Guilt Stricken
It had been five days. Five days of complete torture since Kagome had disappeared, leaving no trace or clue to where she had gone.
Fingering the rosary beads that lay in his hand, Inuyasha fought the despair that loomed over the horizon, and he lifted the necklace to his nose, sniffing it in attempt to catch a whiff of her scent.
He missed her so much... her laugh, her concern, her smile... he missed everything about her.
'Who would want her? Why?'
The question had sat in his mind like a stone at the bottom of a lake... slowly settling until it was imprinted there where nothing could remove it.
Looking to his other hand, he saw the partially completed Shikon Jewel, his eyes misting when he realized for the thousandth time today that she was gone.
'She doesn't even have any jewel shards... it doesn't make sense...'
Ears flattening back against his head, he fought the tears that clouded his vision, and with deft hands he quickly tied the thread of the jewel shards around his neck, taking the rosary beads in both hands.
They felt so smooth... like Kagome's skin almost.
Shaking his head, he returned his attention back to the problem at hand, knowing he wasn't going to get anywhere by thinking about her.
Studying the rosary beads in his hands intently, his thoughts wandered back to the day when everything had turned upside down... his thoughts, his feelings, his life.
'Why did you run? What could you have been thinking?' He asked Kagome, knowing she wouldn't be able to answer, and his throat tightened, a lump rising in it, making it difficult to swallow.
"Kagome..." He whispered brokenly, his golden eyes deepening in color as everything blurred, her face coming to mind, but it wasn't the normal happy and smiling face... instead it was tear filled eyes, her lower lip trembling, hair wet and rain drops running down her face, mixed with tears that held a salty scent.
Remembering her soft hand as it brushed his cheek, her warm breath washing over his lips, he wished more than anything that everything was normal.
'Oh Kagome...'
Rubbing the rosary beads between his fingers, he continued contemplating, 'Who would want his jewel shard detector? His Kagome?'
Blinking to rid himself of the moistness in his eyes, he stared over the tree tops at the sun, his eyes narrowing against its brightness, but even it seemed to remind him of Kagome.
Growling, Inuyasha shifted on the tree branch he sat on, switching his attention back to his original thoughts, trying to figure out any clue he might have missed that would help him find Kagome.
"Inuyasha!" The voice startled him from his thoughts, nearly causing him to fall from the tree, but he steadied himself, glancing down and seeing Sango standing below him with a worried expression.
A spark of hope filled him when he saw her, the first one since Kagome had disappeared, and he shouted down at her, his eyes wide, ears perked forward, "What? Did you find Kagome? Did you find where she..."
"No, we haven't found a thing. We need to head back to Keade's village though." She cut him off, her face pale, eyes bloodshot, and she had the suspicious scent of tears floating about her.
Guilt filled him when he realized how the others must be taking this, but it was pushed aside by anger, reflexively covering the pain that tore him asunder.
"What? What about Kagome? We have to find her..."
"Inuyasha! We've searched the whole forest here more times than I can count and we haven't found a trace!"
"She'll come back, I know it!"
"No! We haven't had edible food for five days and you have injuries that need to be attended!"
Another bout of guilt tore through Inuyasha as he thought, 'Kagome was the one who supplied us with everything... now that she's gone, we don't have anything... all because of me...'
"Inuyasha!" Sango shouted again, realizing she had lost his concentration, but still he didn't respond to her.
Studying him with a critical eyes, she realized he wasn't even aware of anything going on around him, and she fought the urge to cuss him out, her nerves nearly stretched to the limit from Kagome's missing, though she wasn't the worst of the lot.
Of course Miroku was handling it well, he simply crawled deeper into his shell of solitude, but Shippo wasn't the same... he had stopped eating, stopped talking, stopped... living.
Misery washed over Sango as she thought about the dealings of the group, tears once again filling her eyes, and she fought them down, refusing to cry anymore... what good did it do?
