11/19/03:  Ron and Harry have a talk.  Consider this as a long chapter for me.

7. Hopeless

Harry flung the last file of parchments onto the stack in mock triumph, arms raised in the air.  "Yes!  All done!"  He looked around at the other Aurors and found none were as amused with his antics as he was.  Old farts.  Harry stood and stretched, rubbing his lower back that somehow became sore from the arduous task of sitting.  Harry looked over at Robert.  "We've been through these files twice already.   We haven't found anything new that we didn't know before.  Let's call it a night, and tomorrow we'll hit the streets."

"I agree!" Tonks said cheerfully.  "I've been reading the same lines over and over again for the past twenty minutes."

Clarke chuckled.  "That's better than me.  I've only been pretending!"

Price reached over and hit him on the head with a rolled up parchment, which resulting in a retaliatory strike.  "Alright boys," Tonks said pleasantly, "break it up."

"Well, I think that proves our effectiveness is effectively no more," Harry said with a wry smile. 

"Okay, okay, I get the picture.  Let's clean up and get out of here," Robert said with a grin.  The five Aurors tidied up their stacks of parchment and walked them over to the bullpen.

Upon entering the bullpen, Tonks wrinkled her nose in mock distaste.  "You boys sure know how to keep a place clean.  Whatever is that delightful smell?  Ode d'Auror?"

Harry chuckled.  "This coming from someone in S&I…isn't Scourgify the first spell you learn in S&I to get rid of the stink of hiding in sewers all day spying on people?"

Tonks waved her hand airily.  "Perhaps for the lesser Aurors; for someone as talented as I, sewers are not necessary."  To make her point, Tonks used her metamorphagus skills to re-arrange her face, making her nose and chin ridiculously long.  The other Aurors broke up in laughter.

"Aye, you blend right in there…looks completely natural," Clarke said when he managed to regain his breath.

With their moods lightened somewhat, the five Aurors made their way back to the entrance of the Ministry.  "It's really good to see you again Tonks," Harry said as the two hugged.  "It'll be nice to work together."

"Yes it will," Tonks said after they broke away, then she grinned.  "We should have an Order reunion!  We already know where Kingsley is," she said.

Harry chuckled.  "Yeah, maybe.  Good night Tonks.  Good night guys.  See you in the morning."  Harry waved his good-bye's, and then floo'ed home.

*********************************

Although he had floo'ed home countless times before, there was something particularly depressing about coming home this time.  Harry stood in his living room and looked around his tiny flat.  Neither he nor Hermione had wanted the two bedroom flat they had shared, and Harry had quickly found a much smaller place to live.  In the glow of the diminishing sunlight, Harry was struck by the realization of just how impersonal his flat looked.  The only thing that reflected a personality was his reclining chair, the one thing he kept from his previous life with Hermione.

Hermione.  It was her fault.  Harry had been happy, well, not happy, but perhaps satisfied with his life until Hermione decided to confront him last night.  And now, despite it going against every fiber of his being, Harry craved human contact: he didn't want to spend the evening alone in his depressing little flat getting pissed on firewhiskey.  Harry reached over and grabbed a handful of floo powder.  He flung it into the fireplace and called out loudly, "Ronald Weasley!"  Harry watched the flames flare up and turn green before sitting in his favorite armchair.  Harry was watching the evening news when Ron's head popped in his fireplace.

"Hey Harry," he said cheerily.  "Home already?"

Harry got up and sat before the fireplace.  "Yeah, they let us out early because tomorrow's gonna be a full day.  You still at work?"

Ron's head bobbled.  "Got an hour or so before closing."

"Have you eaten yet?  Wanna grab a bite somewhere?"

Ron eyebrows furrowed in concern.  "Why?  What happened?  Is everything okay?"

Harry chuckled.  "What?  Can't a guy invite his best mate out for dinner without some threat looming over the horizon?"

Ron laughed.  "Actually, no, but I suppose there can always a first time.  C'mon by in an hour and we can grab something nearby."

Harry groaned.  "I'm starving!  Is it busy at the store?"

Ron shook his head.  "It's Monday.  It's rarely busy on a Monday night."

"Alright then," Harry said with a smile.  "Close up early and let's go!  I give you my permission."

"Well, I suppose in a round-about way you are my boss.  You gonna clear it with the twins?"

Harry nodded.  "If they give you flack, just send them my way."

"Okay.  C'mon over then whenever you're ready," Ron said, and then his head disappeared from the fire.

*********************************

After Harry changed out of his Auror robes and into something more casual, he apparated over to Ron's store, figuring that if he had the skill, why not use it?  Apparition in and out of the Ministry of Magic was prevented by a number of protective wards (though Harry privately believed he could still do it), so use of the floo network was required.  For almost all other trips, Harry preferred to apparate: much quicker, less fuss, and less mess. 

Harry popped into existence in front of the check-out counter, causing the young witch behind the counter to yelp in surprise.

"Sorry about that Elizabeth," Harry said sheepishly as the witch regained her breath, her hand clutching her chest.  "Is the boss around?"

