*******
The next week passed like it was nothing. It's really amazing how quickly time passes when you're not paying attention to it. It was so strange how we were just best friends again. There was no further mention of feelings, no fighting. This is what I wanted, I wanted to just be able to hang around both of them like friends, like we used to. That's all I wanted, that's what I told them, that's what they did for me. There was just something wrong about all of this. At least, I thought this was what I wanted, but I felt a strong. what would you say. feeling, telling me that this wasn't right. I couldn't live with it, I wanted more, and I needed more. It was slowly tearing me up inside. The arguments we had had, the discussion of how we truly weren't just friends anymore, it would never go back to the way it was because the feelings were out, everyone knew it, there were no secrets any longer. I loved them and I couldn't hide it anymore. And every time I looked one of them in the eye, I could see that it was hurting them just as much. But no, things would get better. they had to. Like Sora said, what's a silly crush, right? That's all it was, a crush. A stupid crush really, a single little annoyance that seemed to weaken my heart more and more every time I did so much as think about it.
-So Kairi, excited for the dance? Selphie asked as we walked to school together. The dance, still, wasn't for another week. I sighed loudly as to tell her that I was just so overjoyed that I could barely contain my enthusiasm.
-Sure Selph, I can hardly contain my enthrallment! I murmured as she whipped her head around to meet my face.
-But Kai, I thought everything was good, you know, with your little 'friend' situation. Selphie questioned me, obviously appalled by my noticeable dissatisfaction.
-No. It's all perfect, everything is perfect. I told her.
-Then what's your problem, you love dances. Selphie questioned with unusual element of concern in her voice.
-It's just. No, nothing, this is what I want, I have nothing to complain about. It's good, it's all good. I tried to act casual; I tried to pretend to be good at lying.
-Look Kairi, it's not selfish what your feeling. If there is something you need to get off of your chest, just tell aunty Selphie, I can help. That's why I am here. Selphie exclaimed.
-Look Selph, no offense or anything, but I don't really feel like talking about it to you. It's kind of like, I don' think you would understand and I don't think this is something you'd be able to help me with. Something's I just need to figure out for myself and I think this is one of those times. I tried to explain without making her head explode with confusion. I supposed it was good because she just nodded and we walked on.
Once at school we headed to the gym. Today we were playing volleyball. What greatness, I suck at every sport so there really is no point in trying. I stood next to Riku the whole time, who just hit the ball away from me whenever it came close. Of course there was no hope for me when it came my turn to serve. I launched it in the air and tried hitting it over the net, but it barley even reached a foot in front of me. How pathetic. I tried again but whacked the head of the person who was standing in front of me and they had to be sent to the nurse. This is when Mr. G told me that I was a hazard to my team and made me give someone else a turn.
Luckily I liked science so that period went by pretty fast. Mr. Genest enjoyed making fun of me in French words that I didn't yet know the meanings of. Luckily Riku almost memorized the entire textbook already (over achiever), so he defended me. At least I think he defended me, I'm not quite sure. During break Riku had to take a math test so it was just Sora and I. I was getting a pretty bad head ache, with all the French cursing and such, I couldn't handle being in the lunchroom so Sora and I opted for the hallway. Of course the one on the second floor because no one ever went up there during break, because that was where the teachers hung out.
I rubbed unconsciously at my temples and took long sips from my hot chocolate; Riku had talked me out of drinking coffee, oh well.
-So, um, how's it going? Sora questioned randomly. I looked at him, concentrating on his eyes. I forgot to respond after a few moments. -Kairi. Are you okay? Sora questioned with a noticeable note of concern in his usually not so concerning voice.
I snapped out of it. -Oh, yeah, I'm fine. I just, ah. Lost in thought, I was lost in thought that's all. I replied as I ripped my eyes off of him and took another sip.
