X on Prozac

An X parody by Ap-chan

Warnings: AU, shounen ai, shoujo ai, foul language (mostly from the yumemi), muchly sarcasm

A/N: I'm not sure where I got this. But it's here. And, surprisingly, while being a little odd, mostly it works. I've replaced the X characters with a few. rather singular ones. Tenshi the Bitch being the most notable, in my opinion. You'll see.

"This fanfic has been brought to you by the suffix 'ing'! As in 'violating,' 'copywriting,' but also 'forgiving,' and 'not suing'..."

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"Whore."

That was Shirou Yayoi's first word upon entering Tokyo first the first time in six years. It was not what one would refer to as an auspicious start. This was because she was on the phone when she entered the city limits. To be technical, she started that with, "My computer is being a...", but, hey, you can never tell with those omens and portents and such. At least, that's what the local yumemi liked to say.

In all actuality, the only reason Yayoi was even in Tokyo was to get her computer fixed. She'd had more than enough bad experiences there to suit her. She had no intention of moving back to that particular pit of fire, regardless of what she had said to her mother. It wasn't her fault that Tohru had decided to die gruesomely right after. Really.

Yayoi (whose real name was Kamui, but she wasn't about to say anything) continued speaking to her friend.

"So, how long are you going to be over there?" the voice on the other line asked.

"Not long, hopefully," Yayoi sighed as she brushed a strand of her dark bangs from her blue-green eyes, "They said the stupid thing was going to be ready today, though, to be perfectly honest, I'm not holding my breath."

The other girl answered, "You have somewhere to stay, right?"

Yayoi giggled in a rather disturbing manner, and said, "Oh, if I need some place to stay, I'm sure my old friends, the Monous won't mind my wonderful presence... But seriously, I've got no idea. Well, my battery's dying. I'll see ya later."

"Bye! Love you!"

Yayoi laughed at her friend's over-affectionateness, "Love you, too." With that, she shut off the phone, and leaned her head against the back seat, staring at the ceiling. Sighing, she grudgingly pulled out "The Fellowship of the Ring" from her back pocket and once more attempted to wade her way through Tolkien's at once fascinating, and slow-and-boring-as- dirt writing style...

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Meanwhile, across Tokyo...

Ren was having problems of her own.

And the poor squirrels of Ueno Park were hearing all about it.

Ren Sumeragi sighed and stuck her hand into the bag of peanuts that was sitting next to her. She removed a handful from the bag and tossed them to the squirrels surrounding her.

"You know," she told them, "I don't know why I can't get over Minako- san. I mean, she killed Teiko, my own sister!"

The squirrels, needless to say, were not exactly rapt with attention. Nonetheless, Ren kept talking to them.

"You know, maybe I should go find her. I mean, her tree's right over there. She can't be that far."

She turned around on the park bench, facing the tree.

"Hello, by the way," she said to the seemingly inanimate lifeform.

Yo, said the tree.

Ren blinked and shook her head. Nah, she thought, couldn't be.

The tree sighed. She (the tree was female) wondered idly if it was going to be one of those days.

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Under the Diet Building...

"What the hell is taking those idiots so long?!" the yumemi, Tenshi muttered to herself. "I bloody called them an hour ago!"

Tenshi couldn't stand it when people were late. If she were honest with herself, she would admit that she really couldn't stand much of anything. She had a Bad Temper. In capitals so you can hear the doom. Mayuko had once suggested some anger management sessions, but since Tenshi couldn't see, hear, speak, or walk, she had a bit of trouble actually getting there.

It wasn't her fault, really. Her sister was aggravating, Tenshi herself was completely disabled, and she had near-constant dire portents of things to come. Really, it was enough to make anyone bitchy. Especially someone who had anger issues in the first place.

Finally, the three Ten no Ryu in closest contact, Kyouichirou the priest and Mayuko the ice sprite (no kidding) rushed into the room, and over to the aggravated yumemi.

"What is it?" Mayuko asked in her usual calm manner.

