Ch. 7: Luigi Gets Simple

Luigi: Hey! Bug things!

Mario: It's like I've seen those things before...

Luigi: Deja vu!

Mario: Look! It's Bowser!

Luigi: Deja vu!

Mario: And lo! He's stuck in that thingy!

Luigi: Deja vu!

Mario: Will you stop that?!

Luigi: Sorry...

Bowser: ...

Luigi: Hey Bowser! Are you stuck?

Bowser: No. I'm wearing a girdle.

Luigi: Oh!

Mario: Luigi... You ever heard of "sarcasm"?

Luigi: (puzzled) No...

Tolstar pops in.

Luigi: Pop!

Tolstar: Nyeck nyeck!

Curly: Nyuk nyuk nyuk!

Moe: Shut up Coily.

Larry: *slaps Curly*

Curly: OUCH! Soitenly!

Mario: ... Who are you, anyway?

Tolstar: I am Tolstar, The Great and Famed King of Stardust Fields!

Bowser: Boy, you really got a nice place.

Luigi: Yeah!

Mario: *sighs*

Tolstar: Thanks...?

Luigi: You're welcome!

Mario: er...Luigi?

Luigi: Yah?

Mario: ......nevermind.

Luigi: ...

Tolstar: ENOUGH! If you want to pass, you must give me all of your coins!!!

Luigi: OK! *gives him 99 coins*

Mario: Luigi, you blockhead.

Tolstar: 99 coins, eh? That'll get you NOWHERE!

Luigi: It'll get you a long-distance phone call!

Announcer Guy: Beanbean Kingom Long Distance. 99 coins for the first 20 minutes!

Luigi: So dial 1-800-YO-MOMMA! That's 1-800-YO-MOMMA!

All: X_x

Luigi: So will you let us through?

Tolstar: NO!

Some teenagers from the nearby Ozzy Osborne concert begin rioting and grab Tolstar. He is thrown on the stage and Ozzy bites his head off.

Kyle: Oh my god! You killed Ken-er, Tolstar!

Stan: You bas-

Mario: STAN! This fic is rated PG!

Stan: Oh, sorry. You bass clarinets!

Luigi: Good nuff.

Mario: Well that ends Tolstar!

Luigi: We'll be back in a second to do stuff!

Bowser: Hey! Aren't you guys gonna help me get out of this cannon?

Luigi: No! You take off that girdle yourself, you pervert!

Bowser: ...

Mario and Luigi go onward.

Luigi: Oo! Pretty lethal looking star trap door thing! I wanta step on it!

Game show host guy: Welcome to... Russian Roulette!

***Author's Note: Russian Roulette is a game show where everyone stands on trap doors, and they are asked questions. If someone gets one wrong, some of the trap doors light up red. They "spin", and if your door is red, you are dumped!***

Mario: Uh oh. Of all game shows...

GSHG: Green guy! Do you know the rules of the game?

Luigi: Yes! I love this game! (thinking) Isn't this the one where you spin the wheel? Wait no... it's the one with the Bingo cards. -Or is it Love Connection? *shivers*

GSHG: Great! All you have to do is answer this question!

Luigi: (thinking) Oh! He must be Regis!

GSHG: What is the 2nd longest river in the world?

Luigi: Hm... That's a hard one!

Mario: LUIGI! YOU-

J*B: *looks at Mario threateningly*

Mario: er, BASS CLARINET! You told everyone this yourself!

Luigi: Wait! Wait! Can I use a lifeline?

GSHG: Sonny, this is Russian Roulette. There are no lifelines.

Luigi: OK, Regis... I'll say Fort Sumpter!

Luigi is dumped.