All characters are property of J.K.Rowlings, this writing is for my own
enjoyment.
Chapter 8: Holding on
"When the day is long and the night is yours alone,
When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on
Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes." ~ R.E.M.
*****
He hadn't meant to come out into the garden at night, but when his hand skimmed over a box of cigarettes in the silver drawer, all his thoughts when to Sirius. Wiping his hands on a dish towel and turning off the stove of boiling pots and the oven, smelling of sweetmeats, Remus took up the red and brown packet along with a small box of muggle matches and when out into the fresh spring night.
Finding the stone bench where he and Sirius had recently spent many nights talking about the future and about the past, Remus sat and instinctively packed the box against his palm; a habit which had been his friend's. Then opening the paper lid, the sweet -sour smell of clove and tobacco filled his nostrils; nostalgia clouded his thoughts.
Lupin's garden had always been a place where they could sit and smoke for hours. Sometimes discussing their days at Hogwart's and sometimes just sitting in silence, enjoying the company of a friend. Remus had never been a smoker. In fact, he thought it a rather dirty muggle habit, but at the end of the day, it was the one thing they could do together in peace, silently trying to mend the torn seams of two ripped lives.
As Remus cracked a match into a yellow flame and lit the fag tucked between his lips, he remembered saying to Sirius once, "Sometimes old friends need no words."
He wasn't sure how long he had sat beneath the star-dazzled sky, a deep ache growing in his chest, and that is when he noticed her; a lone feminine silhouette against the yellow light of an open door.
Tonks and Remus looked at one another a full moment, before he turned away. He could hear her feet on the gravel path, feel her warmth as she sat down besides him.
Laying her hand on the box, "Can I have one?"
Remus felt tension in his chest, this had been a time for brothers, and now she was here amidst his sorrow. And yet, as he looked upon her, exhaling the fags noxious fumes from his lips, he relaxed. Oddly, her presence calmed him.
"Of course," Remus answered, studying her porcelain complexion and dark, thickly lashed eyes. 'She is so beautiful.'
Tonks took out a cigarette, and Remus, with perfect timing leaned over and cracked a muggle match. "Let me," he offered, lighting the rolled tobacco as Nymphadora's puckered red lips sucked on the filter; dark eyes watching him intently.
In silence, they sat outside for a long time watching the moon move across the night sky. When suddenly, Tonks felt Remus hand upon hers, grasping her fingers tightly, his eyes, still turned towards the dog star.
'Everyone slips away from me,' Remus thought to himself, as he laced his hand with hers, 'But not you, I can't let you slip away. I won't let you be like the others.' His grip tightened, but it was too soon to tell her these things, to confess all the secret longings of his heart. For now, he would just have to try and hold on.
Finally, his fag dwindled out, and he tossed the remains in a holly bush, turning to the woman at his side. It was the first time tonight that he realized she was wearing a simple black dress and that her wasn't an outlandish color; just plain brown.
Reaching towards her face, he stroked a dark lock, tucking it behind her ear. "You're hair, it's different."
Tonks smiled slightly, "It's my natural color." She paused and lowered her eyes with passive humility, "I thought you should see what you're really getting."
Remus strained at her words, "What I'm really getting?"
"Well, I am a metamorphangis. Oh and this," Tonks remembered and then, waving a hand across her face, a scattering of freckles promptly fell across her nose and cheeks. "So, you see, behind all the morphing, silly noses and pink hair. I'm just plain Tonks."
Remus smiled broadly, fingering her smooth skin, his voice intense, "You have never been plain Tonks to me." Then taking out a handkerchief, he wiped the red rouge from her lips, his voice deep, "I wish you could see what I see; beautiful, strong passionate Nymphadora."
Placing his hand firmly on her jaw, he lowered his face to hers and kissed her. Perhaps Thaleia's words moved him to take action or perhaps he was tired of being pleasant and polite. Whatever the reason, he found it entirely too difficult to hold back his true emotions when Nymphadora was in his arms. Thus, what had begun as a sweet meeting of lips, quickly turned into a needful touch between two mirroring souls.
His lips swiftly moved from her mouth to her throat, skimming the thin skin of her collar bone, he could hear her moan with pleasure. Breathing hastened, and hands explored each new curve with desirous curiosity.
As Remus dipped his head and kissed her full breasts, Tonks trembled. "Remus," her voice ragged, hands entangled in his light brown hair, "we're going to shame the flowers."
