The next day I woke up in my own bed, in my own house. This morning we are
going to the funeral home thing. My mom told me to 'dress nicely', so here
I find myself, wearing a black skirt that goes just above my knees, tan
strappy sandals, a light blue tank-top, and a white, long sleeved, button
up, unbuttoned over shirt.
Last night Sora walked Selphie and I home, my mom stayed at his house till the early morning. She was home when I awoke, handing me my camera just I stepped out of my bedroom. –Riku's mother wants you to take some pictures, she had told me; though I wasn't quite sure if they would come out any good seeing as my vision would probably be fogged up by my tears.
After I took one last look at myself, looking all formal and what not, I headed downstairs. I grabbed my camera off my table just as I noticed Sora and Selphie sitting at my counter. Sora was wearing another suit getup, bringing back horrible memories of the other night. Selphie was wearing some thing very similar to that of what I was wearing only her skirt was khaki and her shirt was, what else, yellow.
-Hey, what are you two doing here? I questioned giving them a half smile.
-Your mom is giving us a lift. The 'rents are out and Sora's mom had to drive Riku's because they assisted in... setting up? Yeah I guess so. Selphie explained. I nodded slowly and we stood, sat, there in silence for a few moments.
-So, um... where's my mom anyway? I questioned as I looked around, not seeing her presence anywhere.
-She's in the car; we're just waiting for you, Selphie answered.
-Oh, I replied solemnly. I stood there blankly for a few minutes, pondering what to do. The two of them stood up and I quickly followed as the walked to the door. Duh, we leave. I sat in the passenger seat as Sora and Selphie sat in the back end.
When we got there it seemed almost bizarre, using the term loosely of course. It was really quite odd, I don't know, but when we got out of the car I felt like I was in a completely different world and time entirely. I had never actually been here, or to a funeral, except for when Sora's dad died, but that was when I was five. When we walked inside it was almost like being inside some ones home, henceforth the name 'funeral home' I suppose. There was a small waiting room type area and a long hallway leading, on the right side, to a large room with many chairs and windows. In this room though were bouquets of flowers and all the pictures from yesterday had been organized and put up on little frames and stands. In the very middle of it all was a long wooden case (coffin actually, but I hate that word). No Kairi, don't think about it. So I guess he's in there, huh? Shut up Kairi! Shut up! It's just amazing how he's going to be in that tiny little case for the rest of forever... LA LA LA! I can't hear me!
-Kairi... Are you feeling okay? Selphie questioned as I snapped out of my little schizophrenic episode.
-Huh? Oh yeah... sure. I'm just fine. I assured as I drew my eyes to the opposite wall. Ahhh... Monet.
I figured, besides Riku and Sora's mother's, that we were the only ones here. I was pretty sure that the rest of Riku's family would be coming, though his family wasn't really that big.
-Come on Kairi, you'll have to go in sooner or later, Selphie insisted as she took my arm and pulled me along. I struggled at first, but eventually gave in and let her lead me through. The first display was a few pictures of Riku and his parents. Surrounding them were yellow roses and carnations and some lilies; Riku's favourite flowers were lilies. Next there was a bunch of pictures of Riku and Sora. Pictures of them from the when they were, like, three. More yellow roses with some white ones now too. I guess all of the yellow kind of made sense, one: yellow stood for friendship, two: yellow was his favourite colour. I'm guessing Selphie must have had something to do with the displays though, because I had only seen this much yellow before in one place, her bedroom. Next we came upon a waist height table, with the coffin *shudders* on it. Next to it was the picture of him I had taken a year ago on the beach and to the other side was the picture of the three of us that Selphie had taken the other night. I don't know, but there was just something about that picture that brought tears to my eyes. Maybe it was the fact that only two hours later he died, or the fact that he looked sooo good, or maybe it was just the fact that I missed that moment. Whatever the reason, I was on the verge of hysterical tears again. I reached my hand out to my right and took hold of Sora's.
There were also a few vases of pink and white roses. Some yellow carnations and a few more lilies. There was also a small wooden heart engraved with the words, 'always in our hearts'. It made me smile. We moved on to the next display, this one was a collection of pictures of Riku and me. Surrounding this little 'collage' was pink and red roses. I noticed the pattern: yellow, yellow/ white, white/ pink, pink/ red; hee hee that was cleaver. Next we walked passed a row of chairs to the other side of the room. Here on the other side of the room there stood a collection of all of the remaining pictures. There were random pictures of Riku that I had taken, random pictures of little Riku, and group pictures of him and his family and friends. I was happy to see that they had put some more lilies by these pictures because he really did like them; I'm not just saying that because I like them...
-So Kairi... I jumped at the sound of my name as I turned around quickly and came face-to-face with my mother. –You going to take some pictures now... you know... before everyone arrives? My mother asked. I nodded in reply and began to advance to the other side of the room. I took about ten pictures, at five different angles, in four separate areas. When I rolled back the film I noticed that people had started to arrive. I walked back over to Sora and Selphie where we sat on the couch.
