"…I haven't been here long enough to know
Everytime I feel this I just lose control
Such a cancer on the face of everything that's beautiful
I wish that this would just go…"

--Staind

Seth ignores his mother's beckoning voice and goes to the pool house.

"What's going on?" Sandy demands, stopping Seth outside the pool house.

"I have to talk to him. Let me talk to him," Seth says to his father.

"Not until you explain what the hell is going on. Why is Ryan covered in blood, looking like a truck hit him?" Sandy blocks his way.

"Dad. Let me by," Seth says seriously. "I don't have time to argue with you right now."

Kirsten is now beside him. "Everyone just needs to calm down."

"I will not calm down and you will let me by. This is serious. Move." Seth pushes Sandy out of the way and goes into the pool house. Sandy follows him inside, shaking off Kirsten's concerned hand on his arm.

Seth is standing outside the bathroom door, knocking insistently. "Ryan. Ryan, open the door."

They listen to him vomiting through the door but Ryan doesn't reply.

"I need to talk to him. Give me a few minutes to talk to him," Seth says to his parents. "Please. I'll explain everything but you can't be here right now."

Kirsten senses something and pulls Sandy from the pool house.

"Ryan. Please," Seth calls through the door. "Please open the door."

The lock clicks after a long pause. Seth steps inside. Ryan is sitting in the floor of the bathroom with one arm on the toilet. He's deathly pale.

"Talk to me, Ryan," Seth says, sitting down beside him.

"Why? It's not something you can put into words," Ryan whispers.

"Because I need to understand," Seth says quietly.

"I can't make you understand."

"You have to try," Seth replies. "This is too important. This isn't something that I can ignore. You're cutting yourself…you're hurting yourself, Ryan…"

"…It makes it better…"

"What? It makes what better?"

Ryan clenches his fists in frustration. "God, Seth, don't you ever feel…sick…like sick inside? Sometimes…I think I'm going to lose my mind, like there's all this pressure is building up inside and it has to be released…"

"And this helps? Slashing your arms? Your chest?"

"Sometimes," Ryan whispers.

"But it's getting worse, isn't it?" Seth asks.

"I feel like I'm being pulled in so many directions…I can't…last night I just couldn't stop myself…it's almost like…god, I'm so fucked up right now…" Ryan murmurs.

"Ryan, you're right, I don't understand…but I have to tell my parents, okay? I have to tell somebody…" Seth says.

In the kitchen, the phone is ringing. Sandy answers it immediately. His face darkens with concern as he listens to the voice talking to him.

"Coach, what exactly are you thinking?"

Kirsten glances up in alarm.

"Okay. Okay. We'll see you then," Sandy sighs. He hangs up the phone.

"What? Was that Ryan's coach? Does he know what happened?"

"There was a brawl after the game tonight. He says that no one's talking about who started it but that Luke came up to him after the game. Said Ryan was bleeding. He has a cut on his chest that didn't come from the fight. The coach says that Ryan's been wearing long sleeves, even to practice…"

"God…I haven't even noticed…why? Who cut him?"

Sandy shakes his head. "I don't know. But the Coach said that Luke was freaked about it. Said that Ryan hasn't been himself lately…The coach wants to meet with him in the morning and he's going to bring it up but he wanted to touch base with us first. He wants to meet with us when we see Dr. Kim about Ryan's schedule."

Seth walks in with Ryan following behind him. Ryan's eyes are lowered and shielded by his hair.

"Seth. Ryan. What's going on?" Kirsten asks, concerned by their expressions as well as the tension between them.

"Tell them, Ryan. Show them," Seth says quietly. Ryan doesn't raise his head. "You promised…"

Ryan doesn't speak but pulls his shirt off and stands shirtless in the kitchen. His arms are scarred and peppered with healing scabs. The gash across his chest is harsh in contrast against his bare chest.

"Ryan…" Sandy breathes, unsure of what's going on.

Ryan pulls his shirt back on and sits down at the counter, still refusing to meet anyone's eyes.

"He does that to himself. You have to make him stop," Seth states.

Kirsten goes to Ryan and embraces him, desperately. He doesn't respond, his blue eyes glazed and distant. She is crying but Ryan doesn't react at all.

"Seth…when did you find out?" Sandy asks.

Seth's brown eyes flash angrily. "What does that matter? I found out tonight and I'm coming to you, he's coming to you for help! Stop asking questions…"

"Seth, stop," Ryan mutters.

"Come on, Ryan. I want to take a closer look at your cuts, okay?" Kirsten's voice is gentle and Ryan follows her obediently into the bathroom.

"My god, Seth…" Sandy says quietly.

"There was this fight at the soccer game tonight and he came out of it soaked in blood. He started that fight. Anna pulled on his shirt and showed me the slash, Dad…I thought somebody was hurting him, I thought that he was in trouble…and he said…he said that he did it…" Seth says, his words jumbled together.

"Thank you, Seth. Thank you for getting him to come to us…" Sandy says.

"He needs help…he needs something…he says that he's not trying to kill himself, but why…why does he do that?" Seth asks. He shakes his head, walking out of the kitchen, affected.

Kirsten gently pulls Ryan's shirt over his head and takes a step back, examining his wounds. She sets the first aid kit on the sink and starts to clean his chest. He is silent.

"Do you want to talk to me about it?"

"What's going to happen to me now?" Ryan whispers.

"Ryan. You need help…" Kirsten starts

"I know. Seth…he's doing what he thinks is best…" Ryan replies.

"Ryan, you're not in trouble…but you know that this is wrong…it's a sign of something deeper…" Kirsten starts.

He doesn't meet her gaze until she shakes him by his shoulders.

"Ryan. What's going on? Why are you doing this?"

"…I had to do something…something…I feel like I'm coming apart…" Ryan whispers.

"But this…why would you do this?" Kirsten doesn't understand.

"…it…it helps…" Ryan says.

"You're hurting yourself. You're…Ryan, this…this isn't normal…" Kirsten replies, tearfully.

"You know what? I can't do this." Ryan's demeanor changes in an instant. He pulls away from Kirsten and pulls his shirt back on.

"Ryan…"

"I can't. I can't be what everyone needs me to be. I can't…" Ryan rushes from the bathroom.

Sandy is waiting impatiently in the kitchen when Ryan bursts into the room. "Ryan…"

"No. I can't. I can't do this." Ryan walks out of the house into the night. Sandy chases after him but by the time he reaches the street, Ryan is nowhere to be seen. He's gone.

*****