iAdvance Wars 2.5 VIII, Part 5/i

Um...I don't even know why you readers are still here. We just did the last episode.

Lord Seth: Well, we heard some complaints about the bad guys winning.

Oh great. So we're going to drag it on even LONGER and have everyone get fed up?

Lord Seth: Uh...yeah. Besides, Black Hole can't hold onto its territories forever, can it?

1 Year Later...

Lord Seth: Oh, shut up.

I didn't say anything.

Lord Seth: You said the "1 Year Later..." thing!

Oh...yeah...

Lord Seth: Um...let's see...in Blue Moon...no resistance. Yellow Comet...no resistance. Green Earth...no resistance. Oh, there's some in Orange Star! Wow!

-Orange Star-

Andy: Okay, is everyone clear on the plan?

Hachi: How will it give me money?

Andy: There's more to this world than money, you know.

Hachi: There is? Hmmm...never thought of it like that before.

Andy: Anyway, so we all sneak into the Black Hole base, flush all of the toilets simultaneously, causing the pipes to explode, and-

Nell: Wasn't this from Bloom County?

Andy: Yes, that's where I got the idea. Anyway, after the pipes explode, the place will be flooded, and we'll all be able to rise up and throw off Black Hole.

Sami: That has got to be the dumbest plan I've ever heard!

Andy: Oh...yeah...right...well, it's better than sitting here, on our butts, doing nothing, right?

Max: Not at all! I'm a proud sitonmybuttdoingnothinger!

Andy: *sigh* Just follow the plan.

One 100 flushings (not to mention an overused joke) later...

Flak: Oh great. Our base is destroyed.

Soldier: What do we do now?

Flak: Let's just head back to Black Hole.

Meanwhile...

Andy: Yes! We did it! Black Hole is retreating!

Sami: Andy, they're just leaving for their lunch break.

One lunch break and one overused joke later...

Andy: They're back from their lunch break.

Max: Oh well. I'm sure we'll beat them.

The Orange Star army defeats the Black Hole army and throws them out of Orange Star.

Andy: I wonder how Blue Moon, Yellow Comet, and Green Earth are doing.

Some time later...

Sturm: Well, Orange Star has thrown us out. But I don't think anyone else will throw us out.

Adder: I'm not sure...once one country starts beating us, it seems everyone will throw us out.

Sure enough, a bunch of throwing outs later...

Sturm: This is bad. All the countries have thrown us out and will probably come attacking us.

Sure enough...

Sturm: We're doomed.

Lash: Maybe not.

Flak (sarcastically): Oh, there are tanks outside from every other army, bombers above us, and rockets and artillery pointing at us. I'm sure we're not doomed.

The bombs all bomb, the rockets and artillery, not to mention the tanks, all fire, and all the Black Hole COs are killed.

Eagle: YES!

bIs this the end of Black Hole? If so, what will come of this new world? Find out next time, on Advance Wars 2.5 VIII!/b

iAdvance Wars 2.5 VIII, Part 6/i

Well, we're over halfway through this season. And about time, too! Anyway, Black Hole took over the other countries, but they overthrew Black Hole and conquered Black Hole.

Sturm: Wait! I still have my trump card!

Jess: Didn't it just say we killed you?

Sturm: Can't believe everything you read. Anyway, I just have to press this button, and a giant missile will hit us all and kill us! Heck, I'll do it right now!

Time passes.

Sturm: Um...when will that missile hit us?

The missile hits Black Hole and everyone dies!!!

Lord Seth: Um...wouldn't this have been a better ENDING for this episode?

Good point. Let's end it right now.

Lord Seth: How many sharks have we jumped?

Too many.

Lord Seth: *sigh*

bWith everyone dead, how will this story continue? Guess you'll find out next time, on Advance Wars 2.5!/b

Lord Seth: Oh, why are we even bothering with this? Everyone already KNOWS that somehow all the characters will come back to life...

iAdvance Wars 2.5 VIII, Part 7/i

Previously, Sturm launched a giant missile at Black Hole, killing everyone. Let's check there...um, there's nothing. Well, there's go to be a CO alive SOMEWHERE, or else we'll have to end this story right here.

Readers: YAAAAAAYYYY!

Lord Seth: Oh, shut up.

Readers: We hate you.