As the day wore on, we sat and talked to people. Just about everyone knew who Sora and I were. Of course I knew who everyone else was too, but I really wasn't expecting complete strangers to call me by name when we hadn't yet had a formal introduction. Of course no one knew who Selphie was, she was the 'mystery girl in the yellow shirt'.
Riku had two aunts, an uncle, a grandfather, and five cousins. The only one that talked to me was Steve. Steve was the son of his aunt Candace and uncle Brent. Steve had two siblings, there was the 15-year-old slut (I'm sorry, that's using the term lightly of course) Hollis, and then there was the 13-year-old Mike. Then there was his aunt Michelle who had two sons, 2- year-old Scottie and 14-year-old Lulu. Boys were obviously very common in his family.
Well, anyway, Tidus had shown up. He was apparently still on 'prep school vacation'. The day progressed slowly as Selphie went to hang out with Hollis and Tidus was teaching Mike how to kill someone even if your hands and feet are tied behind your back. Lulu was kind of weird, we didn't communicate with him too much. Not that we didn't want to, but it was hard. He spoke fluent Gibberish and he most definitely preferred it to English. That left Sora and I to talk to Steve... and to watch Scottie. Of course Sora wasn't very capable, so it really just me left to watch Scottie.
I sat on the couch next to Sora as I playfully bounced Scottie up and down on my legs.
-So, um... What really happened? Steve questioned as I felt myself tense up. Come on Steve, I thought that you were cool...
-It was two days ago... around eight o'clock... Sora began.
-No, dude, I know that. I mean, like... where you there? Did you talk to him? I nodded, okay new subject. –Was he miserable? Steve questioned.
-Only regretted one thing, said Sora sadly.
-Oh, and what was this? I questioned. Riku hadn't told me he regretted anything. Well... unless you count the fact that he knew that was killing me slowly be leaving, and how we never finished dancing, and how he left on our night. Of all skukking nights it had to be our night. Okay... I'm done.
-He said that he only regretted that he never got a chance to kiss you, Sora smiled. I'm supposing that he was only smiling because he had never kissed me. But it was true, when Sora and him were talking, he had never kissed me. But lets fast forward a little bit and, oh yes... He did! I smiled now and Sora's smile faded a little. –What? He questioned impishly.
-Nothing, I replied. I couldn't tell Sora that I kissed him... could I? No way, never!
-You... Sora accused as he pointed a finger right in my face.
-I swear, I didn't kiss him! I lied playfully as I cut him off.
-Well fine then... we'll just see about that, said Sora as he sat back and crossed his arms.
-What, do you think that you're going to ask him or something? I questioned. That's sure what it sounded like.
-No...
-Then how do you ever plan on finding out? I asked.
-I... just will, he smirked gleefully.
-Surrre, I replied as I took hold of Scotties hands and began playing with him again.
-Were you, like, his girlfriend or something? Steve questioned. Well that sure was a stupid question.
-No, I replied as Sora said yes. I looked at him, this was wrong in two ways. One: The questioned was aimed at me, which was rude to answer for someone else. Two: Sora above all people knew very well that Riku and I were not a 'couple'. –Sora? I questioned.
-What, it's not like you weren't. I mean... I don't know what I mean, never mind.
-Okay... So weren't you guys at a dance or something? That's kind of sad... said Steve. I nodded as I looked down at me feet. Well, as close as my feet as I could get... which is more along the lines of Scottie's feet. I nodded and could tell that Sora did too. Okay, I am really serious now... new subject!!! Just as that thought left my head a bunch of people sat down in chairs. I looked up and noticed Riku's mom was standing at the front of the room, apparently trying to get everyone's attention.
-Um... I just want to thank you all for coming. Said Riku's mom slowly. -Err, I hope to see you all tomorrow at the church. Riku's mom sighed and looked down at the floor. –If any one wants to say anything, now would be a nice time. Sora's mom stood up.
-If you'd like to come to over to the house after this for food, every one is welcome, she smiled. She sat back down, but then she stood back up. –Sora? Would you like to put in a word? She questioned. Sora's eyes widened. He didn't like public speaking very much. Not that this was much of a 'public', I could still tell by the look in his eyes that he didn't want to be singled out.
-Err... sure, he said as he stood up and walked to the front if the room. He cleared his throat and I saw his mom give him a reassuring nod. –Err, Riku... what is there to say really? We were best friends ever since we were born. Well, me at least... he's a year older than me so I guess I wasn't really 'always' his friend so to say. Sora shifted his weight almost nervously. –But still, he was a good guy. He was pretty good at math, and he was cleaver, and quick. He was good at puzzles and he liked mineral water. He could beat me up pretty good as well. I always idolized him, not just as a best friend, but kind of like an older brother. I always looked up to him, even though I rarely showed it. He was so much better than me and I just wanted to be like him so much. He had everything, a good life, good friends, he was smart and funny. He was quite popular, but he still hung out with me. No matter how stupid I acted or how dumb I was, he was always there. He never said no when I asked him for help. Sure, he was kind of stubborn and withdrawn sometimes, but I think we're all kind of like that. He really was my best friend, and he didn't deserve to die. He had so much going for him, he had his future planned out, and he knew what he was going to do with his life. I'm just sad that it had to end so quickly. Sure he had sixteen years, but is that really enough time to live? Not really. Um... thank you? Sora smiled quickly and then walked away and sat back down next to me. The room began applauded, heaven knows why, and then after a few moments of silence, quick chatter rose back up again.
