Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion. All characters and related material is property of Gainax.
**Note: Unspoken thoughts will be displayed with [ and ] for clarification. Also the story flows from Shinji's perspective to Asuka's perspective, so often the same scene will be shown from two different viewpoints.
Mitsumeru / Anstarren Gaze
Shinji Ikari watched her walk through the apartment door. She was back in his life again. So much had changed, and yet nothing had changed at all. Koaru was dead. ["By my own hands no less,"] he thought. She was as beautiful as ever. A foreign, untamable beauty forever elusive to his grasp; a rose made only of thorns. He realized that he had been staring at her since she had opened the door, he was not aware that she had been doing the same thing to him. Shinji met her gaze unknowingly; unfeelingly. There was nothing left within his ruined frame. Nothing left at all. Nothing but perhaps a hope; a hope for salvation. However Shinji Ikari did not look to God for this salvation. It was his nature instead to look for salvation in a person that he knew couldn't provide it. In a person that wouldn't provide it; a person who hated him.
Asuka spoke, her lips barely moving.
"Don't look at me."
Shinji's ears registered that sounds had been made, but he heard nothing. He watched through gentle eyed insanity as the muscles in her face moved her mouth. ["Those lips…"] they had been upon his own once. A kiss of pity. ["Or was it of boredom?"] She hadn't given him the satisfaction of letting him enjoy it. She had reduced him to nothing more than an object by holding his nose; suffocating him. Shinji Ikari hated this person. ["Then why can I never look away?"]
Asuka Langley Soryu slowly pushed the door to her apartment open. It was the first time she had done so in some time. The German girl wished for nothing more than to run into her room and lay down in bed; to hide herself from the eyes of others. It was odd, she thought, that after spending such a long time in a coma she wished to hide alone in her bed.
Her eyes darted upwards. There he was, just standing their, unashamedly staring at her.
"Don't look at me," she said.
["I bet I know what you are thinking about you sick fuck,"] she said quietly, or had she only thought it? It was a pointless thought, for she knew it was not true. He was not staring at her chest or the like, no, he was staring directly into her eyes. The second child found herself unaware that she was doing the same to him. ["Those eyes…It's like he is looking right through me. He knows, everyone knows, how weak I am. I cannot even pilot eva anymore. I am worthless, worthless and alone."]
Asuka was suddenly pulled from her thoughts, though as to why she was not sure. She began to walk, and soon she was through the door and in the apartment. Soon she was standing before Shinji Ikari. There gaze remained unbroken.
She was before him now, her face mere inches from his own. Shinji felt nothing; his expression remained unchanged. Her eyes were showing him things; telling him things that he could not understand. He probed their blue depths, but they revealed nothing; nothing but the allusion to things hidden still deeper. He felt her arms sweep over his shoulders, and soon felt sensation. [What is this?] Shinji Ikari could barely even remember anymore. Lips. Again they were upon his own. ["There was a time when this meant something to me, a time when I desired this."] He could recall his fantasies, yet he still remained unmoving.
The sensation continued. He could feel her within him now; her tongue had parted his lips, and he could feel the warmth of her breath. She was pressing herself upon him, squeezing him tightly. The kiss was not soft, it was almost violent; angry, full of pain and rage. It was almost as if this person was searching for something.
Asuka Langley Soryu put her arms around Shinji Ikari and began to kiss him. She found herself squeezing him; rubbing herself up to him. She let her tongue wander still farther. ["I know you want me Shinji. I know what you desire."] She moved her hands up to the back of his head and pulled his mouth still more forcefully upon her own. She was in control, she was strong, he was weak. ["He needs me…Oh my god, Shinji, please need me, desire me, give me a reason to be better than you, I hate being weak."] Asuka Langley Soryu for all her effort could not find these things within him. She had been right, those eyes; he had seen right through her. Slowly, unconfidently, she released his mouth from her own. She opened her eyes again, and looked upon at him. He hadn't even moved. ["I'm sorry, Shinji, I'm sorry for what I am,"] she thought.
"I hate you Shinji Ikari," she said.
["Please Shinji, please love me again. I have nothing left,"] she said without words.
Shinji Ikari tracked her eyes as she pulled away from him, slowly observing her as she opened them again. ["I have nothing left, Asuka. There is nothing more for you to take, nothing more for you to find. Can you save me? Can you love me? Is there some measure of redemption left for you to propose in this world?"]
"I hate you Shinji Ikari," Asuka said.
["Please Asuka, please save me, only you can. I have no other hope left,"] he said without words.