Lord Seth: Oh man, now my READERS turn on me too? I've got to get on with this already.

-Blue Moon-

Colin: I'm the only surviving CO! All right!

Soldier: So, what are your plans, sir?

Colin: Since I'm the head CO, I'm going to make a new law saying that I can never get anything lower than a 90% on a test.

One new law-

Lord Seth: Cut! Hold it! We're not going on with THIS gag again!

Colin: I'm making a another new law. It says that everyone who's died in this story so far will come back to life, barring those who died of old age-

Meanwhile in the afterlife...

Old Person: Oh, yeah, of course. Forget about us, huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Er...what was I talking about?

Meanwhile on Wars World...

Olaf: Well, thanks for bringing us back, Colin.

Colin: Your welcome.

Grit: Shouldn't that be "you're welcome"? I mean, after all, you are saying "You are welcome", and "you're" is the shorter form of "you are". "Your" is a completely different word. Of course, you may be saying that it's his welcome, in which case "Your welcome" could make sense. Still-

Olaf: SHUT UP! Anyway, Colin, I thank you for bringing us back. But you didn't go to Black Hole like you were supposed to, so you're sentenced to cleaning toilets for a year!

Colin: What?

Olaf: Good point. I did that already. You're sentenced to cleaning floors for a year!

Colin: I hate my life.

-Black Hole-

Sturm: Grrr...we're running out of time. We don't have much time left before the story ends, and we need to be sure we're in control of Wars World by then!

Hawke: We tried that before and ended up getting ourselves killed.

Sturm: So what?

Hawke: (bide your time, Hawke...bide your time)

Sturm: Anyway, Hawke, your latest mission is to run naked in front of all the new recruits.

Hawke: WHY?!

Sturm: I have my reasons.

Hawke: (I'm going to kill you...)

Sturm: Did you say something?

Hawke: Nope! Nothing!

-Green Earth-

Eagle: So what's our next zany antic?

Drake: Ending the episode right here?

Lord Seth: Oh no you don't. I'm not repeating THAT joke again.

bWill Lord Seth repeat that joke again?/b

Lord Seth: No! And don't you DARE end it here!

bWill I dare end it here?/b

Lord Seth: I need to get a new narrator.

bWill Lord Seth get a new narrator?/b

Lord Seth: Okay! Okay! You win! We'll end this episode here.

bI've already used up all my questions, so I'll make this quick and tell you to tune into the next episode of Advance Wars 2.5 VIII!/b

iAdvance Wars 2.5 VIII, Part 8/i

Previously, another lame episode occurred.

-Black Hole-

Hawke: Black Hole will never be victorious as long as Sturm is its leader! I'm going to dispose of him and take my rightful place as leader of Black Hole!

Sturm: Thanks for reminding me! Be sure to take out the garbage disposal.

Hawke: Grrrr...

Hawke launches some poison darts at Sturm while Sturm's back is turned, but since Sturm is metallic, it does nothing.

Hawke: Drats.

Lord Seth: This is going to turn out to be something like Stewie on Family Guy, isn't it?

Hawke and Sturm: Probably.

Lord Seth: Great. Just great.

-Yellow Comet-

Kanbei: It is time to strengthen the army.

Sonja: Strengthen? They're even stronger than Sturm's units!

Kanbei: But they cost more! We should be getting more from the amount we spend.

Sonja: They cost 20% more and are 30% stronger. That's a good deal.

Kanbei: No, a good deal would be if they were 10% stronger.

Sonja: What did you get in math class?

Kanbei: Kanbei refuses to say!

Sonja: You failed it, didn't you?

Kanbei: Preposterous! Kanbei never fails anything!

Sonja: I'm going to have you teach you math.

Kanbei: Kanbei is too brilliant to require math instruction! I'm throwing you in the dungeon just for suggesting that!

Sonja: Oh no, you're not... *stops as she remembers what happened last time*

A pause.

Kanbei: Not what?

Sonja: Nothing!

Kanbei: I'm not doing nothing? Well, that's a double negative, so that must mean I am doing something! Anyway, THROW HER IN THE DUNGEON!!!

Sonja: Not AGAIN...I just hope the rabid monkey isn't in there again.

Sure enough...

Sonja: Phew! No rabid monkey this time!

Sonja notices a rat foaming at the mouth.

