Chapter 27 – Sifting Through The Ashes

Severus watched the next few hours pass, minute by minute. When he lost Cecilia he had the comfort of knowing she was in a better place, that she was free, that she was safe. This was a different kind of hell. He had tasted happiness again only to watch it fly away from him like the down of a dandelion on a summer breeze. Floating away in slow motion just out of reach. His mind's eye was looking at the face of Remus Lupin. He could not stop imagining them together, picturing them making love, hearing her whisper his name. The anger continued to rise within until he found himself choking on his abhorrence. Grabbing his cloak, he rushed out of the dungeon. As gifted as he was with his wand, with his potions, with his Dark Arts abilities the only he weapon he planned to use was his fists. He would relish the satisfaction of ramming them repeatedly into Lupin's light brown haired, blue eyed head.

He flew to Gryffindor as if on a Firebolt and forced his way inside. In the common room he found Lupin laughing and talking to a room full of people. Without noting who else was present, he walked over to him and grabbed him by his robe.

"Torturing me has become quite a pastime for you, hasn't it?" he growled.

"What are you doing?" Remus asked.

"I am savoring the moments before I reduce you to a pile of bleeding rubbish on the floor." His hand was about to wrap itself around the werewolf's throat when Severus heard the unmistakable voice of the headmaster behind him.

"That is quite enough, Professor Snape." He turned to see Dumbledore (minus the usual twinkle) along with Harry, Ginny, Ron, and Hermione.

"I said, that is quite enough." Severus released his grip on Remus' clothes. "I believe Mr. Lupin asked you a question. What exactly were you doing?"

"Lupin and I have some business we need to discuss, privately."

"All due respect, Snape, I do not think we have anything to discuss that can not be shared with everyone," Remus said coolly.

Snape turned to Lupin with daggers in his eyes and then he realized Sophie was not there. "Where is she?"

"Who?"

"Don't toy with me. You know perfectly well who."

"Sophie?" No response. "I haven't seen her since this morning. She said she would come to see me but she didn't. I assumed you two were probably having quite a battle, so I figured she would see me when you were done harassing her."

Severus went to lunge after Lupin again when a large black dog burst through the doors. Everyone turned stunned as he transformed into Sirius Black. Dropping some bags that were in his mouth he fell to his knees. He was sweating and having trouble catching his breath.

"What is it?" Remus read the expression on his friend's face, and it was not good.

"Your doctor friend………..Sophie………..She has been kidnapped."

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The words floated like a ghost suspended in mid air, haunting all those in the room. "She has been kidnapped." No one moved, no one made a sound. They simply looked at Sirius as he tried to calm himself down.

Dumbledore took control. "You had better explain yourself, Sirius."

Sirius stood erect, surveying the scene before him. Harry and Ron were standing between Snape and Remus. Remus looked as if he has been knocked about and Severus looked like he did the knocking. A familiar anger was starting to build in him but then he looked over to Dumbledore who was staring at him closely. This always had a calming effect on him. Reorganizing his priorities and making a mental not to have a word with Remus later, he started his narrative.

"I was wandering around the grounds, trying to recall all the hidden passages we used to use as children. I looked up to see Dr. Young running across the courtyard. It looked like she was going from the dungeon to the dark forest, so I followed her. She went to Crimden's old hut, which by the looks of the renovations, is now her place. I could hear her throwing things around and using language normally reserved for heated Quidditch matches." With these words he looked over at the Potions master who appeared to have found something incredible interesting on the far wall. "She emerged about twenty minutes later, and I could tell she was going off grounds so I followed her."

Remus interrupted. "What made you follow her? Surely she is allowed to enter and leave the grounds as she sees fit. She is not under any suspicion, is she?"

"Look, you all know her, but I don't. Remus never talked about her, and I come here to find that she has immersed herself in all your lives. Some more than others. I find all that suspicious so I followed her. Right now, I don't know who to trust and I wasn't about to take any chances."

He waited for retort from Snape, but he remained cautiously silent. Sirius continued, "I followed her to Hogsmeade. Turns out she just decided to go shopping. She went in and out of a dozen stores before she actually came out with a bag. She turned back down the street. It looked as if she was headed back, and then she stopped. She froze. A man was walking towards her. It looked like she did not want to meet him, so she ducked into an ally. I followed and hid behind a trash bin. I guess she didn't realize she walked down a dead end, because almost immediately, she went to turn around and leave. By this point the man has followed her and had her trapped. He said something like ' What a pretty prize you'll be.' She screamed. I went to pounce on the guy but it was too late. There was a flash of a yellow light, and they were both gone. All that was left was her stuff on the floor."

"Did you recognize the man?" Remus's voice was strained, his face pale.

"No, I never saw his face."

"Why the bloody hell did she go shopping?" Ron was incensed.

Ginny spoke up, "She said once to me that it was a happy distraction for her. That she liked to go shopping to take her mind off things."

They all turned to Severus who had not taken his eyes off the far wall. Harry looked at him and saw something he had never seen before - anguish. Pure and absolute anguish. Feeling that he needed to do something, he went over the bags Sirius had dropped on the floor. "I wonder what she bought," he asked innocently. He reached in the bag, but Hermione stopped him.

"Harry, don't. She may have been shopping for something personal."

"No, Miss Granger," Dumbledore spoke with an authority she had never heard from him before. "If we are to figure out where she is, we need as much information as possible, including what brought her to Hogsmeade in the first place." He motioned to Harry to continue and he complied. Out of the bag Harry pulled out a toy locomotive. It was a replica of the Hogsmeade Express. Upon this revelation a moan, guttural and despondent, was heard from the corner of the room. Severus was trying to steady himself as he fell back onto an armchair. "Dear Merlin, it's for me………..she went there for me."

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He was unaware of the room full of people waiting for his explanation, nor did he care. Snippets of a conversation, which seemed like ages ago came into his head.

"When I wanted a toy train, she bought me a potions kit."

"Why did you want a toy train?"

"I was eight. Isn't it a normal desire for an eight year old?"

Again, it was just something he said in passing and again, she extracted it. He wouldn't even have remembered saying it if it wasn't for the evidence before him. Guilt overwhelmed him, a soul consuming guilt as he hadn't felt in years. His vacant eyes met those waiting for answers. He didn't have any. All he could do was think about his actions and hers. Whereas his first reaction was to find the source of his misery and obliterate it from this mortal coil, her first reaction was to make peace with a gesture that was poignant and kind. This is when he realized that he did have a heart, because he could feel it breaking.

"It was a gift for me. It was something we talked about a long time ago, something I had forgotten about. I believe it was meant to be a peace offering."

"You really laid into her, didn't you, you selfish bastard." Remus was irate. His usual calm and composure was gone and in its place was a fury that made you wonder if he could turn into a werewolf at will. "It killed you that we had a connection, didn't it? It killed you that she loved me once. What happened, you arrogant son of a bitch? Did you demand she never speak to me again? She told you to stuff it, didn't she? Your egotism and your stupidity got her kidnapped. She would never have been out there if you would just grow up. How long are you going to keep this up? When will you finally get on with your life?"

The words stung because it was exactly what he was thinking as well. Severus remained silent. His pain was evident and his lack of retaliation only caused pity, even from Remus, who regretted lashing out. Years of loneliness softened his heart and the expelling of the poison that was building in his blood calmed him down. He spoke softly, "I'm sorry."

Severus shoulders slumped. "You shouldn't be. You were right ………about all of it."

"I had no right…You couldn't have seen this coming. None of us did. Right now, it is all irrelevant. The question is, how do we find her?"