Chapter 6: Grammar Girls
D/C: I do not own Inu-Yasha.
There was something wrong…an ominous feeling in the air…a strange aura…too many ellipsis…
"Whut is goin' on?" Sesshoumaru growled. Jaken blinked.
"WTF? OMG sesshoumarusama, i think u r so kewl u have 1337 madd skillz and—" Sesshoumaru whacked Jaken, because that, like the sit gag, is a timeless way of getting laughs. "Something is amiss, Jaken," he said. "Not even someone as stupid as you would normally speak like that."
********random scene change********
Jade had a headache. I should of—should HAVE, should HAVE packed some aspirin, despite the fact that that very thought was an anachronism. I almost wish I had a Sue with me, because they all know how to find some damn special plants with healing powers…
Well, there was nothing for it. She sighed, then finished tacking up the sign.
Wanted: One True Love of Serenity Moonbeam
Description: almost undoubtedly an idiot who bases everything on looks. graceful and beautiful. probably has flowing locks and deep stormy intense emotional eyes that smolder with love.
Apply At: the frigging European fairytale castle in the middle of a huge forest of cherry trees that are always blooming.
That sounded horrible, but it was true. Her only regret was that she had had to resort to run-on sentences…
********back to Sesshoumaru Vision, which is like Shark Cam on Discovery Channel, but more special********
The Sue smiled at him, her presence quickly destroying his brain cells. "Oh, Sesshoumaru…"
Sesshoumaru looked deep into her stormy blue/gray eyes, trying unsuccessfully to resist the ambush the Sue had laid for him. It's cheating if you sneak up on me and glomp me from behind, he thought angrily. I must resist. I must be strong. I must— "I vow to eternally love you," he said to the Sue. What the hell? NO NO NO NO NO! NO! Wait…calm down…it isn't dignified to…GAH! I said I loved her, and now I'm STILL out of character! The Sue blinked, smiled happily, then was whacked by a furious-looking miko trying to get to Sesshoumaru.
"SPLIT INFINITIVES! SPLIT INFINITIVES!" The miko glared. "There shall be no split infinitives, by my decree!"
"Dear gods…did I just say what I think I said?" Sesshoumaru had a sudden urge to kill the Sue. No, wait, he always wanted to kill things. That was his nature as a demon.
"Yes! You said TO ETERNALLY LOVE YOU, not to love you eternally!"
"I said I loved her? I was that out-of-character?" Sesshoumaru was horrified. There's only one way to make up for this grievous error, he thought happily, and ripped the Sue's head off. "Kono Sesshoumaru hates Sues."
"You did NOT just say 'Kono Sesshoumaru' when referring to yourself." The miko slapped her forehead. "Please, tell me you didn't say that."
"Excuse me?" Sesshoumaru glared. Is she another Sue?
"The stupidity is painful," the woman hissed, because hissing is a fun word to use instead of spoke, even though it changes this little thing called CONTEXT. Normal people do not hiss. "The grammar is just so horrendous…it's like a fire in my brain."
In a sudden, plot-furthering burst of understanding, Sesshoumaru realized that the obsessive-compulsive miko was actually Canonica's handmaiden, Grammar. Bloody quest for bloody psychotic handmaidens and bloody author who is using british swearwords when everyone KNOWS the way to do foreign things is with fangirl Japanese.
"Silence," he said, ignoring the voices in his head. 'I must have somehow developed schizophrenia overnight.'
"What does that mean?" Grammar looked suspicious. "You do know that you're using the wrong punctuation. Or did you think that lopping off poor defenseless quotation marks makes your inner voice shut up?"
Sesshoumaru growled. 'If she wasn't necessary for destroying Sues, I'd kill her.'
Grammar sighed. "Using italics doesn't work either," she said. "Trust me on this one."