"No problem Mr. Potter.  Mr. Weasley's in the back, I'll go get him," she said with a smile.  Harry had tried on countless occasions to convince the teenager to call him Harry, but someone had instilled a sense of propriety in her that was too strong to break.  Harry browsed the shelves while waiting for 'Mr.' Weasley.

With the success of Fred and George's joke shop, the twins (after consulting with Harry) decided to open a store in Hogsmeade.  It was something they've wanted to do for some time, but they knew the competition of Zonko's would make things difficult, and they felt some lingering loyalty towards the shop for providing them with their supplies during their Hogwart's years.  Recently though, Mr. Zonko decided to retire, and remembering two of his most prolific customers, he let Fred and George know.  He even sold them his space in Hogsmeade at a reduced price. 

Fred and George were, of course, excited about opening another store, but they soon found that their now flagship store in Diagon Alley, combined with the time they spent inventing new items, prevented them from giving the attention that the Hogsmeade store demanded.  They recruited Ron from his mediocre job in the Department of Magical Games and Sports (which he was disappointed to learn consisted mostly of paperwork and not actually playing the games) to run the new store, which he has done fabulously thus far.

"Harry!" Ron cried, causing Harry to turn from the latest inventions.

"Hi Ron.  Ready?"

Ron nodded and turned to Elizabeth.  "We're closing early today Lizzie."

"Really Mr. Weasley?" the girl asked, excited.

"Really, but don't worry, you'll still get paid for the full day.  Now, let's lock this place up."  Harry helped Ron and Elizabeth to tidy up a bit, and then together they cast a few simple security charms around the store; complicated charms weren't necessary in Hogsmeade.  "Where to?"

"Did Michael's new restaurant finally open?"

Ron snorted.  "You mean Michael's Corner?  Yeah.  Why?  Do you wanna try it?" he asked incredulously.

"Don't give me that look Ron.  And is that really what he named it?  Urgh!  I thought you were just kidding!" Harry replied as the two friend started to walk down the street.  As they walked, Harry got the typical stares and whispers from being the Boy-Who-Lived.  But he was used to it and paid it no mind.

Ron sighed in mock sadness.  "Unfortunately no, that's the real name.  I hear it's pretty good though; Lizzie went by for lunch the other day."

"You know she doesn't like it when you call her that," Harry chided gently.

Ron shrugged nonchalantly and smiled broadly.  "I pay her salary, so I can call her whatever I want."

Harry shook his head at his best friend.  "Ah, here we are," he said.  Michael's Corner was a new restaurant in Hogsmeade, on the corner across from Gladrag's.  From the outside it looked like a nice, cozy restaurant.  Harry and Ron walked through the outdoor patio seating area and into the building.

"Hmm, I wonder if a Ravenclaw owns this place," Harry mused sarcastically.  The inside was decorated liberally in blue and bronze, with paintings and photographs of eagles flying about on the walls.  One wall of the building was covered in photographs.  Harry walked over while Ron waited for the hostess to examine them: they were group shots of graduating classes of Ravenclaws, going back at least 50 years by the looks of things.  Harry whistled softly, wondering where Michael had managed to find some of the older photographs.

"Ron, good to see you!" he heard a voice say, and Harry turned around.  Michael Corner was weaving his way through the tables towards Ron, where he gave him a hearty handshake.  Harry walked up to him.  "Harry!  Harry Potter!" Michael cried in surprise.  "It's good to see you again mate!"  Harry sighed softly at Michael's impromptu announcement as all heads turned to look in his direction.

"It's good to see you too Michael," Harry said.  "Nice place you got here.  Is it okay if two Gryffindors get a little something to eat?"  Harry saw that the entrance to the restaurant was becoming rather full as word spread that Harry Potter was in the restaurant.

Michael chuckled.  "I'm sure we'll have room.  I'll just kick out a few of the Slytherins," he said with a smile.  Harry noticed his eyes light up when he noticed the growing crowd behind them.  Ron and Harry followed Michael to a table and sat down.  "Someone will be by in a minute.  I'll see you guys later."

True to his word, a few seconds after Michael left to schmooze with the newest diners, a waiter came by with water and menus.  After a moment to peruse the menus, they ordered their appetizers and meals.  After some rather mundane conversation around work and non-Quidditch sports (working at the Department of Magical Games and Sports exposed Ron to many other sports, including Muggle ones), Ron evidently decided that enough was enough.

"Alright Harry, what's going on?" he asked as he twirled some fettuccine around his fork.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, why the interest in eating out?  I usually have to drag you kicking and screaming to go out in public."

Harry shrugged.  "I just felt like…going out tonight."

"Right," Ron drawled.  "This sudden urge to go out wouldn't have anything to do with last night, now would it?"

Harry stiffened before taking another bite from of eggplant.  "Last night?" he asked innocently after swallowing.

Ron laughed.  "You know, for an Auror you're not a very convincing liar!"

Harry glared at him before chuckling.  "That's probably why I'm not in S&I."

"So…last night?"

Harry was silent for a minute, deciding on how to respond.  Finally, he shrugged.  "I had a…talk, with Hermione last night."

Ron nodded.  "And?"

"And…it didn't go very well."

