AN: Here's a tiny update on this story that won't die.
*****
"Kirsten?"
"Hey, Ryan. What's going on?" Kirsten is instantly alert when she hears Ryan's tentative voice.
"Can I…Can I talk to you?" He asks. His blue eyes are clouded with doubt.
"Sure. Sit down." She is sitting on the couch with a stack of paperwork from the office. She moves the papers aside and Ryan sits down stiffly beside her. "What's going on?"
"Um…okay. I need to talk to you about something. I haven't talked to Jackie about it yet, but I'm sure you're going to call her after I tell you…"
"Ryan?" Kirsten puts her hand gently on Ryan's arm and gasps as he flinches.
"Look," Ryan sighs before she can respond. He pulls his sleeve up without meeting her gaze. Kirsten gasps again as she gently runs her fingertips across the burns on his inner arm. "I didn't make these…"
"Ryan, how…" She can't form words. She pulls his sleeves up further to examine his arm. "If you didn't do these…"
"It didn't start out like this," He whispers. "She just gets so worried that I'm going to abandon her…she wants to remind me…"
"That you belong to her…" Kirsten realizes. "Your mother, Ryan…is she doing this to you?"
Ryan sighs heavily. "Yes, Kirsten. I don't want to get her in trouble…I mean…she's just doing what she's always done…" Kirsten is still looking at his damaged arm. "And I'm not fighting her…it's easier if I just let her get it over with…but…I'm trying to get on with my life and this…I can't keep letting her do this to me…"
"You're right. You can't. I'm glad you came to me…"
"Seth said it was the best idea…" Ryan admits.
"He's a smart kid…what were you going to do?" Kirsten asks slowly, sensing something.
"You don't want to know…"
"Ryan, honey…I want to help you, okay? But are you going to fight us on this? We've never tried to keep you from seeing your mother but…I'm not going to let you see her anymore, not if she's hurting you…"
"I…I won't fight you. I would like a chance to…to say goodbye to her…I mean…God…this is harder than I thought," Ryan whispers, pulling his arm away and rolling his sleeves back down.
"She's your mother, Ryan. But you're my responsibility now. I won't let her hurt you…" Kirsten starts, overcome with emotion.
"I'm sorry, Kirsten…I shouldn't have told you…I'm sorry…" Ryan starts to get up but she takes his hand and makes him stay seated.
"You won't go see her anymore. Okay, Ryan? Promise me. Right now," She says seriously with tears in her eyes. "Please."
"I…I won't see her anymore…" He whispers. She pulls him into a hug.
"Thank you for telling me, Ryan…"
"What are you going to do? Tell Sandy so he can rat me out to my Mom?" Ryan whispers.
"I'm going to tell Sandy and then we'll discuss how to proceed. We'll discuss it with you. If Sandy…" Kirsten releases Ryan as she tries to put her sentences together. "We won't do anything until we talk to you."
"Okay," Ryan nods.
"I'm sure Seth's waiting for you. I'm going to call Jackie and tell her what's going on and as soon as Sandy gets home, we'll come out and talk to you, okay?"
"Okay," He agrees.
"It's going to be okay, Ryan. We'll find a way around this."
*****
Kirsten calls Jackie while she is waiting for Sandy to get home. Jackie answers immediately.
"Jackie? It's Kirsten…"
"Hey, is Ryan okay?" Jackie asks immediately.
"Did he say anything to you today? About his mother?" Kirsten asks.
"He was very quiet today, even for him. We didn't talk about Dawn today…"
"She's burning him. With cigarettes. He showed me," Kirsten states. Jackie doesn't reply.
"Wow. I had no idea. He's been doing so well that I haven't been checking his arms for damage…she's burning him?" Jackie's voice is laced with concern.
"Yeah. He told Seth and Seth convinced him to tell me. God, Jackie…he was getting better and this…how are we going to convince him to stop seeing her?" Kirsten asks.
