Chapter Fourteen
Sunnydale: April, 1998
She found it.
The disk.
The translation.
The curse.
Starring at the screen Willow couldn't believe her eyes. On a yellow disk knocked behind Jenny Calendar's desk Willow had found the Rom Soul Restoration spell. Two weeks. The disk had sat tucked between the cabinet and the desk for two weeks – since the night Jenny Calendar was murdered by Angelus; since the night Giles tried to play the Lone Avenger and got himself nearly killed; since the night Buffy finally accepted that Angel was dead; since the night Willow realized no matter how much hatred she held for Angelus she could never refuse him.
They had been studying, Buffy and Willow, when the frustrated Slayer dropped her pencil and found the disk. Handing it to Willow Buffy shrugged and watched the hacker pop the disk into the drive.
"This feels kind of morbid," Buffy had observed while the disk loaded.
"I've gone through most of her files already," Willow responded.
"So, does that make this less morbid or you really morbid?"
Sighing, Willow answered, "I had to, to teach her class."
Buffy grinned. "Relax, Wills. I was making with the funny." Frowning, Buffy leaned closer to the screen, her mouth falling open. "Does, does that say 'Restoration'?"
Shaking her head Willow responded absentmindedly, "It's one of her spells. Ms. Calendar wasn't a witch but she did dabble…"
"Willow…"
Swallowing, Willow mumbled, "Oh, boy."
Giles.
Both girls thought the same thing once realizing what, exactly, the disk held: take it to Giles. Collecting their things and shutting down the computer Willow and Buffy hurried from Jenny Calendar's room and aimed for the library. Giles, along with Xander and Cordelia, were there and all three looked up as the two girls entered. Buffy was on the verge of beaming – that disk, that spell could bring Angel back to her. Willow was on the verge of tears – that disk, that spell would take Angelus from her; take the one person who really saw her, really gave a damn about her. But it would bring Angel back – Angel who deserved to live and earn his redemption; Angel who hardly even noticed Willow's existence.
Willow was torn.
Hesitantly, absentmindedly wiping his glasses with the hem of his shirt, Giles asked, "What are you saying?"
"The curse," Buffy breathed. "This is it."
More to himself Giles responded, "She said it couldn't be done."
"Well," Buffy responded, "she tried at least and it looks like it might have worked."
"So he killed her before he could tell anyone," Xander said. "What a prince, huh?"
Looking from one person to the next Cordelia asked, "This is good, right? I mean, now we can curse him again."
"Well, um, it does seem to point that way," Giles answered. "But this ritual requires a greater knowledge of the black arts than I can claim."
"I've been, um, researching the black arts, for fun," Willow spoke hesitantly. "Educational fun and I may be able to work this."
"Willow," Buffy shook her head. "I don't want you putting yourself in any danger."
"And I don't want danger," the redhead replied. "A big 'No' to danger, but I may be the best person to do this."
Xander scoffed. "Um, for all those who just tuned in, everyone here is a crazy person. So this spell might restore Angel's humanity? Well, here's an interesting angle, who cares?"
Buffy's face fell. "I care."
Looking at Buffy Xander's tone was harsh, "Is that right?"
"Now, lets not loose our perspective here, Xander," Giles spoke.
"I'm Perspective Guy. Angel's a killer."
"It's not that simple," Buffy retorted.
Rolling his eyes Xander asked, "So, what? All is forgiven? I can't believe you people."
"Curing Angel seems to have been Jenny's last wish," Giles attempted.
"Yeah? Well Jenny's dead."
With a quivering voice Buffy added, "What happened to Angel wasn't his fault."
"But what happened to Ms. Calendar is," Xander returned. "You can paint this any way you want but the way I see it is that you want to forget about Ms. Calendar's murder so you can get your boyfriend back."
Buffy went pale, her eyes watering, and fled the library. Willow scolded Xander, disbelieving he could be so cruel and followed the distraught Slayer. Xander huffed and, followed by Cordelia stormed out. Giles was left alone.
Willow felt cold inside. Confused and scared and lost. Her body pleaded, begging her to destroy the curse and keep Angelus beside her. Her flesh still burned from his touch, her lips still tasted of his kiss. Willow craved his embrace and his affection but hated herself for it. Willow's mind lectured, telling her that Angel deserved his soul and his chance of redemption. Angelus was a monster and Angel wasn't. What Willow wanted wasn't important; what Buffy wanted or Xander or Giles, none of it mattered. What mattered was that Angelus needed to be destroyed and that Willow could do it – could bring Angel back.
The problem: deep down she didn't want to.
Collapsing onto her bed Willow cried – for Jenny, for Giles, for Buffy, for Angel but mainly for herself. She cried out her hatred and disgust; screamed her heartache and confusion.
Lifting her head suddenly, the hair at her neck prickling, Willow frowned, speaking into the silence, "Why?" Hearing him step into her room she turned her head, meeting his eyes, "How could you?"
Not since before Jenny Calendar's death had he come to her. Two weeks she had been without his touch and it disgusted her how empty she felt without it. "They have it."
Soft. Angelus' voice was soft and his words whispered. Stunned by the lack of arrogance or cruelty in his tone Willow sat up and gasped. In his eyes Willow saw how lost he was; saw the openness of his heart. Rising to her feet she moved to him. Placing her hand on his cheek she kissed his lips softly and he wrapped the small redhead in his arms. Returning the embrace Willow placed a trailed of feather light kisses along Angelus' neck and jaw, pulling away far enough to look up into his eyes.
Something had frightened Angelus and knowing that frightened Willow.
"Have what?" Searching his eyes Willow waited but he made no response. Cupping his face between her hands she kissed him again. "Angelus," she whispered. "Angelus snap out of it." It was no Willow who was worried, watching the blank stare in his eyes. Swallowing, hesitant in what she knew she must do, Willow spoke his name a third time and when he didn't respond she slapped him – hard across the cheek.
Immediately his demon surfaced and his grip atop her arms was painful but in seeing the concern in her eyes Angelus took control and dropped his hands. "I'm sorry."
"What happened," Willow almost pleaded. "Angelus please, you're scaring me."
"I was in the library tonight," he spoke. "Up in the stacks. I was going to – "
"Harass Buffy about Jenny's death," Willow offered.
Nodding Angelus continued, "I heard Buffy and the Watcher talking. About my curse."
Willow's heart stilled. That's what had him to frightened: the threat of being re-souled. Placing her hand atop his lips Willow silenced his words. "You're safe here," she whispered and was surprised to realize that it was the truth.
Brushing her cheek Angelus murmured, "My Willow."
"Always," she answered pressing her lips to his.