-Sora, that was beautiful, I said sweetly. He shrugged. –I never would have guessed that you thought if him that way.
-Yeah, well... Sora's voice trailed off just as Riku's mom stepped up to us.
-Kairi, It's okay if you don't want to... But I would really like it if you were to say something at the funeral tomorrow. You two were so close, you knew him better than I think just about anyone.
-Well, what about Sora? I questioned.
-I don't think so... today was enough, Sora sighed loudly. Riku's mom eyed me.
-But... What would I say? I questioned madly.
-I don't know. You'd do a better job then me. Come on Kairi... You're good at this kind of stuff. She insisted. I sighed, why would I say no? I mean, I was in love with him. I still am. I was just afraid that I would be to depressed to say anything, crying to hard to be able to speak. Today, I was okay. This place was homey, but I know what funerals are like. I can't stand them one bit, Just the feeling of sadness and the constant talk of death. Everyone is in black and there really is no sign of happiness. No one is smiling, it's almost as if the world is in black and white. Like a sheet of angst has been put over the world and nothing is like it really is.
-Kairi? Sora questioned. I looked up, must have been daydreaming again.
-Huh? Oh yea, I'll say something, I responded monotonously.
-I'm glad, Riku's mom smiled as she walked away to go talk to people. I looked around the room. That's when it hit me, where was Riku's dad? I mean, he had to have been invited; he's his dad, right? Of course, it was kind of all his fault. If it weren't for Riku's dad and his stupid anger management problems then Riku would still be here. I suddenly became very upset with that thought.
We spent the rest of the afternoon talking to different people. It was kind of sweet, the feeling I had. Everyone in his family had stories and I enjoyed hearing them. They were happy stories about things that happened years ago on holidays and family events. I found out a lot of things about Riku that I hadn't previously known. For example: he had a cat once. I always thought he hated cats, but apparently he didn't. I also learned that he had broken his leg five times before and that he also broke his arm once. I never knew that he knew how to play the piano. I also never knew that he played soccer. I knew that Sora played soccer, but not Riku.
When it was around 4:30 most everyone began leaving. I was pretty sure that everybody was going back to Riku's house for food... and stuff. I rode with my mom. Tidus and Selphie came with me, but Sora went with his mother. When we got to Riku's house everyone was there. Most everybody was in the living room or in the kitchen. There was a lot of food and mindless conversation. Riku's mom had also pulled out a bunch of old photo albums.
It all got old fast and I was beginning to get a headache. I took my coke and went outside on the stoop. I sat down on the first step and noticed Lulu sitting on the one below mine.
-Hi Lu, I said as I took a sip of coke.
-Hidagellidago, he greeted. I slipped down to the step he was sitting on and frowned. He was so impossible. But somehow, I knew that there was something more to him, something that people didn't often see; probably never saw.
-We don't have to talk; I can't speak Gibberish very well. I responded truthfully. In fact, I couldn't speak Gibberish at all, not even a little bit. But I decided to talk to him. Nobody ever talked to him and I felt bad. –So, um, were you any close to Riku? I questioned. Lulu nodded slowly. I really wasn't expecting that, of all people, he was close to Lulu? I nodded in response. How is one supposed to reply to that?
We sat in silence for a few moments. –I was there when he died. I said bravely. What was I thinking? Well, I was really just saying everything that I had been thinking for the passed couple of days. And who better to tell than Lulu? He didn't interrupt, he didn't talk back. He just sat there and listened. –I was sitting right there next to him, just waiting. It just hurt to look at him because I knew that it was the last time that I was going to get a chance to look at him. And I felt so helpless, because there was nothing I could, nothing anyone could do.
-That must have been tough, Lulu responded shockingly. Wow, I got him to talk.
-It was, I nodded. I could feel a ball creep up my throat. The image of him in the hospital was in my head now, my mind replaying scenes from that night.
-At least you got to say good-bye though, right? I shook my head.
-I never said goodbye. I couldn't. It was like I was in some kind of coma that night; I didn't seem to think any of it was real. I kept telling myself that I was going to wake up any minute and that everything was going to be okay. I said gulping back tears, trying as hard as I could not to cry.
-Oh, Lulu responded lightly. –Riku and I used to talk a lot. He was the only person in this family who talked to me. He used to talk about you all the time. In fact, you were just about the only thing he ever talked about, when he talked that is.
-Really? I questioned.
-Yea, he always seemed so happy when he talked about you. There was this certain air in his voice, like he was in another world or something. Lulu explained. –But I knew he loved you, a lot.
-I know, he only told me every day; I smiled as I looked up at the sky. Lulu nodded.
-Do you believe in heaven? He questioned as he, too, was looking up at the stars.
