Chapter 2: The Most Horrible Demon
D/C: I don't own Inu-Yasha. Which is sad, because it would make me a mint. *sighs*
Sesshomaru glared at Inu-Yasha. Why the hell am I here? he wondered. Since when do I ask that wizened old hag for advice?
"Surprised, Sesshomaru?" Kaede, the aforementioned hag, sat down across from him. "Do you not know why you're here?"
"Of course I know why," Sesshomaru scoffed. "It's to kidnap Kagome and—" Did I just say that?
Inu-Yasha growled. "You bastard!"
"Inu-Yasha, it's not his fault." Kaede nodded. "He can't help acting out-of-character. It's a plague, Sesshomaru, one that will soon destroy us all." She waited for the lighting to dim so that she could have a sufficiently dramatic pose. "It is…(dramatic pause)…Naraku."
"Huh?" Inu-Yasha blinked. "Naraku is making Sesshomaru go crazy?"
"No, not Naraku. One of his most terrifying detachments…(dramatic pause)…Serenity Moonbeam the Unicorn Princess!"
Stunned silence filled the room.
"Se..Serenity? Serenity Moonbeam?" Inu-Yasha blinked. "What the hell kind of a name is SERENITY MOONBEAM? It's not even Japanese! And what the hell is a unicorn doing in feudal Japan?"
"Inu-Yasha, you're trying to think of this logically. While I applaud your effort to be intelligent, such things cannot work when dealing with these demons. Not even Naraku can control them. Already, their influence is destroying him." Once again, Kaede assumed a dramatic pose. "The Mary-Sues are wreaking havoc on the most precious item in the land, one which controls even uber-villains like Naraku."
Did she just say uber-villain? Dear gods, what is this? Wait—did I just say dear gods? Am I religious? I didn't think I was religious…oh, no!
"They're corrupting the Shikon no Tama?" Inu-Yasha exclaimed. "We have to stop them! Come on, Kagome!" Kagome, who had suddenly appeared in order to help the story along, blinked.
"It's not the Shikon no Tama, you idiots!" Kaede gave Inu-Yasha a death glare. "It's the goddess Canonica. The Sues have imprisoned and brainwashed her, along with her servants: Point of View, Dramatic Convention, Grammar, and Style. Each one of them is required to keep some modicum of sanity in this world, and the Sues will destroy them all."
Everyone stared randomly at Kaede, who was making no sense at all. Finally, Inu-Yasha grabbed Kagome and left, muttering about idiotic old hags. Sesshomaru stood up to leave.
"Sesshomaru, wait." Kaede handed him a small package. "I must confess that I'm pinning all my hopes on you. You're the strongest, bravest—" She shook her head. "You're slightly more intelligent than Inu-Yasha, and you won't mind killing them all."
Sesshomaru, trying to remain in character, ignored her. Idiotic old hag. No, wait, that's what Inu-Yasha said. She's a human, a stupid human. That's what I call people. Weak, pathetic, humans. Mortals. That's my insult, not idiotic or old. I am not at all like my brother. Wait a minute, why am I thinking like this? This isn't how I think!
"I must get back into my mindset," he murmured. He concentrated, then began repeating the Special Mantra of Sesshomaru.
"I am a cold-hearted, sadistic murderer. I hate humans. I am not anyone's long-lost brother. I do not have a harem of hanyou and human women who have melted my heart. I kill people when they talk back to me. Rin does not need a mother, and I am not to be called Fluffy." He nodded, pleased with himself. Well done, indeed.
He felt so pleased with himself the rest of the day that he only stomped on Jaken twice.
