Chapter 28 – Searching for Answers
Weeks passed without a word. Severus spent most days the same way, silent and isolated. After about three hours of sleep he would rise to search for a clue, any type of clue. He would return to teach his classes, eat a quick meal, and return to searching until he was so overcome with exhaustion that he finally laid down for a restless sleep. He began to understand why Sophie did this. Utter fatigue was the only way to fall asleep in the first place and to make it deep enough that he didn't dream. Dreaming was the hard part. Taking his Dreamless Sleep Draught would make him sleep through the night and he couldn't waste that much time asleep. He had to search.
He wondered if it was the guilt of knowing she was in danger because of him that made him so steadfast. Or perhaps it was the fear of who had her and what they would do to her. Deep down he knew the real reason he was frantic; he loved her. The thought of another moment without her sent him to levels of hell he had not known existed and he had visited many levels. Rest would only come when he was holding her again. When she was safe. If it was the last thing he would ever do, he would tell her he loved her and that he would never hurt her again.
He was not the only one who was frenzied. Sophie's disappearance affected many people. Remus and Sirius spent hour upon hour retracing her last steps, exploring Sirius's memory, looking for something that told them where she could be or who took her. Sirius was beset with guilt for not acting sooner, for not preventing her capture. His remorse only grew as he watched his friend deteriorate. Remus never talked about his time with Sophie. Sirius had seen her picture in his home, he had seen Remus stare at it with a smile on his face. It was the same smile he gave when he talked to Harry about his parents, a smile that was remembering another, though not necessarily a simpler, time. Was anything simple, really?
Ron, Harry, Ginny and Hermione spent most of their time comforting Neville. He was the most visibly shaken by it all. Sophie was his connection to his parents. She would take him to visit them long after his grandmother said he should stop. That he should move on. In his mind she had come to replace the parents he barely remembered. She was the one who never missed a birthday, who always had an encouraging word, who always told him he was so much more than he would allow himself to believe. He missed their Tuesday morning breakfasts in her living room. Even when she started seeing Snape, she never missed one, and she never failed to make it just their own. Sitting in the common room with his dorm mates, he realized she was right. He was hiding from the world; he was ignoring the situations in his life because it was easier than facing them. Sophie faced them; she was brave even though she was in pain. He needed to be as well.
He found himself sitting with friends. People who truly cared how he felt. Before he knew what was happening, he was confiding in them. He told them everything. How he could still remember the vacant look in this father's eyes when he found him sitting on the floor. How he felt when he first called to his mother in the middle of the night and no one came. How he cried himself to sleep for what he lost until he was nine and cried every night since for what he could no longer remember. About his paralyzing fear of using magic, because he had come to think of it as a destructive force. About how he hid the truth for so long because not talking about it meant he could pretend it was not true. He went on and on for seemed like hours; and when he stopped; he found arms around him; telling him it would be all right, that he was not alone. He found
himself believing it.
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In a dark room, a boy sat staring at the ceiling, his stomach rolling with fear. His father contacted him and told him the initiation would begin during Easter Break and that he had a special treat in store. Just replaying the conversation in his head was repulsive enough, let alone the thought of what the sadist considered a special treat.
His thoughts wondered to Sophie. As far as he knew no one in his house knew he was in sessions with her for anything other than punishment, so he had no one to share his frustrations with. Not that that would be an option normally, anyway. On one level it was a relief. He hated seeing her. He hated the emotions she evoked in him. He hated needing to have her around. He hated her for making him love her, to love her like the mother he wished he'd had. The last few months had been torture. They were patient while he made a decision, but he knew his time to choose was coming fast. He also knew he had little choice about what that decision would be.
He realized long ago that he was a coward. He doubted he would survive the initiation, so why fight the inevitable. He had made his decision long ago but avoided telling Sophie, or Snape for that matter. She seemed to care for him, to hold out hope. He hated knowing he would hurt her, disappoint her, but it was the only way really. He thought about writing her a letter and explaining everything, but then he remembered she was gone. At his heart broke a little; he wouldn't even have the chance to say good-bye.
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It was time for the Easter break. As most of the students dispersed to their homes, the staff, the Weasleys, and a handful of concerned students decided it was time to properly organize themselves if they were to find Sophie. They spent days going over the leads that they followed and the dead ends that they reached. They explored possibilities and theories. Two people were noticeably silent throughout the proceedings. Severus Snape trusted Albus Dumbledore to relay his findings as Remus Lupin relied on Sirius Black to do the same. After about four days of no progress, Severus cracked.
He slammed his fist on the table before standing and leaning forward. "We have been avoiding the most obvious answer to this." The room was soundless waiting for him to continue. He was about to voice the one thing that they were dreading to hear, the one thing they were hoping would not even be considered a possibly. "Voldemort had been taciturn for far too long. We knew he was planning an attack on the school. It seems to be a strong possibility that he chose to take the one person here who could not defend herself against him. What better way to prove that no Muggle or Muggle born is safe? What better way to personally challenge Dumbledore and Hogwarts itself but by taking one that we were responsible to protect?"
"What do you suggest we do, Severus?" Professor McGonagall tried to be gentle. "Do you think we did not consider that a possibility? The fact remains that we have no proof. We can't very well call a Death Eater meeting and demand her back. We would have to instigate the war we have been fighting to prevent. We would be endangering the lives of the population we vowed to safeguard for the sake of one life. I understand Sophie is a special person to many of you, but even you would have to admit that she would rather die than see the cause go down for her sake. It may seem that what we are doing is futile but it is the only way to try to help her while still maintaining some semblance of peace."
"Then what are we fighting for?" The room turned to face Remus Lupin; he was still looking down at the ground. Slowly, he raised his head to face those gazing at him. "I thought the point of our efforts was that no one would be at risk. So that no child would grow up without a mother or father. So that we wouldn't have to worry about losing our friends and loved ones to violence and hatred. I thought we were supposed to fight to protect everyone."
He turned to Minerva. "You are right. Sophie would not want to jeopardize lives and our cause for her life. But that doesn't make it right. That doesn't mean we should leave her in their hands because we are afraid of the outcome. Voldemort declared war on all of us years ago. He started this, and we have to finish it, otherwise what is the point of fighting at all?"
Remus looked over to Severus. "We need to figure out what our next move is. We all know you are the best man to lead in this battle. What should we do?"
He was about to answer when the door burst open. In the doorway stood a battered Draco Malfoy. In his arms, with her head slumped back and her arms spread limply, lay a motionless Sophie Young.
"Please help her," was all he could say before he fell to ground and into blackness.