The one soulful reason I preferred coffee to hot chocolate was that coffee woke me up and hot chocolate mad me feel really sleepy. I felt a sudden urge of fluffiness take over my body and wanted to snuggle up underneath a wool blanket. And semi-consciously I rested my head on Sora's shoulder and closed my eyes. I could feel him lean back and into me. I guess it was a good thing he didn't throw me off of him because I could almost tell that he was about to.
-I'm sorry, I'm just. Really tired all of a sudden. I yawned not opening my eyes. God I hope I don't fall asleep because I was about to.
-No, it's okay. I don't care. I smiled and slowly drifted off to sleep. Oh good one. What a great place to fall asleep, in school, on top of the person that was slowly killing you from the inside out and I knew it. I felt bad because I noticed the obvious disappointment in his face when he woke me up and we had to leave. He seemed to be very disappointed lately. It will pass Sora, give it time. I just wanted to hug him and tell him that everything would be okay. But I knew that doing that would just open myself up to more conversations that I wasn't yet ready to handle.
On ward to Algebra! Oh crap, I forgot that we had a test today. I studied a little last week, but I don't think that counted. I was doomed to fail. Well, at least I wouldn't go down alone because Sora admitted that he didn't study either. Oh well, I guess integers are pretty straightforward; they just didn't like me much.
At the end of the day, the three of us spent our study hall in the band room. I had never actually been in the band room, but it was pretty cool. I guess I've always kind of wanted to play an instrument, but I never really got the chance. We fidgeted on the drums and keyboards a little and before any of us knew it the day was over and it was time to go home once again.
I walked home with Selphie, Sora, and Riku. We all lived in the same neighborhood on the same street practically, so it was pretty convenient. Riku and me were still working on the project for sex Ed so he came over to my house after Sora and Selphie had gone home.
We were a middle class family with two children, Marc and Yolei. He worked in the stalk market and I stayed home and ran our tavern. Yes. we owned a tavern. I also watched the kids.
Let's see, today Ms. Leibson had told us that there was a sudden raise in our stalks and we could now afford our family vacation to Hawaii. How exciting!
-So, are we taking the kids? Riku asked as he examined a bunch of papers in front of himself.
-Well yeah, where else would they be? I questioned.
-I donno. Grandma's house? He laughed. I smiled and looked down at some papers as well. The project had been extended to be due tomorrow, so tomorrow we have to make a class presentation on what we learned about marriages and. life, I guess.
-Yeah, right.
-So what are we doing exactly? I questioned not quite sure I understood this whole mess.
-Just say what we learned. He responded handing me a paper and pen. What did we learn?
-Sooo. What exactly would that be? I questioned, looking him in the eye.
-I don't know. That the stalk market is tricky business and that children under the age of 18 don't belong in a tavern? That sounded good, so I began to write it down.
Riku reclined a bit and I finished writing.
-Well. What else? I questioned.
-I don't know, you think of something, Riku sounded. I bit my bottom lip in thought. Hmmm. we paid our bills on time, our house was good. Everything seemed to be perfect. Except for the fact that Marc needed braces and Yolei needed money for college even though she wasn't yet out of jr. high. Our dog had rabies and Riku had recently got in a car accident and destroyed our only vehicle so we had to walk everywhere. I guess the vacation is off.
-We learned not to go and spend all of our money in one place, and to be responsible? I questioned. I turned to Riku and he nodded. -And that. you shouldn't have sex before your even considering marriage because chances are you'll have to fend for yourself for the rest of your life in a world of chaos and cruelty because you can't even afford to breath.
-Sure, Riku responded, obviously not caring.
I nodded and wrote for another ten minutes.
-What do you say we take a break? Riku questioned as I finished writing down the last word. I stared at him.
-But we just star. Yeah, a break sounds good. I replied setting my stuff down on the coffee table in front of me. Riku stood up and I watched as he began moving towards the screen door. I quickly got up and followed. I followed him down to the dock and we rowed over to the island where we had used to spend all of our time.
We walked down the beach, the dry sand flowing over my feet as I walked. I fell onto my back and lay in the sun, watching as the clouds moved forth. Riku walked over to me and I reached my arms up to him. He grabbed my hands and pulled me up into a sitting position. He sat down next to me and watched, as I did, the waves move in and slowly retreating back.