Sonja: Oh great.

The rat starts attacking Sonja.

Meanwhile...

Hachi: I've decided that money isn't everything, so I'm going to donate all my money to all the needy people in the world.

Employee: Do you really mean that, sir?

Hachi: Of course not! What do you think I am?

Employee (under his breath): A greedy, power-hungry wannabe-monopolist who should be in prison.

Hachi: What?

Employee: Nothing!

-Blue Moon-

Olaf: Now that I'm leader again, I expect everyone to respect me again.

Grit: Olaf, no one ever respected you before.

Olaf (sadly): That's true.

Colin: I finished cleaning all the floors. Can I go to sleep now?

Olaf: Nope. According to these cool cameras I just had made, Rooms 1-10 are still dirty.

Colin: But I cleaned those already!

Olaf: They're dirty again.

Colin: I hate my life.

Olaf: Don't worry, once they're clean you can go to sleep.

Hours later...

Colin: I finished with the rooms. Now what?

Olaf: Rooms 11-20 are dirty again. You'll have to clean them again!

Hours later...

Colin: Done. Finally.

Olaf: Sorry, but the rest of the rooms are dirty now.

Colin: ARGH!

Hours later...

Colin: All right. NOW can I go to sleep? Please?

Olaf: No. The other rooms are dirty again.

Colin: HOW do they keep getting dirty?

Olaf: After you're done cleaning the rooms, we use them for mess halls!

Colin faints.

Olaf: Was it something I said?

Meanwhile!

Lord Seth: Shouldn't that be "meanwhile..."?

Meanwhile! requires fewer characters, and we're running low on funds. We had to cut corners.

Lord Seth: Oh. How else are you planning to cut-

iAdvance Wars 2.5 VIII, Part 9/i

Previously, a bunch of stuff happened, none of which I'll bother to describe.

-Black Hole-

Sturm: We're running out of time! No time for the elaborate foolproof plan I've concocted. Instead, let's just ALL-OUT ATTACK!

Hawke: We tried that two times already! It doesn't work!

Sturm: Third time's the charm!

Hawke: Earlier on you said a million and fifty-sixth time's the charm.

Sturm: Yeah, that's a charm, too!

Hawke: You do know I'm going to kill you, right?

Sturm: What? Did you say something?

Hawke: Er...

Sturm: So let's PULVERIZE THE #$#! out of them!

The Black Hole army (man, they regenerate FAST) goes and tries to conquer Black Hole...er, I mean Wars World, and is crushed.

Sturm: Drat. I have a new plan.

Hawke: *sigh* What?

Sturm: We'll send Lash, Adder, Flak, and you to infiltrate the armies of the other countries. That way we'll know their secrets and can feed them false information, allowing us to conquer them!

Hawke: ...

Adder: ...

Flak: ...

Lash: ^_^ Girl Power!!!!!

Sturm: Don't worry. You'll all be in disguise.

Later in Blue Moon...

Colin: Er...why do I have the strangest feeling I've met you before?

Lash (in a VERY bad disguise): Deja vu?

Colin: Good enough a reason for me! You're in!

Meanwhile!

Worker: Ratings are going down! And down! And down! And down! My only hope to save this story is to end it right now!

Lord Seth: What? When I've just started a new part of the plot?

Worker: Afraid so.

Lord Seth: Well, you know what they say...but I don't.

Worker: So what are we going to do?

Lord Seth: *sigh* Guess I have no other choice. Get me the thingamathingy!

Some people wheel in a...thingamathingy.

Lord Seth: Only one thing to do! Go back to before this story first started and rewrite history so none of this whacky stuff happens!

Lord Seth presses one of the buttons on the thingamathingy.

About 6 years earlier... (give or take an eon)

Nell: Blue Moon has invaded Orange Star?!

Soldier: It appears that way.

Nell: Only one thing to do: Drive them out. But first we need one of those adviser people to help us...

Soldier: Don't worry. I know JUST the person!

The End (for real this time, I promise)

...

Coming soon from Lord Seth: Advance Wars 2.75 AND Advance Wars 1.5!

Lord Seth: Wait a minute, I never promised to do that! I never signed anything! Listen to me here! If you keep on advertising for this kind of thing, I'll quit! I mean it! And fade out already! I'm tired of-