Her flushed cheeks, swollen lips, dear gods, he hadn't meant to take advantage. "I'm sorry," he pulled away, old fears welling up within him. "I'm doing this wrong aren't I?" His pale eyes troubled, voice low, "I'm moving too fast?"
Tonks broke into a wide smile, "Oh no! I mean, I'm a little surprised coming from you, but I quite liked how you were moving."
"Just tell me what to do. I don't want to lose you."
"I'm not going anywhere," her voice firm, grip tightening on his hand.
Gazing upon her intently, he asked, "What do you want from me?"
"Happiness. All I really want is to make you happy." Then relaxing her grip, she turned to face his him, dark eyes open to him. "If you want to make love tonight, then I will make love with you."
Remus swore he could feel his heart flutter.
"And if you just want to kiss, then my lips are yours alone." She brushed a hand against his stubbed jaw, "I have the strangest emotions when I am with you. You see- when you're happy, I'm happy and when you're sad, I'm sad. I've never felt so selfless as when I'm with you. I think it might be," she paused, "love."
His head felt light when she said the last word.
Tonks looked away, quietly laughing, "So I'm going to ask you again, what do you want?"
His breathing hastened, then sighing, he released all the longings of his heart to her. "I want you. I want you in my arms, in my house, and in my bed. But even more importantly, I want you in my heart and me in yours. I don't want to share you. I want you to be mine alone." He smiled for the first time this night, stroking her dark tendrils, "Pink or purple, long, short, spotted or pale, I want you. I want your love."
Tonks hugged him, "Oh Remus, you have that already! I've been falling in love with you for months, you just didn't notice."
Passionately returning her embrace, he replied, "And I'm a stupid git for it; a naïve, self pitying fool. Can you forgive me for not loving you back long before now?"
"There is nothing to forgive, because love can't be rushed. We love each other now, and I'm not willing to look back."
He smiled again, as he scooped Tonks into his arms, "Neither am I."
Then carrying her into the warmth of the kitchen, her arms wrapped tightly around him, Remus asked, "Are you hungry?"
"Not a bit," a playful, saucy smile curled her lips.
He then proceeded into the entryway. "Hmmm...Where should I deposit such a sweet package? Sofa or bedroom?"
She held his eyes a full minute before answering softly, but firmly, "Bedroom."
***** What will happen now? :) Please read and review~ Lyra
Chapter 8: Holding on
"When the day is long and the night is yours alone,
When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on
Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes." ~ R.E.M.
*****
He hadn't meant to come out into the garden at night, but when his hand skimmed over a box of cigarettes in the silver drawer, all his thoughts when to Sirius. Wiping his hands on a dish towel and turning off the stove of boiling pots and the oven, smelling of sweetmeats, Remus took up the red and brown packet along with a small box of muggle matches and when out into the fresh spring night.
Finding the stone bench where he and Sirius had recently spent many nights talking about the future and about the past, Remus sat and instinctively packed the box against his palm; a habit which had been his friend's. Then opening the paper lid, the sweet -sour smell of clove and tobacco filled his nostrils; nostalgia clouded his thoughts.
Lupin's garden had always been a place where they could sit and smoke for hours. Sometimes discussing their days at Hogwart's and sometimes just sitting in silence, enjoying the company of a friend. Remus had never been a smoker. In fact, he thought it a rather dirty muggle habit, but at the end of the day, it was the one thing they could do together in peace, silently trying to mend the torn seams of two ripped lives.
As Remus cracked a match into a yellow flame and lit the fag tucked between his lips, he remembered saying to Sirius once, "Sometimes old friends need no words."
He wasn't sure how long he had sat beneath the star-dazzled sky, a deep ache growing in his chest, and that is when he noticed her; a lone feminine silhouette against the yellow light of an open door.
Tonks and Remus looked at one another a full moment, before he turned away. He could hear her feet on the gravel path, feel her warmth as she sat down besides him.
Laying her hand on the box, "Can I have one?"
Remus felt tension in his chest, this had been a time for brothers, and now she was here amidst his sorrow. And yet, as he looked upon her, exhaling the fags noxious fumes from his lips, he relaxed. Oddly, her presence calmed him.
"Of course," Remus answered, studying her porcelain complexion and dark, thickly lashed eyes. 'She is so beautiful.'
Tonks took out a cigarette, and Remus, with perfect timing leaned over and cracked a muggle match. "Let me," he offered, lighting the rolled tobacco as Nymphadora's puckered red lips sucked on the filter; dark eyes watching him intently.
