foreword.  Really nothing but a couple of mindless gurgles from this starry-eyed author:  Just re-watched episode 29, where Sano is still recovering from Saitou's attack.  The moment Yahiko leaves the room, Megumi-sensei does her good ol' wet-cloth-on-the-forehead technique, and then quietly rubs the bridge of Sano's nose.  Kyaaa~!! (hearts)  I need to re-watch all those episodes...

Second!  Been watching oh-so-kawaii Chobits, and whoop-dee-doo...  The bakeshop manager's seiyuu is none other than Ueda Yuuji!! (swoon)  Oh that sexy gravelly voice!  Zanza meets Downy Fabric Softener!  For those who have also seen Chobits, just imagine that bishounen manager speaking in this chapter...  (swoon again)  For those who haven't seen Chobits. start looking for it!  It's so much fuunnn!  ^.^

-----

glossary:

demo = but

yare yare = general resigned sigh, something like "oh well" or "there you go."  Kawaii Kenshinism ^.^

ahou = dolt, moron.  Saitou's nickname for Sanosuke ^.^;

busu = hag (ie really ugly lady).  Yahiko's surefire Kaoru insult.

Tsuyoku natte 'ru. = roughly, I'm going to become strong.  (Incidentally, what Sano says right after he fights Saitou about going to Kyoto, in the Shishio arc.)

 
 

Yoake Mae no Yami ni

by Mirune Keishiko

Fourteen: Vigil

 
 
  

Unease broke the warm, heavy comfort of sleep.  Megumi stirred, keeping her eyes squeezed shut and drearily willing slumber to reclaim her.

But the anxiety persisted, a quiet, insistently pulsating thought piercing the fog of weariness but yet making little sense.  She opened one eye and shut it again with a groan.  The sun had not yet even risen.  With a long sigh, she burrowed deeper into the blankets, wondering why she felt so restless when she had had only snatches of fitful sleep in the past few days.

Then her eyes snapped open.  In the gray invisibility of her room, she was lying alone in bed.

Sano...?

She bit her lip, fighting the lingering heaviness in her mind to think back over the night before.

Upon their return from the cemetery, dinner had been quiet and listless.  Even the children had behaved themselves remarkably well and retired soon after the meal.  Megumi herself had gone to bed the moment she finished her duties in the kitchen.

But then, as soon as she had set foot inside her room, an unexpected wave of sadness had hit her:  Suddenly, her small room, with its lone futon and few scattered pieces of furniture and adornment, had seemed unbearably cold and lonely.  Hesitating in the doorway, struggling with a sudden weary abhorrence of such cheerless emptiness that she could not explain away for the life of her, she had not realized she already had been standing there for several minutes until she sensed, with a start, Sano's presence some distance behind her.

The concern she saw in his eyes turned quickly into something far more inscrutable when she looked away with a hasty good night.  And then he had surprised her-and himself, from the way color blazed across his tanned cheeks and his gaze darted swiftly away from hers-by asking if he could stay with her for a few hours.

Before reason and resistance could gather in her mind, before he could start to negate his own request, she had simply said "Hai."

Then she had walked into her room and lit the lamp in the corner, looked back to where he stood hesitantly in the doorway with tension and uncertainty evident in every taut line of his body, and told him with well-practiced disdain to shut the door to the winter draft and make himself useful by stoking the brazier.

And somehow, she had eventually mustered the courage to ask him to take the other half of her futon, disguising her shyness with appropriate scorn for boneheads who didn't have the sense to wrap up more warmly on winter nights.  It had taken most of the tiny strength she'd had left to finally meet the shadowed, questioning look in his eyes-but then Sano had nodded without a word and sunk down into the mattress beside her, tucking a disproportionate half of the blanket warmly around her despite her protests.

At that, she who was just as stubborn nagged him into sharing the blanket with her; and as conversation faded away to drowsy thoughts, the wordless pleasure of companionship, and the keenly felt heat of two bodies almost, but not quite, touching beneath the sheets, it had seemed to her the most important thing in the world to muster the courage lay her hand on his, even as she hid her burning cheeks in the fall of her hair.

Megumi had then been amazed that she had the strength to meet those dark, intense, searing eyes.

Without another word he had gathered her close, and she had laid her head on his broad chest as she had tried not to dream of doing for so many, many years.   A meandering conversation of whispers, then, finally, a kiss that had made sleep sweeter than ever before.

It made sense now that his sudden, mysterious absence should break that rest.

Megumi sank deep into her blankets, frowning to herself in the darkness.  Outside, a long sigh of a breeze made the chime ring out once, very softly.