-Do you remember when we used to just spend the whole day here? Riku questioned.
-How could I ever forget? I asked in return. Those were the good days of my life; the times that I would give up everything to just have again. When we didn't care about anything, we just had fun.
-And remember when we had built that raft, and we were going to go out and see other worlds? Riku questioned again.
-Of course, I laughed. I never thought that we would actually get anywhere. Of course we didn't even try. -It was a bummer that it floated away. But I guess it was kind of for the best, you know what I mean? What would our parents have said?
-Yeah, I guess you're right. Riku replied, squinting his eyes as the sun shot, full blast, into them.
We sat in silence for a few minutes and I couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking about. There were these moments where he seemed so strong, like there was this constant shield over him, one that no one could interfere with. But then there were moments like these when he seemed so part of it all, like he was just regular. He would let the shield go and take in the light of the day. Like I could make him cry if I really wanted to.
-Hey Riku? I questioned, not even sure what I was going to ask him.
-Yeah? He responded finally looking in my direction. I melted under his gaze, his bright aqua eyes falling on mine. I gulped, He was so breath taking. But that wasn't why I love him, I love him because I knew that out of everyone and everything in this world, I was the only person that could pull down his shield. I was the only thing that allowed him to live, allowed him to breath. I was the only one who understood, and he knew that. He knew that I loved him, and I knew that he understood as well.
-Do you hate me? I asked. This is the one subject that I knew we both didn't want to get started on. But it was too late, I had talk about it. If not to him, I'd have to talk to Sora and I already knew that Sora was trying his hardest. And I knew that he didn't hate me.
-I couldn't hate you Kairi, even if I wanted to. I tried to forge a smile, but it was difficult.
-I just wanted to make sure. I responded flatly.
-We don't need to talk about this now, Riku said in return. But I had to.
-I want to, I replied.
-Look, I've given it time. I'm still waiting. I'm doing all that I possibly can okay, but it's really no use because I'll forget a little bit but every time I look at you every feeling that I have ever had just resurfaces its self and it feels like I'm drowning. Only I don't have a lifeboat this time because you're my only lifeboat, and I don't have you.
-Of course you have me! You have me now, I'm right here. I shouted quietly.
-I don't have you the way I need you. I sighed, this was hopeless. A meaningless cause is all it was and there was really nothing I could do. It wasn't possible to love two people equally and it, likewise, wasn't possible to need both of them in the same way. That's why it's a lost cause because I did love them both equally and I couldn't stand it anymore.
-I'm sorry, I murmured almost lifelessly.
-Don't be, it's not your fault. He replied bringing his wall back up, keeping me from seeing into his soul, trying to keep me further away from his heart. But it was unnecessarily obvious that the further away I got, the closer I truly became. -And I just want you to know that I understand. I understand all that your going through and that I'll give you time and space for as long as you need it. He said almost choking, was he about to cry?
I sighed deeply, -I've really been thinking about all of that recently, thinking about it until it hurt, and the more I thought about it, the more confused I got. I know that I told you I needed space, but I can't help but feel that that's not what I really want. I need you two. Both of you! I don't know. I just can't think straight anymore.
-I know what you mean.
-It just feels like my whole world has collapsed and I can't see clearly anymore, like there's this fog that just won't clear. I don't know what I want anymore. It's like. Say the world is a giant mirror and all of a sudden it's broken, so the reflection isn't the same and everything is just. upside down and I don't know what the difference from dream and reality is. I guess I'm just waiting to wake up, to feel better, but every day when I wake up, it just seems to be getting worse. And the harder I try to bring it back; the closer it drifts to the edge of it all.
-You got it. Riku replied. -You have definitely just described everything that I'm feeling in words exactly. I sighed, relief I think, and at least we were both on the same page emotionally.
