*******
The wait was long, it felt like forever. The worst hour of my entire life (putting that statement lightly of course). The waiting room was dead silent the entire time and I was surprised when I didn't fall asleep, Sora didn't even need to help me. If anything, by 8:30 I was only growing more awake, becoming more and more aware that Riku might not be okay by the second. I tried to keep these thoughts out of my head though.
All this time I had been waiting for the doctor to come in and I had had no prior idea that I would be so scared when I saw him walking down the hall. My heart slipped another beat and I became nauseous again. I was simply terrified. I wanted to cover up my ears and scream, I wanted to wake up from this nightmare, but instead, I stood up and walked over to him, Sora followed. I tried to read the expression on his face, but it was difficult. Doctors always have that same serious, somewhat concerned look on their faces; I could never be a doctor.
-Kairi? He asked me, I was shocked.
-Yeah, I responded softly, how did he know my name?
-Oh, Riku asked about you, the doctor assured.
-Really, so he's... awake? I asked now, almost exited, but still terrified.
-I believe his mother is done now, if you want to go see him.
-Done, what's that supposed to mean? I questioned becoming more and more confused. I wasn't thinking straight, it didn't seem to click. Sora grabbed my hand tightly as the doctor leaned up against the desk.
-Well, it seems that what happened to him three days ago did more than just leave a bruise. We almost expected this to happen from the beginning, but even if we kept him then, there still wouldn't have been a way to save him for much longer.
Now I wanted to be confused, tell me that I wasn't hearing correctly, please let me wake up now! I did so much as to nod.
-He's fully conscious now and we have him on life support, but again, we really have no idea how long... his voice trailed off and I prayed for a different answer than the one that I was going to receive.
-How long what? I questioned, my voice breaking. I didn't want to face the pain of reality, I wasn't strong enough. I suppose that I was still half hoping that I was hearing him wrong.
-How long... We'll need to keep him on life support, said the doctor I nodded, the tears coming, but I still wasn't ready to give in.
-So, you mean, you don't know how long you'll need to keep him on life support because you're planning on taking him off and he'll be all better, because it's fixable right! I could feel my tears stinging my face and my words were like acid, burning up my heart. I knew perfectly well that this was just all of my minds' fantasy. –He's coming home... right? My heart skipped more beats, threatening to stop completely. The doctor put his hand on my shoulder and slowly, very slowly, began to shake his head 'no'. I tried to forge a smile, a demented frown even, but my body was entirely numb, I could feel anything. I could still feel Sora gripping my hand tightly, but my grasp fell limp.
-I'm sorry, he said lightly and I tried to nod, but it was more like a pathetic head jolt. Sora began leading me down the hallway. No, I want to go back, bring me back to the waiting room!
We stopped outside the door that Riku's mom stood in front of. She was crying and I couldn't handle seeing her like this. Sora walked up to her, letting go of my hand, and gave her a tight hug.
-You two can g-go in. I'm d-done. She said lightly.
-Are you sure? Sora questioned, she nodded.
-I've said all I need to, I can't stand to look at him any longer because I'm going to miss him to much. She murmured, turning to me, giving me a hug. –Thank you guys, for b-being there for h-him.
-I'll always be your second son, right? Sora questioned. A smile formed on her face and she almost suppressed a small giggle.
-Of course Sora, she said gently and I watches as she walked away, down the hall, to go talk with the doctor.
-You coming? Sora questioned as I shook my head.
-You go first... I'm sure... There's something's that y-you guys need to talk about. I said almost in a whisper. Sora nodded and I leaned up against the wall. I hoped he wouldn't take too long. I waited for only five minutes; it was amazing how two best friends for a lifetime only took five minute to say goodbye. My gaze fell upon Sora as he stepped out of the room slowly, avoiding my gaze because there were tears in his eyes. He quickly whipped them away and bit his lower lip so hard it looked like it was about to fall off. I looked into his eyes and I could tell that something inside of him had just died.
Sora held the door open for me and I stepped into the tiny room. I closed the door behind me as I entered. I tried to avoid his gaze, I tried to hold back the tears that seemed to have stopped, once again threatening to come, to never stop coming.
-Oh my god, I whimpered under my breath in an awkwardly high voice as I drew my hand to my mouth, I clearly wasn't strong enough to handle this. He sighed and I sat down in the chair by his bed. I couldn't look at him, so I looked out the window into the dark abyss of the night. I felt his hand take hold of the area under my chin, moving my head in his direction. His eye brows were raised in a playful position, I bit my lip hard and my expression turned soft. I took his hand in both of mine and held onto it tightly.