-I don't know. I replied, honestly, I never really thought about it. –Do you? Lulu shrugged.
The sky was very cloudy and a light wind arose through the air.
-It's going to rain tomorrow, said Lulu quietly. I sighed an slowly nodded my head. Suddenly the door behind us opened. I turned around.
-Kairi, your mom wants you to go home. Said Sora as he stepped down and threw me my coat. I grabbed it and put it on. –She's going to stay awhile longer, but she told me to walk you home and to make sure that you go right to bed, Sora winked at me. I smiled lightly and stood up.
-What time is it any way? I questioned feeling myself getting tired.
-Um, around ten thirty. Sora replied. We had been here for five hours already? Man, time really seemed to be slipping away these days.
-Okay, I nodded as I let him take my hand and we walked down the steps. -Bye Lu, see you tomorrow. I waved.
-Gidagoidagodbyidage, Lulu replied lightly we walked down the sidewalk.
-That kid is so weird, Sora said under his breath as we walked into the night. I wanted to defend him, but I was too tired to argue. I also didn't want to bring up the subject of Riku again because I didn't want to have to cry myself to sleep again tonight, even though that was what was going to happen anyway. On the way home, it began to sprinkle lightly. The rain would have felt nice if it wasn't for the cold wind. Winter was slowly coming. But usually it didn't get this cold, especially not in September. It was bizarre.
When we got home I said goodbye to Sora and gave him a quick hug. I walked upstairs and went strait to bed. I had to close my window because the cold breeze was making me... well... cold. The constant thought of Riku wouldn't leave my mind. I couldn't help but ask myself how much of it was my fault? I mean, I did hear the conversation Riku's mom and his doctor had on the phone. I knew that it was my fault for not telling him; for not making completely sure that he was okay. I knew that it wasn't a good thing he was having headaches, and I knew that I shouldn't surrender to his stubbornness, but I did. Why did I always have to do that? I was too weak and I had given in too easily. I was so stupid because this whole thing could have been prevented. None of it had to happen at all. I just kept questioning myself, why him? Why not me... or someone that I wasn't in love with? Why hadn't I said goodbye? Why didn't I just die with him? Why did I have to love him? Why did he have to love me back? Why was I still asking these questions when I already knew the answers?
The sound of his voice was my only comfort; the feeling that his hand was tightly around mine was there. His eyes burnt into mine. Right then, I needed him to be here more than ever. It had only been two days but already it felt like an eternity. This was worse than camp, because I hadn't loved him this much then. I knew that he was gone forever and the full reality had hit just a few moments ago. My heart hurt, and so did my head. I wanted Riku to walk through my bedroom door and kiss me good night, to tell me that he loved me one more time. I wanted to hold his hand and fall asleep in his arms. I wanted so much that I could never have. I wanted to die, I wanted to fall asleep forever and never wake up again. I wanted to punch Riku for leaving and I wanted to punch myself for letting him go. I wanted to remember that I loved Sora and that he was still here, but I couldn't. I couldn't love Sora because I loved Riku. I missed Riku too much to love Sora. I wanted Riku to badly to think about Sora. I needed Riku so much that I started crying. I started crying so hard that I was sure that people outside could hear me. The sky cried with me, as I could hear the rain pouring violently outside. It tapped an orchestra against the roof and my window and the wind howled viciously around everything. I felt so alone, so out of it. It felt like the mirror of my life had broken even more, after just being repaired. My life was over, even more than it already had been. I had hit the bottom, crashing into reality. That's when I felt myself drift off, leaving the world of the conscious, submitting myself to sleep. I was afraid to wake up. Dreams numb you from reality and cause you to believe a lie. I was afraid of the truth. It had hurt me too many times before and I had no faith in it anymore. I didn't want to wake up because I knew that he was gone. I didn't want to live a lie, but I didn't want to believe reality either.
*******
(A/N) Um... Interesting. I love Lulu!!! You have no idea how hott he is! Okay, I'm done with that. Yes Lulu is based off of a real person, but I do not believe that he speaks fluent Gibberish. Oh well, that would be pretty cool. Scottie is really Lulu's little brother, but Scottie is really like twelve years old. And Lulu is more like fourteen now, but that's all okay. Hollis is also based off of my cousin, Hollis. Let's see, what else? Steve is based off of my cousin Dean. Mike would definitely be based off of my cousin Tony J. Well, just Tony really, but I think he should be in the Mafia, so I call him Tony J. any way... Was this one kind of sad? I don't know what sad is anymore. Oh well, the next one will be sad, I promise. This one was just kind of pathetic because I have been on this 'Erin' kick recently and I have been trying to force the 'Adrienne' out of me. Hasn't worked too well, but Adrienne will be on full blast tomorrow. I would just like to warn you, I haven't yet used 'full blast Adrienne'. She is very harsh so don't be surprised if there is some swearing and some yelling. You see when I write depressing, it really is 'Loki', and I hate to say it. 'Adrienne' is just cruel and likes to kill people. Don't think I'm strange or anything, I just have a lot of free time. I'm on vacation this week and I expect to finish this story!!! My first finished story baby! OH YEAH! So... um, keep checking it because I only see about three more chapters at the most. Besides, I'm listening to Evanescence, so expect angst! –Lei ^_~
Last night Sora walked Selphie and I home, my mom stayed at his house till the early morning. She was home when I awoke, handing me my camera just I stepped out of my bedroom. –Riku's mother wants you to take some pictures, she had told me; though I wasn't quite sure if they would come out any good seeing as my vision would probably be fogged up by my tears.
