Chapter 14 – The Shoulders of Giants

Severus Snape placed his gift on his dresser as he sat on his bed and stared at it.  It was a small wire framed butterfly, mosaic green and silver tiles decorated it wings.  Delicate and painstaking in its detail, it was obviously hand made.

This did not help him in this decision to keep Sophie at arm's length.  This gesture made him want to run to her now more than ever.  He sat thinking of what he could possibly give her back that would mean as much to her as this token meant to him.  He would devote time to this.  She deserved as much consideration as she had given him.

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Everyone went to get ready for the Christmas feast.  Harry told them he had an errand to run and left before they could ask what.  He walked through the cold and found himself on Sophie Young's doorstep.  He stood there for a while and stared at the door.   "What am I doing here?"  He turned to leave and stopped.  He turned around went back to the door raised his hand to knock and froze. He shook his head and turned around again and began walking away.  He stopped again and turned to look at the domicile one more time. He inched towards the door and stood there waiting. 

Having watched his actions for the last few minutes Sophie thought it was time to let him in.  She opened the door and smiled to him.  He smiled back and went inside.  Without a word he sat down on her couch and stared at her.

"And what can I do for you young man?"

"I wanted to say thank you for the gift.  I was really surprised."

"Why surprised?"

"Well, I know Ron and Ginny work for you and see them daily and I know Hermione came and spoke to you.  She told us all about that, but you and I never really spoke one on one and…well…I didn't think you…"

"I…?"

"Thought of me enough to give a gift to."

"I think a lot of you Harry.  More than you realize.  That has nothing to do with the gift, however.  I like making things for people.  I find it relaxing and I enjoy making people happy.  I think you deserve a little happiness."

"Is this the part where you analyze me and make me talk out my problems?" He tried not to sound sarcastic but failed.

Sophie looked at him knowingly. "I am not sure I can help you Harry."

He stared at her not quite knowing what she meant.

"Your problems are not those of normal teenagers are they?  It is not a matter of self-esteem or unrequited love, of a lack of confidence or friendship.  You are not affected by the normal fears and frustrations that plague the rest of your classmates. You have no illusions as to who you are and what you are.  Your problems come from knowing what you have to do and not wanting to hurt those you love."

He looked at her.  "How can you know that?"

"You were my reason for coming here Harry.  Arthur Weasley is a good friend of mine.  He was worried about you.  We approached Dumbledore this past summer to ask if I could come on board and offer my services to you.  I have been watching you closely from the moment I got here. I have been talking to anyone who would have any input about you.  I think I know your history better than you do."

"And what do you see exactly?"

"I see you have no delusions as to what your destiny is.  I see that you love your friends as if they were your brothers and sisters. And, that, you are hiding your fears and thoughts from them because you know that they will never let you fight it alone."

He continued to stare at her.  She really was an odd creature, yet more perceptive than he gave her credit for.

"Harry, we both know who Voldemort is after.  We both know you are his main target if for no other reason than what you represent.  He needs to defeat you to prove he is all powerful and I fear you have no intention of letting him do that, no matter what the cost."

Yes, more perceptive than he gave her credit for. "So are you going to Dumbledore."

"I doubt anything goes on in this place that he doesn't know about."

"And he won't try and stop me?"

"I think he knows he can't."

Harry considered her words. "I don't really have a plan you know.  I am waiting for him to show himself and I thought I would confront him.  I need to get to him before he gets to anyone else."

"You don't have to do this alone you know."

"Yes, I do." His voice hardened.

"Why?"

"You're the one who's supposed to be an expert on my history, why don't you tell me?" His anger was seeping out in his words.

"I don't read minds Harry.  I'd be a much better Psychologist if I could.  You talk. I listen.  You tell me why this is your fight and no one else's."

