Chapter 4: "Agent Sumisu"

Houston's arrangement with the Funny Bunny was already set by Kocha Ruge,

this time he was going to be a main act, and that was worth a lot more than

the last time. He had tried to think of a comedy routine by visiting the

place with Samus and Ezzie the last few days, but couldn't think of anything.

(Plus, the shows they had were REALLY awful.) The best he could think of

was a re-enactment of a Blake Wales comedy duet featuring the Mario Brothers.

And even that was horrible when he saw two Medras doing it.

'Crap...crap...so very much mega-crap. Why is there nothing good here?'

One of the patrons who was a regular sat next to Houston.

"Hey, aren't you that guy that sang about Hardy about a week ago? That outfit

was a killer. No one wore that in over a month. Say...I'll bet you're here

to do research." Houston sat upright suddenly.

"THAT'S IT!!!" He blurts out, causing everyone to look at him. "I just got

my idea for tomorrow's main show, folks, sorry about the scare."

"What's your idea?" Houston looks at the patron and raises his eyebrows.

"Can you say...'Uncle'?"

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It was pretty weird to Samus, Houston's idea being that he wanted to act as

"Uncle" from that Jackie Chan cartoon that Ezzie liked to watch. He wanted

Samus to join in, wearing that fruit lady dress and hat, but she obstinately

refused. His outfit for the act was simple enough, but looked somehow too...

tight. He WAS quite a lot bigger than Uncle, but he didn't care.

"So, you don't want to do anything to help, huh?" Samus grins.

"I'll criticize for you." Houston facefalls. That wasn't what he had meant.

He knew that his plan would more than likely Power Bomb, but it was the best

shot he had, and a good lot more original than everything else. The money

for their deal was riding on his success. "Seriously, why do a comedy

routine? Why not perform somewhere else? You could probably ace the karaoke.

I know your Ozzy Ozbourne singing is killer. Or why not we do a mission-in-

mission?" Houston sighs.

"You're an apprentice hunter, you can't legally accept double commissions.

I...uh...well..." Samus shakes her head and walks to the internet terminal.

"You're an apprentice still, too? What rating level?" Houston looks down

at the floor.

"No, I'm not an apprentice, but my rating is still shameful." Samus looks at

Houston while turning in the chair to face him.

"What is it?"

"...Rating level 2." Samus pauses a moment. She laughs to herself inside of

her head. 2?! He should have had higher if he was in the Guild for so long.

"Oh...right. You didn't get very many commissions. It's not laughable. Not

laughable at all."

"Liar. I know 70 people who have laughed about it. They were all targets on

a hit list that I was given one mission. What's amazing is that I wasn't even

able to attack a single one of them. I felt like some all-powerful force was

watching 'em." Samus shrugs.

"So you turned down that mission, eh? Why did you take it in the first

place?" Houston sighs.

"They're called the 'Matrix Dragon Gang'. A secret gamers ring. They have

skills...and if they don't win, they cheat, they hack, they do anything.

But no matter what, they win. And they can all fight, too. Especially the

gang boss. No one knows who he is, but I have my suspicions." Samus lists

a search on the Matrix Dragons. Houston walks over to the door. "Well, I'm

going."

"Good luck, 'Uncle'. May The Chi Be With You."

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"And now...Armstrong Houston!" Houston walks over to the introducer.

*whap* "Ow!"

"My name is Unclllllle!" *gong!* The people watching chuckle. "Now, who

wants change of hairdo?" Several in the audience raise their hands. "Okay!

I will add together beef ramen flavoring with melted Velveeta Chi...er...

cheeze!" He mixes the two together in a small brass cauldron with a tiny

flame underneath. "Hong Kong Hong Dong Who Hai How...Hong Kong Hong Dong Who

Hai How...Hong Kong Hong Dong Who Hai How..." A small explosion occurs and

the smoke wafts out into the audience. They all look around to see that

nobody's hair was different...except for Hardy's. Instead of having deep

navy blue hair that was around the back of his head and behind his ears,

he had a huge white afro, with a Dr. Eggman mustache of matching color.

"Say hello to Dr. Afro!" *gong!* Everyone begins to laugh, even Hardy.

He had never been the butt of a joke like this before. Plus, he had hair

on top of his head, something he was missing for 12 years.

"I look like I'm something from the 1970's! Can you fix that?!" The laughing

grows louder at Hardy's comment.

Offstage, just behind the curtain, one of the Marduk Cult nods upward.