After I took one last look at myself, looking all formal and what not, I headed downstairs. I grabbed my camera off my table just as I noticed Sora and Selphie sitting at my counter. Sora was wearing another suit getup, bringing back horrible memories of the other night. Selphie was wearing some thing very similar to that of what I was wearing only her skirt was khaki and her shirt was, what else, yellow.
-Hey, what are you two doing here? I questioned giving them a half smile.
-Your mom is giving us a lift. The 'rents are out and Sora's mom had to drive Riku's because they assisted in... setting up? Yeah I guess so. Selphie explained. I nodded slowly and we stood, sat, there in silence for a few moments.
-So, um... where's my mom anyway? I questioned as I looked around, not seeing her presence anywhere.
-She's in the car; we're just waiting for you, Selphie answered.
-Oh, I replied solemnly. I stood there blankly for a few minutes, pondering what to do. The two of them stood up and I quickly followed as the walked to the door. Duh, we leave. I sat in the passenger seat as Sora and Selphie sat in the back end.
When we got there it seemed almost bizarre, using the term loosely of course. It was really quite odd, I don't know, but when we got out of the car I felt like I was in a completely different world and time entirely. I had never actually been here, or to a funeral, except for when Sora's dad died, but that was when I was five. When we walked inside it was almost like being inside some ones home, henceforth the name 'funeral home' I suppose. There was a small waiting room type area and a long hallway leading, on the right side, to a large room with many chairs and windows. In this room though were bouquets of flowers and all the pictures from yesterday had been organized and put up on little frames and stands. In the very middle of it all was a long wooden case (coffin actually, but I hate that word). No Kairi, don't think about it. So I guess he's in there, huh? Shut up Kairi! Shut up! It's just amazing how he's going to be in that tiny little case for the rest of forever... LA LA LA! I can't hear me!
-Kairi... Are you feeling okay? Selphie questioned as I snapped out of my little schizophrenic episode.
-Huh? Oh yeah... sure. I'm just fine. I assured as I drew my eyes to the opposite wall. Ahhh... Monet.
I figured, besides Riku and Sora's mother's, that we were the only ones here. I was pretty sure that the rest of Riku's family would be coming, though his family wasn't really that big.
-Come on Kairi, you'll have to go in sooner or later, Selphie insisted as she took my arm and pulled me along. I struggled at first, but eventually gave in and let her lead me through. The first display was a few pictures of Riku and his parents. Surrounding them were yellow roses and carnations and some lilies; Riku's favourite flowers were lilies. Next there was a bunch of pictures of Riku and Sora. Pictures of them from the when they were, like, three. More yellow roses with some white ones now too. I guess all of the yellow kind of made sense, one: yellow stood for friendship, two: yellow was his favourite colour. I'm guessing Selphie must have had something to do with the displays though, because I had only seen this much yellow before in one place, her bedroom. Next we came upon a waist height table, with the coffin *shudders* on it. Next to it was the picture of him I had taken a year ago on the beach and to the other side was the picture of the three of us that Selphie had taken the other night. I don't know, but there was just something about that picture that brought tears to my eyes. Maybe it was the fact that only two hours later he died, or the fact that he looked sooo good, or maybe it was just the fact that I missed that moment. Whatever the reason, I was on the verge of hysterical tears again. I reached my hand out to my right and took hold of Sora's.
There were also a few vases of pink and white roses. Some yellow carnations and a few more lilies. There was also a small wooden heart engraved with the words, 'always in our hearts'. It made me smile. We moved on to the next display, this one was a collection of pictures of Riku and me. Surrounding this little 'collage' was pink and red roses. I noticed the pattern: yellow, yellow/ white, white/ pink, pink/ red; hee hee that was cleaver. Next we walked passed a row of chairs to the other side of the room. Here on the other side of the room there stood a collection of all of the remaining pictures. There were random pictures of Riku that I had taken, random pictures of little Riku, and group pictures of him and his family and friends. I was happy to see that they had put some more lilies by these pictures because he really did like them; I'm not just saying that because I like them...
-So Kairi... I jumped at the sound of my name as I turned around quickly and came face-to-face with my mother. –You going to take some pictures now... you know... before everyone arrives? My mother asked. I nodded in reply and began to advance to the other side of the room. I took about ten pictures, at five different angles, in four separate areas. When I rolled back the film I noticed that people had started to arrive. I walked back over to Sora and Selphie where we sat on the couch.
As the day wore on, we sat and talked to people. Just about everyone knew who Sora and I were. Of course I knew who everyone else was too, but I really wasn't expecting complete strangers to call me by name when we hadn't yet had a formal introduction. Of course no one knew who Selphie was, she was the 'mystery girl in the yellow shirt'.
