Chapter 5

Dylan had never been too fond of Christmas. Maybe it was because those "holy" days at her orphanage were the most dreadful ones, which always caused her to get into serious trouble. Also it was almost funny to remember her floor-keeper telling her what a naughty little brat she was and that she'll never be good for anything. Not to mention that living with 23 other girls from five to twelve in a dormitory was like living in the first circle of hell when your name was Helen Zaas.

Also she began to have the impression that it was because her mother was killed three days before the 25th. Now she was here attending this huge Christmas-party. The only ones she knew, were Nat and Alex plus her boyfriends and the Bosleys. Also she was familiar with a few from Jason's friends thanks to her VCR. She felt really dreadful. There was no one here whom she had invited or brought along.

True she could have found someone, but she was not in the mood for surfacial flirts in the last time. Her fellow angels were quite worried and she knew. It was not like she was not looking or stopped rambling with them about guys. She just stopped those pitiful dates with guys like Chad. She did not really missed waking up at some strange place. She only felt more unsettled - lonelier. Dylan was just not cut out to find the right guy.

At least that was what her friends were thinking and somehow they developed the idea to start looking for her. Of course it had not worked so far, but Dylan was not surprised finding this guy who played Jason's arch enemy in the movies flirting with her like it was to be forbidden the next day. The red head sat in one corner watched the surroundings and listening to the music and Michael Longshanks alias Salazar.

Dylan was so greatful as he headed toward the bathroom. Alex was naturally occupied since Jason had convinced her to use her place for the party. Natalie was looking nervously and talked almost since there arrival to old friends of Pete. Max was somewhere on the sofa behind her kissing Emilie Strandford, the famous figure skater, he had been so fond of since October. Once Jason learned about it, he used the fact that, she was a huge fan of his to visit her while she was training nearby.

He took Max along and things worked out pretty good. It was not that she minded that everyone was engaged in very happy fulfilling relation ships, it was the fact that she had the feeling that she was doomed to spend her life alone. Every guy she had dated turned out to be a psycho or total nerd. It was so frustrating. Especially with the extremely gorgeous Michael talking about his little daughter and his treacherous ex-wife.

The lonely angel leaned against the slim metal construction and tried to find out what was so wrong this year. The last Christmas-parties at the agency were fun, a party like any to her, but still enjoyable. The last cases went on pretty well, a few minor problems, but nothing serious. Alex, Natalie and she had lots of fun during and in-between. She even had beaten Alex in fencing. Maybe it was ordinary depression. She had read that it happens to singles around Christmas and such days where the family comes together.

She took her second glass of champagne from a passing waiter and focused on the music. She nipped and recognised the song. She had not heard it consciously for a while.

"I thought you'd be out of my mind - And I'd finally found a way to Learn to live without you - I thought it was just a matter of time - Till I had a hundred reasons - Not to think about you - But it's just not so - And after all this time - I still can't let go…"

Dylan liked it, remembered that she had heard it last time as they went to "Gone in 60 seconds". For a moment she was actually relaxing. That had been right after they solved that case with the car collector. They all have been single then. In fact it was short after this, when Alex meet during their next investigation Jason.

"…I've still got your face - Painted on my heart - Scrawled upon my soul - Etched upon my memory baby - I've got your kiss - Still burning on my lips - the touch of your fingertips This love so deep inside of me - I was trying everything that I can - To get my heart to forget you - But it just can't seem to - I guess it's just no use In every part of me - Is still a part of you…"

Listening to the ongoing song Dylan suddenly felt her stomach turn to ice. The lyrics hit a nerve. It just was not empty words to her, she could rely to them in a painful way. She still saw his face in front of her eyes, she even had dreamt about him sometimes. Her hand touched her cheek were he had hold her giving that kiss she will never forget. She traded all the tongues kisses in the world for just one more of his.

"…I've still got your face - Painted on my heart - Painted on my heart - Painted on my heart - Something in your eyes keeps haunting me - I'm trying to escape you - And I know there ain't no way to - To chase you from my mind…"

She wished that the song would stop, but she did not want give her self away. She stood there listened to the words. Dylan had tried to get over it, but it was simply not possible, so she had learned to shut it out. Which seemed right now impossible. She was as lost to her memories as the I in the song. It frightened her a bit, since she did not even had a long relationship with him.

It were just these few minutes on the roof, but she was still haunted by them. Not always and never as bad as in this moment, but there was something in his eyes that made her longing for an answer, that she would never get.

"…I've still got your face - Painted on my heart - Scrawled upon my soul - Etched upon my memory baby - I've got your kiss - Still burning on my lips - The touch of your fingertips - This love so deep inside of me - I've still got your face - I've still got your face - Painted on my heart - Painted on my heart - Painted on my heart…"

Barely realising that the song had ended she emptied the glass. Before she was able to flee, Michael returned and offered her to get a second drink. That sounded good and the did not knew she already had another. They went to the bar and got another round. Dylan felt the urge to turn around and ran, as he asked her whether the smoke was bothering her. Instead she excused herself to the bathroom, after she had finished her third champagne glass.

Dylan grabbed another on her way and emptied it with one move. Alex bathroom did not look that tidy anymore, but she paid no attention to that. All she did was looking at herself in the mirror. Not to check on her make-up or lipstick. She was looking at the sad expression in her face. An expression that made her feel like someone else was staring at her. Her eyes shimmered more than usual and angel felt that she became upset with herself.