In silence, they sat outside for a long time watching the moon move across the night sky. When suddenly, Tonks felt Remus hand upon hers, grasping her fingers tightly, his eyes, still turned towards the dog star.
'Everyone slips away from me,' Remus thought to himself, as he laced his hand with hers, 'But not you, I can't let you slip away. I won't let you be like the others.' His grip tightened, but it was too soon to tell her these things, to confess all the secret longings of his heart. For now, he would just have to try and hold on.
Finally, his fag dwindled out, and he tossed the remains in a holly bush, turning to the woman at his side. It was the first time tonight that he realized she was wearing a simple black dress and that her wasn't an outlandish color; just plain brown.
Reaching towards her face, he stroked a dark lock, tucking it behind her ear. "You're hair, it's different."
Tonks smiled slightly, "It's my natural color." She paused and lowered her eyes with passive humility, "I thought you should see what you're really getting."
Remus strained at her words, "What I'm really getting?"
"Well, I am a metamorphangis. Oh and this," Tonks remembered and then, waving a hand across her face, a scattering of freckles promptly fell across her nose and cheeks. "So, you see, behind all the morphing, silly noses and pink hair. I'm just plain Tonks."
Remus smiled broadly, fingering her smooth skin, his voice intense, "You have never been plain Tonks to me." Then taking out a handkerchief, he wiped the red rouge from her lips, his voice deep, "I wish you could see what I see; beautiful, strong passionate Nymphadora."
Placing his hand firmly on her jaw, he lowered his face to hers and kissed her. Perhaps Thaleia's words moved him to take action or perhaps he was tired of being pleasant and polite. Whatever the reason, he found it entirely too difficult to hold back his true emotions when Nymphadora was in his arms. Thus, what had begun as a sweet meeting of lips, quickly turned into a needful touch between two mirroring souls.
His lips swiftly moved from her mouth to her throat, skimming the thin skin of her collar bone, he could hear her moan with pleasure. Breathing hastened, and hands explored each new curve with desirous curiosity.
As Remus dipped his head and kissed her full breasts, Tonks trembled. "Remus," her voice ragged, hands entangled in his light brown hair, "we're going to shame the flowers."
Her flushed cheeks, swollen lips, dear gods, he hadn't meant to take advantage. "I'm sorry," he pulled away, old fears welling up within him. "I'm doing this wrong aren't I?" His pale eyes troubled, voice low, "I'm moving too fast?"
Tonks broke into a wide smile, "Oh no! I mean, I'm a little surprised coming from you, but I quite liked how you were moving."
"Just tell me what to do. I don't want to lose you."
"I'm not going anywhere," her voice firm, grip tightening on his hand.
Gazing upon her intently, he asked, "What do you want from me?"
"Happiness. All I really want is to make you happy." Then relaxing her grip, she turned to face his him, dark eyes open to him. "If you want to make love tonight, then I will make love with you."
Remus swore he could feel his heart flutter.
"And if you just want to kiss, then my lips are yours alone." She brushed a hand against his stubbed jaw, "I have the strangest emotions when I am with you. You see- when you're happy, I'm happy and when you're sad, I'm sad. I've never felt so selfless as when I'm with you. I think it might be," she paused, "love."
His head felt light when she said the last word.
Tonks looked away, quietly laughing, "So I'm going to ask you again, what do you want?"
His breathing hastened, then sighing, he released all the longings of his heart to her. "I want you. I want you in my arms, in my house, and in my bed. But even more importantly, I want you in my heart and me in yours. I don't want to share you. I want you to be mine alone." He smiled for the first time this night, stroking her dark tendrils, "Pink or purple, long, short, spotted or pale, I want you. I want your love."
Tonks hugged him, "Oh Remus, you have that already! I've been falling in love with you for months, you just didn't notice."
Passionately returning her embrace, he replied, "And I'm a stupid git for it; a naïve, self pitying fool. Can you forgive me for not loving you back long before now?"
"There is nothing to forgive, because love can't be rushed. We love each other now, and I'm not willing to look back."
He smiled again, as he scooped Tonks into his arms, "Neither am I."
Then carrying her into the warmth of the kitchen, her arms wrapped tightly around him, Remus asked, "Are you hungry?"
"Not a bit," a playful, saucy smile curled her lips.
He then proceeded into the entryway. "Hmmm...Where should I deposit such a sweet package? Sofa or bedroom?"
She held his eyes a full minute before answering softly, but firmly, "Bedroom."
***** What will happen now? :) Please read and review~ Lyra
