Chapter Ten
Sunnydale: March, 1998
He came to her every night and she never refused him. In her dreams he haunted her, always pursuing and possessing. Willow never tried to ignore what he was, what he had done, what he was capable of doing. Angelus was the cruelest of his kind and Willow wouldn't fool herself into believing she was any different then his other victims, but at the same time she knew she was. With as much ease as lifting a feather Angelus could take her life and take as much joy in it as Willow did in watching the sunrise – but he wouldn't; he didn't want to.
But still did she hate him because his mind was bent so strongly towards the Slayer. Angel had loved Buffy, made him feel like a human being and, like Angelus had once said himself, that's not something you forget. Willow hated how his thoughts always turned from her to Buffy. She hated that Angelus could make her feel so foolish and used. He was evil. What right did he have to make her feel? But he did make her feel and Willow could never forget that.
"It's always, Buffy," she spoke one night, knowing he stood outside her room in shadows. "You're just like them. Buffy is the center of your universe. Why does everyone love her so much and ignore me?"
"Angel loved Buffy," Angelus spoke severely. "Never confuse me with him," he threatened.
Turning her head Willow met his eyes and asked defiantly, "Why not? You and Angel have one big thing in common: you entire existence depends on Buffy. That makes you just like Angel in my book."
The blow came so quick Willow wasn't sure what had happened until she felt Angelus' weight above her, his finger wrapped painfully around her wrists. Amber eyes starred into green; demon into human. Angelus was so close to her that Willow could have felt his breath upon her neck. Starring into her eyes, however, Angelus glimpsed something that made him ease his grip.
"You want me to kill you." It was a statement, not a question.
"So what if I do?" Willow's voice was still defiant as she shoved him away from her. "It wouldn't matter. No one would even care, or notice for that matter. They're all too busy comforting the heartbroken Slayer and she, she's too busy trying to convince herself she's not in love with you. And you," she spat. "You're still thinking only of her. It's always her. I'm unimportant. Insignificant. So go ahead, do it and rid the world of one more useless person."
Sitting back Angelus let his human visage surface once more. "I never would have thought you stupid, Willow. But apparently I was wrong because you're acting like a spoiled child. Why do you care what they think of you? Honestly, why do you care about the opinions of people who don't even seen the obvious pain your in? People who are supposed to be your friends. People who turn their backs to you when you need them most. Do you really give a damn what they think of you?"
Lowering her eyes Willow shook her head. "No."
Brushing his fingertips across her cheeks Angelus wiped away her tears. "Really? Because I don't believe you."
Her defiance roared again and Willow lifted her head to meet his eyes. "I really don't give a damn, Angelus, whether you believe me or not because – "
"Because what," Angelus urged.
"You're the worst," she whispered. "Of everyone you're the worst. My whole life I've been pushed aside by my friends and my family and I've pretty much learned to deal with it but, but you," Willow paused fighting to keep her eyes on his. "I actually give a damn what you think of me and I hate it. I hate needing you to want me just so I can feel anything. I hate hurting because you're obsessed with her. But most of all I hate knowing what you are, what you've done, and still craving you."
"Angel? How did you get in here?"
Grinning, Angelus stepped towards Jenny Calendar who stood behind her desk. "I was invited," he answered. "The sign in the front of the school: 'Formatia trans sicere educatorum."
Jenny Calendar swallowed. "Enter all ye who seek knowledge."
"What can I say," Angelus moved closer. "I'm a knowledge seeker."
"Angel," Jenny spoke desperately, knowing her life in danger. "I've got some good news."
"I heard. You went shopping at the local boogedy-boogedy store," he said while lifting an object from Jenny Calendar's desk. "The Orb of Thesulah. If memory serves, this is supposed to summon a person's soul and store it until it can be transferred." Spinning it in his hand he sighed dramatically saying, "You know what I hate most about these things? They're so damn fragile." Jenny Calendar jumped as the orb shattered against the floor.
Running his hand over the computer monitor Angelus spoke again, "I never cease to be amazed how much the world has changed in just two and a half centuries. It's a miracle to me. You, you put the secrets to restoring my soul in here," shoving the monitor to the floor, watching it start to burn for a moment, Angelus pulled a sheet of paper from the printer. "The Ritual of Restoration. Wow, this brings back memory."
"Wait," Jenny Calendar starts, watching Angelus shred the piece of paper. "That's your – "
"Cure? Yeah, no thanks. Been there, done that and déjà vu just isn't what it used to be," he was grinning again watching Jenny Calendar back away towards the door. "Isn't this my lucky day? The computer and the pages. Looks like I got to kill two birds with one stone, and teacher makes three."
Jenny Calendar ran. Angelus pursued. Her attempt to escape was a vain one, but Jenny Calendar was persistent. Persistence, however, would not save her. "Sorry, Jenny," Angelus said after finally cornering her, "this is where you get off."
She fell lifeless to the ground, the echo of bone snapping still lingering in the air.
Giles found her body, in his own bed, placed there by Angelus. Jenny Calendar had been loved deeply by the Watcher and in seeing her broken body Giles' rage hit its peak and he decided to go on the hunt.
By the time the Scooby's arrived at Giles' apartment he was gone and not, as Willow noted, without help, "Look, all his weapons are gone."
"Where is he?" Cordelia asked, eyeing the empty weapons chest.
Buffy's face was stone. "He'll go where ever Angel is."
"That means the factory," Willow muttered, speaking to herself though the others heard her clear enough.
It was Cordelia that asked the question no one else would, "So, Giles is going to try and kill Angel?"
"About time somebody did," Xander hissed.
Willow was horrified. "Xander."
"I'm sorry, but let's not forget that I hated Angel long before you guys jumped on the bandwagon. So I think I deserve a little something for not saying 'I told you so' long before now. And if Giles wants to go after the fiend that murdered his girlfriend, I say, 'Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!'"
"You're right," Buffy whispered. "There's only one thing wrong with Giles' little revenge scenario."
"What?"
"It's going to get him killed."
Giles had struck a hard blow to Angelus, burning down the factory, but in the end it nearly cost him his life and Buffy was forced to face the truth: Angel was gone.
Lying in her room that night, terrified of falling asleep and still more so of staying awake, Willow thought of words Angelus had once spoke to her, words that explained how Willow could hate Angelus to her very core and still crave him; words that explained how Buffy could still hold so strongly to her hope that Angel would come back to her; words that explained it all:
"Passion, it lies in all of us. Sleeping. Waiting. And though unwanted, unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws and howl. It speaks to us, guides us. Passion rules us all and we obey. What other choice do we have? Passion is the source of our finest moments: the joy of love, the clarity of hatred and the ecstasy of grief. It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we would know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank. Without passion, we would be truly dead."
