  With a nod, he took it and took a sip.  Sophie enjoyed the look of pure astonishment that overtook his face as he drank. "This is really excellent," he said with much surprise.

She fought to hide the smirk that demanded to be expressed.  "I had a feeling that you would know the good stuff, so I took no chances."

Savoring a bit more of the wine, he took a moment to look at her rooms.  In hues of soft blue and beige, which were probably meant to calm and relax, he inexplicable found himself apprehensive.  He was never one to allow his fears to intimidate him so he began: "So where do we begin?"

She wondered briefly if he was anxious to start or anxious to finish.  "At the beginning I guess."

"Beginning of what?"

"Of your life. Let's start with your childhood."

Black eyes glazed over as he paused to stare into the fire.  His brow creased and his lips pursed and Sophie watched a man who probably did not have the luxury of a treasured past, reliving memories he probably never hoped he would have to ever again.

And suddenly she felt like a trespasser in his world. "If this painful for you-"

Whether he heard her or not, she was not sure, but he ignored her last comment and began: "I was always an introvert.  I preferred books to people, although contrary to popular belief, I did have friends."  She smiled at this.  "I did play sports competently enough, though I never really had an aptitude for them…I did have an aptitude for spells and magic.  Since I considered those skills to be the more valuable, I decided to learn all I could.  Reading constantly and practicing religiously, I absorbed information as quickly as possible.  It was almost an obsession with me to know everything I could know."  Sophie was reminded of Hermione as Severus paused to collect his thoughts. 

"My father, an incredibly plebeian but well meaning man, kept trying to get me to play more sports; my mother, Slytherin to the core, kept buying me books…"  Severus was not talking to her and she wondered if he even remembered she was there.  "My mother used to love to test me, to try to trip me up, see what I've learned and if I could apply it properly. In my usual pretentious way, I enjoyed showing off my abilities.  She made it her personal crusade to advance me in my studies and not allow me to fall victim the 'banalities of the mundane' which is what she liked to call childhood.  She refused to let me have the ordinary youth my father was convinced I needed…When I wanted a toy train she bought me a potions kit."  He took another sip of wine.

The admission bemused her, "Why did you want a toy train?"

"I was eight.  Isn't it a normal desire for an eight year old?"

'I hardly thought of you as a normal anything,' is what she wanted to say but she refrained.

"Not what you expected."

"I'm not sure what I expected.  Please continue."

"By the time I entered Hogwarts I knew more magic than any student in any year. In truth, I knew more than some of the teachers.  As a result, I was always looking for challenges as I found my classes painfully dull."

"Did you have friends here?"

"Yes, I had friends and yes, they eventually became Death Eaters.  Almost all of them, actually except….." he stopped, his face tens and his hand clutching the stem of the wine glass.

"Except?" Sophie asked carefully.

"Cecilia," he finally said.

"And what became of Cecilia?"

"That comes later," he said as if speaking to an impatient child.

"Sorry," she answered with a small, sad smile.

"As you can imagine, school became very tedious for me -- very quickly.  I often found myself in the library looking for new and interesting materials to study. I had already been through all the books by my fifth year.  Then, I finally got permission to go to the restricted area of the library from my Potions Professor.  Back then, you see, it was much more heavily warded then it is today, very few people were allowed entry.  It took more than an invisibility cloak and an inclination to get in.  Looking back I have often wondered if they knew what was coming; if they thought that by shielding us from it they were protecting us. In any case, I found myself in an orchard of forbidden fruit with the freedom to indulge as I saw fit.  I studied those books for the rest of my time as a student."

"What did you find?"

"Dark magic.  It was like nothing I had ever seen before.  Books made of human parts, written in blood, books that screamed and wept, books that bled.  Pages and pages with spells of destruction, torture, and madness.  I was appalled…but fascinated.  I found myself going to Knockturn Alley any chance I could to pick up some of the more disturbing tomes for my own collection.  This lead to other books that were even too vile for the restricted section of this school."

"I noticed them when I was in your room.  You have some very rare texts.  Some had to be a couple of hundred years old." She couldn't help but add, "Well, this must have made you popular."

He smiled. "Only James Potter and his group considered me a freak.  Most people were just scared of me."

"You say that as if you enjoyed it."

"I did," he said honestly. "To paraphrase a verbose psychologist I know, fear is a powerful weapon.  It made me feel formidable."

"Tell me about James Potter and his group."

Severus shrugged and dismissed them. "Dunderheads and sycophants, mindless and cruel. They were popular and handsome and devoted to one another.  We were like the different poles of magnet.  We hardly knew each other but we hated each other nonetheless. We were from different worlds.  I did not feel they earned their popularity, and they did not feel I was worthy of the reputation that I had.  There is really not much more to tell as on the matter.  We were enemies and preferred it that way."

"What happened when you finished school?"

Here he paused as if trying to fight the words forming on his lips. Sophie watched as his eyes darkened and his already pallid features seem to drain of the little color they possessed.  "There were stirrings," he began.  "My friends told me of a new order.  Of an order that found my expertise invaluable, that needed me and would do anything to count me as one of their own.  I found myself  wanted, suddenly very popular, and not because I was feared but because I was respected.  I was needed and admired.  I was seventeen and I was ready to take over the world.  Before I know it I was a Death Eater.  I thought it was fated, not realizing how closely I was watched from the time I first entered Hogwarts.  I did not realize they were grooming for years, sending materials to Knockturn Alley just to be passed over to me.  They we were the first to recognize my gift with potions and set me up with a remarkable laboratory.  They were priming me without my even knowing it.  I was so caught up in the power I ignored what was really happening."

His eyes took on a desperate hue and Sophie found herself chilled at the sight, her voice trembled as she asked, "What was really happening?"

"We were planning for the total annihilation of anyone who would not join us.  We were torturing and killing for sport.  There was no greater plan.  There was no great future we were striving for.  They only wanted to exterminate and destroy.  I saw humanity at it most base level and it was cruel.  Women and children were raped.  Men mutilated.  There was no reason to the madness except to cause fear and gain power -- and they enjoyed it.  They truly, truly, enjoyed the bedlam."

She listened to the melancholy in his voice, and swore she could see the exact moment the innocence of a child was lost.  Pushing her own feelings of sorrow aside she pressed on. "What was your function?"

"Creating potions and training forces.  I did all I could to remain in the laboratory.   Despite appearances I had no desire to hurt or destroy.  I wanted to create and discover.  They considered my lack of bloodlust a weakness as I always found excuses to let people live and I refused to participate in their other amusements. They thought I was going soft so they commanded me to kill to prove my allegiance." 

His features hardened back to his normal demeanor and Sophie wanted to mourn. "Who did they want you to kill?"

A deep breathe.  "Dumbledore."

"Dumbledore?"

"Yes.  They knew he was like a father to me, especially after the death of my parents.  They knew that I genuinely cared for the man.  He and I had a special relationship -- more than just teacher and student, we were friends.  They wanted his head and they wanted me to deliver it."

"What happened?"

"I refused."

"What did they do?"

"They killed my wife."

As Sophie realized the implication of his words she felt her legs go weak.

"Cecilia?"

"Cecilia."