Riku had two aunts, an uncle, a grandfather, and five cousins. The only one that talked to me was Steve. Steve was the son of his aunt Candace and uncle Brent. Steve had two siblings, there was the 15-year-old slut (I'm sorry, that's using the term lightly of course) Hollis, and then there was the 13-year-old Mike. Then there was his aunt Michelle who had two sons, 2- year-old Scottie and 14-year-old Lulu. Boys were obviously very common in his family.
Well, anyway, Tidus had shown up. He was apparently still on 'prep school vacation'. The day progressed slowly as Selphie went to hang out with Hollis and Tidus was teaching Mike how to kill someone even if your hands and feet are tied behind your back. Lulu was kind of weird, we didn't communicate with him too much. Not that we didn't want to, but it was hard. He spoke fluent Gibberish and he most definitely preferred it to English. That left Sora and I to talk to Steve... and to watch Scottie. Of course Sora wasn't very capable, so it really just me left to watch Scottie.
I sat on the couch next to Sora as I playfully bounced Scottie up and down on my legs.
-So, um... What really happened? Steve questioned as I felt myself tense up. Come on Steve, I thought that you were cool...
-It was two days ago... around eight o'clock... Sora began.
-No, dude, I know that. I mean, like... where you there? Did you talk to him? I nodded, okay new subject. –Was he miserable? Steve questioned.
-Only regretted one thing, said Sora sadly.
-Oh, and what was this? I questioned. Riku hadn't told me he regretted anything. Well... unless you count the fact that he knew that was killing me slowly be leaving, and how we never finished dancing, and how he left on our night. Of all skukking nights it had to be our night. Okay... I'm done.
-He said that he only regretted that he never got a chance to kiss you, Sora smiled. I'm supposing that he was only smiling because he had never kissed me. But it was true, when Sora and him were talking, he had never kissed me. But lets fast forward a little bit and, oh yes... He did! I smiled now and Sora's smile faded a little. –What? He questioned impishly.
-Nothing, I replied. I couldn't tell Sora that I kissed him... could I? No way, never!
-You... Sora accused as he pointed a finger right in my face.
-I swear, I didn't kiss him! I lied playfully as I cut him off.
-Well fine then... we'll just see about that, said Sora as he sat back and crossed his arms.
-What, do you think that you're going to ask him or something? I questioned. That's sure what it sounded like.
-No...
-Then how do you ever plan on finding out? I asked.
-I... just will, he smirked gleefully.
-Surrre, I replied as I took hold of Scotties hands and began playing with him again.
-Were you, like, his girlfriend or something? Steve questioned. Well that sure was a stupid question.
-No, I replied as Sora said yes. I looked at him, this was wrong in two ways. One: The questioned was aimed at me, which was rude to answer for someone else. Two: Sora above all people knew very well that Riku and I were not a 'couple'. –Sora? I questioned.
-What, it's not like you weren't. I mean... I don't know what I mean, never mind.
-Okay... So weren't you guys at a dance or something? That's kind of sad... said Steve. I nodded as I looked down at me feet. Well, as close as my feet as I could get... which is more along the lines of Scottie's feet. I nodded and could tell that Sora did too. Okay, I am really serious now... new subject!!! Just as that thought left my head a bunch of people sat down in chairs. I looked up and noticed Riku's mom was standing at the front of the room, apparently trying to get everyone's attention.
-Um... I just want to thank you all for coming. Said Riku's mom slowly. -Err, I hope to see you all tomorrow at the church. Riku's mom sighed and looked down at the floor. –If any one wants to say anything, now would be a nice time. Sora's mom stood up.
-If you'd like to come to over to the house after this for food, every one is welcome, she smiled. She sat back down, but then she stood back up. –Sora? Would you like to put in a word? She questioned. Sora's eyes widened. He didn't like public speaking very much. Not that this was much of a 'public', I could still tell by the look in his eyes that he didn't want to be singled out.
-Err... sure, he said as he stood up and walked to the front if the room. He cleared his throat and I saw his mom give him a reassuring nod. –Err, Riku... what is there to say really? We were best friends ever since we were born. Well, me at least... he's a year older than me so I guess I wasn't really 'always' his friend so to say. Sora shifted his weight almost nervously. –But still, he was a good guy. He was pretty good at math, and he was cleaver, and quick. He was good at puzzles and he liked mineral water. He could beat me up pretty good as well. I always idolized him, not just as a best friend, but kind of like an older brother. I always looked up to him, even though I rarely showed it. He was so much better than me and I just wanted to be like him so much. He had everything, a good life, good friends, he was smart and funny. He was quite popular, but he still hung out with me. No matter how stupid I acted or how dumb I was, he was always there. He never said no when I asked him for help. Sure, he was kind of stubborn and withdrawn sometimes, but I think we're all kind of like that. He really was my best friend, and he didn't deserve to die. He had so much going for him, he had his future planned out, and he knew what he was going to do with his life. I'm just sad that it had to end so quickly. Sure he had sixteen years, but is that really enough time to live? Not really. Um... thank you? Sora smiled quickly and then walked away and sat back down next to me. The room began applauded, heaven knows why, and then after a few moments of silence, quick chatter rose back up again.