Ron snorted.  "Well, that much was obvious."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, first of all you should have said goodbye, but I can understand.  Second, we were all in the living room when all of sudden she went running out the door without any explanation.  When she came back ten minutes later, it was clear she had been crying.  She left soon afterwards without telling me what happened.  What did you guys talk about?"

Harry put down his fork and looked down.  "She confronted me about how I've been ignoring her all this time.  I…I said some pretty mean things to her, basically told her that everything we've been through in the past meant nothing to me now," Harry said miserably.

Ron looked shocked.  "Harry…"

"Oh, don't give me that look Ron," Harry snapped.  "You of all people should know what I've been through these past years, what she meant to me!"  Harry then felt immediately ashamed for yelling at Ron.  He propped his elbows on the table (manners be damned!) and hid his face behind his hands.  After a moment of silence, Harry's muffled voice could be heard.  "I hate that bastard."

"What?  Which bastard?"

Harry opened his fingers so he could peer out at Ron.  "Rick.  I hate that bastard.  He's boring, crass and has a big mouth."  Harry dropped his hands to the table and leaned heavily against the back of his chair.  "And I've never been more jealous of anyone in my life."

"Harry, you know that if anyone else heard you say that, they would think you're crazy.  I mean, you're Harry Potter!"  Harry gave Ron a look.  "Okay, okay," Ron said, raising his palms in defeat.  "Wrong tactic."

Harry sighed heavily.  "Where do you see yourself in ten years?"

Ron looked at him quizzically.  "What do you mean?"

"You know, in ten years, what's your life like?  Are you married, kids?  Still working with your brothers?"

Ron shrugged, obviously confused about the sudden change in topic and wondering where this was going.  "I suppose.  I can see myself at WWW for a long time; I like working there, dealing with the Hogwarts kids and telling stories of the old times," he said, quickly warming to the subject.  "I don't think I want as many kids as my parents had, but maybe four or five would be nice.  Another generation of red-headed Gryffindors," he finished with a smile.

Harry gave a rueful laugh.  "That sounds nice.  Do you know where I see myself?"  Ron shook his head.  "Exactly where I am now: alone, living in a tiny one bedroom flat, working on a never-ending pile of cases, and being a burden on my best friend with no hope of changing things."

"You're not a burden, Harry.  Me 'n the missus would love to have you over."  Harry chuckled; Ron always had a way of making him laugh.  "Seriously though, Harry," Ron continued, "you'll find someone.  If not Hermione, though I still have faith in you two, there's a witch out there for you somewhere."

Harry shook his head.  "I doubt it Ron.  Hermione was the only witch who saw me for me, not for my scar.  Even the girls in our class at Hogwarts don't see the real me.  I often think that…"

"That what?"

"That the only place I'll find someone is in the Muggle world."  Ron looked scandalized.  "No really Ron.  Out there, I can be me, the real me, Harry Potter. Only…"

Ron sighed.  "Really Harry, you must finish your sentences.  Only what?"

"Only, is there anything behind the scar? I mean, you take away the scar, the job, the evil-fighting, and what's left?  For the past thirteen years my life has been dominated by good versus evil.  Without that, what am I?  Is there anything except for the scar?"

Ron fidgeted in his chair and opened his mouth as if to speak a few times, but said nothing.  Harry noticed his discomfort.  "I'm sorry Ron, I didn't mean to throw all this at you, to make this such a depressing dinner."

"No, this is good, Harry.  I mean, how you're feeling isn't good, but I'm glad you're telling me.  I honestly don't know what to say, but I do know keeping it inside isn't good."

Harry nodded and smiled gratefully at his friend.  "Hermione was right."

"She usually is," Ron agreed knowingly.  "Er, what exactly was she right about this time?"

"The night we broke up, she told me that being an Auror was more than a job to me.  She's right; it's like an obsession.  Fighting evil has defined me for so long, that I guess I didn't know how to let go and just be Harry, whoever he is."

"Well, at least you know now," Ron said encouragingly.

"Yeah, but now it's too late," Harry said sadly.  "She's moved on, found someone else.  And look at him!  He's like the anti-Harry: everything that I'm not!  If that's who she's found happiness with, then it's clear to me that it's over between us."

Ron shook his head.  "It's not over yet, Harry.  You have to have hope."

Harry looked at him then nodded.  But inside, Harry didn't know if he had anything left to hope for.

A/N: hmmm…rather depressing, no?  Please note that this story is equally about Harry and Hermione's relationship and the little murder mystery going on, so there'll be chapters that are only about Harry's personal life (like this one) as well as chapters that are only about the case (like the last one and the next one).  Also, as a warning, you might not see Hermione again until later, but from then on you'll see a lot of her.

Brandon: hopefully you'll be patient.  Hermione will be showing up later, and then you won't be able to get rid of her.

kateydidnt: woo hoo, a celebrity reviewer!  Love your story, one of the first I ever read and one of the few non-H/Hr stories that I still follow.

ears91: as you can see, Harry slowly coming out of his shell.  He was starting to depress me.

Facade1: I'm afraid no H/Hr for a bit.  I'm not sure how long, since sometimes chapters pop up out of nowhere (this one for instance, basically wrote it self from nothing).