"What are you doing to yourself?", she said loud. It was a shame that he had to die, but he had been a killer. Dylan knew that, told herself that it would have never worked out. There were no wonders in the world. No miraculous transformation. Real life was a series of injustice. It was her job to do something about it, doing it the right way without causing more harm. That was hard enough.

Every time she had woken up dreaming about Seamus killing her mysterious rescuer, she felt tempted to drive to the hospital and correct the injustice of her ex-lover surviving. Killing a helpless person, no matter how rotten and evil, was not acceptable. The angel shook her head and as she heard someone knock at the door she returned to Alex's living room.

Swiping another drink from a passing waitress. This time it was something with more kick, but she discovered that it made the situation more bearable. She found it harder to concentrate and Jason's opposite was at least drawing her attention in a different direction. Nothing cheered her up, but at least she started to analyse why talking to him made her depressive all evening.

Probably the fact that Michael was really a great guy. He was just not her kind of guy. Not because he was still upset about discovering that his wife had been cheating on him during the final month of filming ME:2 - he was too perfect. There was nothing crazy about him, he was just nice and solid. The fact that he played a tremendously crazy, seducing arch-villain did not help at all. It made her wonder what on earth had made Knox so attractive?

Was she truly drawn to men that carried darkness in their hearts? In that case she would not have had a little Chad. But then she had not really felt anything for him. He was amusing, sort of cute and she had needed that somehow - a diversion from her disastrous romantic life. Sometimes she really felt out of control. Repeating the same mistakes over and over again.

But she had Nat and Alex. That was something she could hold onto. Dylan was almost starting to get drunk enough to make it through the party as Natalie and Pete posed themselves in the centre of the room and called for the attention of everyone. After the room went silent and Madonna was stopped in the middle of "Die another day". Natalie began smiling: "Well." Then she giggled and Pete came to her aid. He lay his arm around her shoulders and said with a proud voice. "We're going to have a baby!"

The blond angel was smiling so brightly as if she was trying to overcome the sun. Judging from Pete's expression she was probably successful from his point of view. Everyone else was cheering and in midst of all the noise and congratulations, no one saw the lost expression Dylan face. A baby - that meant that Natalie would not be able to continue her work. Also expected in a way Dylan had hoped that it would happen and especially so soon.

Discovering that they were just getting a pet instead of married, had been a relief. Things seemed to change fast. Natalie explained happier then ever: "It was not really planned, but now we doing it right. We decided to marry in February."

More clapping was heard and the red head noticed suddenly the voice of her Asian friend beside her: "So she fits in a normal dress." Alex sounded also not very happy about it, but as ever, she was good accepting facts.

"Had you any idea what was going on?", Dylan asked her.

"No - I suspected that they were sooner or later getting into that, but not now", Alex said curling her hair.

Both waved as Natalie turned her attention on them. Natalie's smile made it easier for Dylan to fake one of her own. This was getting worse by the minute. Like her life was slowly stripped from her. She tried to sound not as lost as she felt: "I'm just hoping I don't need to wear pink at her wedding."

"Yep", Alex said and sighed. Dylan joined in. "Hey, that's so great, the two of them will make a lovely couple", Michael stated. "I just wonder, why you and Jason don't hit it."

"Me? Married?", Alex replied. "Strange ideas, besides would be bad for the quote."

Luckily Michael was not familiar with the Asian angel's dry humour. So he looked buffed and remained silent. "Heh, folks how's it going?", Jason interrupted slightly drunk wrapping his arm around his girl friend. He glared grinning like an idiot at Michael and Dylan.

The angel was the only one realising that Alex almost threw him to the ground. She became good at stopping herself. "I need another drink."

"Yep, me too!", Jason added.

"Oh no, Jason, you had already too much", Alex decided and to the other she said. "Excuse us." Then she went away with him. The red head hoped she was not to hard on him. Sometimes they had so nasty quarrels. Dylan looked at Michael and he was happy to oblige. After all she was so shocked by Nat's revelation, that she seemed quite sober for the moment. Her head was swaying a little, but besides her breath, no one would have suspected that she had already so many glasses of champagne and a hard drink.

It was really painful to think of Nat as bride and mother. To Dylan it seemed like she was standing far away from her friend. Like losing the only thing that still meant something to her. So she had another hard drink, not Champagne, Whiskey on the rocks. Dylan was not the type to get wasted, at least since she had become Dylan Sanders. The last time she had drunk so much was on Cobbler's Spot in Seamus car, but she did not remembered that.

Dylan woke up in an awfully white room. Bright sunlight hit her eyes. "Ouch", she stated and turned. No she was not in a hospital, but her surroundings were alien to her. She was lying in an oversized double-bed. She was completely naked, except for the Thin Man's medallion around her neck.

'Dylan, what did you do now?', she asked herself. She looked around. The angel had awoken from pretty strange one-night stands, but at least she remembered where she was and with whom. Worst of all she did not saw her cloth anywhere. So she grabbed the sheet and dressed it around her. Wondering who probably had such an eccentric bedroom. Looking outside the windows she saw a garden, which made clear that it was not Michael's place. He told her that he lived in a flat on the thirty-fourth floor .

The angel listened at the door and sneaked into the large living room behind it. She almost touched the handle of the next door as it opened and Jason stepped half naked out of the bathroom. "Oh, hi, Dylan", he said and turned red.

'This got to be a nightmare!', Dylan shook her head slowly unable to say or do anything. Alex was going to kill her.