Hmmm... What to say to a dying person? Kairi, that wasn't funny!
-I'm sorry, he said weakly.
-For what? I questioned.
-For... Never finishing our dance... for ruining our night... for dy... I stopped him right there as I brought my finger to his lips.
-Not at all Riku, I couldn't continue. I took my hand back and wrapped it around his again. The tears coming so close to the rims of my eyes I was counting down the seconds until the fell.
-I'll see you again Kairi, he whispered.
-No... Don't be saying your goodbye's, not yet, no one is going anywhere... I'm not ready, I shouted quietly, extremely quietly.
-Kairi...
-Mo Riku, please. I'm ready for this now, not tonight. Give me one more night, just one more... it...it can't end this way! I exclaimed through the barrier of tears that were freely flowing down my face.
-There's nothing anyone can do.
-Just one more night, I pleaded mumbling now as I looked down at his hand. He brought it up to my face and whipped away all of my tears.
-Kairi please... I can't stand to see you like this; it's breaking my heart. He said almost silently. I held his hand up to my face and closed my eyes taking deep breaths. I couldn't handle this right now, I only wished that the director would yell 'cut; from the background and we could start tonight over, start the summer over, start our lives over. Know I knew what I would do differently.
-You're my whole world Riku, I whispered. He sighed again.
-Think of it this way... Now there's no decision. You can't make a mistake, I mean, who's better than Sora? Riku smiled dumbly.
_I don't want Sora, I want you, I need you! I begged.
-If Sora ever heard you say that he'd shoot himself.
-I don't care! Look I'm just trying to get... My point across... I stopped and gulped back more tears. –I love you Riku, he smiled, I knew he knew that I was giving into him, saying goodbye.
-But I won't say goodbye, I said weakly, giving into the tears as well. All over again.
-Goodbye Kairi, goodbye Kairi, goodbye Kairi... he whispered over again as he traced the side of my face with the side of his fingers.
-Is there anything... that I can do for you? I questioned so quietly that the heart monitor drowned out my words. He slowly shook his head and I could tell that he was lying.
-Well... you could... kiss me, just once, you know... Would be nice... he mumbled as I nodded approvingly, figuring that it would be really something for the both of us. I stood up and leaded over him, my hair falling into his face running into his own. Our eyes were parallel, lost within one another's until our lips found each other and we were lost, lost in a deep passionate, but not too intense, kiss as the tears only increased, making it hard for me to breath. Now it was final, I couldn't live without him. I pulled away looking down at bed sheets. Yes, the wonderful, white, cotton bed sheets. I became over whelmingly sad again, falling into another deep depressive rambling state, but no... It cut deeper than that, I was too sad to be depressed.
Looked back into his eyes and it tore at my heart knowing that this would be the last time I would see them in person. The last time I would talk to him, hear his voice. The last time...
-Are you scared? I questioned, taking tighter hold of his hand again.
-Are you kidding, terrified, he replied weakly. I hadn't really thought about it, but really, I needed to be strong for him right now. I mean, I wasn't going anywhere, I wasn't the one dying. Riku was, he didn't get a second chance, this was it... the end.
-I'm trying to be strong, really... I am, I almost whispered it.
-You don't have to be, that's why I am here, he smiled, trying to wipe away my tears again, but they refused to stop this time.
-But what if I need you, tomorrow... or a year from now?
-I'll be there... You'll always have me Kairi, I'm always right there... Holding your left hand. I forced a small smile (amazing!).
-I love you... I said again, I just wanted it to sink in.
-I know, he replied, his voice was getting weaker, I could tell.
-I just wish... I could go with you, I mumbled chocking on tears, chocking on the sadness. I saw his bottom lip start to quiver and bit down on it hard, tears formed on the rims of his eyes.
-I know... I'm sorry that this had to happen. He responded just a single tear escaped. –But it's still our night, right? He questioned gripping my hands tighter and tighter.
-I'll love you forever Riku, I promise, I'll never forget, I said quietly through the tears. I could hear the beeps on the heart monitor get further apart. No, I still wasn't ready, I could never be ready, even forever was too soon.
-I... love you too, he whispered looking at the ceiling. Don't close your eyes, don't close your eyes! –Goodbye Kairi, his eyes fell... the heart monitor beat a straight line... his chest fell for the last time... A tear fell from my face... my heart stopped completely... gone.