"He came to you, Kirsten, he wants help. Focus on that. God, I should've thought about Dawn when he came in today…I've been encouraging him to see her…"
"He promised me that he would stop seeing her but he doesn't want to get her in trouble…god, I just want to throttle that woman!" Kirsten snaps.
"Me, too…can I come over and talk to him?"
"Can you come over and talk to me and Sandy? I promised Ryan that we would discuss whatever action we would take and I'd really like to consult with you on what's going to be the best way to do this. I don't want him seeing her again, and I don't know what he'll do if she begs him…I mean, she's his mother…"
"I'll be there in twenty minutes. Make some coffee, okay? And calm down. Ryan's doing great, we won't let this set him back, okay?" Jackie urges. Kirsten glances up to see Sandy watching her with a concerned expression on his face.
"Okay, Jackie." She hangs up.
"What's going on? Is Ryan okay?" Sandy asks immediately.
"He's fine. Well, not really fine, but…" Kirsten starts. "Jackie's coming."
"Where is he?" Sandy asks.
"He's in the poolhouse with Seth. He's…he told me something tonight, Sandy."
"Something that's got you upset…" Sandy says, embracing his wife.
"His mother…she's burning him. You should see his arms, Sandy, it's…it's inhuman…"
"Burning him? What do you mean?" Sandy asks slowly.
"With cigarettes…both his arms, Sandy…" Kirsten starts.
"Are you serious?" Sandy asks, anger building on his face.
"He doesn't want to get his mother in trouble but…" Kirsten starts.
"I'll have her arrested…" Sandy snaps.
"Sandy. Ryan would never forgive you if you put his mother in jail. I promised him that we wouldn't do anything without talking to him…"
"How can he defend her?" Sandy asks.
"She's his mother. God, Sandy…He wasn't even going to come to us…" Kirsten starts.
"I need to talk to him," Sandy says suddenly.
"Maybe we should wait for Jackie, Sandy…" Kirsten suggests.
"No. I want to talk to him about this. I want to see his arms. I want to understand why he's letting his mother hurt him after all she's done to him," Sandy says, his voice low and serious. "I didn't understand why he was cutting himself, but this…I want him to explain it to me."
"Sandy, wait…" Kirsten tries to catch her husband but he rushes past her toward the poolhouse.
Sandy knocks loudly on the poolhouse door. Seth, Marissa and Ryan glance up in surprise. They are studying on the end of Ryan's bed and books and papers are scattered around on the floor.
"Dad? What's up? Why are you knocking like the police?" Seth asks.
"I need to talk to Ryan," Sandy says. Some of his anger has left as he sees Ryan interacting with Seth and Marissa.
"I'll come inside," Ryan says quietly.
"Everything okay?" Marissa asks slowly.
"Seth can fill you in. I'll be right back," Ryan says, smiling unconvincingly at her. He doesn't meet Seth's worried gaze.
Sandy waits for Ryan outside the poolhouse.
"You must be pretty pissed," Ryan says quietly.
"I am a little pissed, Ryan," Sandy replies honestly. He softens his tone slightly as he turns to Ryan. "Let me see your arms."
"Just my arms? You just want to see my arms, Sandy?" Ryan asks, his face unreadable. He pulls his shirt off, holding his arms out. Sandy is startled to see handprints bruised into Ryan's upper arms in addition to the burns. "Is this enough?"
"Ryan…" Sandy is startled by the defensiveness of Ryan's tone.
"You want to see the back, too?" Ryan turns around. "You want to frisk me?"
"Ryan, calm down…" Sandy says, stunned by Ryan's bruised and scarred back.
"I don't want to calm down. I want to go finish studying without having you pissed at me," Ryan snaps. He pulls his shirt back on. "You're pissed, I'm sorry. I should have told you the first time it happened, I should have come crying to you like the little damaged punk that I am, but I didn't. I let her do it, I took it because no matter where I live or who I live with…I'm still her son."
"Ryan…" Sandy starts.
