Again, standard disclaimers apply. I'm making no money out of this, more's the pity. ^.^

Yoake Mae no Yami ni

by Mirune Keishiko

One:  At the Close of the Day

The last rays of honeyed sunlight fell in shafts through the open shoji, warming the light blue kimono that was neatly folded over its stand in the corner.  A hair ribbon hung beside it, the indigo faded from years of use.  From her futon, slanted so the light would not dazzle her heavy-lidded eyes, Himura Kaoru watched the ribbon flutter idly with the wind and smiled.

Takani Megumi came bustling in with an armful of freshly laundered linens, keen cinnamon eyes taking quick stock of her patient's condition.  The doctor found herself beaming at the serenity in the younger woman's face.

"You seem better, Kaoru-chan."  Megumi laid the linens on the floor and opened the cabinet.

"Mmm," smiled Kaoru.  The ribbon continued to dance in the breeze.  "Daijoubu."

It wasn't a total lie, she reasoned in that part of her mind that managed to remain lucid despite the ever-present pain.  She was all right, in a way, in the way that really mattered--though Megumi would probably disagree with her on that point.

"I'm going to be fine, Megumi-san," she added with a little, rasping laugh.  "Don't worry so much."

Megumi kept her face carefully turned away as she folded the linens neatly into the cabinet.  When she spoke at last, her voice was light.  "I'm glad the medicine seems to be working, at any rate."

"Under your care, I don't think any patient would lack anything."  Kaoru's eyes slipped shut; it took too much effort to keep them open.  As the hollow, acid pain began to gnaw more fiercely at her insides, she swallowed hard, biting her lip to prevent herself moaning.

Megumi shut the linen cabinet and moved to the open shoji to watch the last of the pink clouds turn blue-gray with twilight.  She didn't see Kaoru's trembling fingers fidgeting with the edge of her blanket.

"I can't blame you for wanting these open," the doctor mused.  "With winter coming on, we'll have to enjoy what's left of this mild weather."

Mustering her remaining strength, Kaoru tried to feign enough cheer to respond.  But suddenly white-hot agony coursed through her and she whimpered instead, tears filling her eyes despite herself.  At the tiny, strangled sound, Megumi whirled toward her, her face almost as pale as her friend's.  The doctor was beside the bed in a moment, pressing a hand to the suddenly sweat-beaded forehead.

"Sumanai, Kaoru-chan," she murmured.  "And I was so caught up in..."  She cut herself off.  Casting a last anxious glance back at the woman whose hands were twisting in her sheets, Megumi hurried out the door.  She nearly collided into Yahiko, who had just dismissed the dojo's students for the day.

"Kaoru?"  Yahiko's voice was grim.

Megumi shook her head, willing away the mounting fear and grief in her mind.  It was knowledge and reason she had to focus on now, not emotion.  "Stay with her while I fix something.  I won't take long."  Not waiting for a response, she nearly ran on to the kitchen where she kept her supplies.  The similarly hasty footsteps behind her told her Yahiko had taken her word for it.

He was sitting beside the bed and watching Kaoru wordlessly when Megumi arrived with bitter tea.  Soon Kaoru was sleeping fitfully again, long slender fingers clawing at her blanket from unpleasant dreams.  The fever still raged, but--judging from the previous times Megumi had administered the medicine--it would soon subside.  Megumi made sure Kaoru was as comfortable as possible before slowly gathering the tea things and carrying them back to the kitchen, lost in thought.

Over the past few weeks, the effects of the medicine had been wearing off sooner than they normally did.  Was Kaoru building some sort of resistance to the treatment?  If she were, would Megumi have to administer increasingly stronger dosages--or a different drug?

At the thought, Megumi closed her eyes and sighed.  There was one very potent analgesic she knew of...

Sounds from the direction of the gate told her that Tsubame was home from the Akabeko.  Graciously greeting the student who had opened the gate for her, the young woman went straight to Kaoru's room, as if already knowing that her husband would be there.  Megumi, hearing her light footfalls from the kitchen, half smiled to herself.  The Myoujin couple was hardly the most demonstrative in Tokyo--Tsubame became flustered whenever Yahiko so much as called her name in public--but the bond between husband and wife was nonetheless as strong and rich as it was tacit.

Dusk deepened into evening without further incident.  Kaoru slept on; the fever soon receded, though judging from her creased brow the pain did not.  After dinner, Tsubame disappeared into the kitchen for washing up, and Megumi went to join Yahiko outside on the porch.

The kenkaku was sitting up against the post, his sword propped up against his shoulder as he gazed up at the starry sky.  Megumi, emerging from the dining hall, paused to stare at the strong profile he cut against the bright moonlight.  In the gray-and-black shadows of the house, were it not for his spiky hair, he could almost have been Kenshin--sitting, restful yet vigilant as ever, blade at the ready.  She wondered whether his imitation was unconscious or deliberate.

"Yahiko-kun," she said by way of greeting as she approached.

"Megumi."  He turned and nodded.  She knelt down beside him and, for long moments, neither spoke.  Yahiko continued to stargaze while Megumi absent-mindedly contemplated the play of moonlight on the bamboo leaves by the wall.

At last, with some effort, she recollected her thoughts.  "Yahiko," she said again quietly, "something worries me about Kaoru-chan."

He nodded again, without looking at her.  "She's not lasting much longer, ne."

It wasn't a question.  Immediately the doctor in Megumi recoiled-- /No! There's still a way... there must be a way, and I'll find it!/  Stifling the thought as quickly as she could, knowing it was fueled mostly by despair and instinct, Megumi allowed herself a frustrated sigh.