'Oh Kagome... wherever you are, return to us...' She thought, staring up at the hanyou above her, realizing what he must be going through, and pity quickly replaced the anger she had been feeling towards him, 'He's probably the worst off out of all of us... think of all the guilt he must be feeling...poor Inuyasha...'
Noticing that his ears were drooping and his eyes becoming misty, she her pity aside, resorting to a slim hope to get him to come as she shouted, "Inuyasha, if anything, there is a better chance that Kagome will be at Kaede's village rather than wandering around here in the forest! So, whether or not you care, we're leaving."
Watching her leave, Inuyasha understood she was just as upset as him that Kagome was gone, but she didn't have guilt tearing her apart, like a shadow, always there to remind him.
Holding the rosary beads with sweaty hands, he stared at the necklace, and reaching a hand up he held onto the partially completed Shikon Jewel, his thoughts once again churning.
'These are the only two things I have of Kagome...'
Shaking his head, Inuyasha tried to clear his head from thoughts of Kagome, but failed sadly, her face still lingering, 'Kaede's village. I have to get there and see if Kagome is there.'
Jumping off his tree branch, the rosary beads still clutched safely in his hand, Inuyasha stopped in his tracks as the scent of dirt and bones reached his sensitive nose, quickly followed by Kikyo, carried by her demons.
Landing on the ground without a sound, Kikyo studied Inuyasha, and he stared at her, wondering if she was a illusion, but one look at her dead eyes and he knew it was her.
"Kikyo..." He whispered, his mind going totally blank like it always did whenever she appeared, and she came closer, her gaze lidded as she whispered, "Inuyasha."
"What are you doing here?" He whispered hoarsely, his hold on the rosary beads tightening until his knuckles turned white, and she didn't reply, instead studying him in silence.
Golden eyes flashing, he sniffed the air, picking up another scent that was mixed with hers, and he opened his mouth to comment, but suddenly a searing pain on his cheek made him cry out in pain, falling to the ground.
Touching his burning cheek with his free hand, Inuyasha's eyes widened as a vision filled his mind.
A sharp hiss sounded... a hand moving back, one of the fingers burning all the way to the knuckle, leaving a charred stub..... a growl of anger... and the soft rustle of movement... then the sickening sound of flesh meeting flesh... over... and over... and over... each and everyone of them followed by a cry of pain... slowly subsiding into sobs... all of those sounds of agony... misery... pain... all of them... coming from the one he once held so close... but was now beyond his reach...
"Kagome!" Inuyasha cried, blinking as the vision vanished, only the sounds of her sobs echoing in his head, and still he clutched the rosary beads in his hand as he slowly stood up, his gaze on Kikyo, gasping for breath from the pain that had ripped through him.
Kikyo's own eyes had widened when he had shouted her reincarnation's name, an anger seething inside her, but it doubled when she saw the rosary beads clutched tightly in his hand.
'How could I let such a mishap occur?' She asked herself, quickly thinking of a way to get the necklace, and she returned her features to her normal expressionless features, whispering, "I have come to assist you..."
"Assist me?" Inuyasha whispered, slowly breaking from the daze he was in, and Kikyo nodded the slightest, replying, "I heard you lost your jewel shard detector."
"How did you find out?" He shouted, coming closer to her, the heaviness in his chest doubling, and a nagging suspicion popping up, but she silenced his thoughts, replying, "I have been watching you for a while now."
He studied her, not sure if he should believe her or not, but she once again interrupted his thoughts by whispering, "I can search for this girl, but I require something in order to do so."
"Require something? What do you require?"
"I need an object that has a trace of her power..."
"Trace of her power?" Inuyasha glanced down to the rosary beads in his hands, not wanting to part with one of the two things that he had of Kagome, yet desperate to have her safe and sound in his arms again since it was his fault she was gone.
Gripping the rosary beads tighter until he was afraid they would break, he attempted to think through the numbness that filled him, the pain in his cheek, and finally... the guilt.
It didn't work... he didn't have the energy to fight all of it...