"It's 'Kamui'. He's come to Tokyo. Now go find him," Tenshi said shortly. "You too, Touya."

Touya Kinomoto hauled himself up from where he was leaning against the wall, and started meandering toward the door, along with the other two...people. You could hardly call Mayuko human. If you did, she would probably smack you.

"He's on a train coming into Shinjuku station. He's short and feminine looking, with dark brown hair, and... kinda blue-green eyes. Now get out of here," Tenshi snapped. "And don't come back until you have him."

The Ten no Ryu who had answered her call (and Touya) all grumbled some form of affirmative, and with that, they were off.

Tenshi scowled. "I don't know why I put up with them," she muttered to herself.

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At Shinjuku Station...

"Wonderful," Yayoi muttered, running her hand through her short hair, "Now where is the stupid computer repair place?"

She turned around, and wandered a little way, finally, settling herself, leaning against a wall. She looked up at the ceiling, wondering what she was going to do, when a small group of people walked past her. Two of the people were unremarkable, while a bit tall for Japanese guys, but the third member of the trio is what caught her attention. A small woman with blue skin, blue hair, and pupil-less blue eyes.

"My friends were right," Yayoi muttered to herself, "Tokyo is freaky."

Yayoi turned around to face the wall...and found herself facing a small booth selling district maps. She bought one without hesitation, and meandered off with her bag and her new map, in search of the computer place where her precious Pentium 90, her one well-behaved computer, was spending it's time these days.

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Mayuko was getting frustrated. Not that you could really tell unless you knew a lot about the physiology of ice sprites. Her skin was turning a darker blue.

"Mayuko-chan," Kyouichirou began, "I really don't think we're going to find him here."

Mayuko turned an even deeper blue, and began, "But, Tenshi said-"

"Maybe Tenshi-hime was wrong, Mayuko," Touya ventured tiredly.

Mayuko scowled darkly. "Tenshi was not wrong. Tenshi is never wrong, no matter how much I would like to think so sometimes. No, we probably missed him. Since that's the case, we might as well go home."

Thus, three marched out of the station, defeated...

...Right up until they were about 5 blocks away.

One thing to note about Mayuko is that she has pointed ears. Pointed ears tend to be very sensitive to sound. This is why she was the only one of the group to hear, as they were walking past an unremarkable computer repair store, "Kamui Shirou?"

This caused her to stop and turn towards the small, unobtrusive store and look in the window. All she saw was a young girl in a white, long sleeved shirt, tan pants, and black tennis leaning against the counter at the back of the store. Suddenly she eyes locked onto the girl's features. Short, dark brown hair. Would be feminine-looking, were she a guy. Kind of bluish-green eyes.

"Hey guys?" Mayuko called to her companions.

"What is it?" Touya asked, slightly irritably.

"It's 'Kamui'. I found him...Unfortunately, he is a she," Mayuko muttered.

"That," Touya said conclusively, pointing at the girl who was currently yelling, "What do you mean, weeks?!" at the mildly scared shopkeeper, "Is not 'Kamui'."

"But it has to be!" Mayuko said, also pointing at the girl who laid her head down on the counter and murmured, "Oh, God..." "She matches the description perfectly, and her name's Kamui!"

Touya glared at the girl through the window. "Except for the whole 'he' thing."

"Trivial," argued Mayuko.

"Isn't!" said Touya

"Look, you two," said Kyouichirou, "Let's ask Tenshi, as much as we're loathe to."

"Fine..." Mayuko and Touya muttered in unison. They started walking, and when Mayuko looked back into the store, 'Kamui' was gone without a trace.

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A block away, Yayoi muttered, "I have to set up in Tokyo?! God! *sigh* I wonder if Kaoru and Sayuri still live in the same place?"

With that, she started meandering vaguely in the direction she remembered the Togakushi shrine to be, getting herself thoroughly lost in the process.

Hours later, she muttered, "Damn it. Lost again. I should've known. I get lost at the bottom of the stairs..."

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To Be Continued... (or: That's all I could think of right off the bat.)

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