-Sora, that was beautiful, I said sweetly. He shrugged. –I never would have guessed that you thought if him that way.
-Yeah, well... Sora's voice trailed off just as Riku's mom stepped up to us.
-Kairi, It's okay if you don't want to... But I would really like it if you were to say something at the funeral tomorrow. You two were so close, you knew him better than I think just about anyone.
-Well, what about Sora? I questioned.
-I don't think so... today was enough, Sora sighed loudly. Riku's mom eyed me.
-But... What would I say? I questioned madly.
-I don't know. You'd do a better job then me. Come on Kairi... You're good at this kind of stuff. She insisted. I sighed, why would I say no? I mean, I was in love with him. I still am. I was just afraid that I would be to depressed to say anything, crying to hard to be able to speak. Today, I was okay. This place was homey, but I know what funerals are like. I can't stand them one bit, Just the feeling of sadness and the constant talk of death. Everyone is in black and there really is no sign of happiness. No one is smiling, it's almost as if the world is in black and white. Like a sheet of angst has been put over the world and nothing is like it really is.
-Kairi? Sora questioned. I looked up, must have been daydreaming again.
-Huh? Oh yea, I'll say something, I responded monotonously.
-I'm glad, Riku's mom smiled as she walked away to go talk to people. I looked around the room. That's when it hit me, where was Riku's dad? I mean, he had to have been invited; he's his dad, right? Of course, it was kind of all his fault. If it weren't for Riku's dad and his stupid anger management problems then Riku would still be here. I suddenly became very upset with that thought.
We spent the rest of the afternoon talking to different people. It was kind of sweet, the feeling I had. Everyone in his family had stories and I enjoyed hearing them. They were happy stories about things that happened years ago on holidays and family events. I found out a lot of things about Riku that I hadn't previously known. For example: he had a cat once. I always thought he hated cats, but apparently he didn't. I also learned that he had broken his leg five times before and that he also broke his arm once. I never knew that he knew how to play the piano. I also never knew that he played soccer. I knew that Sora played soccer, but not Riku.
When it was around 4:30 most everyone began leaving. I was pretty sure that everybody was going back to Riku's house for food... and stuff. I rode with my mom. Tidus and Selphie came with me, but Sora went with his mother. When we got to Riku's house everyone was there. Most everybody was in the living room or in the kitchen. There was a lot of food and mindless conversation. Riku's mom had also pulled out a bunch of old photo albums.
It all got old fast and I was beginning to get a headache. I took my coke and went outside on the stoop. I sat down on the first step and noticed Lulu sitting on the one below mine.
-Hi Lu, I said as I took a sip of coke.
-Hidagellidago, he greeted. I slipped down to the step he was sitting on and frowned. He was so impossible. But somehow, I knew that there was something more to him, something that people didn't often see; probably never saw.
-We don't have to talk; I can't speak Gibberish very well. I responded truthfully. In fact, I couldn't speak Gibberish at all, not even a little bit. But I decided to talk to him. Nobody ever talked to him and I felt bad. –So, um, were you any close to Riku? I questioned. Lulu nodded slowly. I really wasn't expecting that, of all people, he was close to Lulu? I nodded in response. How is one supposed to reply to that?
We sat in silence for a few moments. –I was there when he died. I said bravely. What was I thinking? Well, I was really just saying everything that I had been thinking for the passed couple of days. And who better to tell than Lulu? He didn't interrupt, he didn't talk back. He just sat there and listened. –I was sitting right there next to him, just waiting. It just hurt to look at him because I knew that it was the last time that I was going to get a chance to look at him. And I felt so helpless, because there was nothing I could, nothing anyone could do.
-That must have been tough, Lulu responded shockingly. Wow, I got him to talk.
-It was, I nodded. I could feel a ball creep up my throat. The image of him in the hospital was in my head now, my mind replaying scenes from that night.
-At least you got to say good-bye though, right? I shook my head.
-I never said goodbye. I couldn't. It was like I was in some kind of coma that night; I didn't seem to think any of it was real. I kept telling myself that I was going to wake up any minute and that everything was going to be okay. I said gulping back tears, trying as hard as I could not to cry.
-Oh, Lulu responded lightly. –Riku and I used to talk a lot. He was the only person in this family who talked to me. He used to talk about you all the time. In fact, you were just about the only thing he ever talked about, when he talked that is.
-Really? I questioned.
-Yea, he always seemed so happy when he talked about you. There was this certain air in his voice, like he was in another world or something. Lulu explained. –But I knew he loved you, a lot.
-I know, he only told me every day; I smiled as I looked up at the sky. Lulu nodded.
-Do you believe in heaven? He questioned as he, too, was looking up at the stars.
-I don't know. I replied, honestly, I never really thought about it. –Do you? Lulu shrugged.
The sky was very cloudy and a light wind arose through the air.