Holding out the hand that held the rosary beads, Inuyasha opened it, allowing Kikyo to take the necklace, and as soon as she took them, he felt something snap... an unimaginable emptiness filled him, squeezing the air out from his lungs.
Watching as Kikyo's demons surrounded her, lifting her into the sky, he felt like some part of him was leaving with her... but that was silly... all she was taking were the stupid rosary beads... hadn't he always wanted to be rid of them?
It became difficult to swallow again, his breath freezing in his chest, and he realized Kikyo was studying him, her dead eyes gleaming with something he didn't recognize.
"Inuyasha... you aren't sad about me taking these beads are you?" She asked him softly, her eyebrow arching gracefully, but she was replaced by an image of Kagome in his mind, her laughing brown eyes, warm smile, and soothing voice...
"Kagome..." The dog demon whispered, his ears drooping with grief, and Kikyo snorted, her features turning cold as she sneered, floating off.
Staring off after her fading form, Inuyasha wondered how he could have ever thought Kagome was Kikyo... they were like night and day, cold and hot... life and death.
A stinging in his cheek brought him back to reality, the memory of what he had just saw quickly springing up, and his features tightened as he reviewed the memory, thinking, 'There's only one thing that makes a sound that I had heard...'
The soft thump of flesh meeting flesh filled his ears, followed by Kagome's cries of pain, and he shook his head, telling himself he could have been imagining it all... lifting a hand to his cheek, he added, 'I hope I imagined it...'
Instinctively tightening his hand, he growled when he realized there was nothing there, and a panic filled his chest when he remembered he had given the rosary beads to Kikyo.
Reaching up and grabbing the jewel shards that hung around his throat, he beat the panic into submission, taking deep breaths, and a deep misery settled over him as he thought, 'Now all I have to remember her is the jewel shards...'
He took one step forward, intent upon getting back to Kaede's village, and he placed another foot in front of the first... his body felt like lead, his cheek hurt, and all he wanted to do was run...
Run from the guilt...
********* ********** ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
To those who reviewed: Thanks!
Letz move on to the next chappie, eh?
Hugz N Kissez, Ali
It had been five days. Five days of complete torture since Kagome had disappeared, leaving no trace or clue to where she had gone.
Fingering the rosary beads that lay in his hand, Inuyasha fought the despair that loomed over the horizon, and he lifted the necklace to his nose, sniffing it in attempt to catch a whiff of her scent.
He missed her so much... her laugh, her concern, her smile... he missed everything about her.
'Who would want her? Why?'
The question had sat in his mind like a stone at the bottom of a lake... slowly settling until it was imprinted there where nothing could remove it.
Looking to his other hand, he saw the partially completed Shikon Jewel, his eyes misting when he realized for the thousandth time today that she was gone.
'She doesn't even have any jewel shards... it doesn't make sense...'
Ears flattening back against his head, he fought the tears that clouded his vision, and with deft hands he quickly tied the thread of the jewel shards around his neck, taking the rosary beads in both hands.
They felt so smooth... like Kagome's skin almost.
Shaking his head, he returned his attention back to the problem at hand, knowing he wasn't going to get anywhere by thinking about her.
Studying the rosary beads in his hands intently, his thoughts wandered back to the day when everything had turned upside down... his thoughts, his feelings, his life.
'Why did you run? What could you have been thinking?' He asked Kagome, knowing she wouldn't be able to answer, and his throat tightened, a lump rising in it, making it difficult to swallow.
"Kagome..." He whispered brokenly, his golden eyes deepening in color as everything blurred, her face coming to mind, but it wasn't the normal happy and smiling face... instead it was tear filled eyes, her lower lip trembling, hair wet and rain drops running down her face, mixed with tears that held a salty scent.
Remembering her soft hand as it brushed his cheek, her warm breath washing over his lips, he wished more than anything that everything was normal.
'Oh Kagome...'
Rubbing the rosary beads between his fingers, he continued contemplating, 'Who would want his jewel shard detector? His Kagome?'
Blinking to rid himself of the moistness in his eyes, he stared over the tree tops at the sun, his eyes narrowing against its brightness, but even it seemed to remind him of Kagome.
