"So… I'm being threatened again by an unspeakable evil cleverly called The-Other-Evil-Which-Cannot-Be-Named and the Metatron, Silent Bob, and Jay are here to protect me?" Harry asked in one breath. He then breathed in deeply and looked at the Headmaster.

"In a nutshell, yes."

Harry nodded and hesitated for a few seconds, usually bright green eyes cloudy. Next to him Jay was snoring softly, a small pool of drool forming on the armrest his head was leaned against. He twitched in his sleep, muttering, "Yeah, Rufus… Like that…" Silent Bob's eyes widened at the remark. The Metatron merely curled his upper lip, not noticing that Snape was doing the same thing. Snape was seated stiffly in a chair far from everyone else, robes clenched in both fists. He appeared to still be in shock over the earlier tea cozy incident.

Harry pushed Jay's head, ignoring the muttered obscenity that followed. "Um, well… I can understand the Metatron being here, since he's all-angelic, but why's Silent Bob and Jay here too?" He then leaned back and waited for the answer.

"Well…" Dumbledore paused, scratching his chin. "Well… Perhaps you should ask the Metatron that."

The Metatron fought back a groan and merely said, "God wanted them to come. Of course, everyone else was busy; otherwise She would have tapped someone else. She probably wants you to learn some lesson or some such nonsense from them."

Harry nodded wisely, looking as if he had been expecting this all along.

"Fun and exciting as this undoubtedly is, I do have a class to teach tomorrow." Snape interrupted. "Then again, it's more a babysitting job than actual class, considering the dunderheads I must watch." He scowled heavily, obviously still pissed about his earlier outfit change.

"To business, then, eh? Harry, you will continue with your studies." Harry nodded, an expression of relief crossing his face. Dumbledore idly plucked a lemon drop from the dish on his desk and popped it into his mouth, obviously pondering what to do with everyone else.

"Jay and Silent Bob could probably help Hagrid with his groundskeeping responsibilities. I'll check with him tomorrow." Silent Bob nodded in silent assent, fighting the itch to light up a cigarette. Jay merely twitched in his sleep and rolled over, head lolling dangerously close to Harry's lap. Harry promptly pushed him away.

"… Aw, come on…" Jay muttered.


Snape fought back an evil laugh. Dumbledore turned to Snape, eyes twinkling enough to light up a ten-foot Christmas tree. "Severus, seeing as you and the Metatron bear a remarkable resemblance he could merely be passed off as a visiting relative. A brother, twin, perhaps…"

The Metatron and Snape both exclaimed, "NO!" Both stood up, the Metatron looking like he had just been dumped in a tank of blue, staining dye while Snape was looking like the Metatron had just been promoted to Number 1 Most Hated Person on his long hate list, demoting Sirius Black to number two.

A few hundred miles away Sirius Black gasped in anger at Snape. He then muttered, "What about the old days, eh, Snape? You unfeeling BASTARD!"


Dumbledore merely smiled beatifically and said, "You two don't have to act brotherly to each other. If anyone asks, you've hated each other since you-" Here he pointed at Snape. "-had an affair with his wife."


Snape looked smug. He crossed his arms over his chest and smirked at the Metatron, who looked nonplussed. "Doesn't matter to me. Not like the adulterous witch would being have much fun with me, anyway. She had just had to settle for second best…"


Snape glared so hard he felt his eyes cross. Dumbledore, hoping to hold off another fight between the two, smoothly cut in with, "That's settled then!" Feeling this wasn't working well; he turned up the happy-eye-twinkling to the megawatt range and stood up. He glided out from behind his desk, ushering everyone out.

Silent Bob, feeling empty without a cigarette, kicked Jay, smiling as his friend jumped a foot in the air, shrieking, "Fucking hell, man. I didn't do nothin'!"

Harry, feeling relieved the night's odd events were over, hurried out of the office, nodding respectfully to Dumbledore. Jay dazedly followed Silent Bob, who looked nonchalant as ever. Snape glided out of the room in his best Intimidating Professor Walk, and raised an eyebrow at the Metatron, who merely quirked his mouth and followed him out.


"This should be a most interesting year." Dumvledore said to Fawkes, who chirped sleepily. For a minute he watched the motley group of people before him before turning back to go to bed.



A/N :::cringes ashamedly::: I am very sorry for not updating… I honestly was going to and then computer goes kablooie and, well, not of the good. So, because of that I will update the next three chapters by Friday. I promise. But after that I'm not promising anything because I'm a big ol' procrastinator. So… hope you enjoyed…