     *     *     *

A broad-shouldered figure sat unmoving in Kaoru's empty room.  The shoji had been parted to face the frost-stripped yard.  A month before, honey-colored autumn sunlight had passed through the same opening to warm a petal-patterned kimono.  Now it was the dull yellowish glow of the waning moon that cut, from the soft shifting black of night's shadows, a sharper, blacker profile.

 "Sanosuke.  You've already disturbed me, so sit with me anyway."

 "How the hell can you teach your students to respect their elders when you set such a lousy example?"  But Sano was more amused than irritated, so he took a companionable seat beside the younger swordsman.

Yahiko grinned.  "Sumanu.  But really, you've gained quite admirable control over your ki."

 "I could say the same of you, sensei.  But really"-Sano smiled-"you're still a brat."

 "And you're still an idiot.  Who takes advantage of upset women to spend the night with them."  Yahiko quickly dispelled the incipient fury with a quiet bark of a laugh.  "Gomen, gomen.  I really couldn't resist.  Looks like you're still a violent gangster, too.  Don't worry, I don't truly think that of you."  And he patted his friend's shoulder apologetically.

 "See if I still stick around to help reseed the yard in the spring, Yahiko-chan."  Somewhat disgruntled-after all, Yahiko's barb had hit a little too close to home, to his thinking-Sanosuke lounged back against the wall, pipe starting to puff.

 "Sorry, again."  An obviously flustered Yahiko gave a near-rurouni-like smile before lapsing into seriousness.  "Demo... you don't really mean that, now, do you?"

Out the corner of Sano's mouth came a meditative stream of smoke.  "I dunno," he said slowly.  "Maybe I do."  Reluctantly, alerted by the sudden plunge of Yahiko's initially merely reflective ki to ominous levels, he met the other man's glower, trying not to feel nervous around someone nine years younger than him.

 "It's not like you to hedge, Sano."  After a moment, Yahiko looked away, as if the movement demanded special effort.  His voice was carefully even; it reminded Sanosuke of Kenji.  "You're planning to leave again next year?"

Sano gracelessly blew out a last puff of smoke and tapped the ashes out of his pipe onto the ground.  "I dunno," he said again.  "I might."

Yahiko watched him silently.  Feeling oddly ashamed of himself beneath that wordless gaze, and feeling oddly angry at himself for feeling ashamed, Sanosuke shrugged.  "With Jou-chan and Kenshin gone, and all you kids grown up already, you don't need me.  There's nothing for me here."

He stared fiercely out toward the yard at nothing in particular.

Yare yare.  Yahiko's dignity forbade slapping his own forehead or strangling Sano in his exasperation, so the descendant of Tokyo samurai merely sighed.  "Nothing at all...?"

Sano closed his eyes and chuckled.  Yahiko was right; it wasn't his style to hedge.  "The Megitsune can take care of herself all right, if that's what you wanna say.  She's been doin' that for the past fifteen years.  She doesn't need me hangin' around 'n' gettin' in her hair."  Bitterness tinged his last words, and Sano stared out again at the empty yard, grimacing.

 "Well, fine, if you're such a mind-reader..."  Yahiko grinned.  "Then what was last night all about?"

 "I know ya don't think she's that kind of woman, so I'll let you live."  Sano, restlessly rumpling his hair, ignored Yahiko's annoyed look.  "She's human, yeah, she gets lonely sometimes.  'Specially when people that keep you strong... kinda die on you.  Kenshin wasn't too long ago.  And she's the doctor, so she's really takin' this pretty hard, I think."  He shrugged, knowing that he sounded infinitely more detached than he felt.  "But she's smart and she's got so much goin' for her-she'll get over this soon enough.  And she won't want any boneheads gettin' in the way."

He apparently no longer cared that he sounded downright gloomy.  Yahiko shook his head.  "I didn't intend to interfere, but since it's come up...  I must tell you that I don't think leaving would be a good idea."  He arched an eyebrow.  "In fact, I don't think it would be much honorable or noble if you left, Sanosuke."

Sano shot him a peeved glance.  "Of course, you have your own reasons," Yahiko continued calmly, "and it's not for me or anyone else to condemn anything you decide to do.  But Kenshin-if he were here, the way he used to be"-Sano noted without comment the quiet wistfulness that crept into the younger man's tones-"Kenshin wouldn't like it either.  He'd probably think you were giving in to pride.  And even a brat like me knows that's a lousy second to love."

He softened his statement with a sheepish grin and an apologetic scratch of his head, thinking fondly of Tsubame.  Two pairs of brown eyes met in an understanding too clear for words.