-It's like my worst nightmare. I can't make decisions; in fact, I play volleyball better than I make decisions. But it's comparable; I'm a hazard to my team in volleyball as I am a hazard to the people that are effected by the decisions that I make. I always seem to choose the wrong thing. But in this case. It's between my best friend and my best friend and I know no matter who I choose someone will get hurt in the end. It's a fifty-fifty chance and those are always the worst kind. Because if I choose, say, you then Sora will be hurt. So will I for that matter. If I choose Sora, you'll be hurt. So would I. And, well. If we just let it be, then the three of us will be slowly fading away, drifting perilously closer to a silent end. And there is nothing we can do about it. We can't save each other anymore because we've gotten in too deep and we would need a miracle to get us out of this one. And fate doesn't seem to be too kind these days. I stopped, now I was just babbling.
-So, what are we going to do about all of this? Riku questioned. I was just as blank as he was, how was I supposed to know?
-I don't know, I gulped as I shook my head and bit my lower lip hard. I could feel the tears coming; always coming at the worst times. -I'll figure things out though. I will.
-You don't have to.
-Yes I do! This is all my fault, I got us in here I have to get us out. You'll get over me. That's what I told Sora, you will. Even if there's no hope for me, I can't stand seeing you guys hopeless, because with out me then you would be just fine.
-No Kairi, you can't blame yourself for something that you can't even control. It's out of all of our hands at this point, we just. Have to wait and see what happens. If I had never met you, there would be no point in my life. I nodded slowly.
Riku was right.
That afternoon we walked home shortly after sitting in silence for a few moments. We said good bye, hugged, blah blah. But there was just one thing he told me before he left me at my doorstep that I couldn't get out of my head all night.
-Don't let it take over you. Remember that you and Sora are forever connected with some kind of mental bond. So what am I to you but a meaningless heartache? With that he turned and walked away. I wanted to grab him, take him in my arms. He wasn't just a meaningless heartache. I wanted to tell him that he was so much more to me, but I couldn't. I don't know why, but I just couldn't.
*******
(A/N) Awe, How sad.
The next week passed like it was nothing. It's really amazing how quickly time passes when you're not paying attention to it. It was so strange how we were just best friends again. There was no further mention of feelings, no fighting. This is what I wanted, I wanted to just be able to hang around both of them like friends, like we used to. That's all I wanted, that's what I told them, that's what they did for me. There was just something wrong about all of this. At least, I thought this was what I wanted, but I felt a strong. what would you say. feeling, telling me that this wasn't right. I couldn't live with it, I wanted more, and I needed more. It was slowly tearing me up inside. The arguments we had had, the discussion of how we truly weren't just friends anymore, it would never go back to the way it was because the feelings were out, everyone knew it, there were no secrets any longer. I loved them and I couldn't hide it anymore. And every time I looked one of them in the eye, I could see that it was hurting them just as much. But no, things would get better. they had to. Like Sora said, what's a silly crush, right? That's all it was, a crush. A stupid crush really, a single little annoyance that seemed to weaken my heart more and more every time I did so much as think about it.
-So Kairi, excited for the dance? Selphie asked as we walked to school together. The dance, still, wasn't for another week. I sighed loudly as to tell her that I was just so overjoyed that I could barely contain my enthusiasm.
-Sure Selph, I can hardly contain my enthrallment! I murmured as she whipped her head around to meet my face.
-But Kai, I thought everything was good, you know, with your little 'friend' situation. Selphie questioned me, obviously appalled by my noticeable dissatisfaction.
-No. It's all perfect, everything is perfect. I told her.
-Then what's your problem, you love dances. Selphie questioned with unusual element of concern in her voice.
-It's just. No, nothing, this is what I want, I have nothing to complain about. It's good, it's all good. I tried to act casual; I tried to pretend to be good at lying.
-Look Kairi, it's not selfish what your feeling. If there is something you need to get off of your chest, just tell aunty Selphie, I can help. That's why I am here. Selphie exclaimed.
