Disclaimer: In Chapter 1. Ya'll know who owns what.
A/N: Thanks for all the reviews. It just occurred to me that when people ask questions in their reviews, they may be expecting answers…so Nysha: you are correct. Benzbabidoll: I appreciate the sentiment, but Past Self is done…that was a specific piece, and now that I go back and read it, I'm thrilled with the way it wrapped itself up. But don't fret, I'm sure there's more Ryan!Angst fic in the future.
Chapter 3 is a tad longer than my normal, but I actually like it. Hope you folks do too.
********************
Reaching over to slap at the alarm clock for the sixth time, Anna finally bothered to open her eyes and check the time: 10:45 am, right in the middle of third period. She groaned as she rolled over and sat up on the edge of her bed, assessing the situation…she had the earphones to her iPod still in her ears, her sketchbook was open with a couple of pencils nestled in the spiral binding. She remembered leaving the bathroom last night, terrified to go back to sleep, and apparently had decided to occupy her mind as well as could be done until she crashed. Looking down at the open page, the sketch she had been working on was a cityscape, towers and apartments and riverbanks…it looked similar to Pittsburgh, but not quite. Sighing as she closed up the book and placed it back on her shelf, Anna wished she was back there now, back where her life was blissfully simple: she knew everything back home, how to handle herself, how to handle the boys…never would she have found herself in this mess.
And this…was an absolute mess. A dirty, messy, raw, unmitigated disaster.
She shuffled downstairs and fixed herself a light breakfast, nibbling at the fruit salad she had left in the fridge from a couple mornings prior. As she scanned the kitchen table she spotted a note from her father with an envelope attached.
"Annie, Mom and I are off to the conference in LA – will be back Sunday night. Be good, and call us at some point. Love, Dad."
Anna smiled as she opened the envelope, leafing idly through the cash her father had left. No parentals was a big plus right now: the last thing she needed right now was a lecture about being late to school, or even worse, having to discuss why she was moping around the house in the first place. While her parents were good, earnest, caring people and she loved them both, Anna still had not totally forgiven them for moving her out here – things had thawed quite a bit since the summer, but she was still in no way ready to go into this…whatever this was…with them. Washing down her food with a glass of milk, she decided not to even bother showing up at Harbor today. Hell, it was Friday, and she needed to get a handle on herself before she completely went mental.
She padded back to her room and took a long, cool shower: even with her head swirling, she knew better than to risk a hot one right now, lest her mind go places that it shouldn't. After drying off and fixing up her hair, she searched her closet for something to wear as she pondered how to keep busy for the next few hours. Pushing aside a row of tops, she came across the tennis racquet her father had gotten her when they moved – a silver and purple Prince NXG Graphite OS, professionally strung and fitted for her. Anna was a firm believer in the advantages in physical exertion for stress relief, so she pulled out the racquet and located her workout clothes, a form-fitting pair of poly-blend sweats, a sports bra and a light pink tank top: her mother would have harped on her to wear the tennis whites, but she was in absolutely no mood for a skirt right now.
There's someone you'd wear that skirt for…probably would get a damn good workout, too, her mind chimed in.
Shut it, she thought…. I'll worry about that later.
********************
An hour later, Anna strolled from the locker room down to the tennis courts at the Newport Country Club, shielding her eyes from the sun as she looked around the grounds. She tried to avoid this place like the plague, but it was her best option at the moment; all she really wanted was to find a hitting wall to practice against, as she hadn't so much as picked up the racquet since before Thanksgiving. But, of course, one of her mother's Newpsie acquaintances just had to see her and traipse over.
"Oh, Anna, how good to see you! How are your parents, your mother hasn't called me in ages!" was the chirpy greeting as the woman embraced her.
Suppressing her disdain, Anna worked up a smile and answered, "Hi, Mrs. Lambert. Mom and Dad are fine, just busy…they're at that seminar in Los Angeles this weekend."
The woman smirked and remarked, "So that's why you're at the club at 1:00 on a school afternoon..."
"Oh, no, well, I haven't been feeling well the past couple of days, but I'm doing a little better and was tired of being houseridden, you know?" Anna retorted, already weary of the encounter.
"Well then, I see you're ready to play some tennis, and I'm looking for a match, so let's go!"
Oh, spare me, Anna thought. "Um, I think I just want to hit a few practice strokes…. it's been a while since I've played."
Mrs. Lambert elbowed her playfully in the shoulder. "Oh, indulge me, sweetie. Your folks are always bragging about how good their little girl was back east…I'm constantly searching for someone that can keep up with me around here."
Violent thoughts were abounding in Anna's head as she cursed herself for leaving her room, subjecting herself to this forty-year-old's bragging…and then all of a sudden, a smirk spread on her lips that she had to bite back subtly.
"Well, alright, Mrs. Lambert, I'll try to keep up…but you have to take it easy on me."
"Of course, honey…we're just playing a friendly game…"
********************
Anna had to hold back another grin an hour later as she shook hands with Mrs. Lambert, who was panting softly and looking thoroughly whipped. The "friendly game" had turned into a royal rout, and Anna had enjoyed it immensely. She thought back to when she was the champion in her age bracket at the club in Pittsburgh, all the matches she had won, and this one probably felt much more gratifying: in two sets, Anna lost a grand total of five points, all of which were results of her hitting the ball so hard it either clipped the net and bounced out or flew past the baseline. The old woman had almost face-planted about three times, stumbling around like a drunken clown as Anna relentlessly drilled shot after shot right by her.