He looked at her with narrowed eyes, verging on tears, a small tremor on his lower lip.  He spoke slowly but forcefully, "You were not there when he killed Cedric.  I was…No one knows what that did to me.  It was my fault he was dead.  I did not utter the curse but I might as well have.  The entire thing was set up to capture me and he got caught in the crossfire.  I am responsible for his death.  How many people have to die before this ends?"

'His blood on your hands.' Sophie thought of her conversation with Severus.

"Not a day goes by that I don't think of my parents sacrificing their life for mine,  or that I see Cedric's ghost asking me to take his body back to his parents.  Do you have any idea what it's like to hear your Mother screaming as she dies night after night in dreams so vivid you wake up drenched in sweat and tears?  Who's next?  Ron, Hermione…Hagrid?  This can't go on. I will not be responsible for another death.  I couldn't bare it… so I'll face it alone."  His shoulders fell as he spoke, the burden too much to hold.  "I want to be an ordinary person.  I'm sick of being someone who finds himself destined to leave death in his wake."

She put her hands on those slender shoulders.  "You are not ordinary.  You are exceptional.  You are powerful; or you will be should you allow yourself to live long enough to see it.  Think back to these last years Harry.  Think back to what you have accomplished.  You faced your tormentor and defeated him repeatedly.  You have succeeded where greater wizards have failed.   Most importantly Harry, you have friends that would die for you, as you would die for them.  Do you think that sort of love is not a powerful magic in and of itself?"

"I will not involve them."

"They are already involved. Harry, you have shown great bravery in these last years.  I can not pretend to know what you have gone through, but I do know that they have been with you throughout it all.  They have pledged their loyalty to you and will fight to their last breath.  Whether you want them to or not they are in for the duration.  They deserve to know and to be involved with the plans that you decide to undertake.  They deserve at least that."

She watched as he did not seem convinced by her words.

"Whether you want to admit it or not you have a family.  A pretty extended family.  Do you not think they will suffer when you go?  Do you not think their suffering will be amplified a thousand fold because they were not able to help you, knowing that perhaps they might prevented you from getting hurt or worse?  You wanted a family more than anything else and now that you have one you plan to exclude them out of the biggest battle of your life."

He still did not speak.  She was forced to admit defeat. She lamented, 'Let this go Sophie, this is not the time.'

"Harry, I ask you to be careful and remember that there are people who love you.  Should you need to talk about anything they are there for you."

"I know."  The words were barely audible.

There was so much he was not considering, so much he was refusing to consider.  She wondered if she should…"Harry how do you feel about Ginny?"

He was completely thrown off by that question.  "What do you mean?"

"I know you know how she feels about you and I'm pretty sure you do as well.  I want to know what you think about her."

"I don't know…she is Ron's sister."

"Your powers of observation are keen aren't they?"

"Well… I mean I never thought of her as anything else."

"Really?" 

How does she do that?  It's incredibly annoying.  "She is a sweet girl.  I don't want to comprise her in all this."

"So you do feel something for her."

He shook his head. "I never allowed myself to.  When I saw her this year I noticed she grew up.  I noticed she became…quite beautiful.  And yes, I do know how she feels about me.  I always have."  He swallowed hard after he said these words.  "None of that matters. I realized  a long time ago what my fate was and I know she could be hurt.  I keep her away to keep her safe."

Sophie's eyes softened.  "Harry, isn't it hard to keep the weight of the world on your shoulders.  Especially shoulders so young.  You deny yourself a chance at a relationship because your have preordained your doom.  I was under the impression that you thought Divinity a sham.  Your destiny is your own.  The world is not closed to you yet, Harry Potter."

He smiled.  She was crazy but he did feel better, though he is not sure she had really changed his mind about anything.

Sophie realized she was at an impasse.  She would have to wait for the next session.  Hopefully there would be one.

"You should go and get ready for the feast.  I will see you there."

With that he turned and left.

Sophie shook her head as he disappeared over the clearing.  'Oh Harry,' she thought, 'You think you are protecting the ones you love, but it is at a price they might not be willing to pay.'