Another of the agents aims a plasma pistol down at Houston. Hardy spots the

man above Houston and bowls over the table that he sits at.

"HOUSTON! DEATH FROM ABOVE!!!" The agent fires at Houston, who deftly side-

steps the shot and takes out his cable circlet.

"CABLE GUY CHANGE!! *transformation* Alright, you Agent wannabes, your

program's been changed to a new time slot! I am...Cable Guy! And on behalf

of cable TV, you're punished!" At the back of the audience, hidden by a

cloaking enchantment, a humanoid being watches.

Houston takes down the Agent behind the curtains first with his patented

Houston Punches, and then looks up at the sniper that failed to hit him.

"Now to knock you out of your perch, you bald eagle! CNN! NEWS TICKER!"

Three lines with the latest news reports appear and tangle the Agent up

on the rafters. Unable to keep his balance, he falls and Houston kicks him

into the knocked over table that Hardy was still standing at. Hardy quickly

gets out a pair of handcuffs, as does a security officer backstage for the

one behind the curtains.

"Nice job, Houston! We got us a couple of bufoons to interrogate! And the

crowd thinks that your Cable Guy thing is funny!" Houston rubs the back of

his head, and then poses triumphantly.

"Yeah, well...it pays to know every TV show!"

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"Boss, you see the news?! There was Marduk Agents there! What if Sumisu

saw ya?" A squat, fat guy wearing normal clothes colored black looks up at

the humanoid figure from earlier. His aqua-green skin was scaled at all

parts of his body except his face, which looked human enough...if it weren't

for the bizarre color. He wore black, too, but the finest reptilian leather,

pants adorned with deep zippered pockets and a small plain jacket of the same

color. His chest clearly showed, a golden yellow chest and abdomen, as

though he was some kind of cross-bred lizard-man and human. At his left hip,

hanging on a metal hook, was a silver tube with a small dish at one end and a

small button near the bottom. His hair was the same color as his

pants, and his eyes were a puzzling olive green. He almost always either

looked embarassed or uninterested about something. He looked uninterested

now, though.

"Like you need to worry about me? You forget three major things: One, I

cannot be found unless I want to be found. Two, I can deal with anyone from

Marduk Cult, even that scowling bastige Sumisu. Three...you seriously, uber-

seriously...underestimate dragons. Especially me." The fat guy nods.

"Ye-yes. The grace of Anu is with you, Boss, but...shouldn't you take less

risk?" The humanoid dragon shakes his head.

"No. There will be nothing more risky than my next move, Plamer." The fat

guy looks up at his leader.

"Wh-what move is that? Can the Author Dragon tell me?" He nods and turns

on an internet terminal. The softwares that were used for server defense

did nothing to the hacker, but did trace the chip signal back to the user of

the terminal. She was a small blonde girl barely in her teens.

"To recruit...Samus Aran." Plamer gasped.

"M-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-Master Katri! Please don't chase after her!" Katri flips

a lock of his hair away from his eyes. He smiles at Plamer

"I've already decided. Besides, Ridley survived her. What should mean that

I can't?"

"...Alright, s-sir. But you'd better hurry, Gemini is attacking her now."

"WHAT?!" Katri disappears in a phase-out.

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Houston parked his new antique car (which he bought with some of his 25000

Credits earlier), a black T-bird, just outside the door to the stairway of

the apartment complex that he lived at. He didn't notice the broken

balconies until then, but didn't care. He slowly climbed the stairs, tired

and unaware of what was going on, when Samus approached him with another

person, who had to be the weirdest looking humanoid he'd seen.

"Uh, Samus, where are you going?" Samus grabs his sleeve and tries to pull

him.

"We got no time! You might want to look into following me until things cool

off around your place." Houston just goes 'wha' as Katri drags him and Samus

away from the apartments to Houston's black T-Bird car. A click and whine

noise behind them said only one thing. Schneider.

"Hello, Samus. Thanks for luring out the Author Dragon for me."

-----------------------------------

(Yes, I know that Katri Mattrix is my author handle, but Katri is more than

my author name. He is just as real to me as any other person, and he is

indeed a dragon. I have liked to put him inside of at least one of my

stories, but I haven't been able to put him in as a serious character. This

is probably the first time that I can do it, and it won't be the last. I

might just have an original fiction work with him in it...someday. I will

not change a bit of his appearance or character, either. I like the way that

he is already.

BTW, Plamer is not a typo of Palmer, but a little letter twist.)