*******
The wait was long, it felt like forever. The worst hour of my entire life (putting that statement lightly of course). The waiting room was dead silent the entire time and I was surprised when I didn't fall asleep, Sora didn't even need to help me. If anything, by 8:30 I was only growing more awake, becoming more and more aware that Riku might not be okay by the second. I tried to keep these thoughts out of my head though.
All this time I had been waiting for the doctor to come in and I had had no prior idea that I would be so scared when I saw him walking down the hall. My heart slipped another beat and I became nauseous again. I was simply terrified. I wanted to cover up my ears and scream, I wanted to wake up from this nightmare, but instead, I stood up and walked over to him, Sora followed. I tried to read the expression on his face, but it was difficult. Doctors always have that same serious, somewhat concerned look on their faces; I could never be a doctor.
-Kairi? He asked me, I was shocked.
-Yeah, I responded softly, how did he know my name?
-Oh, Riku asked about you, the doctor assured.
-Really, so he's... awake? I asked now, almost exited, but still terrified.
-I believe his mother is done now, if you want to go see him.
-Done, what's that supposed to mean? I questioned becoming more and more confused. I wasn't thinking straight, it didn't seem to click. Sora grabbed my hand tightly as the doctor leaned up against the desk.
-Well, it seems that what happened to him three days ago did more than just leave a bruise. We almost expected this to happen from the beginning, but even if we kept him then, there still wouldn't have been a way to save him for much longer.
Now I wanted to be confused, tell me that I wasn't hearing correctly, please let me wake up now! I did so much as to nod.
-He's fully conscious now and we have him on life support, but again, we really have no idea how long... his voice trailed off and I prayed for a different answer than the one that I was going to receive.
-How long what? I questioned, my voice breaking. I didn't want to face the pain of reality, I wasn't strong enough. I suppose that I was still half hoping that I was hearing him wrong.
-How long... We'll need to keep him on life support, said the doctor I nodded, the tears coming, but I still wasn't ready to give in.
-So, you mean, you don't know how long you'll need to keep him on life support because you're planning on taking him off and he'll be all better, because it's fixable right! I could feel my tears stinging my face and my words were like acid, burning up my heart. I knew perfectly well that this was just all of my minds' fantasy. –He's coming home... right? My heart skipped more beats, threatening to stop completely. The doctor put his hand on my shoulder and slowly, very slowly, began to shake his head 'no'. I tried to forge a smile, a demented frown even, but my body was entirely numb, I could feel anything. I could still feel Sora gripping my hand tightly, but my grasp fell limp.
-I'm sorry, he said lightly and I tried to nod, but it was more like a pathetic head jolt. Sora began leading me down the hallway. No, I want to go back, bring me back to the waiting room!
We stopped outside the door that Riku's mom stood in front of. She was crying and I couldn't handle seeing her like this. Sora walked up to her, letting go of my hand, and gave her a tight hug.
-You two can g-go in. I'm d-done. She said lightly.
-Are you sure? Sora questioned, she nodded.
-I've said all I need to, I can't stand to look at him any longer because I'm going to miss him to much. She murmured, turning to me, giving me a hug. –Thank you guys, for b-being there for h-him.
-I'll always be your second son, right? Sora questioned. A smile formed on her face and she almost suppressed a small giggle.
-Of course Sora, she said gently and I watches as she walked away, down the hall, to go talk with the doctor.
-You coming? Sora questioned as I shook my head.
-You go first... I'm sure... There's something's that y-you guys need to talk about. I said almost in a whisper. Sora nodded and I leaned up against the wall. I hoped he wouldn't take too long. I waited for only five minutes; it was amazing how two best friends for a lifetime only took five minute to say goodbye. My gaze fell upon Sora as he stepped out of the room slowly, avoiding my gaze because there were tears in his eyes. He quickly whipped them away and bit his lower lip so hard it looked like it was about to fall off. I looked into his eyes and I could tell that something inside of him had just died.
Sora held the door open for me and I stepped into the tiny room. I closed the door behind me as I entered. I tried to avoid his gaze, I tried to hold back the tears that seemed to have stopped, once again threatening to come, to never stop coming.
-Oh my god, I whimpered under my breath in an awkwardly high voice as I drew my hand to my mouth, I clearly wasn't strong enough to handle this. He sighed and I sat down in the chair by his bed. I couldn't look at him, so I looked out the window into the dark abyss of the night. I felt his hand take hold of the area under my chin, moving my head in his direction. His eye brows were raised in a playful position, I bit my lip hard and my expression turned soft. I took his hand in both of mine and held onto it tightly.
