I must relay a thank you to Diana for helping me work through this chapter. As always it wouldn't be as good without her help.

I also want to send out special thank yous (is that a word?) to those who reviewed here but also those who emailed me personally. Your encouragement has been unbelievable.

Warnings: Mentions of Violence and Non-Con.

Chapter 20 – Confessions and Choices

Draco Malfoy's eyes fluttered open. As they focused, panic filled him. 'Where am I?' he thought. He recognized the room he was in but could not quite place the location. The smell of vanilla filled the air, and he realized he was with Dr. Young…with Sophie.

"Dr. Young?," a dry voice called out timidly.

"Finally awake, Mr. Malfoy." He knew that voice, and it did not belong to Sophie. He turned to find Severus Snape sitting in the chair across the couch.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I was about to ask you the same question." Snape replied.

Sophie entered the room bringing some drinks and food over to Draco. She placed the tray on the end table and knelt down next to her uneasy patient.

"I asked him here, Draco." She began, placing her hand on his. "I think he can help me help you."

"And how do you figure?" Draco's usual haughtiness had returned, but his tone was tinged with despair.

"Because, Mr. Malfoy, I once was where you are now." Snape's voice held no pity or mercy. He spoke with the authority that had made students cower in fear over the years. "I have been in the hell you are living and have managed to survive. From the looks of it, little has changed, save for the fact that you are much younger than the others that are usually initiated to the cause."

He eyed his Potions professor skeptically. He knew Snape was a former Death Eater, but he was never truly sure whose side he was really on. He chose not to risk anything for now and sat stoically.

"You seem to doubt my intentions." He added a bit of silk to the steel of his voice. "Let me see if I can summarize what the last few months have been like for you." He leaned in towards Draco. "Your summer break consisted of military training and war games, not trips to the beach house on the Riviera. Weaknesses in your armor, be it psychical or magical, were met with periodic and somewhat sadistic punishments. Probably more than once limbs were broken, if for no other reason than to show you how it felt. You witnessed killings, rapes, disfigurements, and the disemboweling of young and old, men and women, and probably an untold number of animals. I would also imagine being the offspring of Lucius meant any sign of frailty was not tolerated." He sat back. "Tell me, Draco. Am I close?"

Draco paled more and more with every word Snape spoke, until he finally ran to the bathroom to vomit. Sophie glared at Snape but did not reprimand him. As much as she hated the way he was speaking to Draco, she realized the time to coddle and comfort was over. She tried to talk him through things. To give him avenues to vent and speak but Draco did not respond to that as he should have. Perhaps this would wake him up.

After several minutes he returned; his eyes were red. He wrapped his arms around his wiry frame and spoke in a trembling voice. "I was used to not meeting my father's expectations of me. I am no stranger to cruelty or to periodic beatings , but this was so much more." His eyes shifted to the floor, as if he didn't even have the energy to lift them. "We would go for days without eating or sleeping. They would hold our heads underwater until we fainted. More than once, people died from the training. I was lucky in that they tried to be a little easier on me for being who I was, but that only fueled my father's loathing of my lack of ability." He sat down, his eyes still focused on the floor. "I hoped things would get better once I was back in school, but it has only gotten] worse."

He stopped speaking and swayed, as if on the verge of collapse. Sophie walked over to him and helped him to lie down. She put his head on her lap and stroked his hair as she had earlier. Severus started to speak, but Sophie glared at him again, preventing him doing so. In a low voice she spoke, "Draco, what happened in October?"

He became rigid at her words. For weeks he had sat in this room avoiding this topic. He had not talked about that incident since the first session. He was still not sure how much he should reveal. Always careful to talk only about things she could easy check up on with other students, he avoided anything regarding his activities at home. His only goal was to survive the year. It did not help that he liked coming to see her, that he felt safe with her, that he wanted to confide in her, that she genuinely cared for him. At least, he hoped she did. She could just be using him for information. Using him like everyone else had. Maybe. Maybe not. But whether he wanted to believe her or not, he doubted she could help him out of the nightmare that his life had become. As these thoughts and fears flooded him, he started to have panic. He was on the verge of hyperventilating.

Sophie realized he was struggled and sat him up. She leaned over to fetch a glass of water and handed it to him. He took it but did not look at her nor acknowledge her. At this, Sophie realized he had not looked her in the eye once since she found him on her doorstep. He was falling into his usually routine of avoidance. This time, however, she would not let him do it.