Growling, Inuyasha shifted on the tree branch he sat on, switching his attention back to his original thoughts, trying to figure out any clue he might have missed that would help him find Kagome.
"Inuyasha!" The voice startled him from his thoughts, nearly causing him to fall from the tree, but he steadied himself, glancing down and seeing Sango standing below him with a worried expression.
A spark of hope filled him when he saw her, the first one since Kagome had disappeared, and he shouted down at her, his eyes wide, ears perked forward, "What? Did you find Kagome? Did you find where she..."
"No, we haven't found a thing. We need to head back to Keade's village though." She cut him off, her face pale, eyes bloodshot, and she had the suspicious scent of tears floating about her.
Guilt filled him when he realized how the others must be taking this, but it was pushed aside by anger, reflexively covering the pain that tore him asunder.
"What? What about Kagome? We have to find her..."
"Inuyasha! We've searched the whole forest here more times than I can count and we haven't found a trace!"
"She'll come back, I know it!"
"No! We haven't had edible food for five days and you have injuries that need to be attended!"
Another bout of guilt tore through Inuyasha as he thought, 'Kagome was the one who supplied us with everything... now that she's gone, we don't have anything... all because of me...'
"Inuyasha!" Sango shouted again, realizing she had lost his concentration, but still he didn't respond to her.
Studying him with a critical eyes, she realized he wasn't even aware of anything going on around him, and she fought the urge to cuss him out, her nerves nearly stretched to the limit from Kagome's missing, though she wasn't the worst of the lot.
Of course Miroku was handling it well, he simply crawled deeper into his shell of solitude, but Shippo wasn't the same... he had stopped eating, stopped talking, stopped... living.
Misery washed over Sango as she thought about the dealings of the group, tears once again filling her eyes, and she fought them down, refusing to cry anymore... what good did it do?
'Oh Kagome... wherever you are, return to us...' She thought, staring up at the hanyou above her, realizing what he must be going through, and pity quickly replaced the anger she had been feeling towards him, 'He's probably the worst off out of all of us... think of all the guilt he must be feeling...poor Inuyasha...'
Noticing that his ears were drooping and his eyes becoming misty, she her pity aside, resorting to a slim hope to get him to come as she shouted, "Inuyasha, if anything, there is a better chance that Kagome will be at Kaede's village rather than wandering around here in the forest! So, whether or not you care, we're leaving."
Watching her leave, Inuyasha understood she was just as upset as him that Kagome was gone, but she didn't have guilt tearing her apart, like a shadow, always there to remind him.
Holding the rosary beads with sweaty hands, he stared at the necklace, and reaching a hand up he held onto the partially completed Shikon Jewel, his thoughts once again churning.
'These are the only two things I have of Kagome...'
Shaking his head, Inuyasha tried to clear his head from thoughts of Kagome, but failed sadly, her face still lingering, 'Kaede's village. I have to get there and see if Kagome is there.'
Jumping off his tree branch, the rosary beads still clutched safely in his hand, Inuyasha stopped in his tracks as the scent of dirt and bones reached his sensitive nose, quickly followed by Kikyo, carried by her demons.
Landing on the ground without a sound, Kikyo studied Inuyasha, and he stared at her, wondering if she was a illusion, but one look at her dead eyes and he knew it was her.
"Kikyo..." He whispered, his mind going totally blank like it always did whenever she appeared, and she came closer, her gaze lidded as she whispered, "Inuyasha."
"What are you doing here?" He whispered hoarsely, his hold on the rosary beads tightening until his knuckles turned white, and she didn't reply, instead studying him in silence.
Golden eyes flashing, he sniffed the air, picking up another scent that was mixed with hers, and he opened his mouth to comment, but suddenly a searing pain on his cheek made him cry out in pain, falling to the ground.
Touching his burning cheek with his free hand, Inuyasha's eyes widened as a vision filled his mind.