"Seth…he told me to come to you guys. He said that you would understand…but you come out here accusing me like I did something wrong when the only thing that I did was tell Kirsten about something that's always been a part of my life. The cutting…I know its wrong and I'm trying to get better and this…I know it's wrong and I want it to stop but…" Ryan stops ranting for a moment and meets Sandy's gaze. "I won't let you go after her."
Sandy is stricken.
"You try to put her in jail and I'll lie. I'll say I did it to myself and with my history, they'll believe me," Ryan whispers.
"Ryan, I don't want it to come to that…" Sandy starts.
"Don't you? You want to put her away…" Ryan whispers.
"Yes, you're right, Ryan, I want your mother to go away. Because she's hurting you." Sandy holds Ryan by the arm.
Ryan seems to deflate. He shakes his head.
"I'm sorry that I'm angry but I'm not angry at you…" Sandy starts. "I'm angry at her."
"I know…but if I get her in trouble…then it's really my fault," Ryan says quietly.
"No, Ryan, it's her fault," Sandy snaps.
"It's all she knows, Sandy…" Ryan whispers.
"Guys. Come inside," Kirsten says quietly, startling them both. She coaxes Ryan with a smile and a hand on his arm.
"Can I just have a minute?" Ryan whispers outside the door to the main house.
"Come on, Sandy. He just wants a cigarette," Kirsten says, urging Sandy inside. Kirsten hesitates as Ryan sits down on the patio on the ground. "Ryan…"
"I'm okay. I'm not running off…I just need a minute…" Ryan says.
"Okay, Ryan. Jackie's coming over…"
"It's like an intervention," Ryan mutters.
"No, Ryan…"
"Sorry…I'm okay."
Kirsten goes inside. Ryan lights a cigarette.
"Hey. I owe you a kidnapping," Marissa says, walking up to him with Seth.
"No, it's cool. I got this," Ryan replies.
"You're okay?" Seth asks.
"Yeah," Ryan whispers
"You sure?" Seth asks again.
"It's like…things get so twisted…I can't make sense of my own head…" Ryan whispers. Marissa kneels beside him and embraces him. He returns her hug and sighs. "Thanks."
"We'll be waiting for you in the poolhouse," Marissa says.
"Flashcards await," Seth says, helping Marissa to her feet.
Ryan inhales deeply off his cigarette. He closes his eyes and breathes smoke.
"Hey, kid."
Ryan regards Jackie with cold eyes.
"Kirsten called me."
"She told me," Ryan replies.
"She told me about you, too," Jackie says. "Why didn't you tell me?"
Ryan doesn't reply.
"I'm here to help you, I'm not supposed to be another person for you to perform for, for you to have to hide from…" Jackie begins.
"God…I'm trying so fucking hard…it's only been, like, three times since I've been seeing her and I…" Ryan loses his voice for a long moment. "I think I deserve a little respect for telling them something this fucking personal…"
Jackie gasps in surprise.
"This was a bad idea. I'm going with it, but it was definitely a bad idea," Ryan mutters, standing up.
"Ryan…" Jackie starts.
"No. We're done." Ryan steps into the kitchen and sits down. Sandy and Kirsten glance up in concern.
"Is everything okay?" Kirsten asks. Ryan nods.
"Ryan's a little defensive tonight," Jackie says.
"That's my fault. I was a little angry earlier," Sandy replies.
"Ryan?" Kirsten calls.
"Yeah?" He answers without meeting her gaze.
"What do you want us to do about this?" She asks gently.
"I don't want to see her anymore," Ryan replies evenly.
"Okay. You don't want to see her anymore," Kirsten repeats. "And you don't want to get her into trouble. How do you want us to go about this?"
Ryan opens his mouth to reply but he can't find any words.
"If you want us to file a restraining order against her, I'll have to give the courts good reason…" Sandy starts.
"Do we have to go that way?" Kirsten asks her husband. Jackie is watching Ryan carefully but he doesn't react.
"Do you think she'll just listen to us if we ask her to leave him alone?" Sandy asks her.