-It's going to rain tomorrow, said Lulu quietly. I sighed an slowly nodded my head. Suddenly the door behind us opened. I turned around.
-Kairi, your mom wants you to go home. Said Sora as he stepped down and threw me my coat. I grabbed it and put it on. –She's going to stay awhile longer, but she told me to walk you home and to make sure that you go right to bed, Sora winked at me. I smiled lightly and stood up.
-What time is it any way? I questioned feeling myself getting tired.
-Um, around ten thirty. Sora replied. We had been here for five hours already? Man, time really seemed to be slipping away these days.
-Okay, I nodded as I let him take my hand and we walked down the steps. -Bye Lu, see you tomorrow. I waved.
-Gidagoidagodbyidage, Lulu replied lightly we walked down the sidewalk.
-That kid is so weird, Sora said under his breath as we walked into the night. I wanted to defend him, but I was too tired to argue. I also didn't want to bring up the subject of Riku again because I didn't want to have to cry myself to sleep again tonight, even though that was what was going to happen anyway. On the way home, it began to sprinkle lightly. The rain would have felt nice if it wasn't for the cold wind. Winter was slowly coming. But usually it didn't get this cold, especially not in September. It was bizarre.
When we got home I said goodbye to Sora and gave him a quick hug. I walked upstairs and went strait to bed. I had to close my window because the cold breeze was making me... well... cold. The constant thought of Riku wouldn't leave my mind. I couldn't help but ask myself how much of it was my fault? I mean, I did hear the conversation Riku's mom and his doctor had on the phone. I knew that it was my fault for not telling him; for not making completely sure that he was okay. I knew that it wasn't a good thing he was having headaches, and I knew that I shouldn't surrender to his stubbornness, but I did. Why did I always have to do that? I was too weak and I had given in too easily. I was so stupid because this whole thing could have been prevented. None of it had to happen at all. I just kept questioning myself, why him? Why not me... or someone that I wasn't in love with? Why hadn't I said goodbye? Why didn't I just die with him? Why did I have to love him? Why did he have to love me back? Why was I still asking these questions when I already knew the answers?
The sound of his voice was my only comfort; the feeling that his hand was tightly around mine was there. His eyes burnt into mine. Right then, I needed him to be here more than ever. It had only been two days but already it felt like an eternity. This was worse than camp, because I hadn't loved him this much then. I knew that he was gone forever and the full reality had hit just a few moments ago. My heart hurt, and so did my head. I wanted Riku to walk through my bedroom door and kiss me good night, to tell me that he loved me one more time. I wanted to hold his hand and fall asleep in his arms. I wanted so much that I could never have. I wanted to die, I wanted to fall asleep forever and never wake up again. I wanted to punch Riku for leaving and I wanted to punch myself for letting him go. I wanted to remember that I loved Sora and that he was still here, but I couldn't. I couldn't love Sora because I loved Riku. I missed Riku too much to love Sora. I wanted Riku to badly to think about Sora. I needed Riku so much that I started crying. I started crying so hard that I was sure that people outside could hear me. The sky cried with me, as I could hear the rain pouring violently outside. It tapped an orchestra against the roof and my window and the wind howled viciously around everything. I felt so alone, so out of it. It felt like the mirror of my life had broken even more, after just being repaired. My life was over, even more than it already had been. I had hit the bottom, crashing into reality. That's when I felt myself drift off, leaving the world of the conscious, submitting myself to sleep. I was afraid to wake up. Dreams numb you from reality and cause you to believe a lie. I was afraid of the truth. It had hurt me too many times before and I had no faith in it anymore. I didn't want to wake up because I knew that he was gone. I didn't want to live a lie, but I didn't want to believe reality either.
*******
(A/N) Um... Interesting. I love Lulu!!! You have no idea how hott he is! Okay, I'm done with that. Yes Lulu is based off of a real person, but I do not believe that he speaks fluent Gibberish. Oh well, that would be pretty cool. Scottie is really Lulu's little brother, but Scottie is really like twelve years old. And Lulu is more like fourteen now, but that's all okay. Hollis is also based off of my cousin, Hollis. Let's see, what else? Steve is based off of my cousin Dean. Mike would definitely be based off of my cousin Tony J. Well, just Tony really, but I think he should be in the Mafia, so I call him Tony J. any way... Was this one kind of sad? I don't know what sad is anymore. Oh well, the next one will be sad, I promise. This one was just kind of pathetic because I have been on this 'Erin' kick recently and I have been trying to force the 'Adrienne' out of me. Hasn't worked too well, but Adrienne will be on full blast tomorrow. I would just like to warn you, I haven't yet used 'full blast Adrienne'. She is very harsh so don't be surprised if there is some swearing and some yelling. You see when I write depressing, it really is 'Loki', and I hate to say it. 'Adrienne' is just cruel and likes to kill people. Don't think I'm strange or anything, I just have a lot of free time. I'm on vacation this week and I expect to finish this story!!! My first finished story baby! OH YEAH! So... um, keep checking it because I only see about three more chapters at the most. Besides, I'm listening to Evanescence, so expect angst! –Lei ^_~