-Look Selph, no offense or anything, but I don't really feel like talking about it to you. It's kind of like, I don' think you would understand and I don't think this is something you'd be able to help me with. Something's I just need to figure out for myself and I think this is one of those times. I tried to explain without making her head explode with confusion. I supposed it was good because she just nodded and we walked on.
Once at school we headed to the gym. Today we were playing volleyball. What greatness, I suck at every sport so there really is no point in trying. I stood next to Riku the whole time, who just hit the ball away from me whenever it came close. Of course there was no hope for me when it came my turn to serve. I launched it in the air and tried hitting it over the net, but it barley even reached a foot in front of me. How pathetic. I tried again but whacked the head of the person who was standing in front of me and they had to be sent to the nurse. This is when Mr. G told me that I was a hazard to my team and made me give someone else a turn.
Luckily I liked science so that period went by pretty fast. Mr. Genest enjoyed making fun of me in French words that I didn't yet know the meanings of. Luckily Riku almost memorized the entire textbook already (over achiever), so he defended me. At least I think he defended me, I'm not quite sure. During break Riku had to take a math test so it was just Sora and I. I was getting a pretty bad head ache, with all the French cursing and such, I couldn't handle being in the lunchroom so Sora and I opted for the hallway. Of course the one on the second floor because no one ever went up there during break, because that was where the teachers hung out.
I rubbed unconsciously at my temples and took long sips from my hot chocolate; Riku had talked me out of drinking coffee, oh well.
-So, um, how's it going? Sora questioned randomly. I looked at him, concentrating on his eyes. I forgot to respond after a few moments. -Kairi. Are you okay? Sora questioned with a noticeable note of concern in his usually not so concerning voice.
I snapped out of it. -Oh, yeah, I'm fine. I just, ah. Lost in thought, I was lost in thought that's all. I replied as I ripped my eyes off of him and took another sip.
The one soulful reason I preferred coffee to hot chocolate was that coffee woke me up and hot chocolate mad me feel really sleepy. I felt a sudden urge of fluffiness take over my body and wanted to snuggle up underneath a wool blanket. And semi-consciously I rested my head on Sora's shoulder and closed my eyes. I could feel him lean back and into me. I guess it was a good thing he didn't throw me off of him because I could almost tell that he was about to.
-I'm sorry, I'm just. Really tired all of a sudden. I yawned not opening my eyes. God I hope I don't fall asleep because I was about to.
-No, it's okay. I don't care. I smiled and slowly drifted off to sleep. Oh good one. What a great place to fall asleep, in school, on top of the person that was slowly killing you from the inside out and I knew it. I felt bad because I noticed the obvious disappointment in his face when he woke me up and we had to leave. He seemed to be very disappointed lately. It will pass Sora, give it time. I just wanted to hug him and tell him that everything would be okay. But I knew that doing that would just open myself up to more conversations that I wasn't yet ready to handle.
On ward to Algebra! Oh crap, I forgot that we had a test today. I studied a little last week, but I don't think that counted. I was doomed to fail. Well, at least I wouldn't go down alone because Sora admitted that he didn't study either. Oh well, I guess integers are pretty straightforward; they just didn't like me much.
At the end of the day, the three of us spent our study hall in the band room. I had never actually been in the band room, but it was pretty cool. I guess I've always kind of wanted to play an instrument, but I never really got the chance. We fidgeted on the drums and keyboards a little and before any of us knew it the day was over and it was time to go home once again.
I walked home with Selphie, Sora, and Riku. We all lived in the same neighborhood on the same street practically, so it was pretty convenient. Riku and me were still working on the project for sex Ed so he came over to my house after Sora and Selphie had gone home.
We were a middle class family with two children, Marc and Yolei. He worked in the stalk market and I stayed home and ran our tavern. Yes. we owned a tavern. I also watched the kids.
Let's see, today Ms. Leibson had told us that there was a sudden raise in our stalks and we could now afford our family vacation to Hawaii. How exciting!
-So, are we taking the kids? Riku asked as he examined a bunch of papers in front of himself.