"Draco," she said sternly. "You and I have danced this dance masterfully these past few months. You tell me as much superficial nonsense as you can muster, and I try to extract as much information as possible. What I have come up with this: you are terrified. Something happened this fall that pushed you to the brink and you thought your only recourse was a feeble suicide attempt. There are hundreds of ways you could have succeeded, but you chose one that would almost assuredly get you caught. Whether you realize it or not, you were looking for help. You were looking for a way out. We have the power to help you, to get you out, but I can do nothing if you do not trust me. I have brought before you someone who has endured the harshness that you are now living. I am showing you that you that you have options and can live a life full of purpose, but you need to talk to me, damn it."

He was defiant. "You can't help me. There is no way out."

Sophie felt a familiar rage build up in within her. Throwing her arms in the air, she cried out, "What the hell is it with this place, that all these people feel such a sense of helplessness?'" She grabbed Draco by the shoulders. "You can get out. You can change the course of your life. We do have free will. We do have choices. We can fight. And we can win. You are not alone in your battles. There are literally hundreds of people who want to support you. Draco, the world is not a dark place where we await a violent and horrid death. It is full of light and laughter and hope. I have spent months trying to get you to see that, but I guess I have failed."

She stared into his gray eyes. "You came to me. Well, you got my attention. Now what the hell do you have to say?"

He swallowed hard as he looked at her. He did have a choice right now. He could either tell her everything and hope she could help or he could leave and continue on the path his life was leading. Since he doubted he could survive the latter, he went with the first. At the very least it gave him a fighting chance at some semblance of a future. He turned to Snape.

"Do you know what a Dark Revel is?" he asked in a rasping voice. Snape slowly nodded. Draco turned to Sophie and asked, "Do you?" She shook her head. Draco continued, "My father always went to these gatherings, and I was always sent away. Last October, he decided it was time for me to attend and see what the world had in store for me, to see what rewards awaited a loyal servant." The disdain in his voice was palpable. "He made it sound like it was going to be fun. Like it was a big party." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before opening them and going on. "We got to what was basically a dungeon, and I could hear laughing. We went inside where I saw a group of about five men huddled over something, cheering. When I got closer, I saw that they were rooting as one of them was ...attacking a girl, barely eighteen. She was screaming and bleeding…. He finally slapped her and told her that if she did not shut up, he would kill her. She screamed louder and, without a moment's hesitation, he slit her throat. The men standing around him were angry, not because of what he did, but because they didn't have their turn." He paused as a wave of hatred coursed through his body. "Although," he added, "one man did not let something as …insignificant as death stop him." Draco was now shivering violently; there was no color left in his face.

He took several deep breaths before he continued. "I looked for my father, to tell him what was happening, only to find him throwing knives at a man shackled to the wall." The fear on his face was now replaced with disgust. "The room was full of people torturing Muggles for sport. I couldn't find a quiet corner to hide. I just kept walking around looking for a way out. I don't even remember how long we were there when before we finally left. My father kept going on and on about how lucky I was because I would not have to wait to be of age as the others did, that he got special permission for me to begin right away, and that my initiation would happen this year." He stopped to look directly at Severus. "That's when it hit me. I realized what I would have to do to earn that dark mark." He ran a hand over his face. "I wanted to die right then and there. Later, I found myself back in my room. I undressed to find blood on my shirt, and it wasn't mine. I lost it. I spent days wondering around like a zombie. The next thing I knew, I was walking with Dr. Young down to see you."

Sophie was shaken. She remembered Severus' mentioning amusements, but she did not think they went that far. Suddenly she felt naïve - stupid and naive.

Severus broke the silence. "Things have degenerated so much," he sighed. "The promise of power and of glory used to be enough to get you interested. Pledging loyalty and accepting the branding of the Dark Mark used to be enough to get you in. Over the years, as the members became more and more depraved, the rituals became more and more barbaric. These orgies of perversion began shortly before I left. I wondered if they had stopped, with or with out Voldemort influence."

Sophie was incredulous. "How could they kill indiscriminately without anyone finding out?'

Severus looked at her gravely. "The Muggle world is full of people with no connections: runaway teen-agers, the homeless, the orphaned. It is easy to find people that no one would look for. There was never a shortage of entertainment."

Sophie thought for a moment and turned to Draco. "What happened that brought you to my doorstep?"