Hmmm... What to say to a dying person? Kairi, that wasn't funny!
-I'm sorry, he said weakly.
-For what? I questioned.
-For... Never finishing our dance... for ruining our night... for dy... I stopped him right there as I brought my finger to his lips.
-Not at all Riku, I couldn't continue. I took my hand back and wrapped it around his again. The tears coming so close to the rims of my eyes I was counting down the seconds until the fell.
-I'll see you again Kairi, he whispered.
-No... Don't be saying your goodbye's, not yet, no one is going anywhere... I'm not ready, I shouted quietly, extremely quietly.
-Kairi...
-Mo Riku, please. I'm ready for this now, not tonight. Give me one more night, just one more... it...it can't end this way! I exclaimed through the barrier of tears that were freely flowing down my face.
-There's nothing anyone can do.
-Just one more night, I pleaded mumbling now as I looked down at his hand. He brought it up to my face and whipped away all of my tears.
-Kairi please... I can't stand to see you like this; it's breaking my heart. He said almost silently. I held his hand up to my face and closed my eyes taking deep breaths. I couldn't handle this right now, I only wished that the director would yell 'cut; from the background and we could start tonight over, start the summer over, start our lives over. Know I knew what I would do differently.
-You're my whole world Riku, I whispered. He sighed again.
-Think of it this way... Now there's no decision. You can't make a mistake, I mean, who's better than Sora? Riku smiled dumbly.
_I don't want Sora, I want you, I need you! I begged.
-If Sora ever heard you say that he'd shoot himself.
-I don't care! Look I'm just trying to get... My point across... I stopped and gulped back more tears. –I love you Riku, he smiled, I knew he knew that I was giving into him, saying goodbye.
-But I won't say goodbye, I said weakly, giving into the tears as well. All over again.
-Goodbye Kairi, goodbye Kairi, goodbye Kairi... he whispered over again as he traced the side of my face with the side of his fingers.
-Is there anything... that I can do for you? I questioned so quietly that the heart monitor drowned out my words. He slowly shook his head and I could tell that he was lying.
-Well... you could... kiss me, just once, you know... Would be nice... he mumbled as I nodded approvingly, figuring that it would be really something for the both of us. I stood up and leaded over him, my hair falling into his face running into his own. Our eyes were parallel, lost within one another's until our lips found each other and we were lost, lost in a deep passionate, but not too intense, kiss as the tears only increased, making it hard for me to breath. Now it was final, I couldn't live without him. I pulled away looking down at bed sheets. Yes, the wonderful, white, cotton bed sheets. I became over whelmingly sad again, falling into another deep depressive rambling state, but no... It cut deeper than that, I was too sad to be depressed.
Looked back into his eyes and it tore at my heart knowing that this would be the last time I would see them in person. The last time I would talk to him, hear his voice. The last time...
-Are you scared? I questioned, taking tighter hold of his hand again.
-Are you kidding, terrified, he replied weakly. I hadn't really thought about it, but really, I needed to be strong for him right now. I mean, I wasn't going anywhere, I wasn't the one dying. Riku was, he didn't get a second chance, this was it... the end.
-I'm trying to be strong, really... I am, I almost whispered it.
-You don't have to be, that's why I am here, he smiled, trying to wipe away my tears again, but they refused to stop this time.
-But what if I need you, tomorrow... or a year from now?
-I'll be there... You'll always have me Kairi, I'm always right there... Holding your left hand. I forced a small smile (amazing!).
-I love you... I said again, I just wanted it to sink in.
-I know, he replied, his voice was getting weaker, I could tell.
-I just wish... I could go with you, I mumbled chocking on tears, chocking on the sadness. I saw his bottom lip start to quiver and bit down on it hard, tears formed on the rims of his eyes.
-I know... I'm sorry that this had to happen. He responded just a single tear escaped. –But it's still our night, right? He questioned gripping my hands tighter and tighter.
-I'll love you forever Riku, I promise, I'll never forget, I said quietly through the tears. I could hear the beeps on the heart monitor get further apart. No, I still wasn't ready, I could never be ready, even forever was too soon.
-I... love you too, he whispered looking at the ceiling. Don't close your eyes, don't close your eyes! –Goodbye Kairi, his eyes fell... the heart monitor beat a straight line... his chest fell for the last time... A tear fell from my face... my heart stopped completely... gone.
*******