"I'm afraid not.  This... thing... is eating her from the inside out.  I'm doing everything I can, and I've been reading and exchanging correspondence with other doctors, but the few who seem to know anything at all about this disease still can't..."

She fell silent as Yahiko finally did look at her.  Not for the first time in the five months she'd been staying at the dojo tending Kaoru did Megumi marvel at the maturity in his large dark eyes.  Then again--she mused as an afterthought--neither was it the first time in the fifteen years she'd known him.

"Daijoubu, Megumi," he said quietly, and Megumi thought she was him smiling mildly in the darkness.  "Maybe... that's really all there is to it."

Megumi bowed her head, hiding her face with her long black hair.  "Maybe one more month," she said after a pause.  She knew she sounded stubborn, but she felt she had to try.  "The pain has been getting steadily worse for her.  The effects of the medicine I've been using seem to be weakening, which isn't really surprising.  There may come a time, fairly soon, when it will have hardly any effect at all."

Yahiko said nothing, but a visible shudder shook his lean frame for an instant.  Megumi watched this with detached interest, a question forming in her mind that she saved up to ask another time.

"As near as I can figure, the pain is due to some kind of internal organ failure.  She seems mentally intact, and appears lucid enough when the medicine works."  Megumi's clinical professionalism was once again well in place; as long as she didn't mention Kaoru's name, she thought, she could bear to think of the younger woman as simply another patient, yet another intriguing medical puzzle with which to challenge her skills and knowledge.  "So I'm thinking of administering a more"--she paused to choose her words--"effective medicine should the pain interfere too much with the life she still has left."

"You think she's suffered enough?"  Yahiko's voice was low and even, his tone gentle--far gentler than any other tone she had heard him use before.  Somewhat startled, Megumi peered through the rapidly deepening darkness at him; but his face was turned away again out of her sight.

Megumi paused, and when she spoke again, she did so softly, yet firmly.  "No one should be made to stand the pain of being consumed alive the way this disease is consuming her."

"Kenshin bore that pain," whispered the breeze wafting from Yahiko's direction, words nebulous even in the night's stillness, and Megumi wondered if the young man had actually murmured them.  Certainly, if he had, he couldn't have intended for her to hear.  But Megumi felt the words echo clammily in her heart, which suddenly felt both tight and hollow at the same time.

"It drove him mad," she whispered.

"If madness is forgetting..."

Several minutes passed in silence between them, dark and heavy with memory.  Presently Megumi let out a small weary sigh and rested her head against the shoji.  She was a doctor by training and by inclination, not a nurse; and all these months of continuous vigil over Kaoru, of nerves constantly frazzled by frustration and helplessness, were wearing on her.  The feeling of her beloved friend slipping irretrievably farther and farther from her grasp each day pained and tired her more than she was willing to admit.

Yahiko's voice suddenly marred the peaceful silence.   "You know of a better treatment than what you're giving her?"

Exhaustion edged Megumi's next words.  "Yahiko.  It's been more than fifteen years, but you can't tell me you've forgotten already."

Yahiko bowed his head at that, and Megumi felt regret curl inside her.  Perhaps she should not have brought up such a subject so bluntly.  "Doctors have been doing it for years.  I must say I've never done it, but I know how.  The recipe is modified, of course," she added soothingly.  "It will be easy to produce, and I'll watch the dosages like a hawk.  Only what she needs and no more."

"Will she become addicted?"

Megumi shook her head.  "To be honest, I don't think she has enough time left to risk that."

"You know I trust you, Megumi.  Your motivations, and your skills.  Everyone does.  And we're all just looking after Kaoru while... while we can."  Yahiko rose to his feet slowly, leaning on his sword.  Megumi also stood up, eyeing him solicitously.  She could barely make out his features in the darkness, but he sounded almost as bone-weary as she felt.  "But I hope you don't mind if we just sleep on this for tonight.  It's getting a bit late.  We should talk again in the morning."

"Hai.  Of course, Yahiko-kun."  She smiled wearily.  "I'll make one last check on Kaoru-chan before I go on to bed, then."

"Oyasumi nasai, Megumi.  Soshite--"

Megumi, who had already turned, stopped and inclined her head quizzically.

"--arigatou.  It can't be easy for you, the way things are.  And I'm sorry to impose on you."

"Yahiko."  Megumi was so tired she felt ready to collapse against the shoji, but she forced herself to remain coherent.  "I'm doing all I can, while I can, because I can and I want to.  It's what I was unable to do for Ken-san... and no matter how much regret consumes me, I won't let that knowledge go.  Now, with Kaoru-chan, I can only hope that I'll do justice to what everyone feels for her."

"You do, Megumi."

The young kenkaku bowed and left without another word.

That was peculiarly Yahiko, thought Megumi with some amusement, feeling affection warm her from the inside:  the bluntness that was pure honesty, embellished with neither flattery nor insult.  She shook her head, still smiling, and went on to Kaoru's room.  Warm yellow light from cast Tsubame's shadow across the room as she prepared Kaoru for the night.

Megumi stopped awhile in the darkness just outside the door, brooding on persistent memories.  For a moment she glanced up at the brightly speckled night as if searching for something.  Then she shook her head, drew a deep breath, and went in.  Yet another long day of nursing was nearing its end, and she had a few last duties to discharge.

~ tsuzuku ~

again, please be so kind as to give feedback! ^.^ arigatou for reading!!