 "So you think I'm being a stubborn fool again, ne?"  Sano gave a harsh, abrupt laugh.  Then, looking more pained by this than by almost any physical blow Yahiko had ever seen him take, he shuffled his fingers stormily through his hair until it stuck up and out in every direction.  "This is almost worse than dealin' with that bastard Saitou.  You know what's goin' on, Yahiko-hell, half o' Tokyo knows, I think.  Too many times she's been abandoned-her family, Kenshin...  Even I left without any goodbye.  She doesn't trust people to get close to her anymore.  And I can't really blame her."

 "No one can."  Yahiko eyed him sympathetically.  "But if you're as sincere as you seem to everybody, then even though you are still an ahou, you ought to care enough to try to change her mind."  From the way Sano barely even blinked at hearing the old, hated nickname, Yahiko realized his friend was more troubled than even he had expected.

 "People's minds don't get changed unless they let 'em.  She hasn't said anything since the other night, and I won't push her now that she's all torn up over Jou-chan."  Sano fidgeted with the bandages on his wrist.  "And I'm not the type to hang around forever, still hopin' for a change in the weather.  I ain't Kenshin, am I?"

But his voice had subtly changed, and he suddenly gazed up at the sky as if searching for his answers there.

Yahiko smiled.  "But we're all trying to be, aren't we?"  He rose to his feet.  "You seem to have made up your mind.  I'm sorry that I said at first that I wouldn't respect your choice.  Sometimes leaving is harder than staying, and I wish you well.  Still"-he paused-"winter's only just begun, so maybe time will give you cause to decide otherwise."  He bowed somewhat formally.  "I'm sorry to leave you here, but I must get back to bed before Tsubame notices I'm gone and starts to worry."

 "You got Kenshin down pat right there," chuckled Sano.

With a rueful grin, Yahiko scratched his head once more.  "She manages me almost as well as the busu did, and without any bokken either.  Just don't tell anyone that the Master of the Thousand Shirabadori is a henpecked husband, ne?"

Sano grinned back.  "On second thought, I might just stay, just so I can laugh at you behind your back."

 "I'll laugh right back at you, 'cause I think someone's noticed you gone and started to worry."  Yahiko spoke in low, dry tones as a vision in a white yukata appeared at the end of the corridor.

Sanosuke saw the long, slightly mussed hair, the pale face with its rosy mouth, and felt his heartbeat quicken, as always.  Yahiko left without another word, stopping only to exchange soft greetings and a bow with Megumi before he disappeared up the stairs.

And Sano looked quickly away as Megumi came nearer, shutting his eyes to see more clearly the impulses and desires that fought within him-the urge to run and the urge to stay, and which one was driven by love and which by selfish pride, he could hardly tell; the longing to care for her as she would never admit to wanting it, and the fear that he would have to leave forever once that task was done.

Footsteps creaked nearer, accompanied by the soft clink of ceramic.  Sano opened his eyes with a sigh and silently hoped that, as he had mustered the strength to speak his suit that night on the roof, he would muster the same strength to accept its inevitable rejection.

Tsuyoku natte 'ru.

At thirty-four, Kenji-kun, nothing seems to have changed, really... and maybe I'm just one more person setting a lousy example around here.

As he met her gaze, in his mind he carefully wrapped the memory of the previous night's kiss, stored it away for those empty evenings under unfamiliar stars when not even strength could comfort him with the warmth of another's nearness, and not even wisdom could solace his heart with rest.

  
 
 

~ tsuzuku ~

A/N.  Sorry for the long time I took to update.  Feeling the need to tie up all these loose ends flapping in my face, it's taken me this long to gather the ideas and the guts to set them down at last... and then I ended up with almost enough text for two whole chapters.  It ain't much good for suspense, but maybe it's just reward for a relatively unusual delay. ^.^

Sorry also for the unintended insinuations at the end of the last chapter! I really didn't mean to suggest anything citrusy.... (not yet. harhar.) I know we all want to see 'em finally have a, ahem, go, but patience my pretties, patience... If not Sano, then at least Megumi would be conscious that Kaoru's ghost is probably still flitting around, and would probably be shocked to the core of her ethereal being if she found them in the act at that particular time and place. ^.^

Anyway, brace yourselves for a biggie in the next one.  Sigh. Still struggling with it, but expect an update soon, nonetheless. Times like these I almost wish I had beta readers, but then my fragile ego probably couldn't handle the preliminary criticism, and I think pre-readers sort of take the fun out of suddenly unleashing a whole new installment on unsuspecting(?) audiences, so... ^.^  (blather, blather)  Anyway, hope this satisfied...  If it didn't, just complain and I'll get to damage control as soon as I can.  Not only am I at least a little biased in my favor when I proofread my fics, I'm also usually (eg tonight) bleary with lack of sleep.  Sore ni, gomen nasai yo.  ^.^