Sol and Luna
Part 2: Renewal
First of all, I'd like to thank Echo Kazal for taking the time to review my 1st chapter and telling me what I should I improve on. Just so you know the cliché that you mentioned is not the type of story I am making, but it seems that way doesn't it? Anyway, time to make a longer story.
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Outside of Imil in the Mercury Lighthouse, a young man with blue hair suddenly appeared out of nowhere and clutched his bleeding arm. It had been a week since he was able to use psyenergy and when he had finally used it he caused rocks to fall on his arm. He had been able to prevent infection; but he would die from blood loss if not treated.
The man, Alex, was walking down the path to Imil and saw children playing. He had not seen that for some time as he had never had time to stop and just enjoy life in all the towns he visited. This was a welcome change, if not for the fact that the children ran away in fear of him. I should have guessed this, Alex wondered. I only tried to rule Weyard with the power from the Stone of Sages.
As Alex approached the Sanctum, he had finally seen Mia once again. Frightened, she ran back to fetch her trusty Tungsten Mace. Before he had a chance to speak, he was hit in the head and knocked out.
"What are you doing here?" she demanded. "You are a traitor to your people and to the whole world of Weyard." "I have just been freed from the rigorous trap of Sol Sanctum, please Mia, heal my arm." Alex had sounded so innocent now that Mia had no other choice. It took a Pure Ply to cure and re-create all the blood that came from Alex's arm.
"Thank you Mia. I forgot what hospitality was like stuck in Sol Sanctum." Alex said, gratefully. "All I could look forward to was water and ice." "Think nothing of it Alex" Mia said. "But what troubles me is what caused that light Isaac was telling me about when he visited Mt. Aleph."
"A light? I didn't make a light. I could not harness my powers to even make a tiny fire." Alex and Mia continued to talk as the Golden Sun rose once again. As Alex felt warmth for the first time in months, he foresaw a new future for him.
In Sol Sanctum, a gate opened and a man with black hair and black eyes stepped out. As the gate disappeared, the man unsheathed his blade and began to chop away at rock, attempting make a gate out. Who this man is, no one in Weyard knows.
End of Part 2 ------------------------------------------------------- Ok, I took your advice and made it longer. I also fixed the Isaac name confusion. R&R and comment please...
Echo: Or I will come and get you while you sleep.
First of all, I'd like to thank Echo Kazal for taking the time to review my 1st chapter and telling me what I should I improve on. Just so you know the cliché that you mentioned is not the type of story I am making, but it seems that way doesn't it? Anyway, time to make a longer story.
--------------------------------------
Outside of Imil in the Mercury Lighthouse, a young man with blue hair suddenly appeared out of nowhere and clutched his bleeding arm. It had been a week since he was able to use psyenergy and when he had finally used it he caused rocks to fall on his arm. He had been able to prevent infection; but he would die from blood loss if not treated.
The man, Alex, was walking down the path to Imil and saw children playing. He had not seen that for some time as he had never had time to stop and just enjoy life in all the towns he visited. This was a welcome change, if not for the fact that the children ran away in fear of him. I should have guessed this, Alex wondered. I only tried to rule Weyard with the power from the Stone of Sages.
As Alex approached the Sanctum, he had finally seen Mia once again. Frightened, she ran back to fetch her trusty Tungsten Mace. Before he had a chance to speak, he was hit in the head and knocked out.
"What are you doing here?" she demanded. "You are a traitor to your people and to the whole world of Weyard." "I have just been freed from the rigorous trap of Sol Sanctum, please Mia, heal my arm." Alex had sounded so innocent now that Mia had no other choice. It took a Pure Ply to cure and re-create all the blood that came from Alex's arm.
"Thank you Mia. I forgot what hospitality was like stuck in Sol Sanctum." Alex said, gratefully. "All I could look forward to was water and ice." "Think nothing of it Alex" Mia said. "But what troubles me is what caused that light Isaac was telling me about when he visited Mt. Aleph."
"A light? I didn't make a light. I could not harness my powers to even make a tiny fire." Alex and Mia continued to talk as the Golden Sun rose once again. As Alex felt warmth for the first time in months, he foresaw a new future for him.
In Sol Sanctum, a gate opened and a man with black hair and black eyes stepped out. As the gate disappeared, the man unsheathed his blade and began to chop away at rock, attempting make a gate out. Who this man is, no one in Weyard knows.
End of Part 2 ------------------------------------------------------- Ok, I took your advice and made it longer. I also fixed the Isaac name confusion. R&R and comment please...
Echo: Or I will come and get you while you sleep.