-Well yeah, where else would they be? I questioned.
-I donno. Grandma's house? He laughed. I smiled and looked down at some papers as well. The project had been extended to be due tomorrow, so tomorrow we have to make a class presentation on what we learned about marriages and. life, I guess.
-Yeah, right.
-So what are we doing exactly? I questioned not quite sure I understood this whole mess.
-Just say what we learned. He responded handing me a paper and pen. What did we learn?
-Sooo. What exactly would that be? I questioned, looking him in the eye.
-I don't know. That the stalk market is tricky business and that children under the age of 18 don't belong in a tavern? That sounded good, so I began to write it down.
Riku reclined a bit and I finished writing.
-Well. What else? I questioned.
-I don't know, you think of something, Riku sounded. I bit my bottom lip in thought. Hmmm. we paid our bills on time, our house was good. Everything seemed to be perfect. Except for the fact that Marc needed braces and Yolei needed money for college even though she wasn't yet out of jr. high. Our dog had rabies and Riku had recently got in a car accident and destroyed our only vehicle so we had to walk everywhere. I guess the vacation is off.
-We learned not to go and spend all of our money in one place, and to be responsible? I questioned. I turned to Riku and he nodded. -And that. you shouldn't have sex before your even considering marriage because chances are you'll have to fend for yourself for the rest of your life in a world of chaos and cruelty because you can't even afford to breath.
-Sure, Riku responded, obviously not caring.
I nodded and wrote for another ten minutes.
-What do you say we take a break? Riku questioned as I finished writing down the last word. I stared at him.
-But we just star. Yeah, a break sounds good. I replied setting my stuff down on the coffee table in front of me. Riku stood up and I watched as he began moving towards the screen door. I quickly got up and followed. I followed him down to the dock and we rowed over to the island where we had used to spend all of our time.
We walked down the beach, the dry sand flowing over my feet as I walked. I fell onto my back and lay in the sun, watching as the clouds moved forth. Riku walked over to me and I reached my arms up to him. He grabbed my hands and pulled me up into a sitting position. He sat down next to me and watched, as I did, the waves move in and slowly retreating back.
-Do you remember when we used to just spend the whole day here? Riku questioned.
-How could I ever forget? I asked in return. Those were the good days of my life; the times that I would give up everything to just have again. When we didn't care about anything, we just had fun.
-And remember when we had built that raft, and we were going to go out and see other worlds? Riku questioned again.
-Of course, I laughed. I never thought that we would actually get anywhere. Of course we didn't even try. -It was a bummer that it floated away. But I guess it was kind of for the best, you know what I mean? What would our parents have said?
-Yeah, I guess you're right. Riku replied, squinting his eyes as the sun shot, full blast, into them.
We sat in silence for a few minutes and I couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking about. There were these moments where he seemed so strong, like there was this constant shield over him, one that no one could interfere with. But then there were moments like these when he seemed so part of it all, like he was just regular. He would let the shield go and take in the light of the day. Like I could make him cry if I really wanted to.
-Hey Riku? I questioned, not even sure what I was going to ask him.
-Yeah? He responded finally looking in my direction. I melted under his gaze, his bright aqua eyes falling on mine. I gulped, He was so breath taking. But that wasn't why I love him, I love him because I knew that out of everyone and everything in this world, I was the only person that could pull down his shield. I was the only thing that allowed him to live, allowed him to breath. I was the only one who understood, and he knew that. He knew that I loved him, and I knew that he understood as well.
-Do you hate me? I asked. This is the one subject that I knew we both didn't want to get started on. But it was too late, I had talk about it. If not to him, I'd have to talk to Sora and I already knew that Sora was trying his hardest. And I knew that he didn't hate me.
-I couldn't hate you Kairi, even if I wanted to. I tried to forge a smile, but it was difficult.
-I just wanted to make sure. I responded flatly.
-We don't need to talk about this now, Riku said in return. But I had to.
-I want to, I replied.
