Title: Forgetting Grace

Author: dokushoka79

Rating: G

Spoilers: During State of Grace

Category: Angst

Summary: Luke's thoughts prior to the kiss with Glynis and a little bit afterwards.

Disclaimers: Joan of Arcadia and characters belong to Barbara Hall, CBS and Sony Pictures. This is for pure entertainment. No profit being made.

Dedication: To Luke ^_~

A/N: I hope this does Luke some justice. Let's just say this helped me deal with the kiss between Luke and Glynis and their continued relationship. I'm all for Grace and Luke but for now I'm just trying to understand Luke and give him some time. Thanks for reading and enjoy! ^_^

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"You need to forget about Grace." Friedman's voice echoes in my head. Forget about Grace, huh? That's easier said than done. It's been a little over two weeks since Grace and I had our "talk" the morning after the party. The memory of her words still stung. I may not be able to replay the moment in its entirety, but I can remember clearly the feelings I felt. I know I was rejected by Grace but I haven't been able to let go. Maybe I'm a sucker for pain and suffering but I don't want to give up on her. It was because of the look I saw in her eyes that morning. I have hope that she didn't mean what she had said to me and I might still have a chance. But as the days go by and with the continued coldness I get from Grace, my hope is slipping. Friedman's words once again ring in my ears and I wonder I if I really am throwing myself against a locked gate?

It is lunch time but I have no thoughts about food. All of my thoughts are focused on the dilemma I find myself in. Should I forget about Grace and move on like Friedman said or don't give up on Grace and continue to pine away for her? Glynis is a nice enough girl but I haven't really noticed her. I haven't noticed her the way I've noticed Grace. Maybe it is lust. What I feel for Grace that is. But even as I say that to myself I know I'm selling myself short. I've only had eyes for Grace since the first time she came over to my house to study with Joan. It was her brain that attracted me to her initially but eventually it grew to something more. I love watching her, the way she moved, the quirks of her mouth, and the fire in her eyes that rage when there is something that gets her riled. I'm not saying lust is completely out of the picture. Of course I'm attracted to Grace in a physical sense. My mouth goes dry every time I catch a glimpse of her skin when her shirt inches up to expose her belly. Today was no exception. When she lifted up her shirt to remove her naval ring I felt my jaw drop at the sight. Also, the memory of the softness of her lips when she kissed me and the warmth of her body when I had my arms around her are all burned into my memory. Forget Grace? Ha!

I don't realize this but my legs have taken me to the quad where I see Grace eating lunch with Adam. She had said earlier that she was going to go out for lunch but it looks like she changed her mind. She had an intent look in her face as she was talking to Adam. I am hit once again with jealousy towards Adam and the friendship he has with Grace. I'm not saying that I believe he is a rival for her affections but just the relationship that he has with her is what I envy. I continue to watch her and then she looks up in my direction. She stills as we make eye contact. Even from the distance that I am at I can feel the coldness she directs towards me. I break the eye contact and walk away saddened.

Two days have passed since my last encounter with Grace. I've avoided looking in her direction in class and have spent most of my time on the other side of school where I knew she wouldn't be at. I've decided to let go of Grace in my mind. I think a lot of this decision is due to Friedman's constant harping which has worn me down. At lunch time today he finally convinced me to approach Glynis, the "open gate". I've felt uncomfortable by the attention and the looks she's thrown my way in the past but I've gotten to thinking what if I am passing something up that was really meant for me? What if she is the one?

It's after school and Friedman and I are walking down the hallway in search of Glynis. I shouldn't be scared to try something new. Like any scientific experiment there is a certain risk involved. I knew that when I put my heart on the line for Grace but now I have to understand that it is time to move on. I may not know Glynis all that much but that's how dating works. We will get to know each other later down the road. I'm really nervous though. My heart is beating a little faster and I'm feeling a little warm. Despite all of my thinking and Friedman's attempts at convincing me, I'm still not 100% sure that this is the right choice.

I'm still lost in my thoughts when Friedman stops me and nods in the direction of the stairs. There was Glynis.

I look at him and say "I have doubts."

"And you think your doubts have any validity?" Friedman says harshly "You were certain about Grace. You were dead wrong. It's not your field, dude." He pushes me forward and "Go."

I look back at Friedman who was already walking away from me. I was annoyed at his tone but I let it go as I say to myself "I'm engaging in an exploratory mission. That's all." It was more to give me courage than to explain what I was doing. I approach Glynnis who is holding a handful of 3x5 cards, preparing for the debate.

"Hey Glynis," I say to her as I stop in front of her. "I just wanted to wish you luck on the debate." I give her a tentative smile and I put my hands in my pockets.

She stands up and she says "Thanks. It's kind of awkward that I'm opposing Joan, but..." she stops in mid sentence as she moves closer to me. "Are you ok?" she asks a little worried. She looks at me intently, her eyes roving my face. "You're flushed and your breathing is rapid and shallow. Oh." I think she's caught wind of my nervousness because she smiles at me comfortingly and takes another step closer. I smile back at her as I stammer "You must, you must be the best health teacher at the "Y"." We both move to the side of the staircase to allow the flow of traffic to continue unhindered. "I feel it's important to have a complete grasp of the information in order to teach the kids." she says to me accepting the compliment. "Your breathing is also increasing. It has to do with restricted capillaries and increased blood flow, you know." I tell her when I notice the change. "I know." she states. "The hypothalamus gland processes external and intellectual stimuli which causes", she takes a nervous breath "tells the body how to respond." I feel myself move closer to her. I am completely in awe of her right now. "Yeah, I read the Walen and Roth study." I say excitedly. "We seem to share a lot of the same interests." I tell her looking straight up into her eyes. I'm suddenly aware of how blue her eyes are. They are clear and bright. We are soo close now that I feel our breaths mingling. Glynis is looking straight back at me just as intently and I hear her say breathily "Yes. So you must know that if my heart rate continues to increase, I might get light-headed, which wouldn't be good for the debate."

I smile and say "No, not at all." I don't make a move to leave but I continue to look at her. "So I should go." She says softly. "Of course." I answer back. And before I know it I am moving forward and suddenly my mouth makes contact with hers and we're kissing. I feel a big rush and the only thought in my head was that this feels right. We break apart from our kiss and we both have smiles on our faces. I feel a little breathless as she turns to grab her bag. Maybe this can be something after all, I think to myself. Maybe I can transfer my feelings to her. She continues to smile at me as I watch her walk away. My smile is still on my face but I feel it slip when I see Grace looking back at me. She is leaning against the side of the lockers. She gives me wink with an ambiguous expression on her face. As she turns away she gives me a one sided smile. It was the warmest reaction I've received from her in weeks. It confuses me and the confidence and resolution I had earlier is gone. I'm once again spiraling down into doubt; questioning my choice. I walk away with my head down, full of thoughts.

**************************************************************************** **** A/N 2: Much thanks to Payton Tyler for reading and reviewing my lil' story. I hope you like this chapter. I'm going to try to continue...wish me luck ^_~ I also want to thank "Mysterious Message" for having the transcripts of JoA episodes on hand. ^_^