Toweling off the sweat from her arms and shoulders as she walked back to the valet station, Anna could feel her mind clearing of the haze she'd been operating under since yesterday at school. This is good, she thought while she tipped the valet and slid into the Beamer, now maybe I can sort this whole thing out. Opening the sunroof as she took off down the driveway and back onto the street, she drove down to the boardwalk, letting the Bright Eyes CD take up the ride.
********************
If there was one thing about Southern California that Anna didn't hate, it was clearly the weather: while snow was always fun every once in a while, who could argue against 75 degrees and brilliant sunshine in February? Sitting on a bench along one of the piers away from the restaurants and shops, she soaked up the warm rays while working idly on the cityscape sketch, simply touching up details and shading around the edges. She liked the way it was developing, but her mind was clearly focused elsewhere.
"Wait. Are you the kid Chino who steals cars and sets people's houses on fire? So you're saying I'm making my debut into society with Newport's most wanted?"
"Is that going to be a problem?"
"I can't wait."
She sat back against the bench and closed her eyes: the truth was that she really had been looking forward to spending Cotillion with someone other than a Ken-doll, wannabe-frat-boy surfer type. And it didn't hurt that he was hot on top of that…like, really hot. It was painfully obvious that he had a thing for Marissa, but she figured it to be typical hormone-driven teenage lust.
" Seth."
"Wow."
"You think?"
"Yes, I do. Which makes this even harder to say. Anna, just know that in life, there are peaks, and…"
"Ryan's not coming, is he?"
"Kind of took the wind out of my sails there, but yes. Are you okay?"
"I'll survive."
And just like that, she had put on her brave face and moved on. There was no way in hell she was going to show any signs of weakness her first time in the midst of the Newport social scene, and Anna was well-practiced in hiding her emotions. Then she and Seth had started to talk, and suddenly the disappointment seemed to dissipate…but that didn't prevent her from catching a couple glances at Ryan during the dance, and he certainly did that tux justice…
Anna exhaled slowly and ran a hand through her hair: OK, that answers the "When did I start liking Ryan" question. But why now?
Don't be stupid, girl, her mind responded. You just dumped your boyfriend, Ryan was there to console you at your weakest moment, he's single for the time being…oh, and he's hot. For a rebound, you couldn't do much better.
So where does that lead? Am I actually falling for my ex's brother?
Give me a break. Ryan's a nice guy and all, but it's not his mind or his heart that has you moaning in your sleep. It's called hormones, honey, and they work the same way for girls as they do for boys. This is not love; this is lust, pure and simple.
And what about Seth, she thought. How does that make me look, going from him to Ryan?
Who the hell cares what Seth thinks? His opinion lost its merit while he spent every waking moment wishing you were Summer. Stop with the over analysis, admit that you want him, and move on.
Shaking her head quickly, Anna opened her eyes and packed up her things. Facts were facts, and they were all pointing towards the same conclusion:
She wanted Ryan.
She checked her watch: 5:30 pm. Walking towards the smoothie stand down the pier, she thought, Well I know what I want…now all I have to do is figure out how to get it…
The squeal of a bike braking snapped her out of her thoughts as she stood in line. Annoyed, she turned to see who would pull up right behind her, and found herself staring into bright blue eyes. No fucking way.
"Hey."
"H-hi, Ryan," she sputtered out, caught completely off-guard.
He smiled softly. "Didn't see you at school. I was going to get your number from Seth and call to see if you were doing alright…"
Oh god, she thought, looking away as she tried to hide her rapidly blushing cheeks. "Yeah, just didn't make it today."
"Decided to go for a run instead?" he questioned with a smile.
"Yeah, well, no…actually I just went and played a little tennis," she said, a corner of her mind now regretting the decision not to wear the whites. She looked up slowly to find Ryan…staring? Oh my god, she thought while suppressing a grin, is he actually checking me out?
A pause ensued, neither sure how to proceed.
"So, um, how are you?" Ryan offered tentatively.
The vendor called for Anna's order, affording her the opportunity to turn her back to Ryan as she answered, "Alright, I guess. Just been thinking a lot."
"Anything you want to talk about?"
"Not right now, but thanks," she replied, licking her lips quickly as she paid for her drink. Taking a deep breath and composing herself, she turned around to face Ryan again. "So what are you doing down here, on your bike no less?"
He chuckled softly before replying, "Ah, just enjoying the rest of afternoon before I lock myself in at the Cohen's for the weekend…I've got this big test for Mr. Schmitt's class on Monday."
"Mr. Schmitt…isn't he the pre-cal teacher with the, um…"
"Yeah, the mole is a little conspicuous."
The two smiled at the thought, then caught each other's eyes. Anna felt her body go warm, her mind started to race and before she knew it she said, "Well if you need any help studying, I've got no big plans." Oh. My. God! What did you just do?!?
Ryan blinked a couple of times, looking off to the side, then to the ground before speaking again.
"Um, yeah, I think that might, um help," came the response. "How about tomorrow evening?"
Anna pursed her lips, not sure whether she should backpedal like mad or dive in headlong. She took a deep breath and said, "Sure. How's six?"
Ryan nodded. "Sounds good. I guess I'll…see you then…"
"Yeah…see you then."
Ryan smiled as he hopped back onto his bike and pedaled off down the boardwalk. Anna brought a hand to her mouth as she watched him leave, and then walked straight to her car. As she backed out and drove away, there was only one question in her mind:
How the hell am I going to sleep tonight?