He sighed deeply, too ashamed to continue. He had already gone so far, already said so much. Too much. Then, he paused. 'Did it really matter any more? he thought. He pushed on, speaking slowly, trying to detach his body from his words. "It was another Revel. Wanting to advance me further, I was going to be allowed to participate in the festivities." He looked down. "Men had surrounded me when they brought up a girl. She was about my age. They told me to ' go to town.' She stared at me, pleading to be left alone. She was crying and, nearly hysterical. I just stood there. They kept urging me to go at her, mocking me for being so slow. I was stalling and my father knew it. Finally he pushed me aside, saying that I was saving her for him, and he attacked her." Draco became very quiet, trying to quell the tears that were threatened to overtake him. "She stared at me the whole time, begging for help. When my father was done, he took me outside and started to thrash me. He said he would make a man out of me one way or the other. Then, I blacked out. I woke up in time to see them carry out the lifeless body of the girl my father molested. She had been cut up. Her...her eyes were still open." With the last bit of strength he possessed, he added, "I got myself here, though I can't really tell you how or why. This is just where my body took me."

They sat in the quiet, all drained; Draco, for finally sharing his pain, Severus, for remembering his past, and Sophie, for thinking of how to make it stop. She spoke first, "I gather that you have come to realize that this is not the direction you wish your life to go."

"Of course not, " he said in anger and grief. "I thought there was some greater purpose. I thought there was a reason we were fighting. I didn't know it was bullshit. I didn't know we just killed for the hell of it…But what can I do? Where can I go?" The vulnerability in his voice was painful.

Severus spoke, "I was once where you find yourself now, Draco. I had nothing. Death would have been…liberation. I found the one thing that could help…I found a friend and a purpose. As I see it, you have a few alternatives. You could go on with your life as it is. I trust you know where that will lead you. You could run away, but you would be found, and the penalty will be inconceivable. You can let us help you. We can go to Dumbledore and he can give you sanctuary." Draco did not like his options. Severus walked over to the boy and sat next to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Draco, you have a lot to think about. You will lose a lot by letting us help you, but you can gain sanity and principle. I am going to take you back to your room. I can give you some Dreamless Sleep Draught to help you through the next few days. We can only help if you want us to. And, only you can decide if you want us to."

Now, fully depleted of all strength, all Draco could manage to do was nod. Severus helped him up and started to walk him out. Sophie ran over. "Wait." She lifted Draco's chin and held it to her face, gently. She smiled a small smile and kissed him on the forehead saying, "I promise you that I will do my best to help you in whatever decision you make." He stared at her blankly. She bit her bottom lip and nodded to Severus. And they left.

Sophie spent the day cleaning up all traces of Draco. She felt so empty and alone. Though she always missed Alice, she seemed so lost without her now. She desperately wished she had a close friend to confide in.. She realized now that she had spent so much energy trying to pursuing Severus, either in friendship or something more, she did not take the time to foster other friendships. While she was well acquainted with many of the staff, those relationships were casual. She stopped to think of Severus again. "I really have to get another pastime," she chided herself out loud. Thinking back on the past few hours, she had been impressed at how he took charge the situation. He openly shared his experience with Draco in an attempt to draw the boy out. She smiled as she thought how tender he was to him at the end; how he offered the boy some respite, and more importantly, time.

Evening fell peacefully. Sitting alone on her couch with a book on her lap that she was not reading, Sophie weighed her choices in her mind. She began the day intent upon winning Severus over, showing him that he did indeed love her and that resistance was futile. Now, she had another view of him and his relationship to her life. She realized he was an essential part of her practice. He was her link to the house that was going to have many more of its members placed in the same danger as Draco was now facing, if they are were not already facing it. Without Severus, she would never have gotten as much out of Draco as she had. And without him, she would not get much more out of the other Slytherins. She needed him, and she had to put her feelings aside and do what was best for the students, even if it meant being alone. He did not want a personal relationship, and so she would have to acquiesce. It would be the only way to still be able to communicate with him at a safe and impersonal distance. "Well, this sucks," she said in bemused resignation.

She was contemplating how she was going to fill the rest of the Christmas break when there was a knock at her door. 'What now?' she thought as she opened it wearily. In her doorway stood Severus Snape. "Oh!," She was startled. "Come in. Is everything alright?" She was beset with fears that something happened to Draco.

Severus did not say a word. He picked her up in his arms and kissed her fiercely as he took her into her bedroom.