-Look, I've given it time. I'm still waiting. I'm doing all that I possibly can okay, but it's really no use because I'll forget a little bit but every time I look at you every feeling that I have ever had just resurfaces its self and it feels like I'm drowning. Only I don't have a lifeboat this time because you're my only lifeboat, and I don't have you.
-Of course you have me! You have me now, I'm right here. I shouted quietly.
-I don't have you the way I need you. I sighed, this was hopeless. A meaningless cause is all it was and there was really nothing I could do. It wasn't possible to love two people equally and it, likewise, wasn't possible to need both of them in the same way. That's why it's a lost cause because I did love them both equally and I couldn't stand it anymore.
-I'm sorry, I murmured almost lifelessly.
-Don't be, it's not your fault. He replied bringing his wall back up, keeping me from seeing into his soul, trying to keep me further away from his heart. But it was unnecessarily obvious that the further away I got, the closer I truly became. -And I just want you to know that I understand. I understand all that your going through and that I'll give you time and space for as long as you need it. He said almost choking, was he about to cry?
I sighed deeply, -I've really been thinking about all of that recently, thinking about it until it hurt, and the more I thought about it, the more confused I got. I know that I told you I needed space, but I can't help but feel that that's not what I really want. I need you two. Both of you! I don't know. I just can't think straight anymore.
-I know what you mean.
-It just feels like my whole world has collapsed and I can't see clearly anymore, like there's this fog that just won't clear. I don't know what I want anymore. It's like. Say the world is a giant mirror and all of a sudden it's broken, so the reflection isn't the same and everything is just. upside down and I don't know what the difference from dream and reality is. I guess I'm just waiting to wake up, to feel better, but every day when I wake up, it just seems to be getting worse. And the harder I try to bring it back; the closer it drifts to the edge of it all.
-You got it. Riku replied. -You have definitely just described everything that I'm feeling in words exactly. I sighed, relief I think, and at least we were both on the same page emotionally.
-It's like my worst nightmare. I can't make decisions; in fact, I play volleyball better than I make decisions. But it's comparable; I'm a hazard to my team in volleyball as I am a hazard to the people that are effected by the decisions that I make. I always seem to choose the wrong thing. But in this case. It's between my best friend and my best friend and I know no matter who I choose someone will get hurt in the end. It's a fifty-fifty chance and those are always the worst kind. Because if I choose, say, you then Sora will be hurt. So will I for that matter. If I choose Sora, you'll be hurt. So would I. And, well. If we just let it be, then the three of us will be slowly fading away, drifting perilously closer to a silent end. And there is nothing we can do about it. We can't save each other anymore because we've gotten in too deep and we would need a miracle to get us out of this one. And fate doesn't seem to be too kind these days. I stopped, now I was just babbling.
-So, what are we going to do about all of this? Riku questioned. I was just as blank as he was, how was I supposed to know?
-I don't know, I gulped as I shook my head and bit my lower lip hard. I could feel the tears coming; always coming at the worst times. -I'll figure things out though. I will.
-You don't have to.
-Yes I do! This is all my fault, I got us in here I have to get us out. You'll get over me. That's what I told Sora, you will. Even if there's no hope for me, I can't stand seeing you guys hopeless, because with out me then you would be just fine.
-No Kairi, you can't blame yourself for something that you can't even control. It's out of all of our hands at this point, we just. Have to wait and see what happens. If I had never met you, there would be no point in my life. I nodded slowly.
Riku was right.
That afternoon we walked home shortly after sitting in silence for a few moments. We said good bye, hugged, blah blah. But there was just one thing he told me before he left me at my doorstep that I couldn't get out of my head all night.
-Don't let it take over you. Remember that you and Sora are forever connected with some kind of mental bond. So what am I to you but a meaningless heartache? With that he turned and walked away. I wanted to grab him, take him in my arms. He wasn't just a meaningless heartache. I wanted to tell him that he was so much more to me, but I couldn't. I don't know why, but I just couldn't.
*******
(A/N) Awe, How sad.