A sharp hiss sounded... a hand moving back, one of the fingers burning all the way to the knuckle, leaving a charred stub..... a growl of anger... and the soft rustle of movement... then the sickening sound of flesh meeting flesh... over... and over... and over... each and everyone of them followed by a cry of pain... slowly subsiding into sobs... all of those sounds of agony... misery... pain... all of them... coming from the one he once held so close... but was now beyond his reach...
"Kagome!" Inuyasha cried, blinking as the vision vanished, only the sounds of her sobs echoing in his head, and still he clutched the rosary beads in his hand as he slowly stood up, his gaze on Kikyo, gasping for breath from the pain that had ripped through him.
Kikyo's own eyes had widened when he had shouted her reincarnation's name, an anger seething inside her, but it doubled when she saw the rosary beads clutched tightly in his hand.
'How could I let such a mishap occur?' She asked herself, quickly thinking of a way to get the necklace, and she returned her features to her normal expressionless features, whispering, "I have come to assist you..."
"Assist me?" Inuyasha whispered, slowly breaking from the daze he was in, and Kikyo nodded the slightest, replying, "I heard you lost your jewel shard detector."
"How did you find out?" He shouted, coming closer to her, the heaviness in his chest doubling, and a nagging suspicion popping up, but she silenced his thoughts, replying, "I have been watching you for a while now."
He studied her, not sure if he should believe her or not, but she once again interrupted his thoughts by whispering, "I can search for this girl, but I require something in order to do so."
"Require something? What do you require?"
"I need an object that has a trace of her power..."
"Trace of her power?" Inuyasha glanced down to the rosary beads in his hands, not wanting to part with one of the two things that he had of Kagome, yet desperate to have her safe and sound in his arms again since it was his fault she was gone.
Gripping the rosary beads tighter until he was afraid they would break, he attempted to think through the numbness that filled him, the pain in his cheek, and finally... the guilt.
It didn't work... he didn't have the energy to fight all of it...
Holding out the hand that held the rosary beads, Inuyasha opened it, allowing Kikyo to take the necklace, and as soon as she took them, he felt something snap... an unimaginable emptiness filled him, squeezing the air out from his lungs.
Watching as Kikyo's demons surrounded her, lifting her into the sky, he felt like some part of him was leaving with her... but that was silly... all she was taking were the stupid rosary beads... hadn't he always wanted to be rid of them?
It became difficult to swallow again, his breath freezing in his chest, and he realized Kikyo was studying him, her dead eyes gleaming with something he didn't recognize.
"Inuyasha... you aren't sad about me taking these beads are you?" She asked him softly, her eyebrow arching gracefully, but she was replaced by an image of Kagome in his mind, her laughing brown eyes, warm smile, and soothing voice...
"Kagome..." The dog demon whispered, his ears drooping with grief, and Kikyo snorted, her features turning cold as she sneered, floating off.
Staring off after her fading form, Inuyasha wondered how he could have ever thought Kagome was Kikyo... they were like night and day, cold and hot... life and death.
A stinging in his cheek brought him back to reality, the memory of what he had just saw quickly springing up, and his features tightened as he reviewed the memory, thinking, 'There's only one thing that makes a sound that I had heard...'
The soft thump of flesh meeting flesh filled his ears, followed by Kagome's cries of pain, and he shook his head, telling himself he could have been imagining it all... lifting a hand to his cheek, he added, 'I hope I imagined it...'
Instinctively tightening his hand, he growled when he realized there was nothing there, and a panic filled his chest when he remembered he had given the rosary beads to Kikyo.
Reaching up and grabbing the jewel shards that hung around his throat, he beat the panic into submission, taking deep breaths, and a deep misery settled over him as he thought, 'Now all I have to remember her is the jewel shards...'
He took one step forward, intent upon getting back to Kaede's village, and he placed another foot in front of the first... his body felt like lead, his cheek hurt, and all he wanted to do was run...
Run from the guilt...
********* ********** ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
To those who reviewed: Thanks!
Letz move on to the next chappie, eh?
Hugz N Kissez, Ali