"I don't know, Sandy, but putting her in jail isn't exactly going to make Ryan feel like he's doing the right thing," Kirsten replies immediately.
"Guys," Jackie interrupts as Ryan bolts from the kitchen into the bathroom, closing it behind him. "Let's take it a little slower. He's shutting down…"
"He said that if I tried to prosecute his mother that he would lie and say he burned himself. He's going to do everything that he can to protect her," Sandy said slowly.
"Then we find another way. I'll pay her off, something to keep her away from him," Kirsten says in response. Her eyes are watching the hallway, anxiously awaiting Ryan to return.
"Go check on him, Kiki. You're the one he's most comfortable with right now," Jackie says quietly. Kirsten nods and goes to the bathroom door. She knocks gently. There is no answer so she tries the doorknob. It's unlocked.
"Ryan?" She calls, peeking inside.
"Sorry…" Ryan says. He's crouching in front of the toilet. "I can't take this…"
Kirsten steps inside and closes the door behind her. "I'm truly sorry, Ryan," Kirsten says and sits down beside him on the floor.
He is shaking and looks at her with glazed, panicked eyes. "God, me too…" He takes a deep breath as she puts her arms around him to comfort him. "I'm sorry…I'm sorry I even brought it up…"
"Ryan, we want what's best for you…we want you to be okay…"
"I know…but this isn't your problem, it's mine…" Ryan starts.
"If it's your problem then it's ours by default." She releases him and gently pulls him to his feet. "Wash your face. It'll make you feel better." Ryan obeys, turning on the water in the sink.
He dries his face and turns back to her, composed. "Kirsten. I appreciate everything that you guys have done for me…I still don't fully understand why but I…" He pauses to gather his thoughts. "The only way that I can see right now to get past this…is to…"
"Ryan, take your time. I'm listening," Kirsten soothes. He turns away, affected.
"It's all or nothing. I have to give up my mother if I want to be here. I have to let go of everything…everything that I've ever known…and I don't think that I've done that yet…I don't know if I can…" Ryan whispers.
"Oh, Ryan…" Kirsten starts.
"So, I guess…if…if Sandy wants to have her arrested then that's it. It would solve everything. She'll be away from me, she'll hate me, and I won't have to worry about her ever again," Ryan says finally.
"Ryan, we'll work it out. I don't want you to worry about it…" Kirsten begins.
"Is that supposed to be a joke?" Ryan smiles slightly.
"No, honey, it's not. We'll talk it over and tell you what we figure out, okay?" Kirsten says quietly.
"How about you just tell me what I need to do?" Ryan asks quietly.
"No. This is too big of a decision for us to make it without you. Okay? But I think that you're too shaken right now to deal with it and I think Sandy and I are too shaken to do this without upsetting you even more, okay?"
Ryan nods sadly. "Okay."
"So, Sandy, Jackie and I are going to discuss this and you're going to go back to studying. I'll bring you guys some stuff to eat in a little while, okay?" Kirsten smiles reassuringly.
"Thanks, Kirsten," Ryan says, giving her an impulsive hug. She leads him out of the bathroom.
"Everything okay?" Jackie and Sandy are standing in the hallway.
"Yeah. Ryan's going to get back to studying so we can talk about this," Kirsten says, giving Sandy a warning glance.
"I'll be in the poolhouse if you need me," Ryan says as he walks past them and out of the door.
"Is he okay?" Sandy asks.
"He was sick, but he's better. It's a little much for him," Kirsten admits. "I told him that we would discuss our options and then talk to him."
"He was okay with that?" Jackie asks.
"Yeah. I think we need to talk about this without worrying about how our feelings will affect him. This way, we can talk to him and actually know what we're talking about. I would rather his confession be a breakthrough in his recovery than cause another breakdown," Kirsten admits.
"I knew I married you for a reason," Sandy smiles, kissing her on the cheek.
"Just one reason?" Kirsten teases.
*****
